Imagine Us

by Jaxson Kidman

  “We’re family here,” I whispered. “So, don’t get pissed at Judy for telling me. And don’t get pissed at me for helping. Just take it and be happy.”

  I kissed the top of her head.

  “Adam?” a voice asked.

  I broke away from Shannon and saw Elena standing at the back door to the diner.

  “Hey,” I said. “Elena.”

  “I’m going to get going,” Shannon said.

  “Yeah, sure,” I said.

  “Thank you again,” she whispered and squeezed my arm.

  “I’ve always got your back,” I said.

  Shannon gave a wave to Elena.

  Elena waved back.

  “How was your day today?” I asked Elena.

  When I got close to her, she stepped back.

  Her eyes moved to Shannon’s car, then to me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I know it’s not my place… but are you… with Shannon…?”

  I looked over my shoulder as Shannon drove away.

  I started to laugh.

  “No, sugar,” I said. “Why would you ask that?”

  “You were hugging. You kissed her. She said thank you.”

  I smiled even bigger. “Ah, I get it now.”

  “Get what?” Elena asked.

  “You’re jealous.”

  “Of you and her? No.”

  “Yes, you are. That’s why you’re asking.”

  “You know where I’m coming from, Adam,” Elena said. “And what we did… I just don’t want to… I’m not sharing you.”

  “So, you’re claiming me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “You know what, forget I said anything.”

  “Hey, whatever I have going on is between me and that person,” I said.

  “Right,” she said.

  Her face turned a light shade of red.

  She turned and walked into the diner and I went after her.

  There was a part of me that liked to see her jealous.

  At the last possible second, I took her by the elbow and pulled her into the office. I quickly shut the door and locked it.

  “What?” she asked, her nostrils flaring.

  “You are jealous,” I said. “I gave Shannon money. A check. Her ex isn’t paying her child support and she’s about to get kicked out of her apartment. She’s too stubborn to ask for help, so I stepped in anyway. She’s a hard-working, single mother and deserves better than she has. Does that mean I want to get into her pants? No. Was there a time when it crossed my mind? Probably. But, like I told you already, I’d end up making the situation worse than it is.”

  Elena looked shocked. “Oh.”

  “Yeah, I hugged her. She hugged me. I kissed the top of her head. Nowhere else on her body, Elena.”

  Her face turned a deeper shade of red.

  She shut her eyes and sighed. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “We’re all family in this town. We help each other.”

  “Is that why you’re helping me?” she asked.

  “That and other reasons,” I said with a grin.

  She smiled back.

  That smile was like a wound to my heart. It was more tempting and satisfying than the pills in my desk. She was the ultimate drug and addiction. But she also came with the ultimate hurt. Because she’d never kill me like the pills could. So, I’d live in pain and longing for her.

  “What are the other reasons, Adam?” Elena asked in a sweet and flirty voice.

  I stepped toward her.

  My mind swam with wild thoughts.

  Touching her, having her, and loving her drove me wild. But loving her… maybe it was too late for that… I’d only hurt her. The truth of this lake town, the diner, and myself. All of it would hurt her.

  Elena bit her bottom lip and reached for my hands.

  Her hands were soft and small, just like I always remembered.

  “Did you get any writing done?” I asked.

  “Not really,” she said. She pulled herself toward me. “Had a busy morning.”

  “Selling houses?”

  “Trying to.”

  Her body gently touched mine. “Thought you didn’t like that.”

  “Still have to do it for now,” she whispered.

  “How long?” I asked.

  “Are you that worried about me? Think I’m going to leave this town for good?”

  I gritted my teeth.

  Fuck, sugar, I don’t want you to leave. This town. My loft. This office in the diner. Or my heart. But you probably should. You should forget Chad and then forget me. Go chase down that book inside and live a good life.

  Those were the right words.

  But the idea of right and wrong had always been blurred when it came to Elena.

  I lowered my lips down to hers, softly kissing her.

  The sound of our lips popping apart over and over sent a burning rage throughout my body.

  I touched her cheek and inched back. “You need to be careful near me, Elena.”

  “Careful. Why?”

  “Everything you see right now might not be… it’s all new and different for you. And as much as I don’t want you to go back to the life you were living, I don’t want you to get hurt here.”

  “And how am I going to get hurt?” she asked.

  My thumb stroked her cheek. “Me, sugar.”

  “You could never hurt me, Adam. You promised. Right?”

  I swallowed hard.

  I smiled, which was a lie.

  I thought about Janet and what happened to her. The pills in my desk. The life Chris lived. The storm that never stopped but only rained when it felt like it.

  I never promised I wouldn’t hurt Elena, just that I would protect her.

  And the worst part of that promise was I’d probably have to say goodbye to her before things went too far.

  * * *

  ‘Are we too far gone for this right now?’

  I look at her, the sunlight bouncing off the lake and hitting her face just as the warm summer breeze plays with a piece of her hair. My God do I want to fall hopelessly in love with her. I want to take a loan out against the diner and go buy her the biggest diamond ring I can get. Then slide that ring on her finger and get us both straightened out. We can turn the diner into something great. She has a knack for design. Like a legit knack at it. If we can just…

  Or I can just fall all the way with her. For her.

  Give her…

  ‘I think we’re happy where we are,’ I say. ‘The sun hitting the water. Hitting your face. Everything feeling okay.’

  She smiled. She’s got two little dimples when she smiles.

  Someone else has three.

  But that doesn’t matter. Or it shouldn’t matter.

  It keeps popping into my head. All the fucking time.

  That’s why I keep pushing things more and more.

  To chase that away.

  ‘I really don’t feel like working tomorrow. I’m tired of the regulars right now. It’s kind of sad to be there. You know? I mean, with Gwen and Wally dead…’

  The word ‘dead’ crushes my chest. It’s a weight I wasn’t ready to get thrown at me.

  I’m all the way on my own.

  Losing myself.

  But she keeps me company. She brings the demons with her and we all dance together. It’s our own world.

  I stare at the water so long that I see shapes. I see it lift up and twirl. The water is dancing, spinning round and round.

  I smile at the figure above the water. The figure only I can see.

  It makes me think of someone else.

  Her dance recital. Before she hurt her ankle and had to stop dancing. She was good at it. Dancing. Writing poetry. This perfect person of beauty and heart. And when I blinked, it all changed.

  ‘Hey, are you okay over there?’

  I turn my head. ‘Yeah. Why?’

  ‘You’re crying.’

  I touch my cheeks.
r />   Holy fuck, I’m so out of it, I’m crying in front of her.

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No. Don’t be. I like it.’ She touches my hand. ‘I love you, Adam.’

  I look to the water again.

  The water figure above the water is gone.

  And I whisper, ‘I love you too.’

  There was something about the water. That’s all I knew. I wasn’t a fan of swimming in the lake and I rarely touched the water. I was good with just seeing it.

  I took the food off the grill and went inside to find Elena setting the table. A simple yet perfect cookout. Nothing fancy, which was all I ever wanted in my life.

  I watched as she ripped paper towels in half and folded them up to use as napkins, because who the hell had the time to buy actual napkins? And it didn’t matter to her. Little things like that were just throwbacks to how we grew up.

  As I put the plate of food on the table, my eyes refused to look away from her.

  The way pieces of her hair fell forward, rebelling against her hair tie. The soft and silky look of her skin, that natural beauty that made my adolescent heart go wild still did the same now. She looked at me for a second, her green eyes like the first sight of buds on a tree in spring after a long, cold winter.

  “What?” she asked as she stood up.

  “You’re fucking perfect, Elena,” I said. “Everything about you. From the day I met you. When I caught you eating candy because you were upset. The way you carried your books against your chest. When you got pimples and stole your mother’s makeup to cover them up. Every little thing about you that changed, but somehow you yourself stayed the same.”

  She swallowed hard as her cheeks blushed. “Oh…”

  “Sorry,” I said. I turned my head and sighed. “Shit. I’m not supposed to do this.”

  Elena moved toward me and touched my arm. “Do what, Adam?”

  I looked at her. “Fall for you again.”

  17

  Don’t Rock It

  ELENA

  (now)

  At some point, we do need to talk. I would like to come get the rest of my stuff and talk about how we handle the lease.

  I stood at the desk in the small conference room in the basement of the real estate office and studied the words. Time had just slipped away from me in a way I actually didn’t even care about. But I did need to get my stuff out of the house. I had taken enough clothes with me to survive. Anything else I needed I just grabbed at the store. Having a furnished room at Marjorie’s was pretty easy to maintain. Make the bed. Turn off the lights. It was almost like living the childhood I never had.

  It had been the third time I’d sent Chad a text.

  I didn’t expect an answer and knew it was getting to a point where I either just showed up to get my stuff or maybe contact a lawyer. There were a few lawyers we used for real estate dealings, so I was sure I could ask for some friendly advice. Even still, it felt strange. Stomach sickening, actually. To stand there and admit that my high school sweetheart had cheated on me. And I let it happen and wasted so many years, sort of knowing the road was going to end where it did.

  “Are you meditating or something?”

  I laughed as Lacy stepped into the room looking like a runway model.

  The slit on her black dress rode up pretty close to her hip. She certainly had a look nailed down. Her stockings matched her shoes and the all-black look with pouty red lips would take any guy’s breath away.

  All the while I stood there in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up. My hair pulled back in a messy bun. I had to stop by to have a client sign some papers and it just wasn’t worth actually getting all dressed up for. In fact, that had never been my thing. I was casual and that was fine by me.

  “I’m just about to head out,” I said. “Sending a text.”

  “To Adam?” Lacy asked with a grin.

  I hated myself for even mentioning Adam once to her. Even though I explained I was renting out a room and had a place to live, she fantasized about Adam hugging me in his bed, doing things that would make even herself blush. Which wasn’t the worst thing to imagine, but the way Adam sometimes looked at me, it went beyond that.

  His words about falling for me, hurting me, wanting me to be happy stuck in my head. A stern warning to stay away, yet all it did was try to bring me in closer. But that was the way he always was with me. Like we were both afraid to love each other, yet we needed each other. It sounded dumb to suggest that maybe we were better as friends because his tall frame and wide shoulders made me want more than that.

  “Chad,” I said to Lacy. “Waiting for him to respond so I can get my stuff.”

  “What an ass,” Lacy said. “Go ninja on him and just show up. Walk through like you own the place. Oh, better yet, take Adam. Have Adam bend you over the kitchen sink…”

  One of the other realtors - Ted - walked by, looking at us.

  “Hey, Ted,” I said with a wave.

  “Teddy bear,” Lacy said. “Want to join the conversation?”

  “I hear nothing,” he said and kept walking.

  “Thanks, Lacy,” I said. “But it’s a little more serious than that. I keep thinking… I don’t know, what if he had other women in our bed? Or if I show up and a woman is there? It still hurts, you know?”

  “Of course it hurts,” she said. “I’m not making light of it. But you can’t let him win all the time. He broke your heart. At the very least, go get your stuff and kick him in the balls. Oh, and wear something slutty. Make him see what he’s lost.”

  I laughed. “Good advice. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “I have to go over to a closing,” Lacy said. “Talk later.”

  I nodded.

  The second she was out of sight, I left the office. I wanted to get out of there and go… well, home. My new home.

  I knew it wasn’t going to be my forever home, but it was a place to at least hide.

  From everything that happened.

  And the way I felt about Adam.

  * * *

  “Well, I think your friend is spot on,” Marjorie said as she slowly walked to the table.

  She amazed me how she couldn’t walk without a limp, but her hands were so steady with cups of tea. And she absolutely refused to let me serve her. Not once. She considered me a guest. Even after I reminded her several times that I was paying her to live there.

  “About which part?” I asked.

  “All of it,” she said. “Get back at that bastard.”

  I laughed. It was still a little strange to hear what looked like a sweet, elderly woman say those things.

  “I’m more along the lines of letting people suffer on their own,” I said. “Let the world work itself out.”

  “Well, that’s just too practical for me,” Marjorie said.

  “Oh yeah? What would you have done?”

  Marjorie stirred lemon in her tea and suddenly smiled. “I would have shown up in the dark with a baseball bat. And waited. Then when he turns on the light, swing but miss on purpose. Watch how fast he listens then.”

  “Jeez,” I said. “Remind me not to miss my rent payment.”

  Marjorie cackled. She took my hand with impressive strength. “I’m just playing, Elena. I know you’re still hurting about it. I’m sorry he’s doing this. You’ll get your stuff. You’ll find happiness again. True happiness.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  “You mentioned your husband. Was he your… you know, only husband?”

  Marjorie grinned. Her cheeks were round and pressed up to her eyes. “Yes. Martin was my only husband. Not the only man I ever had in my life, if that’s what you were asking too.”

  “Martin and Marjorie?” I asked. My heart swooned. “That’s so cute.”

  “Oh, we heard it all in our life together,” she said. “Why are you asking about Martin?”

  “I’m sorry you lost him,” I said. “And then you had to live
here alone.”

  “Oh, no, no,” she said. “There is no had. Remember that, Elena. Life is all about choosing. Choices. When Martin died, I had the choice to stay or go. I still do now. My family wants me to sell the house and move. They want me closer to them to enjoy what years I have left. But I choose to be here because I’m happy here. It’s not just the memory of Martin either. This is my house.”

  “After Martin… you never loved another man?”

  “No.”

  “I feel odd asking this, Marjorie, but why?”

  “Why didn’t I love another man?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s a good question. A tough one.” Marjorie looked down at her tea. She stirred the lemon again.

  “I’m sorry for asking,” I said. “You don’t have to answer. I’m relieving my emotions onto that. That’s not fair. I’m sorry.”

  “No,” Marjorie said. “Don’t you dare apologize. You had your heart broken.”

  “What if I didn’t?”

  She looked at me. “Excuse me?”

  “What if I knew it was going to happen? What if I knew things with Chad were going to end this way? What if I’m questioning… myself? Why I stayed with him for so long. Maybe because I was just so used to him. I don’t know. Did it hurt? Yeah, of course it did. But this intense pain… maybe it’s not about him…”

  “You’re going to find happiness again,” Marjorie said. “Like I told you. I knew Martin was my one and only. That doesn’t have to be the same for you. If this guy wasn’t the right one for you, then maybe this happened for good reason.” She touched her cheek. “Oh, my goodness, did that sound terribly rude?”

  I smiled. “No. It’s honest. It’s almost like waking up and trying to figure out what’s real and what’s a dream.”

  “Just breathe,” Marjorie said. “It’s funny how the older you get, the more those goofy sayings matter. Just breathe, Elena. Get through this whatever way you need to. You owe nobody nothing. Remember that. Take care of yourself. Take all the time you need. Let life be life.”

  “Do you miss Martin?”

  “Every single day,” she said. “But I’m happy with life and I’m happy with living.”

  I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to ask another question.

  A knock at the front door interrupted me.