Without a word, she walked through the living room, down the hall to the open door to his bedroom. With each step, Lily felt more and more of her old self begin to emerge, buried beneath her symptoms but alive, vibrant and wanting the man whose hand she held. It was liberating. Shocking in the best of ways. Freeing. As he quietly closed the door and turned toward her, she dropped his hand and slid her arms around his neck, pressing herself fully against him. There was no mistaking his wanting her.
“Jake? I need you.” She clung to the look in his eyes, his hand coming to rest on her shoulders.
“Lily . . . Are you sure it isn’t because of what happened yesterday?”
His fingers sent sparks down her shoulders and back, his touch light, searching.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. This has been building for a long time.” She studied his rugged features, saw the longing in his expression, his hair mussed, almost making him look boyish. But he wasn’t a boy. He was a man. “I’m still rediscovering what parts of me are wounded and what aren’t,” she tried to explain, stumbling over her words, her mind racing with the beat of her heart. “Tonight I need you. Being around you has breathed new life into me. I can’t explain it all. It’s just you.”
His hands stilled on the shoulders of her granny gown, purple cotton with white roses throughout the fabric. “I was afraid it was because of your finally crying, Lily.”
Stubbornly, she shook her head. “No, not that. I woke up earlier knowing I wanted to love you.” She lifted her hand, pointing toward his door. “I stood outside for a minute, waffling and wanting to knock and ask to come in. I chickened out.”
He closed his eyes, his hand tightening momentarily. Opening them, he rasped, “I have a condom.”
“I don’t need one unless you do. I’m clean. And I just finished my period.”
He leaned down, brushing her lips, framing her face and then making the kiss longer and deeper. As he pulled away, their noses almost touching, he growled, “You can stop me any time you want, Lily. Just tell me. I want to pleasure you, not scare you. All right?”
She understood that Jake knew how fragile she really was. And he wasn’t a mind reader. He was asking for her to speak up. “I can do that. I don’t feel you’re going to hurt me. I feel if I love you, I’ll somehow find another piece of myself, I’ll find healing, as crazy as that sounds.” She saw his eyes gleam, his beautifully shaped mouth barely lifting.
“I’ve been seen as many things, darling, but never before as a healer.”
“Maybe because you hadn’t met the right woman yet, hmmm?” and she reached up on her tiptoes, sealing her lips against his, not giving him time to think or talk anymore because she was starving for him. His rumbling groan vibrated through her, his arms coming around her, crushing her against him, his mouth hungry, clashing eagerly with hers. In no time, he’d guided her to the bed, lifted her up, settled her upon it. Lily wasn’t shy. She moved to the center of the bed, pulling her gown over her head and dropping it onto the floor. He gave her a look of praise.
Untying the waist cord, his pajama bottoms fell downward.
Lily’s gaze dropped, and she liked what she saw. Holding out her hand, she whispered, “Join me?”
Never had she wanted anyone like she wanted Jake. Glorying in herself, the fact that she wasn’t completely damaged by the symptoms, all her hormones screamingly online, healthy, hungry and more than ready to have this man inside her.
Jake lay down, guiding her to him, his hand resting on her hip. “How long, Lily?”
“Over a year.”
He cruised his fingers down her hip, following the length of her curved thigh. “Then let’s go easy with each other. We have all night.”
“Good idea. I want to be able to walk tomorrow morning, Murdoch.”
* * *
Chuckling, Jake slid his fingers through her mussed hair, watching her lids lower, her lips part with invitation. How many times had he dreamed of this happening? How many times had he awakened in a sweat, a hard erection and in pain? Too many times. He leaned forward, cupping the back of her head, caressing her lips, wet, lush, the ache in his lower body growing harder by the moment. “I like meeting this woman,” he murmured against her lips, feeling her smile beneath his. “I knew she existed.”
“And it’s nice to meet the real Jake Murdoch.”
Her mouth was full, cushiony, and she tasted of the strawberry toothpaste she’d used before going to bed. The silk of her hair brushed against his cheek, catching in the growth of his beard here and there. As she pressed her belly against his rock-hard erection, he groaned. Firm, warm, her hands exploring him endlessly, Jake became lost in the heat of their moment together. He liked her boldness, unafraid to touch him, pleasure him and urge him on. The slick wetness on her inner thighs told him of how much she wanted him. Their breathing changed, became faster, more ragged as he turned over on his back, pulling her over his hips, settling her on the length of his erection.
The softened sound of pleasure tore from her lips and she barely opened her eyes, her hands coming to rest on his powerful chest sprinkled with dark hair.
Folding his hands around her flared hips, he ground her wet core against him, feeling her fingers dig into his chest, her eyes shuttering closed, a low moan rising in her throat. Lifting his hips, he moved slowly into her gate, allowing her time to get used to his size. A tremor went through her as she leaned forward, asking him to come further into her, a radiance in her face. A soaring triumph of joy rocked through him as she continued to introduce her smaller, tighter body to his. He lay very still, allowing her the time to introduce themselves to each other. It was a time of patience and enjoying her riding him with slow in-and-out movements. The wetness, the gliding against her tight, small walls made him groan as well.
When she leaned down, claiming his mouth, their breathing swift and her body tight, gripping him, he slowly raised his hips, lavishing her, letting her know how much he loved her. There was no hurry tonight, just the joy of coming together because Jake knew they had fallen in love with each other. It showed in small ways every day. Her hands crept upward, framing his face, her tongue touching his, making him tense. And when he did, she settled fully on him.
The moment was exquisite. Beautiful.
She lifted her face away from his, opening her eyes, staring deeply into his. “You are my everything,” she quavered. “Everything . . .” and then she slowly sat up, curving her hands over his torso and began to slowly move forward and back, rocking into that ancient rhythm with him.
Jake lost his mind, the explosion of her orgasm gripping him, releasing him, gripping him once more as she screamed out in pleasure, frozen in place. Instantly, he cupped her hips, pulling her down on his erection, making that intense orgasm last and last until she uttered a little cry, collapsing against him. She quivered, her hand wrapping around his thick neck, breathing hard, sweat pooling between them. Giving her a few minutes, adoring her by gliding his hand across her naked, warm flesh, Jake coaxed her to sit back up when she was ready. And then he proceeded to bring her to another orgasm in no time. If she hadn’t had any sex in over a year, she had a lot of built-up reserve, and he was determined to help her release all of it.
After several orgasms, Lily was spent, and Jake was happy to take her into his arms, their bodies pressed together. He knew that orgasm for men and women frequently had their PTSD symptoms erased for hours, sometimes days, afterward. Sex was a great antidote, but what he felt for her, his heart wide open with love, put their coming together on a plane far above just the physical connection.
After half an hour, she revived and urged him to lie on top of her. He followed her coaxing, feeling her long legs wrapping around his hips, offering herself to him. This time, he could ease into her, already wet and beckoning, a low growl tearing out of him as he rocked into her, feeling her efforts to support and now give him the ultimate pleasure. It felt as if someone had poured molten metal down his spinal column
when he released within the tightness of her welcoming body. All he could do was rasp her name, his cheek pressed against hers, their bodies wrapped up with each other, his head exploding with light, stars and rainbows against his tightly shut eyes. Shortly after, he collapsed on her, spent and weak, their breath uneven, clinging to each other.
Jake was afraid of crushing Lily beneath him and eased off her, rolling to one side, bringing her alongside him, his hand splayed out across her lower back, keeping her near. She nestled her head into the crook of his shoulder, her arm twining across his rib cage, holding him with her woman’s strength. And then he fell into the deepest, most healing sleep he’d ever experienced, and so did she.
Dawn crept up on the horizon and Jake slowly came awake. The scent of Lily filled his nostrils like a long-lost fragrance he’d been searching for all his life. Now, he had discovered it, and it was her. She slept languidly against him, her head nestled on his shoulder, arm limp across his belly. Not wanting to move, to break the magic of this moment he’d dreamed about for so long, he closed his eyes, feeling the soft rise and fall of her breasts against his chest. One of her legs was across one of his hairy ones and he imprinted the firm warmth of her curvy body against his harder, more angular one.
The first birds began singing in the dawn light and he felt euphoria quietly stealing through him. His arm was around her shoulders, holding her close to him even as they slept. Jake wanted Lily in his bed every night, if that was what she wanted. As wounded and broken as they were, they were right for each other. There was no question in his mind about that. Jake’s thoughts ranged over their conversations, and her breaking the dam on those millions of gallons of tears she’d tried desperately to forget.
Lily made a snuffling sound, moved, her arm tightening momentarily around Jake’s middle, as if to convince herself that he was still at her side. It was Sunday morning, the one day when his phone usually didn’t ring. Cherishing this time with Lily, he branded it forever into his heart. He saw the struggles they were going to have ahead of them, but he could be her anchor while she righted herself from the PTSD. Those symptoms would never go away, but instead of medication, they could use each other. It was free, nonaddictive and had no side effects. A corner of his mouth quirked at that thought. He hated medication and had refused to use it from the get-go. And so had Lily. They were a lot alike in many ways. He wanted her to reconnect with her internal strength. She’d had it before or she’d never have joined the military. Wimps weren’t drawn to the service, or else they got washed out in boot camp. Only someone with strong internal strength could do that job. She’d lost it during that Afghan attack, but it was still there, and he wanted to help her find it once more.
Moving his fingers lightly against her upper arm, not wanting to awaken her, Jake needed to absorb her physically. Already, his erection was stirring. He was sure Lily would be sore after the romp they’d had. He didn’t want her pressured right now. More than ever, his logic to allow her to call the shots, to let him know what she needed and when, was working for them, not against him. He was patient in many ways and he knew he got that gene from his parents.
There was scratching at the bedroom door.
Scowling, he heard a couple of the puppies whining outside. The little rascals! Somehow, they’d figured out they were both in here. Grinning sourly, he tried to ease his arm from around Lily and allowed her to continue to sleep. She muttered something but didn’t awaken.
Good.
Slipping out of bed, he pulled the covers over her, grabbed his pajama trousers and walked silently to the door. Leaning down as he opened it, Athena and another pup yipped happily, sitting and looking innocently up at him, their little tails thumping wildly with joy.
“You two,” he muttered darkly, scooping them up, one in each hand. “Come on . . .” And he stepped into the hall, leaving the door open. He eased the two adventurers back into Sage’s bed, where the rest of the pups were still sleeping. Then he hurried back toward his bedroom.
Athena yipped, leaping out of the dog bed, tumbling head over heels and righting herself, her four feet a blur, aiming for the hall again.
“You little pill,” Jake growled, scooping her up halfway across the living room; he held her and quietly shut the bedroom door. “I know what will keep you from waking Lily.” He smiled, heading first for the bathroom. Soon enough, he’d pour a tablespoon of half and half in the puppy food bowl in the kitchen and she’d get distracted from her target. As he looked toward the kitchen, he saw the eastern horizon growing pink with the coming dawn. Yes, it was going to be a good day. He just knew it.
Chapter Eighteen
August 6
Jake was waiting for Lily when she awoke near nine, a very late hour for her, but he knew she needed the sleep. She’d come from his room, walked naked down to hers and put on a robe. He’d been in the kitchen getting ready to make them some breakfast when she emerged. He’d heard her door open and turned, soaking in her tousled hair, her pink cheeks, her eyes half open and still drowsy-looking.
“Heading for the tub?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Hungry?” Jake thought she should be.
“Very much so. Are you going to make us something?”
“Yep. Dogs are already fed.”
She smiled a little, watching the pups play, race and tumble around the living room. Athena spotted her and heard her voice, tearing across the room to where she stood. Scooping her up and kissing her soft, fuzzy head, she said, “I’ll be out in about half an hour.”
“Taking Athena with you?” he teased.
“When are you putting them out for the day?”
Jake looked out the kitchen window. “Probably in about half an hour. It’s warming up quick outside.”
“Good. I’ll take Athena with me. She likes chewing on the fuzzy rug in front of the tub.”
“She doesn’t want to leave your side.” And then he added in a lower tone, “Neither do I.”
Her face grew soft with emotion. “I feel the same way, Jake.”
“Get your bath. We’ll talk over breakfast. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Jake was busy putting the finishing touches on an omelet stuffed with mushrooms, fresh tomatoes, onions and steak he’d cut up into much smaller pieces. He heard a yip, recognizing it as Athena’s sharp little bark, and twisted a look over his shoulder after turning the omelet in the big black iron skillet. Athena was racing madly across the living room, aimed straight at him. He laughed and shook his head, knowing full well the little female was going to crash into his legs, bounce off one of them, and then leap up, grab the edge of his Levi’s with her sharp, tiny teeth and tug and tug and tug until she exhausted herself, plopping onto the floor, looking well satisfied she’d slain the dragon.
Yep, and that’s exactly what happened. He heard Lily’s laughter, which expanded his heart, his need for her rising all over again. She wore an apricot sleeveless tee, jeans outlining her body and tennis shoes. Her hair was washed, still drying, slightly curled around her temples. Most of all, he drowned in her shining blue eyes that were filled with love—for him. It was unmistakable, and Jake felt his whole world shifting into a better place because they’d found each other.
“Hey,” she called, coming into the kitchen, “that smells so good! I’m starved!” She slid her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his strong back, giving him a powerful hug.
Jake turned off the gas burner, torn between saving their meal and turning around and kissing Lily until they melted together the way they had last night. Moving the skillet aside, he slowly turned and settled his arms around her shoulders. Lily lifted her chin, meeting his solemn expression, her lips parting. Without a word, he leaned down, taking her mouth with his, tasting the strawberry toothpaste, inhaling the lemon scent of the soap she’d bathed with. His whole world anchored to a heated stop.
Athena continued to growl, tugging and yanking on his pant leg after getting her seco
nd wind. She was merciless with that denim.
That little critter might be the runt of the litter, but she was the fiercest of them all, and never a quitter. Jake was careful not to step on her as Lily leaned bonelessly against him, her arms sliding around his neck, pressing herself wantonly against him. Her mouth was warm, welcoming, and Jake felt like they were already one, her breasts pressed to his chest, her hips moving suggestively against his. He liked her boldness. A lot. This was a priceless part of her that hadn’t been bludgeoned by her PTSD. His heart soared with that realization.
Reluctantly, he broke their hot, hungry kiss. As he drew inches away, he grinned unevenly. “Bed or breakfast?”
“Both start with a b, Murdoch. Your call,” she said breathlessly, smiling up at him.
Athena yipped, flipped over backward and landed on her back.
They looked down at the pup, laughing.
Rolling over, Athena scrambled to all fours and leaped on Lily’s leg, begging to be held once more.
“I think we have our answer,” Jake said wryly, releasing her. “Go sit down. I’ve got everything ready.”
“Sounds good.” She picked up Athena, who promptly started panting, her shining blue eyes on her affectionate mistress.
Chuckling, Jake took the coffeepot to the already set table. Next, two plates with half an omelet each on them. Lily had put two pieces of sourdough bread into the toaster. She set Athena down at her feet, where the pup promptly flopped down by her foot, happy to be near Lily.
“She’s a fierce little tyke,” Jake said, sitting down at her elbow.
“I love watching her develop, seeing more sides of her personality emerge.”
Jake nodded, picking up the toast that had popped up, handing her one of them to be buttered. “She doesn’t let her size determine her heart or courage. That’s what I like about her.”
“All the pups have that heart,” Lily agreed. “Look at Sage. She was starving to death, almost ready to give birth and she kept on going. She’s resilient in ways that stun me.”
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