Covet thy Neighbor

by Denise Carbo

  He nods and puts his arm underneath his head. “Yeah, they’re staying for a week, until after Christmas.”

  “With you?”

  “Mmm hmm. I bought a bedroom set for the guest bedroom when they told me they were coming. Barb had me buy bedding, curtains, towels, and a whole slew of other stuff.”

  “That’s great.”

  I roll over onto my own pillow and pull the sheet and blanket over me.

  He went shopping with Barbara for his parents’ visit. I shouldn’t be surprised. I know the score.

  “She even made me a grocery list to stock up for their visit. It took me over an hour in the grocery store today finding everything.”

  Something a girlfriend would do, not a sister-in-law.

  “What do you have planned for their visit? Are you going anywhere special? Sightseeing?”

  “We’re all taking Joey to the Christmas Village and Mom wants to go shopping up here rather than have to worry about shipping everything, so it looks like we’ll be going to the mall. They’re excited to see Joey and spend the holiday with him.”

  Taking the boys to the Christmas Village amusement park used to be an annual excursion, but we haven’t gone the past couple of years. The boys used to love going. Would they want to schedule a visit this year, or are they already getting too old for waiting in line at Santa’s workshop to tell him what they want for Christmas? The reindeer sleigh ride used to be their favorite. I have many photos of the two of them laughing as they soared through the air in bright red sleighs.

  “I have fond memories of the Christmas Village with the boys. You’ll have a blast watching the wonder in Joey’s face.”

  “Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Your parents must be looking forward to seeing you and your new house too.”

  “I guess.”

  No mention of meeting his parents. I’m not his girlfriend, but what am I? His neighbor he has sex with?

  Do I even want to meet them? It’s not like we’re in a committed relationship. Why should he want me to meet them?

  Why does it bother me so much Barbara is helping him plan for their visit and will spend the majority with them and Luke? She’s their daughter-in-law, the mother of their only grandchild.

  “I should get going.” Luke sits up and flings the sheet off himself.

  I sit up and wrap my arms around my knees.

  He pulls on his clothes and grabs his phone, then leans onto the bed and kisses me on the cheek. “You stay in bed. I’ll let myself out.”

  “Good luck. Have fun.”

  The stairs creak beneath his weight. The front door opens and closes.

  No mention of when I’ll see him again. Probably after Christmas when his parents leave. I should have given him the present I bought for him. Will it make him feel awkward because he didn’t intend to get one for me? I’ll wait. I don’t want him to feel obligated to get me something in return. I’ll give it to him after his parents leave. I can’t leave it at his door. With my luck, his mother or father would open the door and want to know who the strange woman leaving presents for his son was.

  Maybe I shouldn’t give it to him at all.

  I lie down and curl on my side.

  I guess I’m not the type of woman who can have a sexual relationship with a man and not let my feelings get involved. Now what am I going to do? End it before I do something really stupid and fall in love with him?

  Chapter 35

  “Hang all your stuff up.”

  The boys shove their boots into a pile and hang up their coats. They both have one foot on the bottom stair.

  “Say goodbye to your father.”

  They turn back and hug a chuckling Ryan. “Bye Dad.”

  “Love you. Be good for your mother.”

  They run up the stairs and I turn back to Ryan and tilt my chin towards the door signaling him I want to talk outside. I know my boys. They have super hearing, especially around the holidays and their birthday.

  Ryan opens the door and steps out on to the steps. I grab my coat, pull it on, and follow him out in my slippers.

  “What’s up?”

  “You know how the boys have been asking for a dog?”

  “You’re getting them a dog?” His head rears back and he looks at me like I’ve lost my mind—which I probably have.

  “Shh, keep your voice down.” I peek over my shoulder and listen a moment to make sure the boys didn’t hear him. “Yes, well, I have an appointment on Tuesday to check one out. I’ve researched the best family breeds and I’ve found a local rescue dog nonprofit which has a one-year-old golden retriever lab mix for adoption. If all goes well, I’ll be bringing him home.”

  “You want money for it?”

  “No, I just wanted you to know.”

  “Okay, better you than me. Pets are a lot of work. You sure you don’t want to start off with a fish or something?”

  “They’re responsible enough to help and they don’t want a fish, they want a dog. Doesn’t every kid deserve to have a dog? You did.”

  “Yeah, and that’s how I know they’re a lot of work, but it’s on you, so if you say you’re ready, I’m fine with it.”

  I wrap my opened coat around me and fold my arms. I chose lingerie over a new coat. Probably not the best choice considering the situation. Hindsight is twenty twenty.

  “Okay.”

  Ryan jerks his head towards the door. “Go inside before you freeze to death. We’ll talk later.”

  “Drive careful.” I turn and open the door as he lifts a hand in a wave while he walks down the path to his car.

  I shut the door behind me and hang up my coat. Hot coffee, I need something to warm me up. Shuffling into the kitchen, I rub my arms. I’ve made a list of all the necessary dog paraphernalia I need to buy before Tuesday.

  I couldn’t sleep last night so I researched and made lists. Lots of lists.

  A list for the dog. A list for Christmas. A list for the bakery. Actually, I made a few of those. And a list of pros and cons of ending my sexual relationship with Luke.

  The coffee maker brews while I grab a mug from the clean dishwasher.

  The pros far surpassed the cons, logically I should end it.

  There’s a double thud on the front door. What did Ryan forget? And why does it sound like he’s kicking the door instead of knocking or ringing the bell? I walk over and pull open the door.

  It’s not Ryan. Luke stands there holding a bunch of presents.

  “Hey, is it okay to bring by the boys’ presents?” I stare at him speechless. “I guess I should have called first.”

  “Oh, no, sorry, you just surprised me. Come in.” I back up and hold the door wide for him.

  He carries the presents into the living room and sets them down in front of the tree.

  “You didn’t have to buy them anything, but it’s really nice you did.”

  He smiles and shrugs. “It’s Christmas.”

  “Should I call the boys down or do you want them to wait until Christmas?”

  “Up to you, but they can open them now.”

  I lean my head up the stairwell. “Boys come downstairs. Luke is here.”

  They come rushing down the stairs. Their gazes immediately land on Luke and the pile of presents at his feet. Their eyes grow wide.

  “Are those for us?”

  “Can we open them now?”

  Luke holds his hands out. “Have at them.”

  They race over and drop down on the ground in front of the stack. Luke hands each of them a present and they tear the paper off.

  Identical Nerf guns.

  “Oh, wow!”

  “Cool! Can we have a battle?”

  “Sure, but don’t you want to see the rest?” He hands them each another and places another in front of each of them.

  There’s a kit for making different shapes in the snow, including blocks for an igloo or fort. A racetrack set, extra darts, and a couple of building block sets are in the remain
ing packages.

  The boys launch themselves at Luke and he falls over laughing beneath their exuberant hugs.

  Just like that, my heart bursts open.

  The lights get extra bright, but my vision narrows. An ache squeezes my chest and my stomach flips.

  The boys are chattering away with him and I can’t understand a word they’re saying. There’s a roaring in my ears. My heart thuds.

  I’m madly in love with Luke.

  How did I not see it before? Denial? Naivety? Blatant stupidity?

  I plop down on the couch before my weakened legs give out and I fall.

  What am I going to do? Does this negate my list entirely or validate it further? How could I fall in love with a man I’m sure is in love with someone else?

  “Falling asleep over there?”

  I blink several times and stare at Luke’s smiling face. The boys have opened every package and are busy loading the guns.

  “What?”

  He chuckles. “You look like you’re in a daze.”

  “Oh, I was just thinking.” I glance down at the boys. “You really went overboard.”

  “I couldn’t resist.” He reaches over and picks up the one remaining present. “This one is for you.”

  “Me?” I take the box from him with one hand, but then grab it with both when I almost drop it. I put it in my lap and peek up. “Yours is under the tree. The one closest to the fireplace. In the red paper with wreaths all over it.”

  He laughs and looks behind him.

  “I’ll get it.” Timmy scrambles up and gets the present to hand to Luke.

  “Thanks.” Luke turns the box right and left and gives it a shake. He jerks his chin toward me. “Open yours.”

  I glance down and bite my lip as I find a seam and rip the paper. After removing the paper, I crumble it into a ball and throw it at the boys who giggle and start crumbling the rest of the paper littering the floor into balls and throwing them at each other.

  The top of the box separates and I lift it off. Neatly folded inside white tissue paper decorated with red Santa hats is a beautiful pink wool coat.

  “This way your keys won’t fall through the hole in the pocket anymore and I noticed the zipper was broken on yours. If you don’t like it, you can exchange it.”

  I run my hand across the soft material. “I love it.” I look up and smile. “Thank you, it’s perfect.” He noticed my zipper was broken.

  “There’s something underneath too.”

  I peek under the corner of the coat. Brown leather. I lift the coat out of the box.

  “It’s a briefcase slash tote or something. I forgot what the saleslady called it. I figured you could use it for school or…” He glances down at the boys busy playing. “Work.”

  I wrinkle my nose as my eyes well with tears. “It’s perfect. Is gift giving your superpower?”

  He laughs. “It might be.”

  “Open yours.” I bite my lip. I didn’t spend anywhere near what he must have.

  Luke rips off the paper with a grin on his face. I hold my breath.

  He glances up at me and back down to the box in his hands.

  “They’re not first editions or anything, but I thought you might like them.”

  He lifts the case of Edgar Allan Poe books up and looks at me. “Looks like you share the same superpower.”

  “Really? I saved the receipt. You won’t hurt my feelings if you want to return them if you already have them, or whatever.”

  “I love them.”

  Luke stands, walks over, and takes my hand to pull me up. Once I’m standing, he pulls me in for a hug. I lean my head against his shoulder and hug him back.

  “Merry Christmas,” he whispers and kisses the top of my head.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  He releases me and turns to the boys playing on the floor. “All right, are you ready to lose to the master?”

  The boys scramble to a stand and grab their new guns.

  “I’ll go get you a gun.” Tommy runs up the stairs and stops halfway. “Are you playing, Mom?”

  “Not this time, honey.”

  He continues up the stairs while Luke and Timmy admire the new gun. I collect the discarded wrapping paper balls and carry them into the kitchen and throw them in the trash can under the sink. Tommy thuds back down the stairs and the three of them discuss rules of their battle.

  I lean against the sink and stare out the window. The sun makes the blanket of snow sparkle like diamonds. The sky is clear and bright blue. A perfect winter day.

  I hate ultimatums—giving and receiving, but what else can I do? If there’s no hope of him ever returning my feelings, then I need to know and end our relationship. I can’t go blissfully along falling deeper in love and letting the boys fall in love with him too if there’s no future for us. It’s not just my heart at risk, but my kids’ too.

  He cares for us, I know he does, but is it more than that? Or is he really holding out for Barbara?

  The last time I broached the subject, we fought. He didn’t give me a definitive answer, but his silence and avoidance were telling. This time I need to know where I stand and what his feelings for her truly are.

  But when and how? I certainly can’t have this conversation with the boys running around. Luke’s parents arrive on Tuesday, which leaves tomorrow while the boys are in school. I can’t wait until after Christmas when his parents leave. I’ll stew over it the entire time.

  “Everything okay?”

  I spin around. He’s standing in the doorway.

  “Yeah, I’m just lost in thought. Did you lose the battle already?”

  “They annihilated me. We’re taking a break and building the sets I got them.”

  “What are your plans tomorrow?”

  “My parents are coming on Tuesday so I’m cleaning up the house to make it presentable, why?”

  “How about I bring over breakfast and help after the boys go to school?”

  “Uh, sure, if you really want to.”

  Not the most encouraging answer. He always comes here. I don’t think he’s ever actually invited me over to his house. Intentional? Is there a hidden meaning there? Does he not want me in his house around his personal things?

  Am I crazy?

  “If you don’t want me to, you can just say so.”

  “No, it’s not that. I do have to clean though.”

  “I know. Like I said I want to help.”

  “Okay, thanks.” He glances over his shoulder. “I promised the boys I’d help.”

  “You’re great with them, thank you.”

  “They’re great kids.” He disappears into the living room.

  I wrap my arms over my stomach and stare up at the ceiling.

  My stomach churns. What if he admits flat out he’s in love with Barbara? Am I strong enough to walk away to protect mine and the boys’ hearts? Or should I fight for him? He must care for me, it’s not just sex. Is it?

  Chapter 36

  “I’m in love with you.”

  Luke gets a deer caught in the headlights expression as he stares at me over his kitchen table. Perhaps not the best way to broach the subject. I could have waited until we were done eating instead of blurting it out as soon as we sat down, but I’ve tried so many scenarios in my head that my head is killing me. I took a handful of pain relievers before I brought the French toast casserole I made over.

  “Say something please.” My heart pounds so hard I’m afraid it’s going to explode out of my chest like a sci-fi horror film.

  “I…don’t know what to say.” He gazes down at the table and back up several times.

  Okay, that’s rather telling. My face burns.

  “Is it Barbara?”

  His gaze shoots up to mine.

  “I just need to know straight out. Are you in love with her?”

  He leans back in his chair and shakes his head. “We already talked about this.”

  “Yes, but you didn’t answer me. You evaded.”
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  “I didn’t evade anything. There’s nothing to evade.”

  “Then are you, yes or no?”

  “No.”

  I frown. “No, you’re not in love with her or no you won’t answer?”

  He squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his forehead hard like he’s trying to erase something. This conversation?

  “No, I’m not in love with Barb.” He sends the chair sliding across the floor when he stands up and paces the length of the table and back.

  “You haven’t been carrying a torch for her since she chose Wyatt over you?”

  He stops and stares with his hands planted on his hips. “Jesus, no. Barb and I went on one date. We had, like, one conversation before Wyatt showed up and they became totally engrossed with one another. I was never in love with her. She’s a nice-looking woman I asked out on a date once. End of story.”

  “You moved here to follow her.”

  “I moved here to be near my nephew and help the widow of my dead brother because I was the reason he’s not here to take care of them himself. And…” He paces again.

  “And what?”

  He stops and stares at me before plopping back into the chair. “Wyatt was planning on leaving her. He told me the night he died.”

  The air gets trapped in my lungs.

  “He said he wasn’t ready to be a father.”

  I let out a whoosh of breath and rub my damp palms on my pants. “Does she know?”

  “Hell no! She has Wyatt on a pedestal.”

  True, she does. “So you’re what, trying to make up for the possible abandonment your brother was planning before he died?”

  He shrugs.

  I sigh and lean my chest against the edge of the table with my arms folded on top. “You know expectant parents can panic when they realize they’re about to be responsible for a helpless being. Are you sure he wasn’t sending out a cry for help? Maybe for you to talk him out of it and tell him it was going to be okay and reassure him he would be a great father?”

  “I told him that. He seemed pretty adamant he wanted out.” Luke looks out the back slider. “He said there was someone else. Some woman at work.”

  Poor Barbara. The jerk was cheating on his pregnant wife and planning to abandon her and Joey?