Disillusioned

by Christy Barritt

  Would Darren go so far as to sell out a friend in order to bring in more cash for himself? Or could there be truth to what he said?

  “So you think he’s a threat to national security?” the reporter asked.

  Darren looked straight at the news camera. “I’m unsettled, to say the least, at the possibility of him being rogue in our country right now. I think he came back with a plan. A plan to destroy the United States of America.”

  CHAPTER 12

  While Kade checked the rest of the house for any more guns, Nikki took a shower and put some fresh clothes on. Savannah had graciously told Kade that Nikki should make full use of her wardrobe, and Nikki was desperate for clean clothing. Plus, Marti had picked up a few items for her at the store. Between those things, she could manage.

  More than that, she needed to clear her mind and unwind. Since she no longer turned to prayer, she needed to do what she did best: she needed to figure out a way to be self-sufficient.

  With that thought in mind, she went to the computer to do some research. There was little else she could do, since everything else required her to leave the house, which wasn’t an option.

  She read everything she could about ARM on the Internet, trying to find any possible connection or clue about what had happened to Bobby. She pored over articles for three hours, hoping to find something—anything—that might help.

  It seemed no use. All she’d learned was that ARM was guessed to be about fifteen thousand men strong. The organization had formed in 1982 and sought to overthrow the Colombian government. Bobby’s team had been sent to Colombia because ARM’s threats against the country had been increasing, and officials there feared they’d succeed in their coup attempts.

  The group operated with a guerilla warfare mentality where no tactics were off limits. They’d planted roadside bombs, were funded by both ransoms and illegal drugs, and thrived on fearmongering.

  They were basically the ISIS of South America.

  Nikki already knew those details from her earlier research. When Bobby had first disappeared, she’d held onto the hope that ARM would change their minds and release him, or that maybe the government had gotten it wrong. After all, Bobby had simply vanished. There was no definitive proof that he’d been abducted.

  Then the first ransom video appeared. Clips had been shown on TV, but the whole video was online.

  Nikki’s soul had mourned when she saw the skeleton of a person Bobby had become.

  ARM really had grabbed him.

  The government didn’t want to pay the ransom ARM was asking for. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” they’d said.

  The military claimed they’d sent in Special Operations to get Bobby back. Apparently the men who held Bobby changed locations often and were always a step ahead of the US military. Each attempt had been unsuccessful. Nikki had felt hopeless.

  The last man from the United States ARM had abducted had come back in a body bag. Nikki had felt so certain it would be the same for Bobby.

  At first there was great support from the community—for Nikki, for Bobby, for America. But then negative reports started to surface. Nikki had tried to ignore them, but eventually she couldn’t stick her head in the sand anymore. There were people—namely Darren Philips—who suspected that Bobby had ties with these terrorists. He claimed Bobby had left on his own to join the other side. He also suspected that the ransom videos were just a cover, part of a big, elaborate plan the terrorists had devised to eventually deploy Bobby to do their dirty work.

  Nikki stood and walked to the office window, nudging the curtain aside to stare out into the front yard. Her skin crawled as she gazed at the woods, at the dark shadows lurking there.

  Her instincts told her she was being watched, though there was no evidence of it. The stress was making her paranoid. It was the only thing she could think of to explain the feeling.

  Just then the door opened behind her, and Bobby stood there. He still looked dazed and sleepy-eyed as he plopped on the love seat in the corner. He collapsed into it as if his muscles had turned to jelly.

  Nikki sat in the office chair and scooted closer to him, her heart pounding with worry. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. Seeing Bobby like this . . . it tore her heart in two.

  “I’m sorry, Nikki,” he finally said. He ran a hand over his face.

  She pushed her compassion aside and got down to business. She’d played by Bobby’s rules. She’d let him call the shots. She’d even babied him. The time for all of that had passed.

  “Why’d you take a gun to the barn, Bobby? Did you know Desmond was there?”

  He let out a long breath and stared into the distance. His skin looked pasty, and his eyes had long since lost the light they once held. “I saw someone walking through the cornfield. As a precaution, I grabbed the gun from the downstairs bedroom—I found it when I scouted out the house when we first got here. I just never expected to see someone from ARM on the property.”

  Nikki crossed her arms and chose her words carefully. “That teenager never lived outside of the US, Bobby.”

  Bobby shook his head hard, adamantly, almost maniacally. “These guys are good. They’ve got sleeper cells here. They’ve got men who are home grown and recruited over the web. That teen was one of them, and he found me.”

  “You still believe Desmond is with ARM?”

  He suddenly leaned forward, and his hands went to his temples until he was nearly in a fetal position. “My head feels messed up, Nikki.”

  Empathy surged in her chest again. She put her hand on his back, trying to alleviate his pain—an impossible task. “When did it start feeling like this?”

  He rocked back and forth. “It’s hard to say. Those guys would regularly shoot me up with heroin, Nikki. When I escaped, I was having withdrawals. But the things they put me through . . . sleep and food deprivation. Waterboarding. Mosquito bites covered my skin. I had parasites living in me, and I slept on a dirt floor in a room without a window for months. And those are just the things I remember.”

  Nikki grabbed his hand. This was the first time he’d opened up to her. “I’m sorry, Bobby.”

  “I didn’t want to tell you. I knew it would be hard on you.” His voice cracked.

  “But I want to hear. I want you to be able to talk to me about what happened, no matter how hard it is.” She paused a moment, collecting her thoughts. “Why’d they do those things? Were they trying to get information about your mission?”

  He shrugged again, his gaze almost hollow. He stopped rocking for a moment and dropped his elbows onto his knees. His head still remained lowered, as if he couldn’t bear to hold it up. “They just said it was payback.”

  “Payback for what? What did you ever do to them?” She knew that people didn’t always need a reason, but the logical side of her was still trying to piece it together. She desperately wanted to make sense of everything, even though too many senseless things had happened to her to offer any honest hope.

  “I have no idea. But they harbor a lot of resentment toward America.”

  Nikki shifted, still processing everything. “Did you really request to go to Colombia?”

  His head pulled back in earnest surprise. “Request it? No, of course not. Why would I? Besides, it’s not like the SEALs are allowed to request where their missions are. That’s not the way it works.”

  “Darren Philips said on TV that you requested it.”

  Bobby swung his head back and forth. “Well, Darren doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s attention hungry and impulsive. No one on our team liked him. I’ve wondered many times if he was the one who somehow set me up.”

  Bobby’s words physically startled her. “What do you mean?”

  “He was the one who sent me in to find the villagers hiding out in an area controlled by ARM. That’s when I was abducted.”

  “You think that was purposeful? That he hoped you’d be harmed?”

  “I just know he was alway
s watching me, almost like he wanted me to mess up.”

  Nikki needed to know more. Was Darren a link here? Did he know more than he let on? “He’s been on the news more than once, claiming you betrayed your country.”

  “Does he say why?”

  Nikki shook her head. “He said that you were obsessed with Colombian culture and history. You talked to the locals in the days before you were captured and seemed to have a lot of sympathy for them. He also said there’s other evidence that he’s not allowed to reveal.”

  Bobby shook his head, looking truly surprised. “I don’t remember any of that, Nikki. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Did I block it out? Was it the drugs they gave me? I just don’t know. Why can I remember you and me playing cops and robbers in our backyard as kids but not anything about what Darren is saying?”

  Nikki frowned. So much for getting answers. But at least Bobby had opened up some. She’d count her blessings. “I have no idea. When this is all done, we do need to take you to a psychologist. We need to figure out what’s going on in your head.”

  Bobby remained expressionless. “I talked to Kade a little. He’s a good guy.”

  Nikki didn’t say anything.

  “He came to Mom and Dad’s funeral, you know.”

  Nikki’s eyebrows shot up. “He did? I didn’t see him. Are you sure?”

  Bobby nodded. “I am. I saw him slip in late and leave early. Maybe he didn’t want to upset you.”

  Nikki chewed on the thought for a moment. She’d been married to Pierce at the time, so that might be why Kade had stayed away. Seeing him would have only stirred up her emotions more and added to her grief. Somehow that realization softened her heart, though. Maybe she’d never understand Kade’s thought process. But, in his own way, he cared.

  Finally Bobby stood. “I’m going to go cut some firewood. Kade said the physical exertion will be good for me. It’s one way I can make myself useful, I guess.”

  As he walked away, Nikki wished she could take away all of his pain.

  She couldn’t. But she could figure out more about what had happened to him and why. Maybe that would be a start.

  “Bobby, don’t do it,” Nikki whispered, her voice catching as fear seized her.

  She watched, almost in a haze, as Bobby held the gun to Desmond’s head as the boy cowered on the ground. Bobby’s nostrils flared and his teeth were bared. He was wound up and ready to strike.

  Why had the boy come back? Couldn’t he have just stayed away?

  This time Bobby really would pull that trigger, wouldn’t he?

  Nikki glanced around. Where was Kade? Had Bobby already hurt him in some way? Otherwise he’d be out here. He’d want to help.

  Worst-case scenarios continued to collide in her mind.

  There wasn’t going to be a happy ending, was there?

  Nighttime surrounded the three of them as they stood behind the barn. Nikki had thought she heard something as she slept, so she’d crept outside. That’s when she’d found her brother back here, ready to kill Desmond.

  Sweat dripped from Bobby’s face, and his hands were unsteady. “I have to be brave, Nikki.”

  “This isn’t being brave, Bobby. You’re not in the right state of mind. Please stop.”

  Desmond was curled in a ball, frozen and fearful that one wrong move would result in that trigger being pulled. Every so often he flinched, trying to get a glimpse of the gun.

  “Please, I have nothing to do with this,” he begged. “Nothing. I promise.”

  “You shouldn’t have come back,” Bobbly growled.

  Nikki raised her hand, pleading with her brother to listen. “Bobby, what are you doing? You have to end this. Now.”

  Bobby glanced up at her. “You’re right. I do. I was just waiting for your permission.”

  With that, he pulled the trigger, and Desmond jerked with pain—

  Nikki sat up straight in bed. Sweat covered her forehead. Her heart raced.

  A dark room stared back her, a room that was quickly becoming familiar.

  Bobby, she remembered. Bobby had killed someone.

  No, it had just been a dream. At least parts of it.

  She let out her breath and glanced around. Everything in her room appeared just as she’d left it. What had startled her from her nightmare?

  That’s when she heard it again.

  It was a creak.

  Coming from downstairs.

  Nikki gripped the covers. What if her dream was some kind of subconscious warning of something to come? What if Bobby was sneaking out?

  She shook her head. No, that was unlikely. Besides, Kade had hidden all the guns.

  What if the men seeking them were invading the house, hiding, waiting for the right moment to grab them?

  If they were feds, they might simply take her, Bobby, and Kade in for questioning. If they were terrorists, the three of them would probably be killed instantly.

  Nikki couldn’t just lie here. She had to do something.

  Quietly she threw the covers off. Immediately she felt exposed. Swallowing her fear, she dropped her legs to the floor and stood. Her muscles trembled beneath her, and her knees almost gave out.

  Grabbing a sweatshirt and pulling it on, she crept across the wood floor. She hadn’t felt this frightened of the dark since she’d believed the boogeyman lived in her closet as a child.

  With a touch of hesitation, she gripped the doorknob. Slowly she twisted it. The door cracked open.

  She nearly screamed at the shadow on the other side waiting for her.

  CHAPTER 13

  Kade, Nikki realized. It was just Kade.

  Her heart slowed. He put a finger over his lips and slipped inside. “Stay here. Lock the door. I’m going to check downstairs.”

  She nodded, only then realizing that she was clutching his shirt. His abs felt hard and strong beneath the soft cotton.

  “You have to let me go,” he whispered.

  Reluctantly she untangled her fingers from his shirt and stepped back, trying to compose herself. “Be careful.”

  As soon as Kade stepped away, Nikki missed him. She wanted him back here, telling her that everything would be okay. Making her feel like he would shield her from anything.

  She’d vowed to never depend on a man again. Yet here she was, feeling vulnerable and unable to get through this on her own. She had to put an end to this insanity.

  And what about her brother? Was he okay? Had his medicine knocked him out? Most likely he was sleeping through all of this. If she remembered correctly, his antianxiety medication had a tendency to sedate him, while the medication for his paranoid episodes had a possible side effect of sleeplessness and loss of appetite. The mix sounded neurosis-inducing within itself.

  Nikki paused against the wall next to the door, pulling her sweatshirt closer. She listened. She couldn’t hear anything. No footsteps. No thuds. No shouting.

  The silence only escalated her fears. What was going on down there?

  For the first time in years, Nikki had the urge to pray, to beg God for His mercy.

  But she hadn’t found God to be all that full of mercy. Good people, bad people—it didn’t matter. Bad things happened to both. All the praying in the world didn’t change that. She’d learned that lesson the hard way.

  Finally she heard a tap at her door. “It’s me. Kade.”

  Nikki’s hands trembled as she unlocked the door and pulled it open a bit more frantically than she would have liked.

  She’d never been so happy to see the man. She wanted to throw her arms around him, just as she’d imagined herself doing when he returned from overseas missions while they were dating. She’d imagined their reunions. They’d never happened. They never would.

  “It was just Bobby,” he whispered. “He must have woken up and gone downstairs for some water. He’s asleep on the couch now.”

  She released the breath she held. They were safe. At least for the moment. “I’m glad it was just Bobby.”


  Kade’s eyes examined her as she spoke. She’d seen him do this before. He was always assessing, always planning. Those qualities made him a good soldier. Whenever he went into battle, he took time to collect his thoughts, to figure out the best methods, to pinpoint where the biggest threats were. He was the guy people wanted on their side. Even her dad had liked Kade, and Garrett Wright had never liked any of the men in her life.

  “I checked all the windows and doors. Everything’s locked up and secure.”

  She swallowed hard. Her fears of the bad guys were temporarily allayed, but a new fear had arisen—the fear of becoming too attached to Kade again. Of having her heart broken. Of trusting the wrong person.

  The conditions were ripe for that to happen.

  Kade squeezed her biceps. “You doing okay?”

  His words sounded too intimate, too low, for her comfort. She didn’t want to do anything foolish, anything she’d regret. Anything like throwing herself into his arms—arms that she’d missed, that she’d ached for long after they’d broken up.

  After she’d run to Pierce, she’d never been the same. She’d be wise to remember that now.

  She pulled herself back to reality, her guard rising again. Her muscles stiffened. Her chin jutted out, and her eyes held back any emotion that wanted to materialize. “I’m fine,” she whispered.

  Kade opened his mouth like he wanted to say more, but then he shut it again and stepped back as if he’d gotten the message loud and clear. “You should get some sleep then.”

  Yes, she needed to get away from Kade. And quickly. “Good idea. Good night.”

  Kade turned over in bed, trying to keep his thoughts focused. But every time he closed his eyes, he thought about Nikki. Pretty, pretty Nikki, the woman with a heart so big it was bound to get her in trouble. People had always seen her kindness and wanted to exploit it. The thought caused a rush of protectiveness in Kade.