Imagine Us

by Jaxson Kidman

  “Exactly. And then Chad acts like a goofball child. I’m sorry I wasn’t in the mood, you know?”

  I smashed my teeth together with jealousy and nodded.

  “Have you ever…” Elena started to play with her fingertips.

  “Have I ever what?”

  “If you were with a girl. And she didn’t want to. But you did…”

  My spine stiffened with a chill. “Shit, Elena, no way. That’s not cool at all. That’s not how it works. You know that, right?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. Of course I do.”

  “I’m being serious here,” I said, closing in on her again. My hand touched her hip. I hadn’t realized I’d done it. “That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”

  She licked her lips, her face pale, the hangover written all over her. Even still, she was so fucking beautiful. She smelled like sleep, syrup, and vomit. But I would have made out with her right there for hours.

  “Okay,” she whispered. “I was just asking about you.”

  “It’s been a long time for me too. I just… nothing. I’m sort of tired of the parties. And hookups.”

  I started to inch away and Elena put a hand to my hand, keeping it at her hip.

  She looked me dead in the eyes. “So what do you want then?”

  My mind answered before my lips would have the chance.

  You.

  * * *

  Instead of saying that, I had a different plan. I was going to tell her to stay the fuck away from Chad. That this was it. He was a loser. He was a total asshole. She deserved so much better in the world. I couldn’t fix her mother. I couldn’t fix Chad. But I could tell her the truth. And put it out there. I had nothing else to offer her. I wish I was rich so I could sweep her away and keep her safe and protected. We could just coast through the rest of the year, graduate, and then run off together for the rest of our lives.

  That was the dream.

  From the second I met Elena, that’s what I wanted.

  When I was the new kid, walking the halls of the middle school, holding a faded piece of paper, trying to find out where the fuck my homeroom was, she was the one who stopped to say hey and help me.

  I wanted to do the same right now.

  I wanted to take care of her when she drank too much.

  I wanted to tuck her in and make sure she was okay.

  I wanted to make her pancakes.

  Like, all the time.

  “Elena… I have to say something. You have to listen to me.”

  “What?”

  “What happened last night. And what keeps happening.”

  “Okay…”

  “I’ve known for a long time. I know we’re completely different when it comes to being popular and all that shit.”

  “I don’t care about that, Adam.”

  “I know you don’t. A lot of people do. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. Dammit.”

  “Adam, what’s wrong?”

  “Everything,” I snapped. My hand squeezed tighter at her hip. “Everything. I hate that your mother is the way she is. It’s not your fucking problem to deal with. You should have a better life. Everywhere. Home. School. Someone who actually loves you. Cares about you. Doesn’t want to use you…”

  Just fucking kiss her.

  What’s that going to prove?

  Who cares? Just fucking kiss her. Right now.

  I inched forward.

  A heavy thudding sounded from behind me and I whipped my head to the side.

  Someone was at the door.

  “Who the hell is that?” I asked.

  My moment was ruined as Elena moved away from me. She touched her forehead and started to mess with her hair. The realization of what was about to happen sinking into her.

  I rushed to the door, fearing the worst about my mother.

  I opened it and Chad stood behind the bent and scratched screen.

  “Adam,” he said. “Tell me you know where she is.”

  I opened the screen. “She’s here.”

  “Jesus Christ,” he said, stepping into the apartment.

  I stood my ground, not wanting this asshole walking around my place.

  He stiffened and locked eyes with me.

  “She got sick,” I said. “I couldn’t find you. So I brought her here to sleep it off.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “Things got out of hand last night.”

  “Chad?” Elena asked.

  My heart started to deflate.

  “Hey, baby,” he said. “I am so sorry about last night.”

  “Where did you go?” she asked.

  “I took care of what happened. I’ll never do that again.”

  “Do what?” she asked.

  “I thought it would be fun to have a little extracurricular activity,” Chad said with a smirk. “Treat the guys to something fun. That’s why I invited…”

  He eyed me.

  Great.

  I looked at Elena.

  She was hungover and confused.

  As she moved by me, I grazed my fingertips against her hand without Chad seeing. Not that I cared. I would have fought him right there.

  “Okay?” I whispered to Elena.

  “Okay,” she whispered back.

  “Look, I took care of everything,” Chad said. “Adam, thank you for helping out. I owe you one. You should really think about getting new fucking friends. So you’re not lumped in with those burned out idiots.”

  “Better than being an asshole jock,” I said.

  He laughed. “Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that.” He looked at Elena. “Come on, we’ll hit Ben’s for a quick breakfast. My treat.”

  “I already ate,” Elena said.

  “Where? Here?”

  “Adam made pancakes.”

  “Oh,” Chad said.

  “I just want to go home and take a shower and sleep.”

  “I can make that happen,” he said.

  He reached for her, and at the same time, both me and Elena saw the knuckles on his right hand. They were all torn up and bloody.

  “What happened to you?” Elena asked.

  “Oh, this?” Chad asked. “I told you I took care of everything.” He looked at me. “Your asshole friend Brad will probably need to drink from a straw for a little while.”

  “What did you do?” Elena asked.

  I clenched my teeth tightly.

  “He gave us some bad shit,” he said. “We all got so fucked up… I’ve never felt that way in my life. I told him we wanted to get a little high and relax. So I went to see him this morning. He did it on purpose. He’ll never do that again.”

  Chad slipped an arm around Elena and pulled her toward the door.

  He didn’t say goodbye to me, not that I was expecting it.

  As Elena left, she looked back at me and smiled.

  And sometimes, that was all I ever needed from her.

  8

  It Started in the Corner

  ELENA

  (now)

  It was like some dirty secret.

  I stood outside the new condo building, shifting through stupid paperwork, realizing it was Friday. It was the end of the workweek, even though I really didn’t have one of those. If people wanted to look at houses and condos and apartments over the weekend, I would be there.

  Realizing it was Friday meant it had been almost a week since Chad came home half-drunk. That meant I had slept on Adam’s couch for more than the one or two nights I said I would. Our days were hectic though. I’d wake up and he would have gone to the diner. I’d dress and leave. When I’d get back to his place, sometimes he’d be home, sometimes he wouldn’t. He always left a little note though saying where he was and what he was doing. It was really strange yet really comfortable at the same time. He didn’t ask about Chad. He didn’t ask about my real estate job either. He asked about my writing. He brought up good memories of us.

  Everything about him was so calming. Yet hidden. It had been such a long time since I’
d seen him and actually considered myself his friend.

  I closed my folder and shook my head.

  He had always been there for me when I needed him the most. It was so cliché, but that cliché meant so much to me.

  “There you are,” a voice said.

  I turned my head and saw Lacy strutting toward me. She was wearing a black dress, her hips jutting left to right. Her black hair waved behind her like she was in a commercial. Her lips bright red. Her eyes hazel and seductive. I could smell her perfume ten feet away.

  “Lacy, hey,” I said.

  “How’d it go here?” she asked, wide-eyed.

  “Really good,” I said. “They didn’t worry about the price. Features were what they wanted. I expect an offer by tonight. No reason why they would look anywhere else.”

  “This is huge,” she said. “We get this one and it’s going to get busy here. How exciting.”

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s wrong? You don’t seem excited.”

  “I am. Just a long week.”

  “You need a drink.”

  “I need more than a drink, Lacy.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Meaning what?”

  I swallowed hard, knowing I couldn’t avoid the situation any longer.

  “Chad and I are… it’s been rough.”

  “Oh, shit. What happened?”

  “He cheated.”

  Two words. A weight off my chest. Another weight on my chest.

  Lacy gasped. “No.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You know this for sure?”

  “For sure,” I said. “He confessed.”

  “Confessed? Oh, Elena, I’m so sorry. When did this happen?”

  “Last week.”

  “Last week?” she asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “It’s not easy to talk about. It’s kind of embarrassing, actually. I left after he told me and I haven’t seen him since. I’ve been staying…” - no, don’t go down that road Elena - “I’ve been on my own. So it’s been hectic wondering what the next step is here.”

  I offered a weak laugh.

  Lacy came in for a hug. “Oh, you poor thing. Men are terrible.”

  “Not all of them.”

  “Oh, they all are,” she said. “You really need that drink.”

  “I probably shouldn’t.”

  She shook my shoulder. “You shouldn’t. But you’re going to.”

  I opened my mouth but let my mind think first.

  Chad cheated on me. I was sleeping at Adam’s house. I hated my job. I hadn’t written a word in almost a week.

  I smiled at Lacy. “Okay, let’s have a drink.”

  * * *

  I opened the front door that used to be home.

  Or was it still home?

  I wasn’t sure, other than being extremely uncomfortable when I spotted my pair of running shoes on the floor where I left them after my last run. That was two weeks ago.

  “Hello?” I called out.

  As I crept from the foyer to the kitchen, my heart raced. I wondered if Chad had her here right now. If by me leaving implied that he was free and clear to bring his whatever she was over here to take advantage of the house.

  The kitchen was clean and quiet. I could probably bet every dime in my bank account that Chad hadn’t cooked a meal since I left. In fact, the coffee in the coffeepot was probably the coffee I made the day I left.

  I touched the counter near the sink, asking myself exactly what I was doing there.

  The answer was supposed to be simple.

  It was still my house. I only left to clear my head, even if that was days ago. I still had a lot of stuff here that was rightfully mine.

  Footsteps echoed from the stairs.

  Chad was whistling as he turned and came down the hall to the kitchen.

  “Chad?” I called out.

  He stepped into the kitchen as he buttoned his right sleeve.

  He stopped whistling with a long note that died.

  “Elena?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

  “I live here,” I said. “Remember?”

  “You left.”

  “It’s still my house.” My eyes scanned Chad up and down. Dress pants. Baby blue shirt tucked in. His face was now cleanly shaved. Hair perfectly done. The wafting smell of his cologne. “Work thing?”

  “Does it really matter?”

  “Maybe it does,” I said. I crossed my arms. “So you haven’t bothered to call? Or send a text?”

  “To say what, Elena?”

  “Well, you were drunk before. Remember that?”

  Chad curled his lip and rolled his eyes. He looked like the asshole teenager I once fell in love with.

  “Okay,” he said. “I was a little drunk. I came home. I did something stupid.”

  “No, you got caught. If you hadn’t thrown that phone on the table…”

  “What?”

  “You’d be fucking her behind my back still. I’d be here, struggling to write. Struggling to keep you happy. And you’d be out there…”

  “Don’t talk about happiness to me,” he said. “When have we been happy, Elena?”

  “Seriously? That’s what you’re going to do? You’re going to twist our entire relationship into justifying your cheating?”

  “No,” he said. “I fucking cheated on you.”

  “How long? How many women?”

  Chad laughed. “I have to go. Whatever you’re here to do, do it.”

  “I’m here to live, Chad. This is my house. You’re not going to bring some woman back here to fuck in our bed.”

  Chad looked pissed off now. “This is your house?”

  “My name is on the lease.”

  “Fine. Do whatever you want, Elena. Live here. Write in the corner like you always do. Avoid all sense of reality.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You have a chance to do something and you won’t. I know you stood by me through my injury. I appreciate that. But you could have built a career during that time too. Instead, you wasted time. What did I do? I rehabbed and sucked it up. My baseball career was over. I’ll never play baseball again. So I took it on the chin and got a real job. I changed my focus.”

  “So, you’re the hero here, right?”

  “Yeah, I’m the hero. I just want a decent life. I don’t want to live in a house like this. And watch you hunched over a computer, typing away because you think it’s going to work this time. I needed a fucking break from life, Elena. I couldn’t take it though. I went from being a baseball player to nothing in a heartbeat.”

  “And I never left your side,” I snapped. “I took care of everything. The appointments. Taking you. Taking care of you. I kept everything in order. You were depressed and rightfully so, Chad. I never once told you not to be upset. I never left this house and never left you alone. Ever. And whether you like it or not, I sold a book. I made money from that.”

  “But you never followed up like you said you would,” he said. “You let everyone down.”

  I gasped.

  “I let everyone down,” I said.

  I blinked fast.

  “Fuck,” Chad growled. “I didn’t want this to happen. You and I throwing words at each other.”

  “I think we’re beyond that.”

  He turned and started to leave the kitchen. He paused and slapped his hand against the wall.

  “Where have you been staying?” he asked, looking back.

  “That’s none of your business,” I said.

  “Right,” he said. “But what I’m doing is?”

  “Yeah, it is. You owe it to me. You broke my heart. I’m…”

  “Elena, save it,” he said. “I don’t want to hear about broken hearts right now, okay? This entire thing is a mess. It’s a fucking disaster.”

  “You caused it.”

  “No. I didn’t cause it alone.” Chad sighed and touched his jaw. “I’m sorry it all happened like this.”

  “Just tell me
how long,” I said. “At least give me that. And if you were ever with her and then came home to me.”

  “You’d love the details, wouldn’t you? To use for your writing I bet.”

  “You’re a rotten asshole, Chad. You always were. I should have never been with you. Ever. I gave you everything. You were my-”

  “We’re not teenagers anymore, Elena. I’m not going to go back in time and relive it. This is our present.”

  “The present? You’re going out with her right now, aren’t you? Free and clear now. You can go to any restaurant you want. Hold her hand. Kiss her. Fuck her.”

  Chad just stood there in silence.

  After more than a few seconds, I waved a hand. “Well? Anything?”

  “I don’t want to do this with you right now,” he said.

  “Oh, great. You don’t have time? You’re too busy? Should we schedule this in? To officially end our relationship?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, sure. Is that what you want? An official end? I’m sure you’d love to tell everyone how I cheated on you. It’ll give you an excuse to sit back on your hands in life. Like you always do.”

  I walked forward, ready to go after him. “Like I always do?”

  “You did the same thing with your mother, Elena. You let her flaws become your excuses. And you did the same with my injury. And now you can do it again with this. I fucked up, okay? I completely fucked up. I took our relationship and destroyed it. But the truth… it was a disaster long before this. And if you can’t figure that out, then it just proves my point. Goodnight, Elena. Goodbye.”

  “I can come and go here whenever I want,” I called out. “I have a fucking key, Chad. And if you change the locks, I’ll call the police!”

  I waited.

  The front door shut.

  He was gone.

  I touched my face and looked around.

  When we were looking at this place, he hated everything about it. I loved that it was small and cozy. I loved that it was rustic. Chad said it was old and smelled bad. I loved that it needed some attention.

  Maybe he was right.

  Maybe this entire thing had been off the rails for a really long time.

  I stepped back until my back hit the counter.

  I slowly bent my legs until my butt hit the floor. I put my head back and took a deep breath, knowing I couldn’t stop the tears.

  My phone dinged with a text.