Warrior Undone

by Ruben, Jessica

  “Why don’t we go somewhere?” I speak before I think.

  “Where?” She looks between me and the bowl of popcorn.

  “The sun is setting soon. There’s a spot.”

  “Yeah. Okay.” She stands up, sliding her shoes on. “Let’s do it.”

  “It’s about half an hour west of the strip. Red Rock Canyon. You cool with riding for that long?”

  She nods enthusiastically.

  We get on the bike together and ride. Her hands trail all over my stomach as I drive. Her touch is a brand. It moves like fire straight into my dick and my heart and even my brain. We get there just as the sun sets over the canyon, painting everything in shades of orange.

  I help her off the bike, walking us away from the parking lot and the highway.

  “It’s like God is putting on a show for us,” she tells me, almost breathless with awe, staring at the mountains. “The rocks are incredible. And these colors!”

  “Time and erosion does wonders.”

  Taking a long inhale of mountain air, she smiles at me.

  “Wish I’d brought a tent for us.”

  “Oh no.” She nervously shakes her head. “I don’t do camping.”

  “Why not?” I lean back against a large boulder, bringing her between my legs.

  “Well, you heard Eve before. I don’t like snakes and the wilderness. All those noises. Animals that come out at night.” She shivers.

  “With me, camping would be different. I’ve been here on my own tons of times. Sunrise is spectacular.”

  I pull her body closer, showing her with my actions that I’d protect her. I would use the words, but I can’t. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep or talk about things that can never be.

  A terror creeps into my psyche and pierces my brain. Memories of war sit on the back burner of my mind, waiting to come back. How much time do I have until the next onslaught? But then, next week, she’ll be gone.

  I imagine other men touching her and loving her back in LA. Lauren looking up at them, brown eyes large and sweet, like she’s doing with me right now, agreeing to long drives and fancy dinners and a huge diamond ring …

  “Tell me more about how it would be different.” Her soft voice interrupts my thoughts.

  She is looking for clarity. She knows what we have between us, but she wants to hear it line by line. She wants me to work it out in my own head. But I can’t. I need to keep us as a jumble, so I can deny what I’m feeling. Deny the fact that I can’t see past next week, when she’ll be gone, without wanting to break something.

  She seems to know that I’m conflicted because she swiftly changes the subject. “Did you camp with your family? I always wanted to do that, but my parents aren’t the type.” She smiles. “We’ve traveled all over the coasts of the US, Europe, and Hawaii, but we’ve never done something as simple as pitching a tent.”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “We used to camp all the time. Dad, Aaron and I used to love building fires. Mom didn’t always want to come along though. It was our time.”

  “If we stayed here together, give me a play-by-play of how it would be.” She nestles into my body and leans her head against my chest, the smell of her skin filling me up.

  “I’d pack everything we needed. Set up the tent. Lay out the sleeping bags inside. Build us a good fire. We’d cook over it.” I put my hands in her hair, gripping the back of her head to tether her to me. “I’d hold you. In the morning, we’d watch the sun come up. My mom used to tell me that, wherever I was in the world, I should look at the sun and know she was watching the same one.” I bend my head, gently kissing her lips.

  For the first time since I’ve been home, I feel it like a hole in my gut. I miss my mom.

  “That’s beautiful, Slade. She must have been a special woman.”

  I nod because my mom wasn’t just special. She was incredible. “She was a nurse but never missed a football game of mine. Always had a home-cooked meal ready for me after school even if it was sitting in the refrigerator for me to heat up. When I left for boot camp, she cried so hard. Wanted me to go to college. I had a scholarship for football.”

  “It’s not too late to go back to school, Slade. You can go and do that now. We’re in America, aren’t we? And this is what you’ve talked about—mental strength. If you want something, I have no doubt you’ll make it happen.”

  I want to respond, but the words won’t come. I’m too overwhelmed by her support and thoughtfulness. “My mom would have loved you,” is all I can manage. In fact, I have no doubt that my whole family would have. I’m a hard man, and I was a tough kid, but I was raised right in the kind of family that was God-loving and full of warmth. I wasn’t always this broken.

  Lauren expectantly looks back up at me.

  If I asked her to camp with me now, she’d say yes. What if I asked for … more?

  Instead, I say, “Let’s head back.”

  I pull her back toward the bike and lean her against it, sliding my hands over her shoulders and beneath her loose blouse. She tilts her head, and I can see the vulnerability in her face. This is the innocent side of Lauren. Her eyes, they yearn.

  “Maybe I can’t wait for home,” I whisper in her ear, playing with the buttons on her ladylike shirt.

  Impatience thrums through my blood. I want her so badly; I can’t stand it. It’s a basic urge to mark her and take her as mine. Before I can kiss her, something passes over her face. It looks something like disappointment.

  Before I can think another thought, I say, “Home. Let’s go home.”

  She lets out a tiny exhale as I fasten her helmet and get on the bike, helping her on after me.

  Back in my driveway, we barely get off the bike before we lunge for each other. The softness of her mouth sends chills down my spine. She pulls back for air, but I don’t let her go. I can’t. Lifting her into my arms with her legs wrapped around my midsection, I bring her into the house, our mouths fused as I hold her gorgeous ass in my hands.

  She whimpers as I shut the door behind us. I bring her into my bedroom, dropping her onto my black bedspread. I lean onto her, and her legs spread to make room for me. Palming her breasts over her shirt, I know I need her completely nude. With the way she’s shaking, she needs me, too. We have a response to each other that’s off the charts. I wish I could find a girl who means nothing and expects nothing and have this kind of heat. But I can’t. It’s Lauren.

  She groans as I stand up, pulling down my jeans and my underwear at the same time. My cock springs free, and I fist it in my hand, watching her eyes widen and smolder. I take off my shirt next, pulling up from behind my neck. She sits up, peeling off her own clothes. When she’s undressed, we both pause to stare, breathing heavily. She’s looking at me like I’m her king.

  I drop to my knees in front of her. “You’re beautiful,” I whisper.

  She moves her hands around my head, hugging me into her chest. I can’t remember the last time I was truly hugged, skin-to-skin. Yes, she’s stunning. But she’s more. Lauren is everything.

  I sit back up, finding lips while gently rubbing my thumbs over her nipples. They harden from my touch. “So fucking hot.”

  I let my dick slide up and down over her bare pussy, coated with slick wetness, until we’re both groaning. I want to shift and get inside. Just one more minute of this perfect torture. I keep sliding, my dick passing over her clit back and forth, driving us both insane. The sound of her juices is a goddamn aphrodisiac.

  “Condom.” Her voice breaks.

  I curse, spinning around and opening the small drawer by my bedside. Pulling out and opening a square packet, I unroll the condom over my swollen length.

  The sound she makes when I enter her is enough to turn me mindless. I’m growling like an animal, my need so desperate that it’s shocking. I want to mark this woman and take her over on every single plane. I’m dizzy with the thought of her being mine.

  Mine!

  “Oh!” Her pussy tightens, squeezing my
dick so hard that I’m shaking.

  I grip her firm ass, plunging into her, and my movements become more erratic. Her full, big, nippled breasts. And the heat of her moans.

  Christ!

  She’s whimpering now from the pleasure as I throw her legs over my shoulders to get deeper, but I don’t slow down the force—can’t even if I tried. My finger moves down, as I know what she needs, and it circles around her clit. She screams out as sweat breaks in the valley between her breasts.

  “Oh God, Slade …” Nails score my back up and down.

  “Take me deeper. Raise those legs higher. Spread them for me.” I bend low, sucking on her neck and breasts so hard that I know I’m leaving bruises.

  She gives it to me, offering herself. I take it all. I want anyone walking near her to know she belongs to me. A fizzing sensation builds in the back of my neck, growing until, finally, I explode. I come so hard that I barely contain my own shout.

  While we steady our breaths, she caresses my hair and kisses my shoulder and runs her fingers up and down my chest, as though she can’t stop herself. I’m so overwhelmed with this feeling, like she’s flowing into me. Clear as day, I know this woman has the power to give my life meaning but also to utterly destroy me.

  I stand up, taking care of the condom before getting back into the bed. Bringing her into my arms, I press her warm, sweaty body to mine before rolling back on top of her, kissing every inch. She squirms, laughing and asking me to stop tickling her.

  “Stop?” Kiss. “How can I stop?” I lick a circle around her tiny belly button, waiting for her eyes to connect with mine. “Have you seen yourself?” Down her perfect body I go.

  If I ever wanted to stay away from Lauren, I should have drawn the line at Vincent and Eve’s wedding. I never should have brought her into my truck. Once I got a taste, it was as though I physically and emotionally bonded with her. There are depths within Lauren I haven’t even begun to understand. But, God, I want to.

  I move between her legs, spreading her wide, wanting to inhale her essence. My last rational thought before I press my mouth against her heat is, Eight days left.

  She replies with a guttural moan.

  I finish her off before kissing back up her glistening body. Lauren has a figure that’s straight out of my dreams. Heavy breasts. Small waist. Toned hips.

  I squeeze her thighs, and she says, “You’re killing me, Slade.”

  “Just the beginning, baby.” I grasp the back of her head, locking our eyes. Stay, I silently beg.

  Her eyes smile, but she stays quiet, just as I have.

  “So, we’re in your bed, huh?” She can’t resist the question.

  I lean up on my elbow. “We are.”

  In my bed, with the thin shades lowered, we spend two hours talking about everything. Joking around and moving to serious topics and then laughing again. We have another round of sex but slower and deeper. My nose, eyes, hands … all full of this woman who feels made for me.

  “Do you feel my heart?” she whispers beneath the covers, lifting my heavy hand and putting it against her chest. It beats so quickly.

  “No, babe. I think that’s your stomach growling up into your chest cavity,” I joke, feeling her stomach rumble.

  She laughs, swatting my chest.

  Her body is so hot to the touch and coated with our sweat. The steady beat of her heart against my hand has me light-headed.

  “I can put some food together for you. Just gotta get out of this jail you’ve set for me.”

  “Sure.” She untangles her legs from mine, and I immediately feel the loss.

  I get out of bed, sliding on a pair of shorts before leaving the bedroom. Opening the fridge, I pull out some already-cooked taco meat and a packet of soft tortillas from dinner two nights ago. I toast the tortillas while I warm the beef and then put together two overstuffed tacos filled with saucy meat, shredded cabbage, and carrots. It’s nothing fancy, but I know it’s delicious. After filling a cup with ice water, I bring it all into the bedroom, expecting to see her gorgeous, naked body in my bed.

  When I enter the room, she’s gone. A rush of adrenaline surges through my chest. Where the hell did she go? I put down the plate and water on the desk by the bedroom window and put a hand on the wall to steady myself. Our mingled scents are still on the bedsheets, turning me to fury. Did she run? But where? I break out into a nervous sweat, my hands shaking as I practically sprint to my front door. Did she leave while I was warming her food? I turn the door handle, but it’s still locked. That’s when I hear the faucet running from the bathroom.

  I drop into a seat at my kitchen table, pulling out a cigarette and smoking it in record time. And then another. I don’t open any windows but just smoke and smoke to calm my nerves. I need to keep this woman near me. How can I let her go? I know I’m fucked up, but I’ve lost the strength to push her away. With her soft body and eyes, I’m done for. I fill a glass with vodka and quickly drink it down before grabbing a few mints from my junk drawer and chewing them.

  With a fresh cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth, I go back into my bedroom and open my bedside drawer, popping three white-and-yellow-coated pills and chewing them quickly. Need this right now. Need to keep her with me tonight, next to me. How else can I do it if not this way?

  I finally knock on the bathroom door, wondering what’s taking her so long. “Lauren?”

  She opens it, smiling, crazy sex hair piled up on top of her head in a sloppy bun and completely clothed. I lean against the doorframe, brows raised in confusion as to why she’s fully dressed.

  Inhaling the smoke, I try to keep myself from unhinging. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  Her face turns down. “I thought you’d take me back to the hotel after we ate something.”

  “No. Get back in the bed.” I slowly shake my head because there is no way I’m sending her home right now. I’ve already taken the drugs and had a drink. It should be enough to put myself out completely. She’ll be safe, and I’ll get to keep her. Win-win.

  “Really?” Her voice is full of nervous question.

  “You’ll stay here tonight. With me.”

  “But I thought you said you didn’t do sleepovers.” Her voice is small but hopeful.

  “Well, tonight, that changes.”

  The happiness that fills her face is so beautiful that I’m floored. She walks back into the bedroom, pulling off pieces of her clothes as she moves, her gorgeous heart-shaped ass twisting with her steps. My heart rate begins to slow as my body calms.

  I’ll be okay. She’ll be safe. Please, God, I need her right now.

  I pull off my shorts and get into the bed, bringing the food with me.

  “Slade, I seriously love you right now.” She smiles, pulling a taco from the plate.

  My heart pauses. She’s just joking around because I brought her tacos. But … love. The word is like a small seed, pounding against my rib cage and then expanding into something more.

  She moans, biting into the food I’ve made her as the saucy meat drips from the other end into the plate. She’s messy and fucking gorgeous.

  “Want the other?” she asks.

  “Sure. Let me just …” I lift my thumb, wiping the corner of her lips.

  She blushes shyly.

  I go ahead and take a large bite. When she’s finished with hers, I offer her the rest of mine. She tries to take it with her hands, but I shake my head from side to side. From my hand, she eats.

  The drugs begin to settle into my bones as I put the empty plate back on my desk. She drinks from the glass of water I brought. When that’s done, I drag her into the center of my chest. Having her near me is relief and warmth and joy, all rolled into one. Lauren. She’s here right now, and she’s mine.

  Slowly, my thoughts crackle. Fragments of memory join together like magnets as I’m pulled down into a heavy sleep.

  I hear a woman’s voice, but it sounds muffled, as though she’s talking through a sheet. I think I
know who it is, but I’m too tired to confirm. Has cotton filled my ears? The voice is more urgent now, but I only sink deeper into my bed where sand sits between my toes. I want to tell whoever is talking to just stop. I’m here where I’m supposed to be with Rex in the cot next to mine, snoring. Lead coats my bones, turning them to an unimaginable weight. And there’s nothing to do but let it ride.

  17

  Lauren

  I woke up this morning while Slade was still in a deep sleep. I’ve already showered. Made coffee. Cooked eggs. And still, he sleeps.

  Tiptoeing into his room, I take a look at his face, paler than usual. His breaths are so light. Too light?

  “Slade,” I whisper-yell, shaking him.

  But he doesn’t move. And then he opens his bloodshot eyes, oozing redness.

  “Sla—”

  He grabs my upper arm and pulls me to his body as a gun moves to my head. The whole world slows down. I can feel the beat of my heart.

  “Slade?” I stammer. I want to scream, but I can’t. My entire being is frozen in fear.

  He lets me go, puts the gun back beneath his pillow, and throws his legs to one side of the bed before standing. His entire body is coated with a sheen of sweat, but he shivers, as though it were ten below. Darkness circles his eyes. I’m so terrified. I think I might collapse to the ground.

  On shaky legs, he enters his bathroom, shutting the door behind him as though I were nothing but air. Like he didn’t just pull a gun on me. A gun! A weapon!

  The sound of him puking into the toilet has me running out of his bedroom and into the kitchen.

  Shifting from foot to foot, I ask myself, Why did I stay here last night in his bed? Am I insane? He warned me to stay away. He told me he never shared a bed! But I ignored him, like a fool. I need to get out of here and never return. My life isn’t perfect, but I’d like to keep it.

  Slade is the best man I’ve ever known, but something is wrong. All of this between us is just temporary, and sure, I like him more than I should, but the truth is, I’m scared of him. Should I be? He pulled a gun on me, but I was the one who surprised him. I should have known better. I should know that shaking a sleeping man like him would be dangerous … like poking a bear, right? I start to laugh. Something in the back of my mind tells me I’m losing it, but I just shake my head. I had the best night of my life last night, and sure, this morning has been … frightening, but it’s nothing I can’t handle, right? Because he’s fine and I’m fine and all is well. But, no, it’s not well. A gun was pulled on me! Shit. My life doesn’t make sense anymore.