Empathica

by Ruth Watson

After all the chemistry they both felt, Laryssa sensed a change in the air. She had fallen in love with him. Yet, he had found it so easy to dismiss her, like she had just been there to pass the time.

  Her heart broke and faded into dust along with her memories. The thoughts of his possessive jealous nature still frightened her. His smile as she entered the room. My God, what was she doing again? She would be fine, if she could just get the bastard out of her head! Now there was the problem.

  The phone rang one day.

  Her heart sank.

  She let it ring for a little while, waiting as the only purpose in her life was about to vanish down a proverbial plug hole.

  All this time had gone by, she could reverse what had gone wrong, and all she had to do was to persuade him to meet her!

  No, no she couldn’t. Her mind panicked, it didn’t know what to do, and her heart was still torn. It wasn’t her place to make the connection with him, for God’s sake; he was the man in the relationship, why couldn’t he grow some balls?

  The life she had stupidly dreamed of having, her hopes, her love, was about to be taken from her.

  “Maybe if I don’t answer…” she said to herself, wringing her hands a little, feeling nervous.

  But he was like her fix, she was addicted to him, she couldn’t help herself, she began to shake, if she didn’t pick it up soon it would stop ringing.

  She answered the call.

  As words exchanged like an echo of emptiness in her head, she could hear his voice, she had to end what had not even begun, but the pain was going to be mortifying.

  Pain exchanged through silence, words that were said left them both broken, and his sharp intake of breath was crushing. She had never felt anything like this before, it felt like her heart was being dragged out of her chest then thrown to the ground, stamping on it over and over, her soul had lost a part of itself.

  How was she ever going to survive in the world without him?

  Darkness came over her, consumed by sorrow, she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. A panic ensued as she had to stop herself from screaming at him, “I didn’t mean it! I’m begging you please don’t go.”

  She somehow managed to hold it back, she must trust to fate and just hope he would one day return to her.

  “I’ve got to go.” He said, she could hear the tone in his voice change as if he was about to burst into tears.

  She felt shame like she had never felt before, hurting him was the last thing she had ever wanted to do.

  “I don’t know what to say.” She said, fighting with her tears, trying not to let him hear her as she began to cry quietly at the other end of the line.

  The line went dead, like her heart, like her soul, Laryssa de-humanised herself, showing no feeling, giving away no emotion. Losing him made her feel dead inside, numb.

  She put her knees to her chest and her hands on her face and sobbed.

  Her tears flowed for what seemed like hours, she began an eternal mourning for someone who was still alive. This life would be plagued by his memory; her loss was one that she could never share, not without falling apart.

  Her life summed up at that very moment – was over.

  If there had been a hole in the ground big enough to bury herself in, she would have, and she would have stayed there until he rescued her, like a knight in shining armour.

  But deep inside she knew this would never happen, he took no time in returning to the life he had before her, she knew he would have ended up going back anyway, then what? She would have been left alone.

  As she tried to continue without him, her life pushed its way forward, yet her phone continued ringing.

  Niam had never said how he felt; it was the same as she had felt for him. He needed his fix, and she knew this, he was her eternal partner, but he didn’t have a clue.

  The empathic link they had made them addicted to one another. So, just for sanity, no matter how hard she tried to let go, the conversations continued…

  *

  Time passed slowly.

  Without him she felt an absence, he still called her, she knew it was just his way of making himself feel better when he missed her. The calls began to have larger gaps and eventually he would stop calling her altogether, all was lost.

  Memories of their love faded, he became more distant.

  She kept telling herself that he couldn’t have felt the same, yet, every now and then someone from their past would turn up and ask why she didn’t take the chance to be with him, her stomach twisted with the pain, she had no response.

  What was she doing anyway? He was a married man; he had children for God’s sake, what would they have done without their father? Selfish minded people! Selfish, both of them, how could she even dream of taking him away? Laryssa got angry at the thought.

  Rumours continued for a while, she had stayed away from the office they had both worked at, she rarely attempted to call him. If she went to see him what would he think? Would he be pleased? Probably not, he would more than likely be angry that she had shown up on his territory, she didn’t want to be an inconvenience, she had enough of that growing up, so she stayed away.

  Niam was always a gentleman, they had both tried desperately to avoid any relationship beyond friendship but the bond between them was just so strong, it was hard to resist. She had tried to cause as little chaos as possible, but somehow it had happened anyway. They were pushed together so often they didn’t even realise it. They had fallen in love.

  His choices would have been to live without his children and be with her, or lose her and let things remain as they were. Either way he was going to be hurt, better to lose her than to cause his children and others pain as well.

  “I love you…” She heard herself say, she couldn’t believe she had said it, she was letting him go.

  He had promised her that he would never leave, yet she was the one pushing him away.

  Laryssa remembered the agonising call. Her words left him bereft. She hadn’t expected that reaction. Panic struck her mind. She hadn’t realised he had felt the same, but no… she had done what was right for him, and for his family.

  “Oh, bloody hell!” he said, angrily.

  She was mortified. Stunned!

  She couldn’t stop now, she mumbled some rubbish, but couldn’t remember what she had said. Nothing to defend herself as always, loss was loss. What was worse was she knew that somewhere down the line he would end up hating her. She would believe anything that was said was because she deserved it.

  What did he want her to say? ‘Our children are so young. We are both married. What about the partners we have? Tell you what; see if we still feel the same in say about ten years?’

  That wasn’t going to happen.

  She decided that talking to him about anything serious from that point had to be face to face. She hadn’t prepared herself for this conversation at all; she had just jumped in so it ended up being all wrong. The phone conversation she had so wanted went from bad to worse.

  Instead of calming the storm, Laryssa had lost the whole plot of the conversation. She was supposed to have spent her life with him; instead she was without him, left feeling hurt. He had just turned around and gone back to the wife he did not love! That hurt more than anything else, he didn’t even stop to think about trying again, he about turned and ran back home.

  Laryssa was mad about this, he was the older more mature one yet he acted like a child throwing his rattle out of his pram, hiding his head in the sand. Well for being a good boy his wife brought him a new car…

  She could hear the bitterness in her head.

  If they had met each other instead of talking on the phone she would never have been able to stop him from seeing what she was doing. He would have held her, told her to stop being silly and been with her. Well for a while at least, then his wife would have offered herself on a plate and he would have been sleeping with her again, then he would have left Laryssa anyway.

  Any explanation she had tried to
give, any conversation she tried to have with him, he didn’t want to hear, his favourite answer was always “Whatever.”

  Later, the solid brick wall he had built to defend himself brought out bile, his anger showing through his vile comments. Laryssa would try to walk away, sense his panic and hurt, then he would say some of the most awful things. Her heart was broken by him repeatedly.

  One of the most hurtful things he could ever say was “You don’t care about my feelings; you didn’t love me at all!” She could feel his heartbreak, he was a grown man who should have allowed her time to explain, instead he ignored her attempts to fix things. Maybe that was because he never wanted to fix them. After all his life was still the same plastic relationship, it looked great from the outside, it was just lonely and uncomfortable on the inside.

  She would never show him the hurt. It wasn’t her place to. He had to move on and she needed to let go.

  Their lives moved on…

  She could never forget him, or how much she loved him.

  She wouldn’t want to. He had given her confidence to stand alone. He had taught her to strive for what she wanted in life, and most of all, he had loved her more than any man ever had.

  Life was shit!

  Two

  It takes many years to evolve, Gaia had been watching and waiting, she had found it interesting to watch as species evolved from animal to human. Empaths believe in being cremated. They are taught that life is a never ending circle, the ash goes into the ground and the animals eat the grass and are nourished. The world runs as an ecosystem, a little blemished at times but the foundations of life have always been this way. This is so that they can return to their original light once again and communicate with their earth mother, Gaia.

  The ash is scattered on the ground, when it rains it washes the ashes into the earth which absorbs it. The chain begins like this throughout time. The grass grows, the animals eat the grass and life-forms are established one way or another through the evolutionary chain of life.

  *

  Laryssa had met Niam many times before as other earth bound creatures, with no form of good communication, an empath cannot explain their link if they are an animal, as their worlds are far less complicated. You need the ability of human thought and speech to do this. The two had run together as wild deer. They skipped across fields as rabbits, both hiding from the fox.

  Both were always connected, the innocence they had as they journeyed throughout life. It was nothing of how we as humans see our world; this was a world of memories that stem back beyond known time.

  Only as a human could Laryssa try to help Niam realise his power, to be with her again, only this time he would be able to understand why they are so important to one another and have been throughout time.

  NEW EARTH 2528 AD

  Laryssa had come back to earth as a human. She had been on Earth many times evolving from species to species, all of which had been with her soulmate.

  This life on Earth was far less dramatic, this time her human parents were good. They managed to stay alive and there had been no drama or a broken Laryssa, just an everyday girl. She found this world happy, refreshing. Her family had enough money, she was educated well and there wasn’t much in her life to worry her.

  Being Empathic had left scars from other lives but a good stable family life gave her a cure for most of her quirkiness. So no more being afraid of shadows or of men who were going to treat her badly…. well not yet anyway.

  Discovering so much about the worlds around her, Laryssa relaxed with those who were unaware of her powers, it was a nice feeling to just be...

  She was an “Empath”, an evolved human, her connection to others amazing. Sometimes she could see more than you or I. We look at body language and facial expression; she saw more subtle movements, heard thoughts. She could feel what others felt, if they were sad or happy. The more she had experienced her own deaths, the more power she had been granted and the older she had become the more her powers strengthened.

  She remembered most things, even him! She saw him only in small flashes, he looked very different in the life before as a human, he was much older, but his soul was still there, they had followed one another throughout eternity. Yet every new meeting was still a shock to her system. Laryssa still took a sharp intake of breath and got butterflies in her stomach.

  They were two sides of the same coin.

  Years had passed by and still no-one had ever made her feel like he did. Their souls ever destined to find one another, but somehow fate had always pulled them apart. It was tragic. Life could be so cruel. Laryssa had experienced this many times, she could feel her heart begin to harden, her faith in her love diminished, yet the grieving for her loss would continue until she pulled them back together. It was a big thing; she doubted her ability to win his heart.

  *

  Niam stood six feet two inches tall, his large torso was well built with a broad muscular frame, and he made a lot of girls go quite weak at the knees. He had dark hair, short and neat styled. She caught sight of his blue sapphire eyes; they smiled on the inside like his quaint sideways smile on the outside. Niam was very pretty to look at, prettier than he was in his last human life (a flash of memory brought his old face into Laryssa’s memory; he was smart, suited and booted, handsome). Niam was still the same arrogant sod, over confident but unlike last time there was something warm and kind about him. The old Niam was hard, cold somewhat, but you’re ‘In Lak’ech’ (Interpretation: I am you, you are me) was born of the same light, so it didn’t make any difference how attractive you believed he was.

  Niam made his way through life easily, gaining a good education, a bright spark. He never did understand why woman felt the need to “look after him.” He left University only months ago with a 2.1 honours degree, maths and social sciences. He thought of teaching, but his parents tried to persuade him to do more, a PHD was on their minds, Niam wasn’t so sure. He was taking some time out to work alongside his older brother in a firm of lawyers, not as a solicitor. He picked up a job looking into business trends and used his psychology degree to make things more attractive to the firm’s clients; it’s what psychologists of this time called ‘Sexy’. He also enjoyed the job because he could hang out with his best friend Jay; they were long term buddies and as money goes this guy’s family probably had the most he’d ever come across.

  Earth’s flow was different, technology and medicine had advanced and eliminated a lot of the big problems, weight, muscle and bone diseases, all dismissed before embryos even developed. Cancer wasn’t cured, but tamed, with a higher survival rate.

  Empaths were born with a special ability to change and move faster if they need to, so knowing how to run from the things that they feared or vanish altogether became part of their evolved abilities, Laryssa never used this.

  Normal humans did not have the same abilities, evolution had changed these humans so that they had a better chance of survival in this world, the need to hide from danger was essential, Empaths had a power like no other, they could sense emotions which gave them a big advantage – they knew what others were thinking.

  Niam, although an Empath was still unaware of what he was capable of, no problem for him he was oblivious, but the problem with his soulmate Laryssa was she had bonded with him.

  He didn’t know what being an Empath meant, so understood nothing about his deja vous or his feeling familiar mode, this is what happens, also he suffered with high anxiety when an Empath has no control methods, things are over exaggerated in their mind. Once his power is released all his anxiety would stop and his life would change forever.

  His memories of other lives filled his mind like memories of dreams, sometimes confusing, but as ever the scientist he just believed that if he studied hard enough he would find an explanation.

  This time meeting Laryssa would change all of this. She was going to bring him into her world of fantastical memories, of lives he had lived before; it would all seem like magic. He wou
ld take a lot of convincing but once she had him there she would keep him. This time the hands of destiny had made their meeting much more favourable. They studied in the same University and had graduated together.

  Although Laryssa was still doubtful, she really hoped if she trusted her gut all would go well for them both in this life.

  *

  Laryssa stood five feet ten inches tall, she had short blonde hair, very large hazel coloured eyes and was a good-looking girl, but her interest in male company was almost zero. People may have thought her strange, but what they didn’t realise was she had lived many times before, therefore was older and a lot wiser.

  Her smaller frame this life had made her agile, fit, more spontaneous than before. Her casual look was jeans, t-shirts, jackets and boots or trainers (she had lots of them). A social scientist with a good 2.2 degree she was out to get the best job she could, not teaching.

  Her choice to remain childless came after her experiences in her other Earth lives. She enjoyed living with her dogs, Rebel, a large Irish wolfhound and his playmate ‘Leesi’ a sable German shepherd dog.

  ‘Two of the best companions you could meet’. She thought to herself, smiling. Neither very obedient, but they were both great protectors and familiars. Kids just made her head hurt a lot. Her sister had three and she loved spending time with them, but she liked the fact she could up and leave at any time, unlike her sister who sometimes looked like she was about to explode.

  Both Laryssa and Niam were in their early twenties, he was a little older than her, she liked that…

  It was a great time for them both. They had seen each other in passing, sometimes in classes, he would try to smile she would always look at the floor immediately. Laryssa was quite shy. This life was extremely happy, making the one before feel exceptionally sad.

  *

  ‘For God sake, why start thinking of him now?’ She thought to herself.

  ‘Because he is close.’ a familiar voice said.

  Earth Mother came into her vision, Laryssa was sat with her legs folded, in a small white room, meditating. It was the way for all Empaths; they were able to communicate with others of the same demeanour.