Delevan

by Catherine Lievens

  “It was a few days ago.”

  That was too recent for Delevan to be comfortable with, not to mention that he’d have to see Benjamin eventually. Benjamin tended to stay on his own a lot—well, obviously not too much, if he’d managed to have sex with Blair—so Delevan didn’t see him often. It would still make things awkward, though, and Delevan didn’t want awkward. He’d found his mate and he wanted to be with Blair. He knew it could be natural, like the entire evening had been. They just had to work on it.

  “Okay. Are you coming in or not?”

  Blair cocked his head. “You still want me to come in?”

  “Of course I do.” Delevan didn’t give Blair the time to say anything else. He walked in and went straight for the small fridge in his tiny kitchen. He needed something to do to break the moment, so he took out a bottle of water and cracked it open. He took a swig and heard the door close. He waited a few seconds before turning around and going back to the living room, convinced Blair had left, but he hadn’t. He was leaning against the door, his back pressed against the wood, and he was watching Delevan. “I thought you’d leave.”

  “I obviously didn’t.”

  “I can see that.”

  “Why?” Blair asked, and Delevan knew what he was asking. Of course he did.

  Delevan sighed and closed his bottle. He put it on the coffee table, using up as much time as he could. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about his mate having sex with another guy, but he knew he had to, at least this time.

  He faced Blair again. “We weren’t together. Hell, we didn’t even know each other a few days ago. Would you have sex with Benjamin now?”

  Blair gaped. “No! Of course not. How can you think that of me?”

  “I don’t know you, not yet. I’m not saying you’d cheat on me, but I have to trust your word on that for now. I can’t say anything about Benjamin or any of our ex-boyfriends. Or girlfriends. I have some, too.”

  “Yeah, I see your point.”

  Delevan nodded. “Great. Now that we’ve talked about it, we won’t ever have to mention it again.”

  Blair grimaced. “Yeah, but Ben lives in this house.”

  Delevan gritted his teeth. “I know, and it’s going to be awkward, but we don’t have to talk about it anymore, not unless something happens. That good for you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Great.” Delevan rubbed the back of his neck. “So, are you staying tonight?”

  “Since you still want me to, yeah.”

  Delevan wasn’t sure he still wanted it. He did want to spend time with Blair, but with what Blair had just told him...

  He wanted to have time to think it over, but he couldn’t kick Blair out now, especially not with the puppy eyes he was giving him.

  Delevan pointed at his bedroom door. “Ready to go? Or do you want to talk some more?” Wait, Blair hadn’t exactly accepted to sleep in the same bed. It had been implied, sure, but Delevan wanted to be sure. “Or you could take the couch if you’re more comfortable that way.”

  Blair stared at him. “Are you freaking out about what I told you?”

  Delevan started walking toward the bedroom. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He didn’t wait to hear Blair’s answer. He entered his bedroom and went straight for the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself and leaned against it, briefly closing his eyes. He wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. He was jealous, and he hated it.

  He couldn’t help but imagine Blair with Benjamin. Did Blair prefer that kind of guy? He pushed away from the door and stood in front of the mirror, examining his reflection. Benjamin was short, at least next to Delevan, but then everyone was short next to him. Delevan was six foot four, and Benjamin couldn’t be more than five foot ten, if even that. Delevan was blond and his hair was shaggy. He kept it surfer style and he liked it that way, but Benjamin had red curls. Delevan had brown eyes, while Benjamin’s were green.

  They were opposite.

  Delevan shook his head and stripped to his underwear. He cleaned up and contemplated taking another shower, but he’d had one just before going to see his dad and Blair was waiting for him. He might want to have some alone space, but Blair would notice if he lost too much time.

  Delevan sighed. He looked down at himself, wondering if he should put his jeans back on and deciding that Blair would end up seeing him naked sometime anyway. He might as well sleep in his underwear. Besides, unless Blair was comfortable sleeping in his jeans, Delevan wouldn’t be the only one to sleep half-naked.

  He opened the door and peeked out hoping Blair was already asleep, but he had no such luck. Blair was sitting on the edge of the mattress, his feet bare but still dressed. His head snapped up when he heard the bathroom door open, and he bit on his lower lip. “Look, I don’t want to push or anything, but you don’t look too comfortable. I should probably go.”

  Delevan shook his head. “Stay.”

  “I shouldn’t have mentioned Ben, but I wanted you to know before, well, whatever happens.” He laughed deprecatingly. “Doesn’t look like anything will happen now, that’s for sure. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

  Delevan sighed. “No, you did the right thing. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, but it was only a few days ago, and I’ve been on my own for more than a year. And you’re my mate. I grew up with humans, so I guess I kind of thought you’d wait for me or some shit like that. I mean, I knew you wouldn’t since you couldn’t know you’d find me, but I have this stupid idea of soul mates, and it’s not easy to shed it for reality.”

  Blair stood and came closer. He stopped in front of Delevan, inches away. “You’re right, I couldn’t know I’d meet you, and I didn’t wait for you. I didn’t keep my virtue intact, but I can promise you you’ll be the only one I’ll be with for the rest of my life. Like you said, you have to take my word for it, but you’ll realize I wouldn’t lie about this soon enough. I can’t change the past, but I can mold the future to make you happy. It’s not a hardship.”

  Delevan nodded. He opened his mouth to say he was fine with that, but a yawn overtook him instead.

  Blair chuckled. “I’m going to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back. Why don’t you climb in bed already, huh?”

  He didn’t have to repeat himself. Delevan slid under the covers, got on his back and closed his eyes, but he couldn’t fall asleep.

  * * * *

  Blair took his time in the bathroom. He wanted to be sure Delevan had the time to fall asleep, or to fake sleep, before he went back. He hated that he’d made everything so uncomfortable and awkward, but he still thought he’d done the right thing. Delevan needed to know, if anything because Ben probably didn’t know about Blair and Delevan, and Blair didn’t want things to get even worse when they saw each other again.

  Not that Blair had told Ben he was in love with him, or even that they were in a relationship. He knew he also hadn’t been exactly clear on the fact that they were just fucking and that it wouldn’t go any further, though. Ben hadn’t tried to make Blair stay after they’d had sex, and he hadn’t called or looked for Blair since then, but Blair couldn’t be sure.

  When he thought he’d spent enough time, he grabbed his jeans, bundled them, and silently opened the bathroom door. Delevan was on the bed, silent, so Blair assumed he was sleeping.

  He slinked into the bedroom and put his jeans by his side of the bed, on the floor, just in case things were awkward when they woke up and he needed to make a fast retreat. He was so used to doing stuff like that that he didn’t question it until he was under the covers.

  Delevan wasn’t a one-night stand. This wouldn’t be the one and only night Blair would spend with him, and they’d have to get over the awkwardness sooner rather than later. Blair couldn’t escape in the morning, not if he wanted to keep his balls where they were and if he wanted their relationship to have a chance to work.

  He rolled to his side to look at Delevan and jerked ba
ck when he saw Delevan watching him. “Fuck! I thought you were sleeping.”

  Delevan shrugged. “Couldn’t. Not yet, anyway.”

  Blair settled down again. “Still thinking about what I said?”

  “In part.”

  “Want to talk about it some more? Or to talk about anything else?”

  “It’s two thirty in the morning, Blair.”

  “I know, but your father said I didn’t have to train tomorrow. Do you have to go to work?”

  “Not until the afternoon.”

  “Then we can talk. If you want to, that is.”

  Delevan was silent for so long that Blair would have thought he’d fallen asleep if he couldn’t see Delevan looking at him in the dim moonlight. “What if I’d rather do something different,” Delevan finally said.

  “Like what?” Blair thought he had a pretty good idea what Delevan was talking about, but he wasn’t sure they should do it. They’d just met, and normally he wouldn’t care about that, but Delevan was his mate. They were it. They’d spend the rest of their lives together, so perhaps rushing things wasn’t a good idea. Could he really say no if Delevan asked, though?

  “You know what,” Delevan answered.

  “Yeah, I do, but I still want you to tell me.”

  “Let’s have sex.”

  And there it was. “Nope.”

  Delevan’s mouth popped open. “What? Why not?” His eyes narrowed. “Is it because of Benjamin?”

  “Can we stop talking about him? Because no, it’s not because of him. Look, Del, I don’t care about him. I mean, yeah, we had sex, but that’s all. We haven’t seen each other since then, and I didn’t even think about him recently.” There was no need to tell Delevan he’d gloated a bit earlier.

  “Then why not? From the way you talk, it sounds like you don’t usually have problems having sex with unknown guys. I guess it’s me you have a problem with, then.”

  He pushed himself up and started to get out of the bed, but Blair caught his wrist and pulled him back down, partially lying on top of him.

  Delevan clearly wasn’t happy. He bucked, trying to get Blair off him, but Blair wasn’t an enforcer for nothing. He might not be as bulky as Delevan was, but he had enough force to keep him down for a few minutes. “Will you stop fussing and listen to me? Please?”

  The please seemed to break whatever barrier Delevan had erected between them and he slumped. He rolled his face and looked sideways, avoiding looking at Blair. “Fine. Talk.”

  Blair sat up, but he didn’t climb off Delevan’s body, just in case he was faking surrender and decided to run. “You’re right, I don’t usually think twice about fucking guys.” Delevan winced and Blair regretted his choice of words, but it didn’t matter. “I won’t say I fuck a different guy every night, but it’s true I don’t usually see the same guy twice.”

  “So you’re a whore.”

  Blair ignored the belligerent tone and the insult. “If you want to call me that. I don’t care. I like sex, and I’m a flirt. I know it. I didn’t have any reasons not to fuck around. Until now.”

  Delevan relaxed a bit more under Blair. “Until now?”

  “Don’t play coy, Del. You know I’m talking about you. Did I ever wish to find my mate? Not really. I didn’t think about mates, not usually. I didn’t think I’d meet you, but now I have, and you’re so much more than just a fuck. I don’t want to mess this up.”

  “And sex would?”

  “It usually does when you rush it. I can’t say I’ve ever let things follow their course until it became a relationship, but I feel it’s what we need to do with this.”

  The surly expression on Delevan’s face disappeared. Now he looked tired and sad, and Blair couldn’t stand the thought that he was the one doing it. He didn’t want his mate to be sad, not if he could help it. “What’s wrong?”

  “What’s your type?”

  “Of guy?” Blair didn’t know what that had to do with the conversation, but if Delevan was asking, it meant something to him.

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t really have one.”

  Delevan glared at him. “Shut up and tell me.”

  “I can’t really do both things at the same time. Either I tell you or I shut up.” Delevan didn’t laugh and Blair sighed. “Fine. It’s true that I don’t really have a type, but the guys I’ve been with were mostly shorter than me, slimmer.”

  “Like Benjamin.”

  Blair frowned. “Yeah, like Ben.”

  “Unlike me.”

  Blair was confused. “Yeah, you’re taller than most of the guys I’ve been with, but I don’t see why that’s a problem.”

  “Is that why you don’t want to fuck me?”

  Understanding dawned on Blair. “You think I don’t find you attractive?” he asked. He couldn’t believe Delevan thought that, but when Delevan squirmed and tried to push him off, he knew he had his answer.

  “Del, how could I not find you attractive? You’re gorgeous, all sleek and swimmer muscles.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  He tried to push Blair off again, but Blair held on. “I’m serious. It’s true I usually go for smaller guys, but how many guys as tall as us do you know?”

  “Plenty. My father, for example.” Delevan winced. “And I so don’t want to think about my father and fucking.”

  “Del, guys look at me and think I’m a top. That’s all they ask for.”

  “And it’s not what you want?”

  Blair sighed. He’d never talked about this. He was putting his feelings out there, and he hoped he wouldn’t regret it. “I love topping, but sometimes I want a guy who can hug me and make me feel safe and protected and all that crap.” He could feel his cheeks heat and he carefully avoided looking at Delevan. “I liked that you hugged me before, when we were watching TV. Guys don’t usually do that, not that I watch a lot of movies with guys, but still. I’m always the one doing the hugging, and it was... nice to be cuddled, for once.”

  Blair couldn’t say anything else, not without spontaneously combusting. He slid down Delevan’s body and lay by his side, his eyes closed—his body tense. He felt Delevan move, but he hadn’t expected Delevan to slide an arm around his waist and pull him closer.

  They slotted together perfectly. They tangled their legs together and Blair put his head on Delevan’s arm, his nose skimming against Delevan’s armpit. His mate surrounded him, and it made him feel so vulnerable he had to fight the urge to run.

  Blair waited for Delevan to say something, but he didn’t, and they both fell asleep.

  Chapter Three

  Delevan pushed the front door open and stepped inside. The last couple of weeks since he’d met Blair had been tiring. He’d had an increase of clients, and he resented it a bit. He loved his job, but of course it would happen just as he found his mate.

  He headed for the stairs, but before he could climb them, Bradley exited the hallway where the offices were, looking a bit wild. Delevan paused and wondered whether he should say something. He and Bradley weren’t friends by any means. To be honest, he didn’t think Bradley had any friends in the pride, even though he’d been working in the mansion for more than six months.

  Bradley froze when he saw Delevan, and Delevan faced him. “Everything okay?” he asked.

  Bradley stared at Delevan for a few seconds before shaking his head. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

  Delevan frowned. What could Bradley want to talk about? “I need to take my stuff upstairs.”

  “Please?” Bradley was short of batting his lashes at Delevan, something Delevan didn’t think he’d ever seen him do. “It’s important.”

  “Fine. Living room okay?”

  “Umm, it’s private. Can we go outside, near the pond?”

  Delevan arched a brow. “The pond?” Everyone knew the story of the pond, and that was why it was used by couples who wanted to be alone. Delevan was pretty sure some of them ha
d been interrupted while doing things no one else should see, and the fact that Bradley wanted to go there to talk surprised him.

  “Yes. Please?”

  “You do know I found my mate, right?”

  Bradley looked confused. “Doesn’t everyone?”

  “I thought so, but you want to take me to the pond.” Another confused glance. “You do know what usually happens at the pond, right?”

  Bradley’s eyes lit up with understanding, then his face contorted in a grimace. “Oh, no. That’s not why I want to go there. It’s just... private. There’s always someone listening inside the house, but outside...”

  Delevan wasn’t sure he bought the explanation, but he nodded anyway. Whatever it was, it seemed urgent, and since Delevan knew about the bruises several other pride members had seen on Bradley, he didn’t want to push the man away. Maybe he was finally opening up.

  Delevan dumped his gym bag on one of the entrance chairs and followed Bradley to the kitchen. And since he was following Bradley to the pond, of course Blair had to be in the kitchen.

  He got up from where he was sitting at the counter when they entered. “Hey, Del. Back from work?”

  “Yup.”

  “How were the kids today?”

  Delevan taught swimming lessons for kids from six to eight years old. He loved his job, but it was tiring, and he really wanted to go to his room and rest. Bradley paused at the door that opened to the garden and pointedly looked at him, though, so he resisted the urge and kissed Blair’s cheek. Bradley might be in a hurry, but Delevan wasn’t about to ignore his mate. “They were fine. I had to get Ethan out because he was in a fighting mood today, but the others behaved well.”

  Bradley cleared his throat and Delevan scowled at him. Blair frowned and leaned closer to Delevan. “What does Bradley want with you?”

  “To talk.”

  “‘Bout what?”

  Delevan shrugged. “No idea. He said it’s private.”

  Blair looked at Bradley again. “I can come with you.”

  “No, I’ll be fine. It’s Bradley. You know he doesn’t create problems.”