Capsized

by Julie Cannon

“Absolutely.” I handed her a box I’d had professionally gift-wrapped. “A christening gift.”

  “You didn’t need to do that.” Alissa dropped my hand to take the box. Damn.

  “I wanted to.” I’d had only three days to search for the perfect gift, and somehow I’d found exactly what I was looking for. “Open it.” I wanted to watch her face when she saw it.

  “Okay.” She gingerly started tearing the paper at one end, then the other, then down the middle. It reminded me of the countless times she’d unwrapped me.

  She looked at the dark box, then at me. The lid was imprinted with the image of a sailboat very similar to hers. That had just been luck. She lifted the lid, turned back the white tissue paper, and gasped.

  “Oh my God, Bert.” Her eyes darted back and forth between me and the contents of the box. She ran her hand lightly across the cover of the journal. “It’s beautiful.”

  “You said you lost yours when your boat went down.” The cover of the leather-bound journal had a mirror print of the boat on the lid. I’d had it inscribed in bold gold letters:

  Captain’s Log

  Alissa Cooper

  “Oh my God,” she said again, her eyes glued to the book as she opened it. The creak of the leather binding was rich and warm. She turned a few pages of the thick, lined paper, caressing each page, then closed it.

  “Thank you,” she said, her voice a little raspy. “This is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever received.”

  Before I could react, she kissed me lightly on the cheek.

  “Let me give you the grand tour,” she said, taking my hand. I realized this was the first time we’d held hands. Hers felt warm, soft, and right. I certainly wasn’t going to let go if she wasn’t.

  I paid more attention to the lilt in Alissa’s voice, the graceful way her body moved, and the curve of her neck than I did to her rattling off the details of her boat. But I was able to recognize that it was a stunning vessel and suited her perfectly.

  “Ready to head out?” she asked when we walked back upstairs.

  “Any time.” It was my turn to take orders, and the thought of watching Alissa on her boat was exciting. She had the carriage of a natural sailor, her confidence evident as she readied everything.

  She was radiant, her eyes sparkled and her skin glistened in the early morning sun. She obviously belonged on the water, and I chastised myself for all the times I thought otherwise. I had definitely underestimated her and equally her impact on me. I pushed away those thoughts. Today was just about being with Alissa.

  “What do you need me to do?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Bert

  We’d been out about an hour, and Alissa’s mastery of her boat was unmistakable. She moved smoothly and confidently, almost anticipating what correction was needed before it actually was. Once we got out of the marina she stowed her cap, freeing her hair to blow in the light breeze. That was the perfect way to describe the look of freedom on her face. Sunglasses covered her eyes, protecting them from the glare of the water but preventing me from seeing them.

  I’d learned to read Alissa’s moods in her eyes. When they were bright she was excited, a shade darker meant she was concentrating, and when they flared, well, that was my personal favorite—very personal. Three days ago I’d caught a glimpse of all three, today only the first two, but simply looking at her took my breath away.

  I watched her and wondered what she was thinking. Was she remembering the weeks we spent together? Did she relive almost every meal, every conversation, argument, debate, and laugh? Did she think about every time we made love? Did she ever think about me?

  I found that I was enjoying myself. I was happiest on the water. Always had been and always would be. But this time with Alissa was nothing like I’d ever experienced. It wasn’t because we’d done something fabulous or extraordinary or something I’d never done before. As a matter of fact we hadn’t done anything at all. I usually wasn’t very good at doing nothing. I always needed something to do, and on my boat something always needed attention. But I hadn’t done a single thing since stepping aboard, and surprisingly I was content. And if I wasn’t mistaken, Alissa was feeling the same. We’d barely spoken. The sound of the hull sliding through the water and the wind whipping the sail was all the conversation we needed.

  Alissa caught me looking at her more than once, and I didn’t even try to hide the fact that I was. She simply returned my smile and returned her gaze to the wide expanse of the ocean in front of us.

  We’d been out probably a little more than two hours when she said, “I thought we’d stop and have a little snack and enjoy the day.” She looked at me for confirmation.

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “I’ve got some fruit and cheese below. I’ll just be a minute.” She started toward the stairs that led to her small but very efficient galley. As much as I enjoyed watching her walk away, I jumped up to follow.

  “I’ll give you a hand.”

  “Okay.” She smiled one of the smiles that turned my legs into rubber and my heartbeat into what must have been twice its normal cadence.

  I watched her as she filled a plate with grapes, cheese, a few orange slices, and some crackers. She’d stuck her sunglasses on the top of her cap, and with her long bare arms and legs, she was cute and breathtaking at the same time. She reached into the refrigerator, pulled out a couple of bottles of water, and grabbed some napkins from the shelf. She turned around and stopped directly in front of me. The only thing separating us was the width of the plate.

  Our eyes locked and there it was. The third look I hadn’t yet seen today, the one I didn’t think I would. And now that I had, I knew what it meant, but I wasn’t sure what it meant this time.

  I didn’t move. More specifically, I didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure I was even breathing. I caught the scent of everything that was Alissa. She smelled like freshness and sea air. She smelled like a breath of life.

  I don’t think she was aware of what she was doing, but she licked her lips, and my hands started to move to take the plate from her and pull her into my arms. She stepped back.

  She swallowed a few times. “Let’s go out on the deck. It’s beautiful out there.”

  I wanted to say it was beautiful in here, but all the signs she was sending told me she wouldn’t be receptive. “Alissa—”

  “No,” she said abruptly. “Please.” Her voice had softened. “Let’s just go up.”

  I could change her mind. I knew I could, but she might hate me if I did. I stepped out of the way so she could pass.

  We ate and made small talk not much more important or personal than we had when she was aboard the Dream a few days ago.

  “A friend of mine wants to meet you,” she said after finishing her water.

  Oh, fuck, is she trying to set me up with someone else? Can’t get much clearer than that.

  “Really?” was the only thing I managed to get past the bile in my throat.

  “Yes. She said she wanted to meet the woman who saved my life.”

  “I didn’t save your life. My boat was just in the right place at the right time.”

  Alissa grew quiet and played with a string on her shorts. I think she wanted to say more. Hoping it was in my favor, I kept my mouth shut.

  “Actually, she wants to meet the woman I can’t stop talking about.”

  Now that surprised the hell out of me. My pulse jumped as high as my hopes. “You can’t stop talking about me?”

  “Apparently not. At least that’s what Rachel says. She’s my BFF.”

  “What do you say?” I asked because, God help me, I wanted to know.

  For every second I waited for Alissa to answer, my hopes climbed another notch. If it was something benign like she’s a good captain, or she has a great crew, or she knows how to circle a school, she’d spit it out without hesitation. If it was something personal, well, that might take some time to get up the nerve to say.

  “That you were the most intere
sting woman I’d ever met.”

  Big deal.

  “That you were the only woman who has held my attention and challenged me in a very long time.”

  Ditto big deal.

  “That you taught me how to play poker, bait a hook, and deal with being stranded in the ocean.”

  Triple big deal. I guess three strikes and I’m out.

  “That you made me angry and crazy.”

  Into the dugout for me. It’s going to be a very, very long ride home.

  Finally she looked at me. “And that I had never been happier in my life than I was during the time I spent with you.”

  What did she say?

  “You make me smile inside and out. I talk about you all the time because I think about you all the time. I wonder what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. And, being completely unreasonable, I hope it’s no one. You make me want to trust again.”

  Holy shit.

  “I know we never talked about what would happen with us after we returned. I guess I just thought we’d go our separate ways and this would only be a very pleasant memory. Especially since you made it very clear that you would not be your father when it came to a woman.”

  I was stunned. I had no idea she felt this way.

  “And then there’s Ariel. She just about goddamned killed me. She certainly killed my faith in women. I was never going to get involved with anyone other than superficially. I would never allow myself to trust another person with everything I have, everything I am.”

  “Alissa.”

  She put her hand up. “No, don’t say anything, Bert. I know how you feel and I respect that. I’m not going to try to change your mind. But when I was with you, I saw what I was missing, how empty my life was without you. So I talk about you all the time. Endlessly, constantly, because that’s all I can have. And this.” She indicated her boat and what we were doing today.

  “So,” she said, squaring her shoulders and sitting up a little straighter. “If that’s what I can have, I’ll take it.”

  That wasn’t at all what I was expecting. I was hoping for something like “can we be friends,” and I would settle for acquaintances. I hadn’t even hoped for what I’d just heard.

  “Say something, Bert.”

  “I’m afraid you caught me off guard.” Her expression started to fall so I quickly leaned over and kissed her.

  Obviously I’d surprised her because it was several moments before she started kissing me back. Our kisses were soft and gentle, and after several minutes I pulled away. As much as I wanted my lips on hers, I wanted to look in her eyes. Get lost in her eyes. Come home in her eyes.

  “I’m an idiot,” I said, sure of myself for the first time since Alissa walked off my boat. “I’m an idiot for thinking I could ever be happy without you. It ripped my guts out when you went down the gangplank, but I thought I was doing the right thing. At least I’d always thought it was the right thing. But I hadn’t met you. And when I did, it all changed. Unfortunately it took me a few weeks to admit that to myself, and then I was miserable.” Her face started to light up as my words sunk in.

  “I am so full of shit.” I laughed. “I used to think you can’t miss something you don’t have,” I said, mocking my own words. “What a crock of crap. I was missing you before I ever met you. I just didn’t know it. Even when you were a bitch.”

  “Purely a defensive mechanism,” Alissa said.

  “I figured that out.”

  “Thank God you did.”

  We looked into each other’s eyes for quite some time,

  “What do we do now?” Alissa asked.

  “I’ve got an idea,” I said, kissing her again, this time releasing the desire and need that were bursting to get out.

  I forced myself to slow down as I kissed my way down her throat. Familiar, exciting sounds filled the air when I exposed Alissa’s breasts and sucked her nipples.

  “You are no idiot. You’re brilliant.”

  I felt the warmth of the sun on my back when she pulled my shirt off and the smoothness of her leg as she slipped it between mine. Her shorts were no challenge to discard, and it would be hours before I would think about the wrinkles that would be in mine as I tossed them to the deck. The rocking of the boat matched the rhythm of our bodies as we made love. Or was it the other way around?

  I keep my kisses butterfly-light and fleeting. Alissa shifts under me, a clear sign she enjoys what I’m doing to her.

  I kiss up and down the valley between her breasts, the bend in her elbow, the curve of her jaw. My mouth paints her body like a canvas; her flesh heats and quivers under me.

  I don’t rush. I can’t touch her enough. I love how her body responds to my caress, how she gives herself to me completely. I blow teasing breaths across the most sensitive parts of her body, and she shivers.

  “Touch me, please,” Alissa says, her voice raspy. I glance up and she is looking at me, the hunger in her eyes enflaming my desire. My tongue snakes out, just brushing her clit. She gasps, her delicate flesh quivering.

  Her body is flushed with desire, her sex pulsing under my tongue. This is what I want. I am too far gone with need, my desire insatiable. I want to touch Alissa like she has never been touched. I feel her clit swell and I want more. She is incredible, the pounding of her heart under my tongue. I slip two fingers into her, and she cries out the most beautiful sound in the world—my name.

  The explosion that rips through me is life-changing.

  “Oh my God,” Alissa said hours later, still panting a little. My heart soared, knowing she felt something as equally powerful as I had. This is what it must be like to make love. And I’d thought sex felt great, but this was indescribable. Alissa filled me, every hole of loneliness I’d ever had. Somehow I knew she would calm every fear, erase every insecurity, and conquer every doubt I would ever have if I let her.

  “Oh, yeah, you’re no idiot,” she said into my neck. “You know exactly what you’re doing. But your ass is going to get sunburned.” Her hands glided over the body part she’d just referred to.

  “Then I suppose I should turn over.” I pulled Alissa on top of me.

  By the end of the day we were both a little pink.

  *

  Bert

  “I want to see you again.” We were sitting on the bench seat at the stern, a towel under our bare butts. Alissa was leaning back against me, our skin flushed from hours in the sun.

  “I do too,” Alissa didn’t hesitate to say. “But I’ll admit my brain is under the influence of severe afterglow, so what exactly does that mean?”

  “What do you want it to mean?” Jeez, Bert, that was a coward’s response.

  “That we talk every day. See each other a few times a week or more. Go out to dinner, fishing, hang out with friends, watch TV, do what other couples do.”

  I turned Alissa around. This I had to say while looking into her eyes. “I don’t want to see anyone else. I don’t want you to see anyone else. I want to see you more than a few times a week. I want to meet your friends and your family. I want to watch stupid old movies with you and wonderful classic films. I want you to kiss me good-bye when you go to work and come home to me. I want to be your girlfriend and tell everyone you’re mine. I want to make love with you and have wild sex with you. I want you in my life for the next eighty years.”

  Alissa sat perfectly still, but the pulse beating in her neck was running a marathon. Her eyes searched mine, and I poured everything I had, everything I was, and everything I wanted to be into them.

  Finally, she smiled. “No complaints from me.”

  THE END

  About the Author

  Julie Cannon divides her time by being a corporate suit, a partner, mom, sister, friend, and writer. Julie and Laura, her wife, have lived in at least a half a dozen states, traveled around the world, and have an unending supply of dedicated friends. And of course the most important people in their lives are their three kids.

  With the release of Cap
sized in February, 2016, Julie will have fourteen books published by Bold Strokes Books. Her first novel, Come and Get Me, was a finalist for the Golden Crown Literary Society’s Best Lesbian Romance and Debut Author Awards. In 2012, her ninth novel, Rescue Me, was a finalist as Best Lesbian Romance from the prestigious Lambda Literary Society, and I Remember won the Golden Crown Literary Society’s Best Lesbian Romance in 2014. Julie has also published five short stories in Bold Strokes anthologies. www.JulieCannon.com

  Books Available from Bold Strokes Books

  A Reunion to Remember by TJ Thomas. Reunited after a decade, Jo Adams and Rhonda Black must navigate a significant age difference, family dynamics, and their own desires and fears to explore an opportunity for love. (978-1-62639-534-3)

  Built to Last by Aurora Rey. When Professor Olivia Bennett hires contractor Joss Bauer to restore her dilapidated farmhouse, she learns her heart, as much as her house, is in need of a renovation. (978-1-62639-552-7)

  Capsized by Julie Cannon.What happens when a woman turns your life completely upside down? (978-1-62639-479-7)

  Girls With Guns by Ali Vali, Carsen Taite, and Michelle Grubb. Three stories by three talented crime writers—Carsen Taite, Ali Vali, and Michelle Grubb—each packing her own special brand of heat. (978-1-62639-585-5)

  Heartscapes by MJ Williamz. Will Odette ever recover her memory or is Jesse condemned to remember their love alone? (978-1-62639-532-9)

  Murder on the Rocks by Clara Nipper. Detective Jill Rogers lives with two things on her mind: sex and murder. While an ice storm cripples Tulsa, two things stand in Jill’s way: her lover and the DA. (978-1-62639-600-5)

  Necromantia by Sheri Lewis Wohl. When seeing dead people is more than a movie tagline. (978-1-62639-611-1)

  Salvation by I. Beacham. Claire’s long-term partner now hates her, for all the wrong reasons, and she sees no future until she meets Regan, who challenges her to face the truth and find love. (978-1-62639-548-0)

  Trigger by Jessica Webb. Dr. Kate Morrison races to discover how to defuse human bombs while learning to trust her increasingly strong feelings for the lead investigator, Sergeant Andy Wyles. (978-1-62639-669-2)