“I was looking for something.”
He plopped down in the desk chair and started a slow spin, eyeballing me with each pass.
“What, Benj?”
“Why’s there have to be a what? Can’t I just enjoy the company of my friend?”
“I know you, that’s why. Go ahead with whatever remark you think is so clever.”
He stopped spinning and faced me. “First of all, I am clever. And I was just going to say...it was cool seeing Gabi again.”
I sat waiting for his punchline.
Instead he picked up a magazine and flipped through it.
“Yeah it was. Wish I’d gotten to chill with her longer though.” And explain myself. I couldn’t blame her if she hated my guts after I’d all but abandoned her. Scratch that, that’s exactly what I’d done. I’d never considered what my separation would do to her. I’d let my pain make me selfish.
“If only the ol’ ball and chain hadn’t shown up.”
“Benj...” I hated when he insinuated that I was somehow whipped by Brooke, which was far from being the case. I just got tired of her drama and liked to avoid it when necessary.
He flashed that stupid goofy grin of his. “Just sayin’.”
I gave him a hard stare to let him know it was time to drop the subject, which he of course pretended not to notice.
“I know you like to ignore this little fact because she’s your girlfriend, but…Brooke is a bitch. Hopefully one day, sooner rather than later, you’ll realize that and drop her ass.”
Pushing out a heavy sigh, I stood and leaned against the dresser. “I know she’s not the easiest person, but she’s not all bad.”
He scoffed and shook his head. “Right.”
It was no secret that Benji didn’t care for Brooke, but that dislike had morphed into hatred a few months ago. Now they couldn’t even be in a room together for five minutes without getting into an argument. The shit was stressful to say the least.
“When you were alone with Gabi and Cam, did they mention what dorm they were in?”
He stared at me for a second, thankfully going along with my subject change, then smiled. “Well at least you got some type of sense.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Chuckling, he shook his head. “Nothing. And nah, the subject didn’t come up. But maybe you should go back to Angelo’s and look around, perhaps she left a glass slipper.”
I pushed away from the dresser and headed to the door. “Something’s wrong with you.” I left him chuckling to himself in the room and went to search for Gabi. I needed to make things right.
Three
Gabi
“It isn’t fair.” I lay back on my bed staring up at the ceiling, a deep ache penetrating my soul.
Cam flopped down next to me and mimicked my position. “What isn’t?”
“He has a girlfriend.”
“And it’s not fair because?”
“Because it isn’t me.”
She turned on her side and lifted a sculpted brow at me. “Didn’t you just say this morning that you weren’t interested in having a boyfriend?”
I stood and sulked over to the window. Somehow the breathtaking view of Juniper Lake further dampened my mood. “He’s not just a boy…he’s Jayson.”
When I’d gotten accepted at RCU I was excited to come back to River Crest. Even more so at the slim possibility that Jay would be here. Now I’d give anything to be back in Chicago away from the heartache.
“Is he your ex or something?”
“No, we were just...really good friends.” Best friends.
“But you’re in love with him.”
I faced her, leaning against the windowsill. “I don’t know. It’s been three years. He could be a different person now.” Who was I kidding? When our eyes met I was that helplessly in love fourteen-year-old girl all over again. Only this time I realized it would never be mutual. When he’d kissed her... I tugged at my necklace, grasping it in my fist like part of me wanted to rip it away and fling it into an ocean. “I hoped I’d have a chance to figure it out, but now...”
“But now what?”
“He has a girlfriend.”
“And?” She pulled her feet up and sat with her legs crossed. “A girlfriend isn’t a wife. Besides, did you see the same girl I did? She seems bitchy, and that voice.” She pretended to shiver and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“So, because she’s annoying, I should try to steal her boyfriend?”
“Of course not. Just wait a little while, those types of relationships crash and burn.”
I took a seat on the trunk at the foot of my bed, still twisting at the chain around my neck. “So, I sit patiently and bide my time until he gets tired of her?”
“No, you sit patiently until he figures out whom he really wants.”
“And what makes you think that’s me?”
A smile crept across her face. “I just have a feeling.” She hopped up, then dragged me to my feet. She was strong for such a tiny little thing. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“Nowhere.” She skipped over to the stereo we’d set up, and a few seconds later ‘Piano’ by Ariana Grande played through the speakers. “We’re dancing.”
I stood with my arms folded while she wiggled her hips to the music. “I’m not in the mood to dance.”
“Come on,” she said pulling me to the middle of the floor then dancing around me. “It’ll make you feel better.”
I doubted that was possible, but her smile was infectious, and soon I was laughing and moving along to the beat.
We danced around the room and got busy unpacking. I finished long before her, so using some of my mom’s super organization skills, I helped Cam find room for most of her things.
When night fell Cam got glammed up and left to hunt for a party. I stayed behind and curled up in bed with some Thai food and my favorite movie, Love & Basketball.
I used to think me and Jay would be like Quincy and Monica, minus the long break up. So much for that.
After watching the movie twice, I slipped back into Jay’s shirt and lay in bed forcing the tears not to fall. When had I become such a crybaby? I lifted the shirt collar and inhaled the scent of his cologne, trying to put a positive spin on the situation. Sure the boy…man I was hopelessly, completely, irrevocably, in love with was unavailable, but hey, at least I had my best friend back. Because that’s exactly the role I wanted Jayson to play, not.
As the first tear broke free, I found myself wishing death on whoever the liar was who’d said ‘time heals all’.
~ ♥ ~
Forty-eight hours had passed since my life got flipped turned upside down and I’d yet to catch even another glimpse of Jay. If not for the shirt currently enveloping me I’d swear I dreamt the whole thing. Over the past couple of sleepless nights, I’d spent a lot of time contemplating if that would be so bad. At least then there’d be no ache in my chest from yet another shattered heart.
The rest of my time had been focused on wishing I hadn’t come back here. I could’ve been in California right now instead of the one of the coldest states in the Midwest on a maybe. Even if Jay was single, it still wasn’t a guarantee that he’d be with me. I must have been delusional to think so.
In the contemplative silence of my dorm, and now the bench in the courtyard, I’d finally come to terms with the truth behind my single status all throughout high school. A truth I’d denied to myself time and time again. That someway, somehow, Jay and I would be in each other’s lives again. That our friendship would blossom into something else. That he’d pick up that damn phone and call me. Message me. Tweet me. Something!
And yeah, I could’ve took the initiative. Looked him up. A few times I actually had, the looking anyway. But when it came time for the messaging, I’d always chickened out. Afraid of what he’d say, or worse, that he wouldn’t respond at all. How pathetic was I, wrapped up in a childhood crush who probably hadn’t thought abo
ut me once? He’d stopped calling, so our friendship couldn’t have been all that important to him.
In the weeks before accepting my admittance at RCU I’d gone back and forth so many times. In the end justifying it as needing closure. Besides, what were the chances he’d still be here anyway? Turns out, very likely.
Blowing out a hard breath, I tried to focus on the book I was reading, or at least attempting to. The glare from the sun wasn’t making it easy.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. “
My heart constricted at the deep voice coated in silk, only to be followed up by a series of palpitations. I raked my gaze upward until it landed on a dark brown face framed with a neatly trimmed goatee. The sun caught his pecan colored eyes, causing a sparkle that would’ve made Edward Cullen jealous. “H-hi. Guess you found me.”
My eyes stayed glued to Jay as he sunk down beside me on the bench and smiled, flaunting a set of dimples so deep I could swim in them.
His gaze shifted from me to the book that sat in my lap. He pushed the cover up and examined it. “All That and a Bag of Chips. Interesting title. Any good?”
I nodded, keeping my eyes anywhere but on his, and closed the book. “So…you were looking for me?”
“Yeah. I wanted to apologize for what happened at Angelo’s the other day. I don’t know if you heard – ”
“Her call me a bitch?” I finally looked up at him and found his jaw a bit slack.
He closed his eyes and pushed out a sigh before continuing. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that. Brooke can be a little…territorial.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.”
His eyes searched over mine and then he gave a single nod. A weird silence loomed over us. One that told of many things left unsaid.
Jay cleared his throat while strumming his fingers on his thigh. “So, uh, three years, huh? Sure doesn’t feel like it. Seems like just yesterday you were trying to kill Benji for throwing your bra up a tree.”
My stomach knotted from laughing so hard at Benji’s past antics. “Ooohh that boy used to get on my nerves. I don’t know why you always brought him with you when you came over. Like you weren’t aggravating enough on your own.”
His smile dropped, bringing his laughter to an abrupt halt. “Me? Aggravating?”
“Yeah you.”
He reared his head back with both brows lifted. “Says the girl who spent a week tackling me at random or was constantly jumping on my back and biting my ears. You were abusive,” he finished with a chuckle
Giggling, I shifted on the bench so I faced him. “I remember no such thing.”
He looked me up and down then smirked. “Sure you don’t, Mike Tyson.”
I made a face and stuck out my tongue. “Anyway.”
“Yeah anyway, abuser. How’s life been? Still that tough girl I remember?”
I took my time mulling over his questions. How’s life been? Besides lonely? Well, after I left and you abandoned me, I never made another friend like you. Associates, maybe. People to hang out with, sure. But not once have I been able to replace the friendship we once shared.
“It’s been pretty good, I guess. I’ve mellowed that’s for sure. Trying to be more ‘zen’ now. What about you?”
He shrugged. “Nothing too exciting. High school was fun. Graduated Valedictorian.”
I nodded, pulling a strand of hair between my lips. I was more than a little curious about his relationship, which he failed to mention in the rehashing of our lives apart, but asking would be prying into his business.
Before I could speak again his phone rang.
I sat, gnawing on my hair while he answered.
“Hey, Pops. What’s up? No, I didn’t forget. Yeah. Alright, I’m leaving now.” He hung up then gave me an apologetic look. “I gotta get going. My dad needs me to do something for him.”
“Okay. Guess I’ll see you later then.”
Our eyes met for a moment, his unreadable. His lips twitched like he was about to say something, instead he smiled and took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “See you later.”
Sweet electricity danced through my fingers and up my arm. “Later.” Wait didn’t I already say that?
He stood and just like that he was gone.
~ ♥ ~
Apparently ‘later’ meant never because even more days had passed and no more Jay. Maybe it was better this way. Out of sight out of mind, right? I laughed at that notion while stepping into my dorm room.
I paused at the door, shaking my head at my roommate. I’d been for a run, came back to shower, attended a campus safety seminar and she was still knocked out cold. She’d been out every night for almost a week, partying until the wee hours. Each morning when I woke at five for my morning run, she’d be just getting in.
It was now past ten, and she lay on top of her covers still in her clothes from the night before. She was going to have a hard time with class if this continued.
I went over to the bed and shook her. If we were going to be friends, I had to at least try to get her on the right track. When she didn’t stir I shook a bit harder and called her name.
Her lids lifted just a bit before she squeezed them shut and groaned. “What?”
“Wake up.”
“Why?” She turned her back to me and covered her head with a pillow.
“Because classes start in a week and you need to learn to get up earlier.”
She mumbled something beneath the pillow that I couldn’t make out. Cursing me to hell, I figured.
I snatched the pillow away, getting a glare for my effort. “Get up.”
“Gabi!” she whined then poked out her lip.
“Cammie.” I left her and went over to the window and opened the blinds. “Up.”
“I hate you so much right now.” She swung her feet over the side of the bed and folded her arms like a child.
“Yeah, yeah. You’ll thank me later.” I headed into the bathroom, my hair was long overdue for a wash and deep condition.
No sooner than I closed the door it opened again. Cam came in, forced me out, and closed the door in my face.
“Hey! Rude!” I stood fuming on the other side.
A minute later she came back out, brushing past me with a smirk on her face. “What? I had to pee.” She stuck her tongue out at me then fell back into bed.
She was so lucky I liked her. I grabbed my hair washing clothes and went back in, locking the door this time. After collecting my supplies, I jumped in the shower ready to wrangle my stubborn locks.
An hour later I stared in the mirror cursing my genes. I didn’t understand it. My mother’s hair was always smooth and flawless, never a strand out of place. I’m sure flat ironing had something to do with it but even that didn’t work on my tangled mess for more than a day. Neither did a blow dryer. It wasn’t like the commercials where women blow dried their hair, turning it silky smooth and sleek. No, blow dryers hated me. I looked like Cousin It had discovered electricity.
Maybe Cam could do something with it. Her go-to style was a sew-in, which I wasn’t a huge fan of, but I’d take that over Ms. Frizzle.
I stepped out of the bathroom, stopping with my hand still on the knob. Balloons hovered in several places, and a cake with yellow frosting sat on my dresser.
Cam sat on the edge of her bed with a goofy grin on her face.
“Cam…what did you do?” I tried to smile at her, appreciating the gesture, but I wasn’t too keen on surprises, especially ones that involved my birthday.
She threw her hands up in mock surrender. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t even know it was your birthday.”
“Then who –”
She nodded toward the window, still grinning.
I looked over my shoulder and my heart dang near sprang from my chest. Jay leaned against the wall near the window with his hands shoved in his pockets. He looked all kinds of yummy in a crisp white t-shirt and matching shorts, a gorgeous contrast to his deep chocolate sk
in. When we were younger I’d thought he was cute, adorable even. This man before me was not cute, and there was nothing adorable about him. He dripped sex appeal, and I wanted to catch each drop on the tip of my tongue.
He smiled at me, revealing those caverns he called dimples.
Had I not been holding on to the door I would have swooned. I tore my eyes away from him and found a spot on the floor to keep myself from staring, or drooling rather. “Hi, Jayson.”
“Hey, Little Red.” His voice moved closer, and before I could prepare myself his arms wrapped around me.
There was that electricity again, coursing through my body without relent. This hug was different from the one at Angelo’s. Longer, tighter, I clung to him. Then he let go, leaving me empty and cold.
When his gaze drifted to my hair I wished I could disappear. I’d forgotten how much of a mess I looked. Not only my hair, but also my attire. A pair of worn cotton shorts and a tank top, with no bra. Kill me now.
He dug his fingers into my hair and massaged my scalp with a big smile on his face. “Frizzy.”
One action, one word, seemed to squash every insecurity I had about my hair. I bit my tongue to stifle a moan as his warm fingertips moved against my scalp. Don’t stop doing that. Don’t ever stop.
He stopped.
“I feel like an idiot. We’ve talked twice and both times I forgot to get your number. I had a hell of time finding you. You’d think a tall, redheaded black girl would be easy to spot. I’m sure I asked about a hundred people about you before I finally ran into Cam yesterday.”
I glanced over my shoulder, giving her the evil eye. “She didn’t tell me she saw you.”
“I asked her not to say anything. I wanted to surprise you.” He took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, and making the million butterflies in my stomach take flight.
“You did. Thank you.” I bit my lip and fixed my stare on his chest. Only Jay had the ability to make me love something I hated. Growing up birthdays had been depressing. My dad tried his best, throwing me a party every year, but nothing could fill the void left by mother always being too busy to attend.
Excuse Me, First Love (College Daze #1) Page 3
