And Then There Was Her

by Tagan Shepard

  “Nope,” Madison said, settling onto a stool a few seats away from Boots so he wouldn’t be able to smell her unwashed hair.

  “We got her a year ago and put her on the visitor carriage.”

  Madison tried to reconcile the image of the headstrong, spoiled horse as part of a team and couldn’t quite make it work.

  “She was awful,” Boots confirmed. “Kept trying to duck out of her collar and shake off the traces. Nearly overturned a carriage once trying to pull out of line.”

  “Did she hurt anyone?”

  “Just my pride. The passengers all gave me the side-eye for the rest of the day. So did Violet, actually.”

  “I’m surprised you and CS put up with that.”

  “I wanted to get rid of her, but CS wouldn’t hear of it. I told her Violet wasn’t broken and a wild horse is always a risk. CS wanted to give her time.”

  Madison stopped mid-sip, realizing where this story was heading. “And she got better?”

  “Hell no, she got worse. After a while she stopped trying to pull out of the line and just started withering. She stopped eating. The other horses would nip at her and she stopped defending herself. Buttercup once took a chunk out her flank and Violet didn’t so much as cry. Some days I couldn’t get her to move. She’d just stand there in her tack and wouldn’t pull.”

  “That doesn’t sound like Violet.”

  “Sure doesn’t. After that I was worried that she’d die. She’d lost so much weight and she was miserable. We had to take her off the team for her own safety.”

  “A skinny Violet, who’d have thought that was possible?”

  “CS noticed she did better when she wasn’t hooked in with the others. Started to eat again. So CS started riding her every day to get her strength back and soon she was showing off and looking like a new horse. She wasn’t thriving yoked to the rest of the team, but on her own she was as happy as I’d ever seen a horse.”

  He just smiled at her when he finished his story and Madison shook her head. “I get it.”

  “Do you?”

  “That was supposed to be a metaphor or something, right? About how I stayed with Kacey for too long and lost myself and now I have the chance to thrive on my own.”

  Boots laughed again and this time it made Madison smile. He stood up, drained his coffee cup and patted her on the shoulder. “Nope. That was a story about a horse. Thanks for the coffee, Denver.”

  He left in such a hurry it seemed as if he hadn’t been there at all. She realized that she was holding her coffee cup in midair, preparing for a sip that she had no interest in taking. She set the cup down as a burst of sunlight cut through the kitchen window. It made her think of a vase she’d been planning to make back when her life made sense and she didn’t wear the same old sweatpants every day. A series of vases in burnt umber—the color of the harvest-red dust-covered windows.

  She headed for her studio, a design slowly coming to life in her mind. She went back for the granola bar, unwrapping it as she settled down at her wheel.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “In case you were wondering, I priced hitmen in Oregon and their rates are surprisingly reasonable.”

  “Jada…”

  “Seriously. They have whole menus of options. If you want her to suffer it costs more.”

  “Jada, I don’t want to have Kacey killed.”

  “They can just wound her if you like, but where’s the fun in that?”

  “I don’t want her wounded either.”

  “I’ll pay for it.”

  “No.”

  “You could have them steal her car.”

  “She doesn’t own a car.”

  “There has to be something we can do to ruin her life.”

  “I don’t want to ruin her life. That wouldn’t make me feel better.”

  “It would make me feel loads better,” Jada huffed, adding in a grumble, “the little tramp.”

  Madison couldn’t help but chuckle at the old-fashioned word. It felt good to laugh with Jada on the phone. Normal. Still, listening to her friend bash Kacey wasn’t helping her heal. She held the phone a little away from her ear as Jada went again into a long tear about the inequities of her ex. Jada was trying to be helpful, to show solidarity, but Madison didn’t want that, even if her name-calling was getting more creative with every passing word.

  The truth was, Madison was ready to get into her post-Kacey life. Or at least she wanted to be ready. Her queasiness was steadily being replaced by optimism and she didn’t want to regress. It had taken her too much effort to get to this place of shaky normalcy. Ignoring Jada’s angry rant was the only way she knew to keep a grip on herself.

  Jada wound down quickly, either running out of steam or correctly interpreting the lack of response from Madison. She took a deep breath and asked, “How are you doing, Maddie?”

  “Okay.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. I actually managed to eat three meals yesterday without throwing up from crying so hard.”

  “And it only took you three weeks.”

  “Progress.”

  “I wish I could be there with you.”

  “I know.” Madison kicked her bare feet up on the coffee table and wriggled her toes. “I really am okay though.”

  “Have you heard from her?”

  “No. No contact.” Her feet were dirty. She should take a shower today. She couldn’t remember taking one yesterday and she knew she hadn’t the day before. “I’m not sure if I’m happy about that or devastated.”

  “Let’s go with happy,” Jada said, injecting her stubborn optimism into the words.

  “If you say so.”

  After a heartbeat of hesitation, Jada said, “Perhaps this is a good time for me to make a proposal. Promise to hear me out?”

  “I’m listening.”

  “Come back to Denver.”

  Jada’s words were like a bucket of ice. Return home. Admit defeat. Go back to where you belong with a crappy day job and scraping to make rent. “No.”

  “There’s nothing for you there anymore, Maddie. You went there with Kacey and she’s gone now. Come home. Get away from that place and start over.”

  Jada had released the words in a rush and they buzzed in Madison’s ears. There was something for her here. She thought of her studio and the pots she’d made this morning curing on their shelves, but she also thought of a gnarled tree on a windy hill, a blue bandana that smelled of clean cotton and mint and a clearing in the woods full of liquid light.

  “I can’t afford to move again, Jada. It cost us everything we’d saved to send our stuff here and I’m not selling enough pottery in the store to ship it all back.”

  “Then this is a good time to tell you that I have a solo show set up for you.” She paused, but Madison couldn’t reply, her shock holding her tongue. “I’m sorry to just blurt it out like that. I’m so excited for you. Fly out for the show and we can get your stuff shipped with the profits.”

  “I can’t afford a plane ticket either,” Madison said, though it wasn’t exactly true. She probably had enough to swing it, but something was telling her to stay in Oregon. Something that spoke in a deep, resonant voice that she hadn’t heard in far too long.

  A shout in the background of the call distracted Jada. She shouted something back— something about takeout. She must be home with her husband. The age-old discussion about what was for dinner. Madison took herself to the kitchen while they discussed it, her stomach groaning unhappily. She’d been better about food yesterday, but her refrigerator was emptying quickly and she hadn’t wanted lunch.

  She found the jar of olives and tub of cream cheese just as unappetizing as she had earlier. Her cabinets were similarly bare. She hadn’t had much food in the house before her life fell apart, and Boot’s delivery didn’t improve matters. Tonight was finally the night she would have to venture out. Before everything fell apart, she’d gone to the main building to have family meal once in a while, and she kne
w she was always welcome. Her stomach writhed just a little at the thought of facing people now, but she knew she had little choice. There wasn’t even a pizza place in town that would deliver on horseback.

  “Sorry, Maddie, but I have to go. Apparently my idiot husband can’t manage dinner.”

  “Don’t be so hard on him, Samuel’s wonderful.”

  “He may be gorgeous, but he’s still an idiot. Love you. Please think about coming out for the show?”

  “I will. I promise.”

  There was no more putting it off—she’d have to go up to the main building for dinner. As she headed up the stairs, it seemed as if now was as good a time as any. She made quick work of her shower, but picking out clothes was more of a challenge. She wasn’t quite sure what the dress code was for an “I know that you all know I was cheated on, humiliated and heartbroken, but let’s all pretend I’m going to live through this” dinner. A light, knee-length skirt and cardigan seemed to fit the bill, though they weren’t entirely right for the winter season. The world would just have to accept it.

  It was later than she thought when she finally made her way up the hill. The night was pleasantly still, without a hint of breeze to chill her bare legs, and the moonlight shone silvery on the vines. She had the path to herself, the chatter of night insects serenading her as she walked. She wanted the whole world to be like this, quiet and empty, but she’d seen the cart pass by her cottage too often today to expect any solitude. The lobby and tasting room would be swamped as always.

  As she neared the winery, a couple materialized out of the darkness ahead of her. They must have wandered onto the road from a side path. The one leading to Cottage Five was nearby. It was one of the most popular on the estate, booked up until next summer last she heard.

  Madison slowed her pace, not wanting to disturb them. They looked to be in their late-twenties, a man and woman who had eyes only for each other. He leaned close, whispering into her ear through the long strands of her curly hair. She laughed and leaned against him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

  Slightly envious, Madison wondered what their story was. What made her feel so comfortable with him and him so affectionate with her? No doubt their story did not involve anonymous sex that would end in a fiery confrontation in a wine cellar.

  Whatever this couple’s story, she knew Kacey had been right about theirs. Madison hadn’t been embarrassed by her behavior with Kacey, but maybe she should have been. After all, a relationship that started with a random hookup wasn’t exactly destined to greatness in the mode of Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth and Darcy. She should never have expected forever with Kacey.

  She came to an abrupt halt in the center of the path. The couple moved on, still oblivious of her presence, and were swallowed by the night. The main building was just ahead, she could hear the roar of conversation from the twin patios of the tasting room and ambrosia. She thought about turning back, but her hunger stopped her. She had to see it through.

  Sliding in the front door, she kept close to the wall to avoid the bright lights and noise as much as possible. The hotel restaurant was around the corner from the two main attractions, and if she was quick, she could escape this chaos and find a small table in the corner. She might just get out of here in one piece if she was careful.

  “Denver!”

  Boots waved exuberantly and rushed over to her. So much for a quiet night. There was no such thing when Boots was smiling and bouncing on the balls of his feet like that. He cut through the crowd and was at her side just as she managed to hoist a smile onto her face.

  “There you are, Denver! Nice to see you out of the house.”

  “Hi, Boots.”

  “You’re going to join us for family meal, right?”

  “Yeah, I sorta ran out of food.”

  “Sorry about that. Grocery delivery is tomorrow.”

  Now that she was here, she really didn’t want to face anyone else. She eyed ambrosia with something between longing and dread. “I can just grab a table alone at…”

  “Don’t be silly, Denver.” He gave her a look that stopped any possible argument and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You’re joining us.”

  She followed him into the now only half-full tasting room and let him sit her down at an empty corner of the bar. When he was called away to help the staff, she was finally able to breathe easy. The room was emptying of strangers and filling up with familiar faces. Even though she didn’t know many of their names, the staff was consistent enough to be recognizable. Madison felt their eyes on her and wondered if she was imagining their accusatory stares. She did everything in her power to avoid eye contact with anyone. A cute redhead behind the bar with long bangs over one eye set a glass of white wine down in front of her. When Madison protested, the woman insisted, explaining that the staff could always get a free glass of wine. She moved off before Madison could explain she wasn’t exactly staff.

  It was the feeling of eyes on her that made her finally sip the wine. It was more something to do with her hands than an interest in the drink itself, but she felt more comfortable the moment she tasted it. She looked around again over the rim of her glass. She didn’t feel the stares as much anymore. Maybe she’d just been cooped up too long.

  The last of the guests filed out and the room, now occupied by only employees, seemed to take a deep breath. Conversations got louder, shoulders slumped and smiles widened. Madison liked the relaxation of mood. She felt like fewer people noticed her now. Fewer eyes landed on her. Just when she thought she might get through this night feeling like a normal human, the door opened again to a pair of waitresses carrying platters of food.

  She recognized both of them from ambrosia. One worked the bar and the other the floor. More than once they’d chatted with Madison as she had dinner at the bar while Kacey worked. Neither of them spoke to her now, but they both gave her long, searching looks. Madison was certain this time that they were hostile. Both women were young and show-stopping gorgeous. Now that Madison thought of it, the vast majority of the waitresses at ambrosia looked like this. Young, blond, and hot. Just like the one Madison caught her with. Kacey’s type.

  They deposited the food on the far end of the bar and whipped right back out of the room. Madison gave them a few minutes to leave before she drained her glass and headed to the door. Humiliation had soured the wine and her appetite fled. If she was quick, she could get out of this stifling room and back out into the night before anyone noticed. Before she started crying again.

  Her fingertips brushed the handle of the door just as it was yanked away. Looking up through the open door, she found herself inches away from CS, who was skidding to a halt to avoid walking into her. They blinked dumbly at each other. Madison’s stomach righted itself for a moment before it began squirming again, but for very different reasons.

  “Madison.” CS’s surprise turned to concern at the look on Madison’s face. “You were leaving.”

  “I…yeah. I don’t think I can…”

  She stopped talking the moment her eyes began to prickle. She didn’t want to cry right now. Not in front of all these people. Not standing here smelling CS’s clean, fresh scent and feeling the warmth of her presence. CS reached out, laying her broad, strong palm on Madison’s bicep. The contact sent a shiver through every inch of Madison’s body.

  “Stay. Sit with me. Please?”

  Madison still didn’t trust her voice, but all thought of tears evaporated at the pleading note in CS’s voice. She nodded and turned to go back into the room. CS’s hand slipped down from her arm to the small of her back, resting there with the gentle strength Madison had come to associate so inexorably with CS.

  Her feet moved, but she didn’t feel the ground beneath them. All she could feel was the heat of CS’s hand against her back. Squeezing her eyes shut, she could locate with microscopic precision every cell in contact with CS’s hand. The way her skin came alive. The way jolts of electricity shot through her body. She felt the danger of
that awareness and ignored it. Right now, tonight, she let herself believe that CS was squiring her to dinner and she wrapped herself in the joy of that. She’d had precious little joy in her life recently. She would cherish this moment.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Madison drank more than she ate. At first it was because of her nervousness, but then it was because of the food. She’d only come to family meal a handful of times, usually when she just wanted to get out of the house. Early on the food was cooked by the restaurant hotel, but a month ago Kacey started taking over a few meals a week. She never said why, but Madison assumed it had a lot to do with vanity. Trying to get into the good graces of the staff, winning their admiration through their stomachs.

  The upshot was that Madison could tell when the food was cooked by ambrosia and when it was cooked by the hotel restaurant. This was cooked by ambrosia. This was a menu designed by Kacey, and the thought of that turned Madison’s mind to booze. She pushed food around her plate but very little made it to her mouth. Even cooked by someone else, this was Kacey’s food and Madison wanted nothing to do with it.

  CS felt her discomfort and leaned close. “The sous chefs are cooking the normal menu until our new chef arrives.”

  Madison smiled at her over her wineglass. How was it this woman knew what she was thinking? Considering that CS was sitting so close to her their elbows rubbed each time either of them moved, perhaps it wasn’t that surprising that she noticed Madison’s lack of appetite.

  “So you already have someone new coming?”

  CS scanned the table around them before she answered. Everyone was engaged in conversation, the room practically roared with voices. “I’ve hired Carter. From Top Chef. The one who was responsible for Kacey being eliminated.”

  Madison choked on her wine. “You’re kidding?”

  Madison’s glass was empty and CS reached to the center of the table for the bottle, not bothering to set her fork down as she poured. “I had to negotiate very hard to get him here.” She smiled wickedly and finished, “It was worth it.”