The Trouble With Paper Planes

by Amanda Dick

  I dragged my gaze away and concentrated on pulling my own t-shirt off, dumping it on the back seat across from her belongings. As I glanced back at her, I caught her staring at my chest, although she quickly averted her gaze. I knew that look. My entire body buzzed with anticipation.

  She liked what she saw.

  The realisation was both liberating and terrifying. It appeared we were both on the same page.

  “You ready?”

  She nodded, summoning up a smile. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  We closed the truck doors and headed down to the beach side by side, boards under our arms. The sun had turned the sand into a fire-pit, and at the first touch of it against the soles of our feet, she yelped, breaking into a quick jog across the sand to the water. I chuckled as she high-stepped out into the deeper water until she could dive under. By the time I got there, she was coming up for air, boogie board still in hand, grinning like a loon.

  “Oh my God, this was a great idea!” she gasped, wiping the water away from her face with her free hand.

  She was right. The water was cool but not freezing, and a great respite from the heat. A small wave broke over us, barely coming up to my waist, and she hopped up, buoyed by the water.

  “Hang on a minute,” I said, reaching down for the leash that hung from her board. I pulled it up, taking her wrist and slipping it over. “There. Now you won’t lose it.”

  Her wrist was tiny, and wet. I held onto it for a moment longer than necessary, purely because of the thrill that ran through me when I touched her. It was a shiver that worked its way up from the soles of my feet, all the way up the back of my neck.

  She stared up at me as I let her hand go, and another wave broke over us, lifting her up onto her tiptoes and pushing us closer together. She grabbed my arm to stop herself from slamming into me, then let me go as the wave passed through us.

  My nerve-endings vibrated from where her body had brushed up against mine. As crazy as it sounds, she was like a flame. When she came too close, my body reacted the same way it would when it got close to a bonfire on a cold night. It shuddered with pleasure, sending waves of heat rolling through me. It both freaked me out and left me wanting more. There was a line here, and I knew I was dangerously close to crossing it. I also knew that once I had, there would be no going back.

  “You ready to paddle out?” I asked.

  “Absolutely – I’ll try to keep up.”

  I lurched myself into the sea, stomach on the board, paddling slowly. I kept an eye on her as she came up beside me, following my lead, digging her way through the water as we made our way out beyond the breakers. I guided her out onto the end of the line-up, where we wouldn’t get in anyone’s way. The sand disappeared from beneath our feet and we were floating, bobbing up and down in the swell.

  “We’ll just hang out here for a few minutes and see what’s happening,” I said.

  The water rose and fell beneath us, and the rhythm of it began to relax me. The sun beat down on my back and arms, and I squinted into the glare behind us, reading the waves.

  “Get ready!” I called, turning back to her again, paddling closer. “When I tell you to, paddle like hell, then let the wave take you. Remember to keep your hands and shoulders parallel.”

  “Okay.”

  I could feel the wave coming, pushing from behind.

  “Paddle paddle paddle!”

  She put her head down and began to paddle towards the beach, the wave pushing her up from underneath and buoying her onward. I fought against it, riding it out as I watched her. It was a race – girl versus nature. As the power of the wave took over, she stopped paddling and held onto the board, just as I’d told her to. Seconds passed as she rode it hard and fast towards the beach, before she finally let out a holler that carried over the waves back to me, making me grin like an idiot. She stood up on the beach and looked back for me, so I waved to help her get her bearings. Without hesitating, she dived into the waves again and began to make her way back out toward me. I watched her dodging the crashing waves, or diving underneath them and popping up the other side. She was going to make a great surfer. When she finally got back to me, she was still grinning.

  “You’re a bloody natural!” I said. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”

  She glowed with happiness at the compliment and I could almost see the adrenaline racing through her system.

  “Come with me this time!” she called, paddling towards me as we both rose above the swell that rolled beneath us.

  “You’re on,” I grinned, running a hand over my wet hair.

  It seemed the only time I was happy lately, really happy, was when I was in the water. The weightlessness took the edge off the relentless ache in my chest. But being there with Maia, splashing about, having fun, it just reminded me of old times. Another life. One that seemed distant in some ways, and yet in others, so familiar it was like it was just yesterday.

  We waited together for the next wave and took off at the same time, paddling fiercely towards the beach. Knowing she was right next to me was distracting, but I made myself to concentrate on the wave, not on her.

  This wave was a lot bigger than the last one, and I felt its power pushing me from below. Maia paddled ahead of me, faster, more determined.

  “Slow it down!” I called, but she didn’t hear me.

  The wave was slowing, but she was too far ahead of it to see. I don’t even know if she would’ve known what to do if she had seen it, but it was too late for that now. I watched helplessly as the wave broke, unleashing a torrent of white water down on top of her. My heart stopped as I searched the white water for her red swimsuit. I didn’t see it.

  Jesus.

  I crashed my way through the water to where I’d last seen her, still searching, but finding nothing. Time seemed to slow, then stop, as the blood rushed in my ears. I held my breath and went under, leaving the board behind. Where the hell was she? After what seemed like forever, I caught a flash of red and made a beeline for it. The churning water turned her upside down, her arms and legs flailing as I reached for her, my lungs beginning to burn. I grabbed hold of her and hauled us both to the surface as we fought our way through the legacy of another breaking wave. We broke through, gulping down air and sea water. She coughed violently, her body bucking against me as I tried to get my arm around her chest and tilt her head backwards so she could breathe.

  “Hang on!” I gasped, hoping she could hear me. “Don’t fight me!”

  At least she was alive. She heaved and coughed as I slowly swam back to shore with her, trailing our boogie boards behind us until I could feel the sand beneath my feet again. I helped her stand, as smaller waves lifted us off our feet. She was doubled over, violently coughing up salt water, barely able to walk. When we finally got out of the shallows, she collapsed on the beach and I sank to my knees beside her, gasping for air myself. It’d been a long time since I’d had to make a rescue like that. Thank God Dad’s training had come back to me.

  She vomited into the sand, mostly salt water. I remembered that feeling all too well.

  “You’re okay,” I panted. “Just breathe.”

  She heaved up more salt water and began crawling further up the beach, towards the dry sand, the leash on her wrist dragging the boogie board after her.

  “Hey, where are you going?”

  She collapsed face-first, panting heavily, burying her fingers in the hot sand. I crawled after her and rubbed her back gently.

  “Maia? You okay?”

  She was trembling all over, clearly in shock. Maybe she took on more water than I thought? She sighed into the sand, bringing on a fresh bout of coughing, and I rubbed her back harder, feeling helpless and more than a little responsible. I should’ve warned her, should’ve told her what to do if that happened.

  “You got dumped by a wave,” I panted, hoping that hearing my voice would reassure her she was alright. “Bet it tastes like shit, too.”

  She struggled to p
ush herself upright, kneeling on the sand. She didn’t say anything, but she looked petrified. Sand covered her face, and her eyes looked bloodshot as she wiped her hand across her mouth, accomplishing nothing except smearing herself with more sand. She pulled at the leash around her wrist, unburdening the board from her body, and pushed herself unsteadily to her feet.

  “Hey, slow down. What are you doing?”

  I didn’t even know if she’d heard me. She just dropped the leash and stumbled back across the sand towards the car park.

  “Maia, wait!”

  I KNEW WHAT IT FELT like to be buried under a tonne of water. It turned your world upside down, in more ways than one. For several minutes afterwards, you couldn’t see straight, you couldn’t concentrate. You sure as hell couldn’t drive, which is exactly what it looked like Maia was planning to do. She couldn’t even walk properly.

  I grabbed both boards and hurried across the beach after her. For someone who probably only had half her regular lung capacity right now, she was fast. She was almost at her car by the time I came up over the top of the grass and into the car park.

  “Maia!”

  Either she didn’t hear me, or she was ignoring me. Either way, she didn’t stop. I threw the boogie-boards onto the deck of my truck as I passed it, making a bare-footed beeline for her over the stony ground. When I finally got to her car, she was already sitting in it, staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel for dear life.

  I tapped on the closed window. “Hey, what are you doing?”

  She turned to me slowly, as if she’d never seen me before. No sign of recognition whatsoever, just a haunting, empty look in her eyes that sent a shiver through me. No way was I letting her drive, not like this. I made my way around the car and got in the passenger side, leaving the door open.

  The car was like an oven. I glanced over at her, but she was still staring out of her window, away from me. Something was definitely amiss. She was freaking out, no doubt about it. But, unlike most people I knew, she was doing it quietly. It was unnerving. I’d have preferred yelling and screaming and hysterical crying. Anything but this silence.

  “You should probably take a few minutes,” I said, as calmly as I could. “You had a bit of a scare out there.”

  I didn’t mean to sound condescending, but she didn’t seem to notice anyway. Several seconds passed. Finally, she let go of the steering wheel, her hands dropping into her lap helplessly, as if whatever surge of strength she’d experienced had now deserted her.

  “Sorry,” she murmured, staring at her hands.

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  No reply, just a slight nod of her head.

  “It’s happened to me before, too. Still happens, now and again.”

  Nothing. I hoped I was making her feel better. Getting dumped by a wave wasn’t something that only happened to grommets.

  “Let me take you back to my place, okay? I don’t think you should drive. We can have a cup of coffee – or something stronger, if you prefer – then come back and get your car later.”

  Slowly, she seemed to come out of the trance she was in, turning to me. Her eyes were red and glassy, probably from the sea water, and her face and hair were still smeared with sand, but it was her expression that made me want to take her in my arms.

  “I’m fine, but thanks,” she said, managing a weak smile.

  I had to admire her determination, but she wasn’t the least bit convincing.

  “Nice try, but I’m serious. I can’t let you drive.”

  The smile faded and she stared at me, her eyes searching deep inside mine. I felt the same sensation I’d felt the first time we met, except for one major difference. Whatever it was she was looking for, I found myself wanting to give it to her. It was a primal instinct, an urge that came not from my physical self, but from somewhere deeper, harder to reach. Somewhere I thought was inaccessible after so long.

  I was in real trouble here. Like Maia, I felt like I’d just been dumped by a wave. Slightly breathless, elevated heart rate, body tingling with the last threads of an almighty adrenaline rush.

  “Can you just sit here with me for a little while?” she asked.

  The vulnerability oozed out of her. She’d just had a hell of a shock, been through an ordeal that had obviously terrified her, and she was asking me to stay with her. At that precise moment, wild horses couldn’t have dragged me away.

  “Absolutely.”

  I reached for her hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze. She was still trembling, but she didn’t object or withdraw. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. We’d known each other for a matter of days. I shouldn’t want to take her into my arms and soothe her. I shouldn’t want to kiss her. I shouldn’t want to know every single thing about her. Not yet, it was too soon – all of this was too soon.

  It felt like we’d missed a step somewhere along the line. Like we’d skipped a few pages in the book, or scenes in the movie. It felt both wrong and right, simultaneously. I wanted to caution myself against getting too involved, yet at the same time, I wanted to scream that I didn’t care and dive in head-first regardless. My head swam.

  A few minutes passed in silence. She had settled back in her seat and was staring out of the windscreen. Her hand felt comfortable in mine, familiar, easy. I wanted to sit here like this with her as long as she would let me.

  Surreptitiously, I checked out her car. It was clean and tidy, which didn’t surprise me. Then, glancing over her shoulder, into the back seat, I saw something that did. There was a pile of clothes, neatly folded, on top of an unravelled sleeping bag, a pillow at the other end.

  My brain was still processing that information when she spoke again.

  “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

  I looked up to find her watching me. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t think it’s a crime to sleep in your car, is it?”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  She bowed her head, staring at our hands, laced together.

  “Can I ask why?”

  “I like it.”

  I wasn’t buying it. The answers to all the questions I had were somewhere inside of her, and I wanted to pull them out – one by one, if I had to. But I could feel her shutting down, pushing me away again, so I backed off, just to be safe. I would need to be careful.

  The heat in the car was stifling, with the sea breeze barely taking the edge off. I was already dry, the sand clinging to my legs from earlier. I spied her towel in the back seat and handed it to her.

  “Here,” I said. “For your face.”

  She slipped her hand out of mine and used the towel to carefully scrub the sand off her face. She missed a few spots, and I reached over to gently wipe away the grains from her cheek and the tip of her nose.

  “How long have you been sleeping in the back seat?” I asked, as sensitively as I could.

  She seemed to consider the idea for a moment, as if trying to figure out how to explain it. The towel dropped back into her lap.

  “A while.”

  She was mentally shoving me backwards, so I settled on something less intrusive. “So, tell me a bit about yourself. Where are you from, where did you grow up?”

  She leant back against the head-rest and closed her eyes. “Oh, y’know. Around.”

  I backed down immediately, afraid of pushing too far, of pushing her away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do the whole Spanish Inquisition thing. I just realised that I don’t really know much about you, and you pretty much know everything about me.”

  “Not everything,” she said, opening her eyes and turning to me. “You’ve still retained your air of mystery, don’t worry.”

  Any delusions I’d had about reinventing myself went right out the window, as I realised what bullshit that was. It was only a matter of time. She could ask anyone here what my story was and they’d tell her. It wasn’t the fresh slate I’d hoped for, and my heart sank. I was the same sensible, pathetic loner I’d always been – ma
ybe even more so now.

  “Thank you,” she said, oblivious. “For staying with me. And sorry I freaked out on you like that.”

  “No need for apologies, or thanks. It was the least I could do. I still think you should come back to my place for a while, though.”

  “Thanks, but I’m okay, now – really. Look.” She held out both hands, palms down. “I’ve stopped shaking and everything. I’m hungry, so I must be okay.”

  The words came out of nowhere. Maybe it was her smile, giving me the courage to reach. Maybe it was something else. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t prepared to spend another night tossing and turning, wondering whether I should’ve said something, berating myself for not having the guts.

  “That’s definitely a good sign,” I said, before I lost my nerve. “I do feel kind of responsible for nearly drowning you out there, though. I’d like to make it up to you, if you’ll let me. Have dinner with me tonight?”

  She began to object again, but I wasn’t having any of that. This was my Big Move. Now that I’d put myself out there, I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  “I want you to be able to trust me,” I said, my heart pounding in my ears. “And I promise I won’t throw you to the sharks – so to speak – again. If you still want me to teach you to surf, that is? I mean, I really wouldn’t blame you if you changed your mind.”

  She thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I still want you to teach me.”

  “Okay, good. So… dinner? My place, six o’clock?”

  I held my breath. I felt like a teenager again. Jesus, a date? It’d been a while. Would I even remember what to do?

  She hesitated, just for a moment. “Okay.”

  “Excellent,” I exhaled finally, sure my relief was obvious. Smooth, dude. Real smooth. “Sure you’re okay to drive? It’s no problem.”

  “I’m fine. But thank you.”

  I felt physically lighter, like a weight had been lifted. “Well, I’ll see you later, then.”