Disillusioned

by Christy Barritt

  When Kade knew her, she’d taken trips to Mexico to build houses for the poor. She’d traveled to Africa to teach English for a summer. She’d been down to Ecuador to conduct a vacation bible school.

  Now her mission in life was raising money for causes. Maybe she wasn’t on the front lines, but it was a worthy job, and she was good at it. She’d always been great at details, organizing events, and working with people.

  When she’d met Pierce, everything had changed as she put aside her own plans in order to support him until he was established with the FBI. That had been her first mistake. She’d convinced herself she could do short-term missions and be satisfied.

  Then when she’d divorced Pierce, everything had changed again. She’d felt like an outcast in her Christian circles, like she no longer fit in on either side. She’d sold out to her calling to get married. Maybe she’d abandoned God, and He had abandoned her in return.

  The guilt of both divorce and walking away from the mission field had eaten her alive. Being at church only made her feel worse.

  Eventually she began to feel foolish for ever believing at all. It was a slow fade from belief to disbelief, one that was so gradual she hardly realized it was happening. It was a compliance born of doubt and hurt and regret.

  Kade continued to stare at her, waiting for her answer to his question. Such a simple question had led to so much introspection.

  “Sure, you can pray,” she finally said.

  As Kade closed his eyes and bowed his head, Nikki watched him. He looked so serene in the midst of this chaos as he muttered words to a God who either wasn’t there or wasn’t listening.

  “. . . watch over us. Protect us. Pour Your wisdom into us as we make hard choices. Amen.”

  When Kade looked up, Nikki averted her gaze to the cheerful daisy perched in an old bottle atop the bright blue tablecloth. If he knew she was staring, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he grabbed the serving spoon.

  “Would you like some?”

  She raised her plate. “Yes, thank you.”

  He placed a spoonful on the simple white plate. As she set her food back on the table and raised her fork, she hated how awkward she felt. This wasn’t ever supposed to happen. She never thought she’d see Kade again, let alone have a meal with him. He was supposed to be gone from her life for good.

  Desperate to keep herself occupied, she started eating. She tasted the creamy casserole and then added some salt, gingerly taking her time and drawing out each step.

  Kade watched her from across the table, a smile tugging at his lips.

  “What?” She pulled a strand of glossy brown hair behind her ear, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

  “You tested the food and then salted it. That shows you don’t make hasty decisions. You gather facts and then act. It’s a good thing.”

  “Because I put salt on my food? What did all those years in the military do to you?” She forced a bite down and then took a long sip of water. “Besides, you didn’t know that about me from eight years ago?”

  “Just wondering if anything had changed.”

  She started to tell him everything had changed, but then closed her mouth, thinking better of it.

  “You still look just as beautiful as ever, Nikki.”

  She nearly choked on her drink. Thankfully she pulled herself together enough to gracefully nod. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  “Just a thank you will do.”

  “I’ll pass.” She cringed at the bitterness in her voice. This wasn’t who she was. But she was stressed, tired, and having dinner with the man who’d broken her heart. Overall, she was doing pretty well at controlling herself.

  “We’re going to have to put the past behind us if we’re going to get through this.”

  “I’m not really seeing any clear indicators that this is possible to get through. We’re just putting off the inevitable.”

  Kade shifted. “Is that really what you think, Nikki?”

  She wiped her mouth using a paper napkin from the center of the table. “If I’d had my way, I would have let the military handle this as soon as Bobby came home. You know me. I’m a rules person. I like standards. Boundaries make me feel safe. Right now I’m going against everything my gut is telling me.”

  “So why didn’t you?”

  She shrugged. “Bobby begged me not to. He said he couldn’t trust the military, that he wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  Kade set his fork down. “I need to know everything you know. Even if you feel this is hopeless, I’ve just put myself in the same danger you guys are in. Some information would be nice.”

  Nikki licked her lips. She didn’t want to be backed into a corner, but he had some valid points. He’d risked a lot to help them.

  Her food no longer seemed appealing, so she nudged her plate away. “What do you need to know?”

  “Start at the beginning. How did this even come about?”

  Kade stood and poured a cup of coffee that had been left warm in the percolator. He lifted the cup toward her, but Nikki shook her head. She didn’t need to be any more jittery than she already was.

  “I was at work one day about two weeks ago when I got a phone call from a missionary in Colombia. She said a man who matched my brother’s description had wandered to their house and refused to speak with anyone but me. Apparently he begged this family not to call the police or the embassy or anyone else. Surprisingly enough, they didn’t. They called me instead and told me what had happened.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “I bought a plane ticket to Colombia. Bobby told me not to use a driver once I got there, so I didn’t. I rented a car and drove through the jungle until I reached the address I’d been given.”

  His eyes darkened. “You could have been killed, you know. What if it was all a trick?”

  Like he cared. People who cared didn’t walk out, didn’t forget the ones they loved.

  “Well, it didn’t happen. I actually found my brother. We stayed overnight with the missionaries. Against Bobby’s wishes, I contacted the military. I knew I couldn’t get him out of the country otherwise. We traveled back to the States while in their custody, but Raz was able to use his legal team to buy us some time. Bobby was supposed to talk to the military once he was discharged from the hospital, but I hired Steel Guard to get us away from there because Bobby wasn’t ready.”

  Something glimmered in Kade’s eyes. “You evaded the military?”

  “What other choice did I have? I had to help my brother. I was willing to do whatever it took.”

  “Whatever it took, huh? That doesn’t seem like the Nikki Wright I knew.”

  “The Nikki Wright you knew is gone, Kade.” Her words left a hollow feeling in her stomach.

  “It’s too bad. I really liked that Nikki.” His voice sounded sincere with its rolling waves and subtle accent.

  Bitterness rose in her like bile. How could he say that? How could he act like he hadn’t broken her heart? “That doesn’t even warrant a response. So back to what we were saying . . .”

  “Of course.” He straightened. “I deserved that one.”

  “Like I said earlier, Raz helped me figure everything out. I couldn’t have done any of it without his help.”

  “Raz Jennings?” Kade raised his eyebrows. “Is he still around?”

  “He moved from being the family lawyer to being my lawyer. He has a team of attorneys who work for him now. I reached out to Raz after Bobby contacted me. I didn’t know what else to do. Bobby is . . . he’s broken. He needs to heal before he can deal with anything else.”

  “Somehow the media found out he was back,” Kade said.

  Nikki sighed. “We tried to get him the help he needed at home, but Bobby’s anxiety was through the roof. He started throwing things and breaking things, and honestly, I feared for my life. That’s when I checked him into the hospital. I knew I couldn’t take care of him on my own. He needed some new med
ications or something to calm him down.”

  “Probably a wise choice.”

  “I thought he was doing a bit better in the hospital, but when we knew it was time to be discharged, Bobby started panicking again. He wasn’t ready to talk to the military, he said. He seemed afraid. He begged me for more time, to take him somewhere where he could rest for a while, away from the media and away from everything. He just needed to clear his head, he said. So Raz rented us a place and hired Steel Guard to take us there.”

  “Tell me about today.”

  She did. She told him everything from the time she stepped out of the hospital until Kade had shown up, hoping maybe he could make sense of it.

  Kade listened, as sincere as ever. Soaking in her every word. Giving her his rapt attention.

  That was one reason she’d so easily fallen for him before. He could make a woman feel like she was the only person in the world. She had relished that. It was a good thing she now knew not to fall for his act.

  When she finished, Kade leaned back and sighed.

  “What’s that for?” she asked.

  He rubbed his chin and stared off into the distance. “It’s because I don’t have a good sense if those men chasing you were part of the government or part of ARM.”

  “Me either. One moment I’m certain they were with ARM. That’s what Bobby thinks. That they’re upset that he got away. But it’s strange how they knew our schedule, you know? It makes me wonder if maybe they were feds instead, someone who wants to debrief Bobby and find out what he knows about ARM, no matter the cost or the means.”

  “Either way, this whole situation makes me uncomfortable.”

  “I’m sorry Bobby called you,” she finally said. “It wasn’t my intention to pull anyone else into this.”

  “You can’t handle this alone, Nikki. You’re in over your head. That’s not to say you didn’t do a great job so far. But I fear this is bigger than you know.”

  She couldn’t even argue, because she knew he’d spoken the truth. She wanted control, but there was so little she could do now. The situation had blown up into something she’d never imagined. “What now?”

  “Don’t contact anyone. Don’t use your cell phone. Nothing. You have to disappear. Can you do that?”

  She nodded. “Bobby got rid of my cell phone already. I won’t go near my e-mail or social media or anything else that could possibly connect me to this location. I’m sure the government is monitoring all of that.”

  “What about your job?”

  “I’ve taken a leave of absence. My assistant can handle things until I return. We’re in between big projects anyway.”

  “Okay. I’m going to try and find some answers. If we don’t figure out the truth, then we have no chance of surviving whatever is coming our way.”

  CHAPTER 8

  Kade leaned back in the computer chair, let out a yawn, and closed his eyes for a moment. A gentle rain had started outside, and it pitter-pattered on the roof. The sound helped to steady him, to remind him that things were out of his control but in the hands of a heavenly Father.

  Memories of his past with Nikki flooded back to him. Once he’d tried to convince her to run over the railroad tracks across a trestle bridge. It was a shortcut to get to a concert, which they were already late for. It was either walk to an overpass a half mile away or cross the train tracks right in front of them.

  The choice had been a no-brainer for him: cross the train tracks. It was adventurous with a touch of danger. He knew a train hadn’t used the trestle for a decade, and concertgoers used it almost every weekend. But the “Keep Off” signs were evident, and Nikki had refused to trespass.

  Looking back, it had been a stupid request to make of her. It could have been dangerous. But at the time, he’d been an adrenaline junkie, and it had seemed like a great idea.

  So how did Ms. Straight and Narrow turn from worrying about trespassing and her plans to become a missionary to eluding authorities?

  Kade knew. It was because she’d do anything for the people she loved.

  That’s what had brought her to this very moment. Since her parents had died in an auto accident, her brother was all she had. She’d lost him once, and she didn’t want to lose him again. Nikki didn’t have to say that aloud for Kade to know the truth.

  Tonight, after helping clean the kitchen, Nikki had hurried upstairs, saying she needed to rest. No doubt her words were true, but Kade had a feeling she also wanted space from him.

  It had been eight years since they’d last spoken. What had happened during those years to cause such anguish in her gaze? It went deeper than this situation. He felt sure of it.

  He should have contacted her when he’d heard Bobby had been captured. But Kade had feared he might only make her turmoil worse. She’d gotten married so quickly after they’d broken up that Kade assumed her feelings hadn’t run as deeply as he’d thought.

  But right now she seemed so alone.

  Kade ran a hand over his face. His head was spinning. He had so much to comprehend. He’d gone from a relatively peaceful day in the office at Trident to receiving that frantic phone call from Bobby.

  With a sigh, he walked into the living room and turned on the news.

  “Bomb-maker or hero?” ran across the bottom of footage showing firemen putting out a blaze. The house, Kade thought, looked a lot like Nikki’s.

  “Nikki!” Kade called, louder than he expected. “I think you need to see this!”

  Her footsteps sounded on the stairs, and she appeared beside him almost immediately. “That’s my house!”

  The reporter’s matter-of-fact voice stood in contrast to the panic in Nikki’s. “Firefighters responded to reports of a fire at the home of Nikki Wright this afternoon, just as Ms. Wright and her brother, released hostage Bobby Wright, left Eisenhower Hospital. Officers on the scene of the fire said materials found in the home’s basement were the likely cause of the blaze. The materials—large quantities of highly concentrated acetone and hydrogen peroxide—can be used to make explosives.”

  The picture turned from the blazing house to the blond reporter on scene. “Nikki and Bobby Wright are both persons of interest in the arson and have not been seen since they fled the hospital. Military spokesmen have also confirmed that Wright was supposed to willingly enter their custody today, and his flight is now seen as a security risk.”

  Pictures of Bobby and Nikki—taken from their driver’s licenses—appeared side by side, along with a number to call if they were spotted.

  “Nikki, I—” Kade began.

  “Shhhh!” She stared at the screen, as pale and still as a statue.

  The report continued, veering into Bobby’s life story.

  How he was once an elite special operative. How he’d been captured by the enemy while on a covert mission in South America. How eventually reports had leaked that claimed Bobby wasn’t captured but had in fact defected; that he’d been a deserter. Some of his comrades in arms had even lashed out against him, saying there’d always been something off about him. Claiming he’d had an unusual interest in the terrorist organization ARM. That he’d questioned the battle they were waging against this group.

  Then the ransom videos began, the reporter explained. They were exactly what people had come to expect: a blank white wall in the background. Crude recording techniques that resulted in grainy pictures. Pleas for help from the person captured.

  Bobby had looked pale and haggard in each one. Eventually facial hair had covered his cheeks and chin. He lost so much weight he looked like a skeleton. His voice was a whisper.

  He’d obviously been beaten down. Deprived. Tortured. The rumors about his allegiances had abated. Who would willingly be tortured that way? Kade mused.

  “But now the tide has turned once more,” said the reporter. “Lieutenant Wright’s escape from captivity has been best described as baffling. How did he manage to get away from his captors when the military couldn’t rescue him? Why is he refusing to t
alk to authorities? And in light of the arson and materials found at the home of Nikki Wright, where Lieutenant Wright was staying, it’s safe to say that there are many more questions than answers.”

  Kade looked over at Nikki anxiously and saw tears running freely down her cheeks.

  Where did he begin? With the loss of her home and everything in it? With the possibility that her brother was responsible? Or with their new, more dire situation—that she was suspected of arson and conspiring with a possible terrorist?

  “Nikki, I don’t know what to say,” he began.

  “How . . . ?”

  “You’ll rebuild, Nikki, once this is all over.”

  “I don’t even care about my things. It’s just that . . . I don’t understand . . . why?”

  It didn’t seem like the right time to ask her if she thought Bobby was responsible. She was in shock. Kade put his arm around her and gently led her upstairs to her bedroom. Like Bobby, she was compliant. Tonight she needed to process what she’d lost. Tomorrow they’d figure out why.

  Once Nikki was lying down, Kade paced the downstairs of the house. He was going to have to use all of his resources to get them out of this situation. Even those might not be enough. But he owed it to both Bobby and Nikki to do everything within his power to help.

  For that matter, he owed it to his country. Because though Nikki trusted her brother, Kade couldn’t ignore the possibility that he was staying under the same roof as a terrorist.

  Just as slumber pulled Nikki one way and reality another during the early morning hours, she heard pounding coming from downstairs.

  She sat up in bed with a start.

  Bobby. Kade. Terrorists. Her house.

  The thoughts slammed into her, and she ran a hand over her face. Sweat had already broken out over her skin.

  All of this was real. Not a dream. It was gruesome reality.

  She let out a breath and glanced around the room. That’s right. She was safe here in Cape Thomas. At least for now.