Excuse Me, First Love (College Daze #1)

by Danielle Burton

He nodded. “I was a grade ahead, and we didn’t have any classes together, but I always saw you in the hall, or at lunch. You were always laughing at his jokes, or staring at him when you thought no one else was looking.” He frowned, his eyes distant as he reminisced. “I remember wishing I was good at sports, something that would get your attention. But I was a bookworm, and an anime freak. Not to mention shy. I could’ve never approached a girl like you. I was so jealous of him. He wasn’t even your boyfriend, but he got to put his arm around you, and hug you.

  “You don’t how excited I was when the door opened to your dorm and I saw you standing there. I finally had my chance. Then I went and screwed that up by embarrassing myself in front of you time and time again.”

  His story made my eyes burn with tears. My body shook and I buried my face in my hands.

  Keem’s arms wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close. “It’s okay, Red. I’m not mad. Sad, maybe heartbroken, but I can’t be mad at you for the way you feel. You can’t help loving him anymore that I can, you.”

  That only made me cry harder. I’m sure people were staring at me like a crazy person, bawling in the middle of a restaurant. But I couldn’t help it. Keem was amazing, and felt for me everything I’d spent years wishing Jay did. It wasn’t fair.

  He pulled away from me and reached behind me for a napkin, then wiped my tears away. “Please stop crying, it’s killing me.”

  I nodded, and sniffled a few more times, hoping my body would obey his request.

  He brushed both sides of my hair behind my ears and stared down at me. “Can I ask one favor of you before we part ways?”

  All I could do was nod.

  “One last kiss. Something to remember you by.”

  I nodded again.

  He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, running his cinnamon tongue over them.

  It was one hell of a kiss, one I wished meant more than it did. Why couldn’t I love Haikeem? He was sweet, thoughtful, and didn’t have Satan’s spawn attached to his arm.

  When he ended the kiss I hugged his neck, speaking near his ear while hoping my words would soften the blow. “You were the best first college boyfriend, and you’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

  He pulled away and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “No, there’s no room for me, but that’s okay. You’ll always hold a piece of mine.”

  Sixteen

  Jay

  Benji was ten seconds away from getting punched in the throat. I paced the room, running my hands over my scalp to fight the urge. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

  He lounged on his bed scrolling through Netflix as if he hadn’t a care in the world, while mine crumbled around me. “You were a bit preoccupied.”

  Sinking into my bed, I called Gabi for the fifteenth time in the last ten minutes. “That was seven hours ago. Why would you wait so long to bring it up?” Voicemail. I hung up after the recording informed me that her mailbox was full.

  “Didn’t think it was a big deal,” he replied with a shrug.

  Not a big deal? It was a huge deal. Gabi seeing me kissing Brooke the morning after kissing her looked terrible on my part. The only reason I’d done it was because I’d felt so empty. I didn’t want to think about Gabi’s blatant rejection of me, so I’d tried to drown the pain. Going back to Brooke yet again was by far the most ignorant thing I could’ve done. And Gabi had seen it.

  What was she even doing there? I was sure she wouldn’t want to speak to me. I’d dialed her number maybe fifty times throughout the night, but never built up the courage to go through with calling her. I tossed my phone on my pillow and slammed my fist into the mattress. “Shit!”

  Benji stopped his scrolling and cut his eyes at me. “What the hell is your problem?”

  I flopped back and squeezed my eyes shut. This situation could not get any worse. “I kissed her.”

  “We’ve established that. What’s new?”

  A heavy breath forced it way through my nose. “Not Brooke, Gabi. Last night at the party, I kissed her.”

  After a long moment I opened my eyes to find Benji standing over me scowling. His fist landed on my gut, knocking the wind out of me. “You idiot. No wonder she looked like she was about to cry.”

  “What?” I shot up in my bed, the remainder of the air in my lungs seeped out. I’d made her cry?

  Benji shook his head at me. “Guess I’m not the only fuck up.”

  “I didn’t know she was gonna show up. She pushed me away and ran off. I thought she was mad.”

  “Well don’t you think you should have figured that out before you went and kissed the Wicked Witch of River Crest?”

  I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I rested my face in my hands and called myself every name in the book. If Gabi hadn’t hated me before she sure as hell did now.

  He plopped down in the spot next to me, still shaking his head. “Wait, why did Gabi push you away. She does know you and Brooke are, well were through, right.”

  Sighing, I palmed my face. “We are through, but no, Gabi doesn’t know.”

  “What?! Why the hell not? You obviously lied through your teeth when you said you didn’t have feelings for her. Not to mention she’s your best friend. So, why the hell wouldn’t you make that shit known before making a move on her?”

  “I don’t know, man. I guess I thought if she knew I’d be forced to face my feelings out in the open. Admitting them inside my head was one thing, but to her…”

  “See, that’s your damn problem. Quit being a coward and just tell the girl how you feel. Fix this shit before it’s too late, bro.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  I hadn’t see Gabi all day, she was hiding from me. By the time I got to any of her classes she was already gone, that’s if she’d been there in the first place. She wasn’t in the cafeteria, the library, or the lab. She didn’t show for our run or strength training at the gym. It was as if she no longer existed. I was starting to wonder if I’d imagined the last two months when I walked into Angelo’s later that day and saw her in a booth with Cam.

  Her hair was up in a messy bun and her pretty brown eyes had lost their luster. The down turned corners of her sexy lips carved out my heart. I’d broken the promise to myself to never be the cause of her sadness again.

  Cam saw me first and said something to Gabi who stood without even glancing my way, and headed for the bathroom.

  I was right on her heels and almost had her when a waiter passed in front of me and we almost collided. When I finally made it to the hall that housed the restrooms, she was already inside. Well there was no way she was getting back past me. I propped myself against the wall, ready to grab her if I had to. Ten minutes ticked by, then twenty, then thirty. A few women went in and came back out but no Gabi.

  Glancing back at her table, I cursed. Cam was gone and the table was clean. The last woman exited the bathroom and I barged in. It was set up identical to the men’s, minus the urinals and including the large sliding window next to the hand dryer, which was wide open

  I checked under each stall, already knowing the truth. She’d ducked me.

  ~ ♥ ~

  Chasing this girl was starting to wear me out. Only she could make the task of apologizing feel like National Treasure. I headed back to my dorm after banging on her door on and off for almost an hour. I knew she was in there. I’d heard Love & Basketball playing, or blasting rather, which she always watched when she was sad. I felt like shit for being the cause of it, and I deserved to feel that way.

  God, I was an idiot. I never thought I’d see the day when Benji was right. I should’ve talked to her before assuming. The same way I was chasing her down now, should’ve happened the night of the party. Had I come clean about my feelings first instead of making a move on her, whether she felt the same or not, all this could’ve been avoided. I still had no idea why she’d come looking for me at my dorm the day before, and now, because I’m pretty sure I’m the dumbest guy on the planet, I probably never wou
ld.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket and I dug it out, wishing and praying, but knowing it wasn’t her. “Sup, Benj?”

  “The missus is here.”

  “What the hell are you taking about?”

  “You know, the evil step sister you’re screwing when you should be riding off into the sunset with the princess.”

  I take it back. He was the dumbest guy on the planet. “I’m not screwing her, not anymore anyway.”

  “Does she know that? Hell, do you know that? I mean you did have your tongue pretty far down her throat this morning.”

  I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. “That was a mistake, it shouldn’t have happened.” I stepped into my building, dreading going up the stairs to face Brooke. “Until yesterday we hadn’t even spoken since the break-up. I figured she’d moved on.”

  He scoffed. “Yeah because women are clearly rational and understanding creatures.” The phone was silent for a beat before he spoke again. “Did you fuck her?”

  “No Benj,” I said, climbing the stairs. “I’m not that stupid.” Beyond the kiss and Brooke whining about how much she’d missed me that was about where our interaction ended. I’d told her we were done and left soon after to head to my parents’.

  I leaned my head back and let out a heavy breath when I saw Brooke.

  She stood outside my dorm banging on the door and screaming for Benji to let her in.

  I shook my head at her. I’d said it before and I’ll say it again. She was going to be the death of me. “Brooke. Could you please stop before you get us kicked out?”

  She turned to me and narrowed her eyes. “Could you tell your cousin to stop being an asshole?”

  I rubbed the growing tension in my neck from the impending migraine, praying for the day to just be over. “What are you doing here, Brooke?”

  Her lips puckered and twisted to the side in this weird little half smile she liked to do when she was trying to soften me up. “I miss my boyfriend. Isn’t that reason enough?” She slid her arms around my neck and stood on her toes for a kiss.

  I dodged it and pried her hands apart to move them. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like we’re this happy little couple. We broke up, Brooke. I told you we’re over.”

  She stuck out her bottom lip and ran a finger over my chest and tugged at my zipper. “I know. I wanted to give you time to cool off, but I missed you.”

  I rolled my eyes at the baby voice she was using. I never understood why she thought that was attractive. “I have cooled off, but I haven’t changed my mind. All we ever do is fight, and I’m sick of it. I can’t do this with you anymore. Like I told you, we’re do”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  And it all came tumbling down. Every idea I had of a future with Gabi, crushed with those two words.

  After forcing Benji out, I sat on the bed next to Brook praying for a do-over. I just wanted to go back. Do what I should’ve done the moment Gabi had walked back into my life. Ended a drowning relationship and given into the feelings for the only girl I’d ever truly loved.

  It took that dance, that kiss, those few precious moments with my best friend in my arms to realize I’d never loved Brooke, not really. Not compared to what I had with Gabi. She was my air, my soul, my world. If she was dying, I’d rip out my heart with my bare hands just to see her on the other side. Gabi was my everything. It felt like my lungs were collapsing because without her I couldn’t breathe.

  How could I even look her in the eye now? This was far beyond the kiss she’d witnessed between me and Brooke. It was over. I didn’t deserve her, not after this. I glanced away from the pregnancy test and over at Brooke who was sitting silently with tears running down her face. “I had to ask.”

  She looked at me and frowned. “I haven’t been with anyone else, I swear. It’s yours.”

  Some screwed up part of me wished she had, anything to get me out of this.

  I fell back on my bed and covered my face with a pillow. Fuck.

  ~ ♥ ~

  I’d resorted to stalking. Gabi had a late class on Tuesday’s, so I’d come thirty minutes early and leaned on the side of the building. It was getting closer to November now, and the wind chill was killing me, but this was the only way. I knew we’d never be together now thanks to my idiocy, but I still needed her in my life. Selfish as it was, I needed my friend back.

  Ten minutes later a few students exited the building. I waited until she passed to follow, not wanting to risk her taking off. “Gabi! Gabi, wait up!”

  The courtyard was nearly empty so I knew she heard me. I never thought I’d be so affected by a woman giving me the silent treatment.

  “Gabi, will you just talk to me?”

  She spun to face me so fast I almost ran into her. “What?”

  The fire in her eyes made every word I was about to say die in my throat. An angry Gabi was difficult to have a conversation with, mostly because her fists did most of the talking. At least they had when we were kids. When we’d first met she’d introduced her knuckles to my bottom lip.

  “Why are you avoiding me?”

  “I’m not.” She turned to walk away but I grabbed her hand to stop her.

  She snatched away and glared at me.

  Correction, she wasn’t mad, she was pissed. “Well?”

  “I’m not avoiding you, Jayson. I’ve been busy.”

  “Really? Because you were hanging out with Cam at Angelo’s and mysteriously disappeared when you went into the bathroom. You won’t answer my calls, and now I’m chasing you through the courtyard just to talk to you.”

  “I’m–”

  “You’re chewing your hair. You always do that when you’re nervous...or lying.”

  She snatched the strand from her mouth and stared down at her book.

  “I’m surprised you haven’t coughed up a hair ball by now,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. If I could at least get her to crack a smile, maybe things would be okay.

  She kept her eyes down but the corners of her mouth twitched like they always did when she was trying to keep from laughing. A giggle slipped from her lips and the tension lifted a bit.

  Never saw her fist coming. I rubbed my sore rib cage, damn she hit hard.

  “Don’t make me laugh. I hate you.”

  The air left my lungs. I’d rather she went for my nuts next than to ever hear those words from her again. “Why?” Yes, I was playing dumb. I knew exactly why she hated me and I deserved every ounce of it.

  “Because we can’t be friends anymore, Jayson. You’re my best friend in the world and I just lost you.”

  “What? Why would you even say that?”

  She looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “Are you crazy? You kissed me, Jayson.”

  “I know.”

  “Why? Why would you do that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t– Who kisses a girl who isn’t their girlfriend and doesn’t know why?”

  I hated lying to her but I couldn’t tell her how I felt, not now. I tried to focus on what she was saying but now that she was near me I couldn’t get my mind off those sweet, velvety lips. My eyes drifted down to them and all I could think of was tasting them again. She was still yelling at me but my mind was elsewhere.

  The rays from the setting sun formed a halo behind her, highlighting the red in her soft curls. I was overcome with the urge to brush them behind her ear and pull her close to me.

  Gabi snapped her fingers in front of my face pulling be back to reality. “Earth to Jayson. What is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing.” If she knew where my mind had roamed she’d punch me again then slap my face for good measure. “I don’t see what any of that has to do with us not being friends.”

  “You have a girlfriend, Jayson. Brooke has hated me since day one, always accusing me of trying to get with you. She sees me as a threat and you just proved her right.”

  I opened my mouth to speak but she held up her hand, cutting me off.


  “I can’t be around you knowing what we’ve done. As much as I can’t stand Brooke that isn’t fair to her and I’m nobody’s other woman.”

  “Other woman? Geez Gabi, you act like we’re having an affair.”

  “Is it really that different? You’re in a relationship with one girl while having feelings for another.”

  “There are no feelings, Gabi.”

  Tears sprang to her eyes and she tucked her quivering bottom lip into her mouth.

  Shit. More tears, again caused by me. But how could I tell her the truth?

  She blinked a few times before looking up at me. “Then why?”

  “I was drunk.”

  She raised a brow. “Drunk?”

  I wanted nothing more than to be honest with her, but if she was willing to walk away because I had feelings for her what would she do if she found out about Brooke’s pregnancy? How did you confess something like that anyway? Hey Gabi, I’m in love with you and I want us to be together but my ex-girlfriend is pregnant. She’d said it herself, she’d never be with a man that already had kids. Sure there was a possibility of it not being my child, but I had no way of proving otherwise any time soon. And I couldn’t ask her to wait to find out. She deserved better than that.

  Gabi was my best friend in the world, hell the universe. I’d lost her for three years already, I couldn’t risk her walking out of my life forever, so I stuck to my lie.

  “Yeah. I’d had a few beers. I’m an idiot when I’m drunk.”

  She eyed me for a long moment. If she’d figured out my lie she didn’t let on. “So the kiss meant nothing?”

  I shook my head, the lie burning my tongue.

  “Swear on our friendship.”

  Dammit. “I swear on our friendship the kiss meant nothing.” The words left a bitter taste in my mouth.

  She squinted at me and twisted her lips before faking a smile. Her eyes gave her away. It was always the eyes. “Good.”

  “So we’re cool?”

  “Like ice.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her corniness. “We still on for Saturday?”