Redemption

by CaSandra McLaughlin

  Tania nodded.

  “That day, in tenth grade, when were in the cafeteria and those guys who used to rap all the time—Bobby and Cameron—they made up that song about Wheeler in a wheelchair?”

  Tania recalled it clearly. She’d been even more angry at those boys than all the kids who had ever called her fat in school. She nodded.

  “You stood up to them. Slung your chocolate milk at them. I was sitting there on my row like, “Dang—that girl right there! She for real.”

  Tania laughed, shaking her head. “It was like something came over me. And I got detention for that, you know?”

  DeWayne’s face grew serious. “But your heart wouldn’t let you stand by while those people made fun of her.”

  “I know what it’s like to be hurt by people.”

  DeWayne leaned in. “I hope to put an end to that.”

  DeWayne and Tania kissed like they were extras in a soap opera. He pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and she granted him access. DeWayne and Tania both closed their eyes and savored the moment.

  “DeWayne, what exactly are we doing?” Tania asked. This was all new to her. She wasn't used to this type of thing happening. Sure, she'd heard of love at first sight, but that sort of thing never happened in real life. Does it?.

  DeWayne stood up and pulled Tania into his arms and looked into her eyes.

  “This seems...fast,” she whispered after catching her breath again.

  “Tania, what we are doing is letting what should have happened a long time ago take place now.”

  Tania took a deep breath and digested what he'd just said.

  “Let me date you and show you I'm for real, too.”

  “I don't know how that would be possible with me living in Uhl. I mean, I have to get back since my assistant is having a baby pretty soon.”

  “I own my own business, so I'm available to travel as often as need be.”

  “We can meet up in Handover if you'd like, since that's the halfway point between us,” Tania suggested.

  “I don't want you traveling up and down the dangerous highways. I'm a man so let me come to you. We could get together at least three or four times a month. I have enough points through Hilton to get my room at little or nothing. Let me do this. I got this and I got you.” DeWayne winked at her.

  “Tania, why are you staring into space?”

  “Shhhh, lower your voice. I'm not staring into space. I'm looking at the couple over there.”

  “Why?” DeWayne said, confused. Finally, he followed her gaze.

  “That guy looks like my sister's fiancé, Zack. She showed me a picture of him and I'm almost certain that's him.”

  Tania got up and walked a little closer to see.

  “Maybe it's just a friend. We don't want to jump to conclusions,” DeWayne offered.

  Zack stooped down and allowed the girl to jump on his back. The girl giggled as he raised up. She kissed Zack's neck as she held on.

  “Friend my foot, this is awful. How dare he do this to my sister?” Tania frowned.

  DeWayne placed his arm around her and massaged her neck to get her to relax.

  “Can we just go?” Tania said with great frustration in her voice.

  DeWayne gathered everything up quietly and led her back to the truck.

  “Tania, I'm sorry you had to witness that. What are you going to do?”

  “I don't know, but I've got to find a way to tell my sister before this wedding.”

  “Let’s pray about it and ask God to give you wisdom on how to handle this,” DeWayne reassured her.

  When they pulled back up at the hotel, Dewayne grabbed Tania's hands and offered prayer. He ushered her into the hotel and walked her to the elevator.

  “No worries. It's going to be alright.”

  “I sure hope so. Thanks, DeWayne.”

  They hugged and Tania got inside of the elevator.

  Tania wasn't used to a man taking charge; she'd never had a man to pray with her. She was not used to DeWayne's behavior, but it was certainly something she would consider welcoming and adjusting to.

  Chapter 15

  Tania walked into her room in a daze, she truly didn't know if she was coming or going.

  Looking back on things, Tania had to admit to herself that she still had feelings for DeWayne. But guys like Dewayne were out of her league, or at least that's what Mona had drilled into her.

  Tania's feelings about herself, about her appearance, were all shot down because of Mona. She never realized how much control she'd allowed Mona to have over her life. If Mona said it, to her it was good as gold.

  Tania sat on the side of her bed and thought long and hard about how she'd allowed years of carrying Mona's words in her heart as if they were the gospel.

  She realized that she had to free herself from all of the hurt and pain. Tania also wondered if her anger toward Mona had affected her relationship with Naomi. It had to, she reasoned. Otherwise, how could have abandoned her baby sister to be raised by someone with the potential to be so cruel? Maybe, at the heart of it all, she just couldn’t relate to Naomi’s pristine image of Mona. Their different perspectives on Mona stood between Tania and Naomi. But no more.

  Immediately Tania dropped to her knees and began to pray.

  “God, thank you for another opportunity to seek you. Lord, I come to you tonight asking you to deliver me from past thoughts that I have allowed to control my life. Lord, change my thought process and how I look at myself. I realize, God, it's those thoughts that I have allowed to hinder me, and to keep me from seeing the beauty of who I really am. I was made in your image, and you numbered every hair on my head. Lord, teach me to love me more and not put myself down because of what others have said. Lord, I renounce every horrible word I have said about myself; I renounce calling myself fat, and thinking that I am a failure because of it. Lord, your word says that if I keep my mind stayed on you, you will keep me in perfect peace.

  “I also want to repent of taking out my anger on Naomi. She didn’t deserve to be abandoned. It was bad enough she lost Momma. Then I abandoned her, too, because of Mona.

  “Lord, let my focus be on you. Lord, renew my mind, renew my heart so that I will have a greater desire to not only love myself but to accept love and give love as well, in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”

  Tania got off of her knees and stood in the bathroom mirror naked and repeated the words from Psalms: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Tania had no idea why she was in the mirror chanting; it had to be the Holy Spirit leading her to do so. She chanted it four more times: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Tania cried, but this time she cried tears of joy because she felt free, she felt renewed, felt God holding her in His arms. All of those years of torment were over.

  The next day Tania woke up and decided to check in with Stacy to see how things were going at the store.

  “Hey Tania, how are things going?” Stacy asked.

  “Stacy, God is so good, things are going fine.”

  “How is your aunt?”

  “She's doing better. Hopefully she'll get out of the hospital soon.”

  “How are things going at the store?”

  “Same ole thing, no worries,” Stacy reassured her.

  “Stacy, thanks for your prayers. I truly appreciate you. I regretted coming here, but I honestly feel like God needed me to return so that I could face my issues and heal.”

  “Praise God, that's great. I'm so excited for you and your sister.”

  “I'm not sure what will happen with my sister, but I am thankful that God is dealing with me, healing my past wounds.”

  “What do you mean you don't know what will happen with your sister?”

  “I saw my sister and let's just say things didn't go well.” Tania sighed.

  “Well, hopefully things will work out.”

  “I pray that they will and I am sure Mona has a lot of healing that needs to be done that has nothing to do with me
. Anyway girl, I ran into an old classmate and we went out on a date, I guess you can call it a date, we were at the park.”

  “Wait a minute... what? You went on a date? Unbelievable.” Stacy laughed.

  “Yes, I went out on a date and Stacy, it was truly amazing.” Tania beamed.

  “Amazing. How, girl? Quit holding out, give me all the details.”

  “Well, his name is DeWayne Watkins and I have had a crush on him since forever. I ran into him at Wal-Mart; he gave me his number and we went out last night.”

  “Yeah, Wal-Mart has a way of bringing people together.” Stacy joked.

  “Really Stacy? You think you got jokes. Keep your day job.” Tania laughed.

  “Ok, obviously Mr. Watkins made some sort of impression on you, because honey, I see that smile on your face all the way in Uhl.”

  “Stacy, an impression is an understatement, all of those feelings that I've had for him overtook me. Do you think it's silly to be so in awe of someone you haven't seen in years?”

  “No girl, that's not silly. So are you guys going out again? How long are you going to be there?” Stacy quizzed.

  “I plan to see him at the wedding on Saturday, but I honestly want to see him again today.”

  “Look at you... go ahead girl. He could be the one,” Stacy said.

  “Speaking of him being my man, Stacy, he said he wants us to see where things will go. I am on cloud nine and scared all at the same time. I know he's been sincere with me, normally I am guarded but with him this just seems right. Don't laugh when I say this, but I feel like I'm supposed to be with him.”

  “Tania, that's awesome, and I won't laugh because I only dated my husband for three months before we got married. People laughed and told me I was crazy. I knew how I felt and how he felt and that was all that mattered. I love him and he loves me and we're happily married. I say go for it, and don't let anyone talk you out of it. You know your heart doesn't lie and also you've known him for a while, and even though you haven't dated him, it doesn't matter. Go for it, girl.” Stacy said.

  “Thanks Stacy, you always seem to know what to say.”

  “Just call me Dr. Stacy.” She laughed.

  “Ok, Dr. Stacy, thanks again and I'll see you on Sunday, girlfriend.”

  Tania decided to call Leslie to see how her aunt was doing.

  “Hey T, what's going on; where are you?”

  “I'm at the hotel, just got up, how's auntie doing?”

  “Girl, she's good. I was about to call you. They are going to discharge her this morning. You know she's been ranting and raving, saying she can't miss Naomi's wedding.”

  “Girl, Aunt Jean is a mess. She still shouldn't be trying to attend the wedding, for God's sake—she just had a heart attack.”

  “You know you can't tell Mama nothing, she hard headed.” Leslie laughed.

  “Well, I'm just glad she's ok. I'll call you when I finish getting dressed to see if you guys have left the hospital, or if you've made it to the house.”

  “Girl, you know the hospital will say ‘discharged in the morning’ but then it'll be lunch time before we actually leave.”

  “Oh yeah, that's true; they do take their time.”

  “T, did you call DeWayne yet?”

  “Yeah, I called him.” Tania giggled.

  “What’s with all the giggling? You up to something, I know it.”

  “Nothing’s up, we went out and he’s coming to the wedding with me,” Tania blurted out.

  “Coming to the wedding? Girl, all of that in one night?” Leslie said, shocked.

  “Yes, all of that in one night,” Tania said confidently.

  “Girl, I wanna hear these details in person, so hurry up and get over here.”

  “Alright, girlie see you in a bit,” Tania said.

  Tania and Leslie ended their call and Tania noticed that she had a text message from DeWayne.

  Good morning beautiful, I enjoyed you last night. Let's have lunch.

  Tania texted back:

  Morning handsome, I'd love to have lunch with you.

  Tania smiled and headed to the shower. During her shower she replayed last night’s date with DeWayne in her mind over and over again.

  Chapter 16

  Tania arrived at the hospital and to her surprise a hospital attendant was rolling her Aunt Jean outside. Immediately, Tania parked in the closest spot, jumped out of her car, and walked to greet her aunt just beyond the automatic doors.

  Aunt Jean answered, “Look at God! Nia, I'm going home and can't wait to get there. This hospital food ain't got no kinda seasoning on it.”

  Tania hugged her. “Auntie, you've got to stop eating all of that stuff. You have to use Mrs. Dash for seasoning.”

  “Humph, chile, please, I will continue to use Mr. Salt & Mrs. Pepper, thank you very much. I grew up eating good seasoned soul food.”

  Tania knew there was no need to argue with her aunt, she'd already made her mind up.

  “Ok, Auntie, but promise me you will at least cut back a little bit,” Tania pleaded.

  “I'll try. That's all I can say.”

  “Ok, I'll take that. It’s better than nothing.” Tania giggled.

  Leslie pulled the car under the awning and she and the attendant gave aid to Aunt Jean as she climbed into the car.

  “T, I have to stop and pick up Mama's prescription and then we'll be headed to the house. You can go on to the house if you want to. The key is in the flower pot,” Leslie said.

  “Y’all still keeping keys in the flower pot?”

  “Ummm yes, girl. We in the country, ain't nobody breaking in people's houses. We can sleep with our windows and doors open if we want to and besides, if Willie Earl see anybody strange on my porch, he'll chase 'em off. He always watching my house,” Aunt Jean said.

  “Mama, why is Mr. Willie Earl watching your house?” Leslie inquired.

  “Now see you all in my business. He watching the house and me too.” Aunt Jean laughed.

  “Lord Mama, why you say that? That's too much information.” Leslie frowned.

  “Leslie, chile, you shouldna asked. I ain't dead yet. I still got it going on, ain't that right, Nia?”

  “Yes Auntie, that's right,” Tania said, laughing at the facial expression that Leslie was making.

  “Anyway...T, are you coming to the house?” Leslie asked.

  “Yeah, I will be by there a little later on. I have something to take care of first.”

  “Something or someone?” Leslie quizzed.

  “Now you in my business,” Tania said.

  “Chile, let's go. I'm ready to get home. Imma cook me some greens and some cornbread,” Aunt Jean testified.

  “Alright T, see you later.”

  Tania watched as they drove away from the hospital. It was so good to see that Aunt Jean was back to her normal self.

  Arriving back to her car, Tania realized that she and DeWayne never chose a location for their lunch date. The mere thought of dating someone made her smile.

  She pulled her phone out to give him a call but her phone rang instead. She took a few deep breaths and answered.

  “Hello,” she sang.

  “Well, hello yourself, song bird,” Naomi said.

  “Oh, hey sis, how are you?”

  “Obviously you were expecting a call from someone else, is that someone DeWayne?”

  “Yessssssssss,” Tania said with excitement.

  “Sis, that's great; I'm glad y’all are hooking up. I'll be in your wedding next.”

  “Whoa, slow down, we've only been to the park, now you trying to get me to the altar.” Tania laughed.

  “Tania, anything is possible. You just never know what might happen.”

  “Wow, I don't know what to say.”

  “There's nothing for you to say other than ‘I do’ once you all date and get to know each other better and it won't be long.”

  “Naomi, it's not that simple. These things take time.”

  “You don'
t want to waste time. He could move on to the next girl.”

  Tania wanted to tell her about seeing Zack, but telling her over the phone wasn't the best way. Naomi would be crushed. Tania was clueless as to what to do. She decided to quiz Naomi a little, just to see where her mindset was.

  “If he moves on then it's not meant to be. How did you know Zack was the one?”

  “I just know he makes me feel special and I know that things will get better after we're married.”

  “Wait a minute, what do you mean by that?” Tania said, confused.

  “I'm saying that I know he's not perfect. Mona said that there's no such thing as a romantic storybook marriage. And I need to get all I can in life while I can, which Zack can help me do since he has a good job. I know he hasn't been completely faithful, but I got the ring so that means I won, right?” Naomi said as if she was trying to convince herself.

  Tania was livid. Why would Mona have Naomi thinking that what Zack’s actions were perfectly acceptable? Tania silently counted to ten to calm herself down.

  “Naomi, being married doesn't make a person settle down. Don't you think you should wait or maybe go to counseling before rushing into marriage?”

  “Tania, Zack loves me and he's promised me that he'll never cheat on me again. I believe him,” Naomi snapped.

  “Naomi, how can you be so sure?”

  “Look, I know you're concerned about me but I got this, so no worries. You'll get to meet Zack tomorrow for yourself and you'll see how great of a guy he is. Plus, like I said, he has a good, steady job. I want you and Mona to come over for lunch before the rehearsal dinner.”

  “I don't have a problem with coming, but what about Mona?” Tania quizzed.

  “I finally spoke with her and she'll be there too,” Naomi added.

  “I'm fine with that, I don't even have a desire to fight with her anymore.”

  “I want the both of you here so that we can hash things out.”

  “What time do you want us there?”

  “Let's say around noon.”

  “Ok, sounds good. See you tomorrow.”

  “Bye, Naomi, see you tomorrow.” Tania disconnected the call.