Disillusioned

by Christy Barritt

“How?” Suddenly her hand went to her throat. “My necklace . . .”

  He looked at the black cameo necklace she wore.

  “It was my mom’s,” Nikki explained.

  “I’m going to take it off for a minute. Okay?” He didn’t want to surprise her or frighten her by any sudden, unexpected actions.

  She nodded.

  Gently he reached behind her and undid the clasp. With the necklace in his hands, he studied the pendant for a moment. It was a decent size with a black background and vintage look. He pulled out a pocketknife and began to prod the charm from its setting.

  “We can fix this. Don’t worry.”

  She nodded, watching his every move. Finally the pendant came loose from the gold encasing it. There, between the stone and the gold prongs, was a small metal device.

  Kade dropped it to the ground and smashed it with his boot until he was sure it would no longer work.

  Someone had planted the device there. They’d planned this in advance, it appeared.

  “Any idea how that might have happened?” Kade slid the necklace into his pocket. He’d have it fixed, but now wasn’t the time to try.

  Nikki rubbed her throat. “During one of Pierce’s rampages, he jerked the necklace off, snapping the chain.”

  Anger surged inside Kade at the thought of someone hurting Nikki the way Pierce had. If he ever saw the man again, he would have a hard time holding back. He wasn’t usually fixed on vengeance. But if there was ever someone who deserved some vengeance . . .

  “A couple of days later, Pierce apologized. He’d had the necklace fixed for me. I had no idea . . .”

  “Normal people don’t plant tracking devices in their spouse’s jewelry. He obviously wanted to keep tabs on you.” Kade squeezed her arm, trying to offer comfort despite the anger that continued to burn inside him.

  “That sounds about par for the course for him. He was so charming when we first met. Everyone at church just adored him and thought he walked on water.”

  “You met at church?”

  Nikki nodded. “Yes. He became friends with Raz, and Raz set us up. Now I’m wondering if all along he went to that church just to get close to me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “After we were married, he had little interest in church. I’d even venture to say that he had little interest in God. But he was always very interested in my father. Pierce was a manipulator. It wouldn’t surprise me if he researched my dad, learned about me, and then used it to his advantage that I was single.”

  Kade couldn’t argue. Pierce seemed exactly that kind of guy.

  He rubbed Nikki’s arm, wishing he had more to offer her at the moment. But reality continued to chase them, and they couldn’t afford to stop for too long. “We need to get back on the road. You okay to keep going?”

  She nodded. “I am.”

  In ordinary circumstances, Kade might have enjoyed this ride. The country road practically belonged to them, and the woman he loved had her arms wrapped around him. Even the nighttime chill and the ensuing darkness seemed peaceful—for the moment, at least.

  But he couldn’t let himself enjoy this. There was too much on the line.

  He traveled north for three hours on Virginia’s back roads. He would need gas soon, and he knew they couldn’t continue much longer. Both of their bodies needed rest. But finding a place to stay would be tricky.

  When the roads became hilly, Kade began looking for a good spot to stop. He’d noticed that Nikki’s grip was becoming looser and knew she was growing weary.

  Finally, on the edge of the highway, he spotted an old hotel with several cabins behind it. A stream trickled in the distance, and the red “Vacancy” sign flickered as if about to burn out.

  He estimated they were about an hour outside DC, which would work out well since they needed to visit Raz tomorrow. Now he just had to be careful that they weren’t recognized.

  He pulled to a stop and took off his helmet. The chilly air around him brought with it the smells of old leaves, dusty roads, and aging wood. There was something about the air in the mountains that gave him courage.

  “It’s better if we’re not seen together,” he told Nikki as he climbed off. “Can you wait here while I see if I can get a cabin?”

  She nodded, standing and pulling her helmet off. Her hair fell around her face as she shook her head, trying to get the tangles out. His throat went dry at the sight.

  She had to be the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Letting her go had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. He didn’t want to make that mistake again. Would Nikki ever give him a second chance? Or was he reading too much into things? Were both of their emotions toying with them?

  He’d have to examine that later. Giving the area one more glance, he walked toward the office. He pulled a baseball cap from his back pocket and put it on. He didn’t know if the media had linked him to the Wright siblings, but there was a good chance they had. He couldn’t risk being recognized.

  Kade stepped onto aged yellow carpet at the entrance and tugged his hat even lower. He glanced toward the chipped counter in the distance. A woman—maybe she was a teenager—sat behind it watching a rerun of Downton Abbey on the TV. She barely looked his way as he stepped toward her.

  Good. He was certain his face was plastered all over the news still. Truth was that most people weren’t all that observant.

  “Can I help you?” She scooted her office chair toward him.

  “I’m hoping you have a cabin available.”

  She glanced back at the TV, as if she didn’t want to miss a moment. “Got a few of them. How many nights?”

  “One,” he said.

  He paid with cash, and the woman didn’t ask any questions. In fact, she barely glanced at him in an effort to not miss her show.

  Kade’s shoulders released their tension as she handed him a key.

  “Have a good night,” she muttered.

  He offered a smile before making his way back outside. Only, when he got to the motorcycle, Nikki was gone.

  CHAPTER 31

  Nikki remained in the shadows until she saw Kade emerge. She saw the alarm on his face and rushed toward him.

  “Sorry to scare you,” she whispered.

  He let out a long sigh. “What are you doing?”

  “A man walked toward the vending machines. I decided to be cautious and wait out of sight, just to be safe.”

  He put a hand on her elbow and led her back to the motorcycle. “I got a cabin for us. I figured that was better than two separate rooms.”

  She smiled, grateful, even though the two of them staying in one cabin was not a good idea. Both of them were too vulnerable right now.

  “Smart thinking,” she said.

  They got back on the motorcycle and rode to a cabin behind the main building. Nikki paused for a moment before climbing off the bike, watching the dark stream run behind the building. Memories of Kade’s proposal flashed into her mind. It had been the happiest day of her life.

  Kade had taken her on a picnic to a local state park. They’d hiked around until they found the perfect spot by the river. Kade had brought a blanket and lunch from a local deli. They’d sat on that blanket for hours talking about the future and all of their plans together. Then he’d popped the question.

  The memories caused her heart to squeeze. Those had been such happy times.

  “You ready?” Kade asked.

  She looked up at him and nodded. “Yeah. We better get inside.”

  Kade had pulled the motorcycle to the side of the cabin where it was less likely to be spotted. He couldn’t take the chance that Pierce would put things together. Even though he probably hadn’t seen the bike in the garage, a few phone calls to the house’s owner could easily give him the answers he needed. If he was able to get the license plate number from the bike, an APB would soon follow.

  With bated breath Nikki stepped into the cabin, hoping it was bigger than it looked from the outside. Her throat we
nt dry at the sight of it. It consisted of a great room with a small couch, a bistro table, and the tiniest kitchen she’d ever seen. There were three doors in the room: one led to a bathroom, another to a closet, and the third to a bedroom.

  “You take the bedroom, and I’ll sleep out here on the couch,” Kade said.

  Relief filled her. “Okay. I’m going to hop in the shower and see if that makes me feel better.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Nikki let the hot water wash over her. Her mind kept replaying the awful events of the day. Had all of this really happened in just twenty-four hours? It seemed like enough to fill a lifetime.

  Every time she replayed her confrontation with Pierce, she shuddered down to her core. She’d always thought women who were abused were weak. Then she became one of those women, and she understood their plight. Abusive men were master manipulators. They started subtly. They planted doubt in women’s minds to the point where the victim felt like everything was her fault.

  That’s what had happened to her. Pierce had met her at a moment when she was weak and alone. She’d wanted someone in her life, and he’d managed to sweep her away from all of her problems.

  He’d been one of the biggest mistakes of her life. But all she could do now was learn from what had happened.

  As she turned off the water, Kade’s image flashed into her mind. Kade wasn’t like Pierce. Kade was different.

  Nikki shook her head. She had to stop thinking about Kade. Her heart was quickly going to places it shouldn’t, places where she was beginning to hope for something more than friendship.

  She was already in enough danger without putting her heart on the line as well.

  When Nikki walked back into the room, she saw Kade on the couch apparently wrestling with his thoughts just as Nikki had been wrestling with hers. Kade sat up straight, at attention, when he saw her. Though she’d intended to sit on the opposite end of the couch, Kade’s arm extended, and she somehow ended up beside him.

  He folded her into his embrace, and she didn’t fight it. Her head went to his chest, and his steady heartbeat helped calm her.

  She felt dwarfed in his embrace. It had always been that way. She felt so small and protected when Kade was there. His arms would swallow her, and she fit so snugly against him, as if they were built for each other.

  Though part of her wanted to cry, she had no tears, just a somber melancholy that she couldn’t shake. Bobby was in trouble. This country was in trouble. And she had no idea what to do about it.

  Nikki wasn’t sure how long she remained in Kade’s arms. It could have been mere moments; it could have been hours. Time seemed inconsequential. She stayed where she was until finally her soul felt more grounded.

  Still, she couldn’t help but ask herself what she was doing. She had no business being in Kade’s arms. Her heart had no right to feel this connected with him. Her body had no assurance that its instincts were wise or smart.

  She pushed herself back, knowing she had to right this situation. Kade had broken her heart, and she shouldn’t let herself forget that.

  “Kade,” she started. She was okay until her eyes met his.

  She saw his gaze go to her lips, and her heart began to race.

  They were close, so close. Close enough that she could make out all the fine intricacies of his face. She’d missed studying his features, running her fingers over the faint lines that formed around his eyes when he was deep in thought. Suddenly she wanted to feel the scruff on his cheeks, to touch the tight muscles of his shoulders.

  She was in trouble.

  His hand went to her neck. This time she didn’t flinch.

  He wasn’t Pierce, she reminded herself. Kade had never laid a hand on her. He wasn’t that kind of guy.

  As his thumb stroked her jaw, his other hand drew her closer.

  She sucked on her bottom lip.

  It’s not too late to abort this mission, she told herself.

  But she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

  As if in slow motion, Kade leaned toward her. She leaned toward him. Their lips met. Slowly. Tentatively. Almost as if Kade was asking permission.

  When she didn’t pull away, his lips claimed hers, moving from hesitation to passionate.

  And Nikki didn’t stop it. Truth was, she’d missed Kade. She’d missed moments like these. Missed feeling like she’d found her other half, so much so that it felt too good to be true.

  It had been too good to be true.

  Had it?

  “We should say good night,” he whispered.

  There it was: respect. Kade knew what her boundaries were, and he respected them.

  Though she longed to be back in his arms, she forced herself to stand.

  “Good night, Kade.”

  “Good night, Nikki.”

  CHAPTER 32

  Kade grabbed some breakfast the next morning from the vending machines. There weren’t many choices, but he found some cookies, a granola bar, and a cream cheese pastry. He hoped that would be enough to hold them over, because they had a long day ahead of them.

  When he walked back into the cabin, he paused. His heart skipped a beat when he spotted Nikki in the kitchen, looking as lovely as ever. She’d figured out how to use the little coffee maker and had a cup waiting for him at the bistro table.

  “Morning,” she murmured.

  “Morning.” He stomped across the wooden floor, his boots clunking even more than usual as he set his stash on the table. “It’s not much, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Neither said much as they ate, but Kade couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss last night.

  The passion between them . . . they hadn’t lost it in their years apart. But a new emotion had crept into his psyche: guilt. If he hadn’t called things off between them, Nikki would have never ended up with Pierce. She would have never been hurt.

  The realization of his actions would burden him for a long time.

  He didn’t deserve Nikki’s forgiveness.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out her necklace. “I think I fixed this for you,” he told her, and extended the jewelry to her.

  Her eyes widened, and she wiped her mouth, dislodging some icing on her upper lip. “You fixed it?”

  He nodded. “I couldn’t sleep last night.”

  He didn’t mention that it was because he was thinking of her.

  She grasped it. “Thank you. I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

  He unclasped the chain and lifted it. “May I?”

  “Yes, please.” She raised her hair.

  As he leaned toward her, he caught a whiff of her fruity shampoo. It was probably the hotel sample, and it smelled vaguely of apples and berries. Yet somehow it smelled like Nikki. He could linger close all day and be content. Instead, he clasped the necklace and leaned back.

  As he did, their gazes caught. Something strong connected them, drew them together. He knew there were uncountable unspoken subjects that should be addressed. Where did he even start?

  “I need to explain something, Nikki.”

  “Okay.” Trouble clouded her gaze.

  “I need you to know why I broke up with you eight years ago. I need you to know why I couldn’t explain myself at the time.”

  “Do we really need to go there?”

  He nodded. “I think we do. There was a bounty put on my head, Nikki. Not just mine, but all of the SEALs who were a part of my team. Assad Nassar vowed revenge on all of us. He took it a step further by threatening our loved ones as well.”

  The truth washed over her features. “What?”

  He nodded and squeezed her hand. “I knew if we stayed together that you’d be a target, and I didn’t want that to happen.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “It was all classified. The commander ordered us to keep quiet. Nassar released a list of the addresses of SEAL families. Yours wasn’t on it, and I knew I had to ma
ke sure it never got there.”

  Nikki shook her head. “All of these years . . . all of the theories that rushed through my head. That was never one of them. I just thought you lost interest or got bored when the challenge was no longer there. I had no idea.”

  “I’m sorry, Nikki. There wasn’t an hour that went by that I didn’t think of you. Then we captured Nassar. I came back to the States, but you were already married to Pierce.” He’d hurt her, yes, but at least now she knew that he’d only done so to protect her. Little had he known that while trying to protect her, his actions would chase her into the arms of a man who’d caused pain.

  His stomach turned with disgust at the thought.

  “Biggest mistake of my life,” Nikki said.

  “I drove you into his arms, didn’t I?”

  She shrugged. “It’s hard to say, Kade. He was charming, and I was nursing a broken heart. I should have been stronger.”

  “I thought you wanted to be a missionary, Nikki. What happened exactly?”

  She let out a long breath. “I decided to get my master’s. I met Pierce, and we got married. I knew being a missionary would be a challenge because he was in the FBI. But I naively held onto the hope that I would be able to do something.” She shook her head. “I don’t know, Kade. I should have held strong to my convictions. Then my parents died, and I wanted to be there for Bobby. Everything just kind of spiraled out of my control.”

  “You still have the desire?”

  “God and I haven’t exactly been on speaking terms lately. More accurately, I haven’t been speaking to Him. I’ve realized over the past week that in my most desperate moments I either cry out to God or I push Him away. I’ve been crying out to Him lately, and I realize that’s a much better alternative. God is on my side even when all seems lost.”

  “That’s the truth. I remember how sold out you were, Nikki. It was one of the things I loved about you.”

  “I’m ready to be sold out again.”

  He leaned across the table and gently brushed his lips against hers. “I never stopped loving you, you know.”

  She flushed. “In all of the ugliness that’s happened over the past month, you’re the one good thing I’ve found.” Her finger trailed his jaw as her eyes became misty.