Jake slowed as he came through the entrance, spotting Sage, who was moving to where Lily was standing. He parked and shut off the truck engine, enjoying watching Lily smiling and leaning down to pet the scruffy, terribly thin dog. It struck him that this scene was something he’d dreamed about so many times when he was in the military. He’d ached for a life like his parents had: a house, happiness and laughter. He’d lost that dream as his symptoms overwhelmed him. Now, it seemed that dream might be possible because Lily had unexpectedly walked into his solitary and drab life. Still, Jake didn’t dare put too much hope into the situation. But he wanted to. He slid out of the truck, taking a notebook with him, and shut the door. Turning, he raised his hand to Lily, who was waiting there, watching him.
She smiled and waved to him. His heart swelled with a quiet euphoria. When she smiled, it went straight to his soul. She had the sweetest smile, her lips perfectly shaped, as far as he was concerned. And that contagious smile of hers was always reflected in her sparkling blue eyes. She was a woman who wore her heart on her sleeve, like his mother did, and that called to him strongly. Lily was open, vulnerable and trusting. She wasn’t the kind of person to put on airs or manipulate others. Jenna was the same way. What you saw was what you got. He liked the entire package, hoping against all hope that Lily might like him, might look at him as a long-term relationship possibility.
Sage wagged her tail at him in a friendly hello of her own as he ascended the stairs. Jake leaned down and patted her head.
“She’s looking a lot better,” he told Lily as he straightened.
“Ann said she’d bounce back and she was right. I gave her solid food this morning, and then more when I returned from seeing Maud. She’s to get fed three times a day from now on.”
He slid his hand to the small of Lily’s back, guiding her toward the door. “How’d it go with Maud? Were you hired?”
Lily hungrily absorbed the momentary heat of his hand barely making contact with her back. It felt good. He dropped his hand almost as quickly as he’d rested it there as he came around her and opened the door for them.
Sage bounded in first, heading straight to her wicker basket to check on her brood, who were still sleeping soundly.
“She hired me. I worked with her assistant, Helen, from one to four p.m. I’ll work with her every afternoon for the next two weeks to learn the routine of the office.”
Jake hung his hat on a peg and shut the door. “Is it a job you think you’ll enjoy?”
“Absolutely. Just getting to work around Maud, who’s so easygoing, will reduce my stress level,” Lily said, with emotion behind her words. “Jenna is taking a nap right now.” She looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall. “We’re going to eat in forty minutes. I’ll wake her up while you’re cleaning up.”
“Good,” he said, watching Sage as she nosed and licked her pups. Finished, she turned and came into the kitchen, claws clacking on the wooden floor as she made her way to a small niche near the pantry that Lily had set up as her eating station. He could hear Sage happily crunching dried kibble with relish. There was a large bowl of water nearby as well.
“I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“Okay.”
Sage trotted up to her, licking Lily’s hand, her eyes adoring and happy. Lily laughed softly, leaned over and ruffled her fur. “I’m going to give you another few days, then it’s bath time for you!”
* * *
“Jake, I’m about ready to go home.” Jenna sat at the kitchen table after dessert, a cup of coffee in her hands, giving her son a smile.
“Are you sure?” he asked, frowning. “It’s only been five weeks.”
Jenna shrugged. “With Lily’s help, I’ve zoomed past all the standard medical expectations for healing even though I’m in my midsixties. I couldn’t have asked for a better coach and caregiver.”
“You miss your home, don’t you?” Lily asked gently.
“Yes, very much. I love it here, I love to visit, but my life, my friends, everything I’ve done and do, are in Casper.”
Giving her a nod, Jake said, “I understand. Has the doctor given you permission to go home?”
“Yes. A few days ago.” Jenna smiled again. “And then Sage came into our lives and I just couldn’t stand not being here to make sure she and her puppies would make it. And she will survive. Now, it’s time for me to go home.”
Lily saw different emotions flit across Jake’s face. Having his mother here had been good for him. Over the weeks he’d softened, the mask he wore dissolved. Jenna had confided to her that now he was more like the old Jake she knew, from before he’d gone off to war. That had made Jenna happy, and Lily had seen the fears she had for her son ease greatly as a result. Jenna had confided that she knew something bad had happened to Jake in the military, but she could never get him to talk about it. Her worry had ebbed, however, the longer she’d remained with them. Yes, this had been a positive and healing time for all of them, herself included. Lily felt incredibly happy having these two people in her life.
Jake sipped his coffee. “We’ll miss you, but I know you have a huge network of friends and charities you work with in Casper.”
Jenna nodded. “Thanks for understanding. I hope I’m still allowed to visit you once a year?” and she smiled over at him, giving him a teasing look.
Jake nodded. “You’re always welcome here.”
“Lily, would you help me pack later? I’d like to fly back to Casper tomorrow morning, if possible. One of my friends will pick me up at the airport and drive me home.” The corners of her eyes crinkled. “Then you two can get on with your lives. And I’m so happy to hear you’re staying here for Sage, Lily.”
“I’m excited about helping her and her puppies,” Lily said.
“I noticed,” Jake said to his mother, “that you seemed to be drawn to one pup in particular. Do you want a dog back in your life?”
“You don’t miss anything, do you?” Jenna baited her son. “I’ve fallen in love with that little yellow-and-white female. I’ve even given her a name: Butterscotch. She loves cuddling with me and whines when I put her down in the brood. When I pick her back up, she makes happy little sounds and doesn’t want to be separated from me. I feel the same way about her.”
“I know the one you mean,” Lily said, smiling with her. “Maybe Jake and I could drive her over to you after she’s weaned. Would you like that, Jenna?”
“Oh, I’d love that! Just being around these puppies brings so many good memories of Jake growing up with his dog. When Chet died so suddenly, I felt horribly alone. Thinking about that time, I realized if I’d had a dog to blunt some of that loneliness, I wouldn’t have felt so depressed. I’d like to remedy that now. I believe in synchronicity, that things happen for a reason. Sage picked you to help her survive, Lily. And with your beautiful heart, you brought her here, to Jake’s cabin. And he opened his heart to Sage as well.” Her voice lowered with feeling. “Lily, you’ve been such a blessing to all of us, you truly have. I’m going to miss you as much as I’ll miss Jake.”
Hot tears welled up in Lily’s eyes and she lowered her lashes as Jenna gripped her hand and gently squeezed it. Swallowing hard, she forced her reaction down, as she always did because if she didn’t, she was afraid she’d never stop crying. And no one in the military wanted to see a woman sobbing, grief-stricken by her trauma. No, everyone jammed emotions down to do their job. She understood that, but now, as a civilian, especially the last weeks living with Jenna and Jake, her emotions were always rising, and she wasn’t sure how to go about handling them. It had been so long since she’d cried. The only time she had was on that horrific night in the Afghan village.
“I’ll miss you terribly, Jenna,” she said, her voice a little wobbly.
“I’ll be as close as your phone, Skype or an email, dear. Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I’m losing touch with you. All right?”
“I’ve loved every moment here with you, Jenna. You’re such a positive force in t
he world. I admire you so much. It sort of blunts my missing my mom and dad.”
“Then it’s a mutual admiration society, because I admire you equally. What we have in common is Jake,” and she gave her son an affectionate pat on his arm.
Jake gave Lily a glance. “I like your idea of bringing Butterscotch to Jenna. We’ll drive across Wyoming on a Friday, deliver that little puppy to you, Jenna, stay overnight and come home on Sunday. It will be something we’ll all look forward to, if you’re okay with that plan?”
Jenna sighed and smiled a little more. “That would be wonderful! I’ll love seeing both of you and Butterscotch. Who would ever have thought my breaking my hip would turn out so well?”
Lily looked at how her own life had turned in a direction she’d never anticipated, much less thought would happen. She’d had her life mapped out, to be an RN in civilian life after twenty years in the military. It had all looked so smooth and doable. But life, as she well knew, had abrupt twists and turns no one could anticipate. And now she was surviving, barely holding on, trying to reclaim what she’d lost in Afghanistan. She didn’t see any happily ever after for herself, still too mired in just surviving each day that faced her. “I wish I had some of your hopefulness, Jenna.”
“You have it. I know you do. Sage and the puppies are starting to make nice changes in you, Lily. They’ll continue. Trust me on that.”
Giving Jake a quick glance, Lily knew it was both the mother and son who were infusing her, slowly but surely, with hope. And it felt good, even though it might come and go. Life was tenuous, but just feeling hope instead of that awful blackness was like sunlight on her barren soul. Jake fed her in one way, Jenna in another. “Well,” she told Jenna, choking up, “you and Jake are blessings in my life I never thought possible.”
Chapter Fifteen
July 16
Lily drew in her breath as she sat cross-legged in front of Sage’s wicker basket. All the puppy’s eyes were opening at ten days old! Everyone but her favorite, Athena. She was the runt, but Lily hoped they might open tomorrow.
Everything was ready for dinner, the cabin fragrant with the smell of a well-seasoned, garlic-laced marinara sauce. Jake would be here any minute now, and she was excited to share the news with him. Glad that Jenna was doing well at her home in Casper, she looked forward to keeping in touch with her via Skype and emails. It was nice to have her, plus her parents, to communicate with on a weekly basis. She’d missed doing that so much after being separated from the service.
The door opened. Looking up, she saw Jake give her a look of hello. More than anything, she loved the tender look that was there for her alone. They’d come so far on a quiet level with each other, neither of them talking about their growing closeness.
“Hey! Six of the puppy’s eyes are opening! Come see!”
Jake crouched down beside her, leaving just a few inches separating them. “Look at that,” he murmured, awe in his voice. He picked up Athena. “Hers are still closed.”
“I think it’s because she’s the runt. Maybe tomorrow, I hope.” She thrilled to his gentleness with the puppies.
He put the squirming puppy into her awaiting hands. “Look at their eyes. Amazing,” and he reached out, petting Sage, who responded by eagerly licking his hand. She lay with her puppies, her once-gaunt sides filling out more and more every day with good food and loving care.
“I know.” Lily stroked Athena, who nestled happily between her breasts. “I can hardly wait to see what color hers are.”
He glanced at her. “What do you wish for?”
“Blue eyes. That’s just the most beautiful color.” She sighed. Setting Athena back into the basket, she said, “Spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight. Toasted garlic bread. Sound good?”
Rising, Jake held out his hand to her. “Does it ever. You’re spoiling me rotten.”
Any reason to touch Jake was a good one for her. She slid her fingers into his and unwound from her sitting position. “Thanks,” she said, not wanting to leave his warm, callused hand. She felt such a powerful pull toward him, she had to fight herself daily. “I need to get the garlic toast into the oven.”
“I’ll go grab a quick shower and be back down in a few.”
Absorbing the quiet intimacy that always sprang between them, Lily had never felt happier. She missed Jenna terribly, but since she’d left, they’d had a chance to explore what they had together. Oh, it was never discussed, but it was there. Going to the counter, she took the cookie pan, where the bread was brushed with butter and garlic, and slid it into the heated oven. Everything seemed so perfect. She needed to talk to Jake about all of it. Lily was no longer willing to remain silent about what was happening between them.
* * *
“Something on your mind?” Jake coaxed as they finished their meal and had coffee afterward. “You look thoughtful.” She sat at his right elbow, at the head of the table. He wanted Lily to know she deserved that place of honor.
“Yes. A lot, in fact. I’m not sure how you’re going to take what I’m about to say, Jake, but there’s been an undercurrent between us ever since I came to live in your home. I know men have a tough time speaking up, but we need to share how we really feel about each other. I can’t make any serious decisions about my life until I know.”
Leaning back in his chair, he studied her. Lily was allowing her hair to grow longer, and it was now beneath her ears, giving her a girlish look. “You’re right,” he acknowledged. “Let’s talk, then. It’s past time.” There was fear and anxiety in the glance she gave him, but one of the many things he’d learned about her was that she’d challenge the fear, not let it stop her from moving forward. That was real courage, possessing an inner strength to plow through the gauntlet called life, in his opinion.
“Good,” she whispered, clearly relieved. “I came here to do a job, not to become attracted to a man. I was mired in myself, swallowed up by my symptoms, on the edge of starvation, unable to keep a job because of them. On top of that, I was having a hard time adjusting to civilian life.” Holding his gaze, she pressed on. “This could all be one-sided, and if it is, that’s okay. I’ll deal with it.” Pushing her emptied coffee cup to one side, she clasped her hands on the table. “Jake, I’m drawn to you. At first, I wasn’t even conscious of it. All I knew was that I felt safe and protected when you were around me and Jenna. After all I’d been through, that sensation felt so good. It anchored me, grounded me and allowed me the room to start to heal. It never occurred to me that you were interested in me at all. I accepted what was happening within me. Too much was going on for me to sit down and feel my way through it. But then, as the weeks passed, I slowly began to realize we had something going on between us.” She shook her head, appearing stymied by it all. “I thought I was making it up at first. It couldn’t be true, so I began to look for clues from you to prove it was just me being messed up inside my head, and I couldn’t sort it out at that stage.”
“To see if what you felt was mutual?”
She licked her lower lip, his gaze holding her. “Yes.”
“It is, Lily.”
She blinked. “Really? It’s not just me?”
He managed a half shrug and gave her a wry look. “I wasn’t looking for a relationship either. My focus was on my mother’s health when you walked into our lives. I was drawn to you, but I brushed it off as me being lonely and not realizing it. I focused on my job and my mother. Later, it became pretty obvious to me that I was seriously attracted to you.”
“Oh,” she whispered, frowning. Opening her hands, she pushed some strands of hair from her cheek, her gaze darting away from his. “Then you weren’t looking for someone in your life either?”
“No. The first two years here at the ranch were a special hell for me, and I wasn’t about to get entangled in any serious relationship because of it. This third year, I started to feel as if I was coming out of a long, dark tunnel, feeling more stable and confident than ever before.” He shared a look wit
h her. “And then you walked into our lives.”
“I guess it’s mutual, then?” and she searched his dark green eyes, her heart beating heavily in her chest, shock rolling through her.
“I think it is. How do you feel right now about us?”
“I’m in shock. I thought it was all one-sided.”
A rumble went through his chest. “You’re a brave woman, Lily. I’ve been trying to find a time and place to sit down and tell you how I feel about you, but it just didn’t seem to happen.” He gazed over at the wicker basket, where Sage was feeding her plump little puppies. “Like tonight? I had planned to do just that, but when I came in and the puppy’s eyes were opening, I knew it wasn’t the right time.”
“Something is always cropping up in the evenings because of Sage and her babies,” Lily agreed quietly. “I was trying to find a window of opportunity to discuss what was going on inside me. But I never could find an opening either. I guess ... if I’m honest, I was afraid to bring it up. I thought you might get angry. Or worse, fire me. My mind goes crazy, shifts into hyperreaction, and I still haven’t figured out a way to see through it to know the truth or reality. I hate the overemotional reactions I have to everything. I never used to be like this.”
“I would never fire you, Lily. As for your hyper reactions, in time, you’ll be able to tell the difference. You’re less than six months out of the service, so don’t be hard on yourself. And besides that, our focus was on Jenna,” he murmured. “As it should have been.”
Dipping her head, she said, “Thank you for letting me know that.” Inhaling deeply, she continued in a soft voice, “So? Where does that put us with each other right now?”
“I guess we’ll find out.” Amused, Jake added, “Things were kind of growing between us even when we weren’t really aware of it at first. Later, I guess we were both afraid to speak about it to each other. Fear of rejection has a big seat at our table.”
“I don’t want to go back into silence about this, Jake. I’m the kind of person who needs to share, to talk, to know what’s going on within you, your thoughts, as well as sharing mine with you. I guess that’s why I wanted to speak to you tonight. Fear of the unknown pushed me to open up.”
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