Pause (ROCK HARD Book 2)

by Kat Mizera

  16

  Stu

  Instead of revulsion, Lindsay moved up and cradled me like a child, pulling my head against her chest and holding tight.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “God, I’m sorry.”

  I couldn’t think of a response but I let her hold me because no one ever had.

  “You don’t have to tell me details,” she said, stroking my hair. “It’s okay. I’m right here and that’s all over.”

  I’d never told a soul about what had gone on in prison. Not even my prison therapist. One of the inmates was a huge Waking Wonder fan and he’d immediately taken a liking to me. He was big and bald and tattooed, with crazy piercings and a wicked sense of humor. The first time I’d taken a beating out in the yard, he’d been the one to take care of me, get me the help I needed. From there we’d become friendly and he’d made it clear he wanted me.

  Sex was out of the question—he knew I was straight—but there were days I probably would have done anything to get away from the crazed lunatics in that place. My friend claimed me, though, and once I was “off the market,” the worst of them left me alone. But that type of protection definitely wasn’t free, so I’d done what I had to do. I’d set limits, and he abided by them, but the shame was there, the disgust that I’d allowed myself to be used that way because I wasn’t strong enough to survive prison. Especially since I’d been found guilty of a crime I didn’t commit.

  “I thought I could get through it,” I told her when I could talk without my voice shaking. “I thought I could keep my head down and the time would pass quickly. But that’s not reality. That’s not what prison is like. You hear about celebrities getting sentenced to these country club prisons, where it’s not home, but you’re not afraid for your life. But I was. Every single day.” I broke off.

  “I’m so sorry, babe.”

  “It’s all right. Come here.” I reached for her, so I could hold her again, instead of the other way around, and as my hand brushed her cheek, it was wet. “Lass, are you crying?”

  “I’m sorry.” She sniffled. “I hurt for you. I can’t even imagine what it was like being in prison, knowing everyone you loved had abandoned you… How awful!”

  “Shhh, lass, don’t cry. It was awful, but like you said, I’m not there anymore.”

  “You know that no matter what happens, I’ll never abandon you, Stu. Even if you just want to be friends, I could never abandon someone who needed me.”

  “Even if they killed someone?”

  “I mean, not if you violently, for no reason, raped and murdered someone or something like that…but when it was an accident? Especially a car accident like this. How do you abandon someone when they need you most?”

  I lowered my head and kissed her, my mouth taking hers greedily. I’d never needed a woman the way I needed her, and knowing she had no issues about my past meant more than almost anything.

  “Stu… Babe, wait.” She squirmed free of my grasp, pausing to look at me.

  “What’s wrong, lass?”

  “We can’t… I mean, I want to, but we can’t keep doing this. The sex is so good, it’s hard to find that line that separates the physical from the emotional, and I’m just not the kind of woman who can differentiate. I’ll always be your friend, I’ll always be here for you, but if you can’t care about me…really care about me, I can’t keep having sex with you. The first time was fine—it was my birthday and it was hot, sexy fun. The second time was so good it probably already ruined me for other men, but I could handle it. Beyond that, I can’t. I’m getting invested. You’re my friend, you work with Lexi…and while I’ll always be your friend, I can’t be your sexual plaything. It’s not how I’m wired.”

  I blew out a breath and pressed my forehead to hers. “I can’t not care about you,” I muttered. “God knows, I’ve tried, but I do want you, love, and not as a bloody plaything.”

  “Y-you do?” She seemed so shocked, she was frozen in place.

  “I do. We’re going to have to do the long-distance thing for a bit, I guess, with us going off on tour and you finding a job, but I want to try, to see if I can be what you need.”

  “You are what I need.”

  “Ah, lass, you’re something.” I leaned in, kissing her with renewed passion, my need for her growing exponentially as she started to undress. When was the last time I’d had gentle, loving, missionary sex? I couldn’t even remember, and our eyes locked as we finished taking off our clothes. Her skin was almost translucent in the semidarkness, the only light coming from the open curtains, and I reached for her. I really hoped she wasn’t still self-conscious about her body because I fucking loved it. Soft skin, curves for days, and breasts that were made for a man like me. I loved manhandling her, because she seemed to crave it, but that wasn’t what I wanted tonight.

  I needed to make love to her, to show her the things I wasn’t yet ready to say. Words were hard for me, especially when it came to women, and if I was honest, the physical part was a little complicated too. I wasn’t talking about the physical act of sex, but the difference in making love and fucking. I could fuck all day long, but making love, well, that was different. And with this gorgeous woman looking at me with her sweet, soulful eyes, I needed to do everything right.

  I kissed her gently, taking my time as our tongues toyed with each other. Without breaking the kiss, I rolled her onto her back, with me on top. Her body molded to mine, her legs parting to allow me access. We were already so in sync, so good together, I didn’t have to think about what she liked or needed; I simply knew. Somehow, I found the presence of mind to sheathe myself with a condom, my mouth fused to hers, and then slid into her slowly and methodically. She sighed against my lips, her warm pussy closing around me, enveloping me with her warmth, her sweetness. We both tended to like it a little rough, gritty, but this time was different. I wanted to savor every stroke, revel in how it felt when she clenched around me, watch her beautiful face when she came.

  “Stu…” Her voice was breathy as she arched her hips, taking me deeper.

  “I love being inside of you,” I whispered, kissing the side of her neck.

  “I love when you’re inside me.” Our eyes met and she reached up, running her fingers through the hair that had fallen forward. “I love when you touch me. I love when you kiss me.”

  “Aye.” So I did, over and over, as our bodies moved together, her fingers in my hair, mine beneath her round bottom. I brought her closer to me as passion started to overcome my need for tenderness, both of us picking up speed. Somehow, I couldn’t pull my mouth away from hers, and as she started to clench and shudder around me, I swallowed my name on her lips.

  Everything blurred as pleasure overcame me, giving her what I had to give and taking what she offered in return. It was fantastic, being together this way, and I held on for dear life, even when we were done.

  “No, not yet,” she whispered when I started to pull out.

  “Tell me when, lass,” I whispered back, dropping my forehead to hers and letting the intimacy engulf both of us.

  The next week was pretty bloody great. I hadn’t felt this way about a woman in a long time, and though I still had doubts about my ability to be the right guy for her, she made it so damn easy. Despite how smart, educated, and serious she was, she was the most easygoing woman I’d ever known. Always smiling, laughing, ready to take on the day. And the sex was wild. She’d let me tie her up a few nights ago, and it had been so good it was ridiculous. I was a horny sonofabitch, ready at all hours of the day and night, multiple times a day, and she was there for it. Always.

  The tour was almost over, though, and I didn’t want her to go back to Minneapolis. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to convince her to stay in Vegas with me, but so far she didn’t seem too anxious to rush back to the job she was going to interview for. It sounded like she didn’t like the place at all after working there in the summer, but hadn’t really looked into any other options. I’d gotten an idea, hoping to keep her
closer to me, and I brought it up at breakfast.

  “Did you ever chat with that Madeline Aronson?” I asked her. “Ariel’s attorney.”

  “I didn’t,” she admitted. “I was so busy studying for the bar, it kind of slipped my mind.”

  “You’ve been conflicted about this job you have lined up,” I said carefully. “Why not ring Madeline and see if she can shed any light on your options?”

  “I just took the bar in Minnesota. A few states have reciprocity, but California and Nevada aren’t two of them. Believe me, I checked.”

  “Couldn’t you take it…again?” I nearly grimaced even suggesting it.

  Lindsay groaned. “Dude. Do you not remember how I spent two full months studying? Like full-time studying, not just a few hours a day. I’d have to go back to that, and until I have a better idea exactly which direction I want to go, not to mention some kind of job lined up, I can’t put myself through that again.”

  “It’s hard, yeah?”

  “So hard.”

  “You just don’t seem happy about this firm in Minneapolis.”

  “I’m not.”

  “We’re going to be in L.A. in four days. Maybe arrange to meet up with her.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I probably should.”

  “What’s the hesitation?”

  She looked up, a faint smile on her lips. “Well, what if she offers me a job or something? Then I’ll definitely have to take the bar again and it’s overwhelming.”

  “You could come on tour with us and do nothing but study all day,” I said. “Except a few hours, maybe, when I’d need a wee bit of attention.”

  She laughed. “There’s nothing ‘wee’ about the attention you’d need.”

  “Is that a complaint, lassie?”

  “Not even a little.”

  Since she’d sidestepped my question about potentially coming on tour with us, I figured I needed to up my romance game. I hadn’t had a girlfriend since Lisa had dumped me after my arrest and I was a bit rusty with romance. It was hard to do that kind of thing on tour, though, so I was going to have to get creative. I had a feeling Lindsay wouldn’t be as impressed by gifts as she would gestures, but it was so much easier to buy presents. Well, easy to come up with things to buy. Not so easy to buy them since I didn’t have much money coming in right now.

  Waking Wonder still got royalties from album sales and radio airplay, and now that I’d given up the house I’d been renting in L.A., I didn’t have much in the way of expenses, but I wasn’t rich either. I’d been hoping for a nice advance from the record company that had been interested in Nobody’s Fool last year, but they’d wanted us to lighten our sound, so we’d turned them down. Casey had stepped up and formed Random Hart Records to take on the costs of producing an album and getting us on tour, which was huge, but it also meant there wouldn’t be any advances and nothing but a small per diem coming in short-term.

  It wasn’t like I was broke, but I’d gotten used to having a nice income with Waking Wonder and now I had to rely on back royalties, which was scary because you never knew how much was coming in. I’d had to pay Freddie’s family a million dollars in civil court, which had depleted my savings, so I’d learned to be extra frugal since then. Now that I had someone like Lindsay in my life, I was rethinking all of that. I wanted to take her out and do nice things for her, especially since I knew she didn’t have a job or money. We were quite the pair, both essentially unemployed, though we had excellent prospects going forward.

  Tonight we were playing in San Diego and the band was restless. We were nearing the end of what was essentially a headlining tour and would be going back out as an opening act. Granted, playing in arenas for more than fifteen thousand people, versus clubs of under a thousand, was a big difference, but we would no longer be in charge. Tyler knew the bass player from Onyx Knight and said they were stand-up guys, but that they partied hard and had a reputation for being cutthroat when it came to business. That was probably why we’d gotten the gig, because so few people wanted to work with them, but we had to pay our dues and they would get us in front of a lot of people.

  We had a short meeting about it after sound check as we ate dinner, lounging around backstage because Sasha had gotten an email about the tour today.

  “Madeline is looking over our contracts,” she told us. “So far, she doesn’t see any red flags, but we weren’t expecting any. Casey was the point of initial contact and they know better than to fuck with her. From the outside looking in, she has endless financial and political resources, so they’re not going to do anything that would be suspect. Not initially anyway. That’s not true, of course, but it’s good if they’re a bit intimidated by the Casey Hart name and brand.”

  “I know Kingston Knight,” Tyler said. “He’s arrogant and full of himself, but talented as fuck. He’s a musician’s musician—plays something like ten instruments, sings, writes, and handles a lot of the business stuff. He’s smart, savvy, and a bit of a loner, but like Sasha said, he’s not going to go out of his way to piss off Casey Hart. For our part, my thought is we sign on for three months. If by the holidays things aren’t going well, we make sure our contract is worded so that we have a way out that doesn’t hurt either side. We give them thirty days’ notice that we’re leaving, which means around late November, so they have time to replace us. Beyond that, we keep our heads down and play the music.”

  “We’re good,” Bash said firmly. “We already have a following and ‘Bedroom Lies’ was number four last week on the Billboard charts. ‘Wicked X’ was number thirty-seven, which is lower than I’d like, but still pretty great for no major record label backing us. This is just the beginning for us, so like it or not, we have to pay our dues. The biggest thing is finding a way to work with these guys so we can get in front of their crowds. Once we’re out there, it’s going to be okay. I have complete faith in our music.”

  “Luckily, I’ve never crossed paths with them in any way, shape or form,” I said. “So hopefully they don’t have preconceived notions about me.”

  “Madeline is going to talk to their attorney about that,” Sasha said. “We don’t want or need any surprises. If there’s any issue with your past, we’re going to pass on the tour. Period.”

  I sighed. “Bloody hell. I don’t want this to be a thing, that—”

  “Shut up, will you?” Tyler gave me a look. “Look at Vince Neil from Mötley Crüe. Same type of situation. He did his time, got out, moved on, and he’s richer and more successful than ever. The only way to put it behind you is to literally put it behind you. If Onyx Knight has an issue, we’re out. That’s it.”

  “All right, mate.” I glanced over at Lindsay, and she gave me a quick nod.

  “We’re meeting with Madeline tomorrow when we get to L.A.,” Lexi said, “so that’ll be our chance to talk about everything we want and need to make the tour successful.”

  “Money,” Ford said dryly. “Money is what we want and need.”

  “You can say that again,” I muttered.

  “I know things are rough right now,” Tyler said. “But hopefully this tour will make a difference. If we can suck it up and get out there in front of people, things are going to start to happen. We had a similar vibe with Pretty Harts on our first tour and everything took off.”

  “Well, let’s not count any chickens,” Ford drawled. “Until then, I’m anxious to get on the road with Onyx Knight and see what there is to see. Any time I’m on tour, I’m happy.”

  “Ditto,” Tyler nodded.

  I got up and started bouncing around, loosening up for the show. I hadn’t been working out on this tour like I usually did. I’d been lazy this summer. It didn’t impact my playing, but I needed to be in top form if we were going on an arena tour, opening for someone else. We’d have a lot less freedom and autonomy, which meant pivoting at the drop of a hat because of things out of our control. Luckily, I also hadn’t been drinking nearly as much for some reason, so I felt okay despite my laziness.<
br />
  We had approximately a month off between the end of this tour and when we met up with Onyx Knight, and I was going to use that time to get back into shape and woo my new girlfriend.

  Girlfriend.

  Damn, I hadn’t had one of those in a long bloody time.

  But as I looked over at Lindsay, it felt right.

  17

  Lindsay

  The band had a meeting with Madeline the day we got to L.A. and I went along because I had a meeting with her when they were done. I’d called her the other day and we’d set it up to talk about my options going forward. I wasn’t sure how she could help but she’d offered, and since I wasn’t coming up with anything on my own, it was time to get some professional input. Her schedule was busy but she’d carved out thirty minutes for me and I was grateful to have access to someone so successful.

  Zaan and Ariel were sitting in on the band meeting, along with me, Sasha, and Lance, since he would be the tour manager going forward. Casey would also be attending via video call, so the conference room was full as we crowded around the large table. I didn’t feel out of place since Zaan and Ariel were in attendance as well, and I immediately dug into the contract once Madeline passed copies to everyone. After reading and studying law for the last three years, my mind kicked into academic mode and I couldn’t help but skip ahead, reading the details of payment, transportation, marketing, and more. There were a lot of restrictions and I brought them up before I could stop myself.

  “Wait, Nobody’s Fool can only set up a merchandise booth after Onyx has set up theirs, and only if more than ninety percent of the tickets are sold?”

  Madeline peered at me over her glasses. “You jumped ahead, but yes, that’s something they snuck in there and I plan to find a way to get them to take it out.”

  “And why would the band sign this when it says they can change the payment terms based on…” I went into details about some financial arrangements that seemed shady to me and Madeline nodded.