She whispered

by Lucas Chesterton

  The belated arrival of their drinks put a stop to that line of thought. Jack made a terse comment about declining standards in service to Aberforth, but the grey-haired man merely reacted with a benign smile. ‘It’s alright, Daysen’, he grumbled, ‘we all know you had a rough day’, and took off.

  They started on their drinks and after a while, Jack asked about Elena’s interview with Periwinkle. As it turned out, he already knew quite a lot about it, courtesy to his drinking pal Hermione Granger. He also knew that Elena had challenged Periwinkle’s religious feelings and made a snappy comment on it, albeit with a hint of glee on his face.

  ‘If there’s one thing I hate’, Elena explained, ‘it’s a bigot. Sure, I can see that the man is on a noble course. He wants justice. But he is so driven by it, I think it made him bitter. That young man who was with him ��� I don’t know if it was his son or grandson or nephew ��� but he was definitely frightened of him, cowed into complete submission ���’

  ‘Polarity’, Jack snarled.

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘Life is polarity. Light and dark, good and evil. You have to give both sides its due. If you become too invested in pursuing the so-called ‘good’ and completely repress anything you consider to be bad, the evil will sneak up on you from behind. I’ve seen it many times. The fallacy of the goody-two-shoes.’

  ‘And with you it’s the other way around?’

  A sharp jolt of his head. ‘What d’you mean?’

  ‘You used to be so busy being the bad boy that ‘the good’ sneaked up on you until you couldn’t ignore it any longer?’

  The look he returned was one of utter surprise. He had obviously never thought about it that way. Slowly, he tilted his head. ‘Maybe’, he said eventually, then something occurred to him. ‘The second man that came with Periwinkle ���’

  ‘His name was Finn McVey.’

  Daysen’s heavy brows quirked, and although he said nothing, Elena picked up the tension.

  ‘Do you know him?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes, I know him.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘He is a talented negotiator. Good with words, in bringing people together. Also highly manipulative. ��� In the past, he helped the Dark Lord and his followers to make certain contacts, strike bargains ���’

  ‘He worked for Voldemort?’

  ‘He never chose a side’, Jack sneered. ‘Too clever for that. He never got too involved, either, just served whoever paid most at any given moment. ��� He’s got goblin blood, you see. Goblins love gold more than anything. McVey would sell his grandmother if the price was right.’

  ‘I can’t believe a man like that is working for the Ministry!’

  ‘Actually, everyone with a none-too-sullied vest can get into the Ministry these days.’

  ‘Now you’re exaggerating!’

  ‘I don’t think I am’, Jack said with a haughty lift of his chin.

  ‘Anyway, it explains why McVey didn’t quite fit in with the other two. All the time during the interview, I had this impression that he was somehow amused.’

  ‘Ah, certainly, that man is continually amused.’ Daysen didn’t make any effort to hide his dislike. ‘He’s an opportunist, you know, and he doesn’t even believe in our system of government, in our institutions, not one bit. He’s just playing it.’

  Elena’s eyes narrowed. ‘You appear to know him quite well’, she observed.

  ‘There were times’, Jack replied with a sly smile, ‘when I could not afford not to know about people like McVey. Now, however, I’m quite ready to forget his kind.’

  It sounded final, and since Elena didn’t have anything to add on the topic, they fell once more into an awkward silence. Sipping at their drinks allowed them to keep their hands busy, but that only went so far. They had exhausted all other possibilities, caught up on everything that had happened during the time they had not seen each other. The stage was free for old patterns to reappear. Elena’s skin tingled. ‘Now’, a calm voice inside of her said, ‘break it. Now!’

  ‘By the way, I passed my Apparition test a week ago!’ she blurted out nervously.

  Jack looked up. There was relief in his eyes. He even smiled a little. ‘That’s good.’

  It almost made her laugh. Why, she was lucky he hadn’t said ‘at last’. ‘Congratulations’ would be too much to ask. How awkward he was sometimes! ‘And that’s exactly why’, the calm inner voice said.

  Elena sighed. Then, with a very funny feeling in her gut, she gave herself a shove.

  ‘Jack’, she said.

  He turned his face to her and there was definitely ill foreboding in his eyes. ‘What is it?’ Was she wrong or was his voice hoarse?

  She paused a few seconds before she spoke. ‘Do you sometimes think of what happened between us? In the lighthouse?’

  Seconds dripped away, like lazy honey. Jack’ eyes were glued to the table top, but Elena made herself look at him, challenge him. Contrary to what she’d expected, a peculiar calm was spreading inside her.

  ‘Yes’, he said, very quietly, eyes gliding slowly towards the flickering candle.

  She took a deep breath. ‘Do you regret it?’

  Another score of seconds dripped into a deep, peaceful well. Then, at last, ‘No.’

  She smiled, inclined her head. ‘Nor do I.’

  Their eyes met again, but only for a brief moment before he broke the contact. Elena sat very still. She knew ��� although she had no idea how ��� that this was not all, that she had to give him time. Later, she wouldn’t even remember if it was one minute, two or five.

  ‘Elena’, he said eventually, and the way he said it with his silky voice made her shiver. Again, he paused a few seconds before going on, eyes fixed to the flame. ‘I’m in a difficult position right now. People will observe very carefully what I’m going to do in the next weeks and months, I’ll be under very close scrutiny ���’

  She frowned. It would have sounded like a cheap brush-off, hadn’t there been a strange expression in his eyes, one that willed her to understand, one that even seemed to plead. He held her gaze now, doggedly and imploringly, and she sensed that there was much more than his words could convey.

  ‘I’m a Hogwarts Professor’, he went on with a catch in his voice, ‘and you’re my student ��� it would look ���’ Again, he trailed off and she resolved to help him a little.

  ‘Immoral?’ she suggested.

  He squirmed. ‘Not exactly that. But it might cast me in a light which ��� is not desirable at the moment.’

  ‘I know what you’re saying’, she replied calmly. ‘It’s a bad time, I understand that. And I certainly don’t want to make your life more difficult, let alone demand anything from you.’ She stopped, took another ragged breath. ‘But there is something that you should know.’

  He looked at her, his face a blank.

  Elena’s mouth was suddenly dry and she had to force herself to speak. ‘You should know that ��� I think ��� no, I know ��� I’ve fallen in love with you.’

  Silence.

  When her mind heard the words she’d just spoken, it instantly started to bitch. ‘Are you crazy, woman?’ But they were out, echoed in her head. No doubt she had said them. And, well, Jack would hardly be staring at her that stupid if she hadn’t. In fact, he looked dumbstruck. He stared, he swallowed, and then his eyes dove away, gluing themselves to the edge of the table once more, evading her gaze.

  ‘Great’, she thought. Why exactly had she done this? But an intuition told her to wait. He might say something eventually. And then he did.

  ‘I don’t understand why.’ His voice was still hoarse, but there was an urgency in it.

  ‘Fishing for compliments, are we?’

  The flash of his eyes was sharp and angry.

  ‘Hooold on!’ Elena chuckled as she held up a defensive hand. ‘I was only teasing you. ��� I know what you mean, of course. Why you? Why not
someone ��� more suitable? Younger, for instance, and closer to my world. ��� Is that it?’

  ‘Obvious questions’, he pressed forth.

  She grinned. ‘Someone like Eddie Hincks, maybe?’

  He shrugged, feigning indifference, but there was a deep vertical line above his nose and his voice sounded gruff when he mumbled, ‘I’m sure he’d take you.’

  ‘Yeah, probably’, she agreed. ‘But I think you know very well how these things go. See ��� my heart just doesn’t beat faster when Eddie Hincks walks into the room. But it does when you do.’

  Jack digested this with an impassive face. His frame was very still, but Elena thought that she detected the suppressed signs of twitches and a little tremor at the corners of his mouth. What he thought, however, was impossible to tell. She knew no better than to babble on.

  ‘Like I said, I don’t demand anything. I don’t have the right to ��� also ��� I know ��� and I appreciate ��� how much she still means to you ���’

  Now the black eyes became wide. ‘It’s not that’, he muttered.

  However, she was suddenly very flustered and had to talk her way out of it. ‘You said it today in the hearing ��� and I think it was good you did ��� it made an impression ��� not only with me ���’

  ‘She’s dead.’

  The finality of the words made Elena shut up. She searched his face for signs of sadness and desperation, but it was once again unmoveable as well as unreadable.

  ‘You don’t know very much about me’, he observed after a while.

  ‘Granted’, she admitted, ‘but perhaps I know a little more about you than most people?’

  He considered this. ‘Maybe. But only because ‘most people’ don’t know anything about me.’

  ‘Then tell me.’ She tried to make her voice sound light. ‘What is there to know about you that’s so problematic? I mean, apart from the things I do already know.’

  She’d expected that it would take him another few seconds to answer, but in fact he replied right away. ‘I’m still interested in dark arts’, he stated matter-of-factly. ‘Always have, always will be. Another thing I have to be very careful about these days. That doesn’t change the fact though that to me it is an important and valid part of magical knowledge and I’m not going to stop pursuing it. Only that I go about it ��� differently now.’

  ‘Different how?’

  There was a little smile on his face now. ‘I practice it in a very contained manner. And I take care to ensure that the required sacrifices stay within boundaries that I can justify.’

  ‘Sacrifices?’

  ‘Dark magic always requires sacrifice’, he explained evenly. ‘Whether it is blood, comfort or one’s own sanity doesn’t really matter. The dark arts won’t give you anything unless you’re prepared to give back.’

  She thought about it and took her time to reply.

  ‘I’m not really surprised’, she said eventually. ‘Actually, I guess I always knew. In fact, I may know much more about you than you imagine. ��� Anyways, you won’t chase me off with it.’

  ‘I didn’t want to ���’, he broke off abruptly, suddenly completely jittery and flexing his fingers frantically.

  She suppressed a grin. ‘All I’m saying is ��� you know how I feel now. Don’t play with me, alright?’

  Again, she made herself look square into his eyes.

  ‘I won’t’, he muttered, his gaze earnest and intense. The contact broke only after several seconds and left Elena with a warm, tingling feeling in her stomach. For a while, none of them spoke.

  ‘By the way, I like what you’re wearing today’, Elena said lightly. ‘Much better than the priest frocks.’

  Jack glared at her, then looked down at his formal suit, looked up, opened his mouth, shut it again. He wasn’t used to compliments and had no idea how to react. ‘Necktie itches’, he mumbled and tugged a little at the offending item. In no time, his eyes were on the table edge again.

  They were back to silence, but this time its atmosphere had changed. There was an enchanting calm in it, as if it had been cleared. They sipped at their drinks, almost companionably. Elena thought about what he’d been telling her ��� his ongoing fascination for dark arts, and she wondered why it had been so important for him to mention it. There was only one answer: he wanted her to see him for who he was, rather than have her waste her affections on an edited version of himself. She felt his need for truthfulness and for a new start, but she also sensed that he didn’t trust it, that he expected to be rejected because of it. Maybe, she thought, in telling her about the importance of dark arts for him, he had been testing her, trying to unmask her feelings for him as an ill-conceived infatuation. The only thing she had to do now was prove him wrong, and something told her that he wanted that proof, needed it, even.

  She smiled at him across the table. The corners of his mouth jumped and he returned the smile, briefly and a little awkwardly. Elena didn’t know why, but somehow and in spite of his evasive reply to her confession of love ��� referring to the difficult times and the fact that he was presently under critical scrutiny by the wizarding community ��� this felt like a victory. It made her feel very light.

  ‘What about some practice after we finish this?’ he asked after a couple of minutes, pointing to their glasses.

  ‘Here?’ she asked, surprised, casting her eyes around the grimy pub. It didn’t exactly offer itself as an ideal place for magical studies.

  ‘No. I mean outdoors. I was thinking about some fighting practice.’

  ‘In this weather?’ In spite of herself, she shuddered.

  Jack raised his eyebrows sarcastically. ‘Ah, I see. Another one who thinks she’s only ever going to be attacked in broad daylight, and in fine weather, too!’

  ‘I’m not exactly dressed for it’, Elena said lamely, thinking about her pencil skirt and elegant boots that she had put on for the hearing.

  The sarcasm on his face deepened. ‘Same argument’, he snarled.

  ‘Alright, alright’, she raised a defensive hand. ‘Where d’you want to practice?’

  ‘You’ll see’, he said with a secretive smile, raised his glass and drained it.

  He took her out of Hogsmeade, towards the castle. Side by side, they climbed a steep slope, crunching snow under the soles of their boots. Jack didn’t talk, just lead the way, as always confident that she would follow. They reached a wide plane, skirting a sinister forest with trees so huge and old as Elena had hardly ever seen them. The wind in the branches seemed to whisper, chattering about the olden times and a thousand stories that came with it. Drifts of flakes, brightly reflecting the moonlight, blew across the plane which had the proud medieval castle as a backdrop, but was still well out of sight of it.

  Jack stopped and took out his wand. ‘Take position’, he commanded lazily.

  Elena ignored him. ‘The new wand’, she remarked, eyeing it interestedly.

  ‘You don’t need to tell me’, he said stiffly, ‘I know it’s ugly.’

  ‘No, it’s not.’ She came closer, inspected it. ‘This is how wands looked in my old fairy-tale books. Like a tree branch, not some smooth and polished thing.’ It made him sneer a little, but Elena was visibly fascinated. ‘See how it shines silver and green in the moonlight? Those are your colours, aren’t they?’

  Jack looked at his wand in surprise and found that she was right. In the pale light that illuminated the plane, the greyish bark of the wand appeared, in fact, silver with a very slight greenish tint. He wouldn’t have noticed it, but the realization made him warm to the thing. It was as if she had made him see a beauty to which he had hitherto been blind. This was a quality of hers ��� seeing beauty in unlikely places ��� that he had observed earlier. It strongly reminded him of someone else. Dreamily, he rested his eyes on the mane of her hair before he realized what he was doing and shook himself out of it.

  ‘Enough with
the adoration’, he said tersely, ‘let’s start. We should put in at least one hour of good work.’

  And so they did.

  After more than two weeks without practice, Elena found that she had become quite rusty. Daysen’s spells disarmed her effortlessly and sent her flying across the plane more than once. After a short while, her cloak was covered in snow and becoming soggy. It was hard to run in her narrow skirt and with the high heels, but it was only she who did any running at all. Jack, for the most part, stood rooted to the spot, lazily dealing out spells and dodging hers easily. Of course, he had a snappy comment prepared for each of her futile attempts, but at the same time, Elena realized that something had changed about him. Standing there on the plane, commanding, commenting and counselling, he appeared to be relaxed and at ease. Chuckles about her manoeuvres came easily to him now, and although they were partly derisive, he visibly enjoyed the practice, as if he, too, had missed it.

  ‘Merlin’s beard’, he shouted to her at one point, but with a laugh in his voice, ‘do you remember anything that I told you?’

  Covered in snow from head to toe and wetness seeping into her boots, Elena glowered at him. Smug bastard! But she had something prepared for him. A spell she had learnt out of a book and tried on some old furniture in Anna’s attic during the last two weeks. He wouldn’t see it coming as he appeared to believe that she knew nothing beyond the jinxes he had taught her. She only had to wait for the right moment ���