Wallflower

by Lutzke, Chad

  I ended up heading downtown for all my H. It wasn’t as good, but there was no way I was about to head out to Mustang, start knocking on doors, asking random people if this is where the good junk is. I’d buy in bigger quantities than Dave and I did before and would practice self control, pacing myself so I didn’t shoot it all in one day. I had a regimen that I stuck with. At least for a little while.

  One afternoon, I’d just gotten back from downtown where I scored some powder and black tar. I’d only done the tar once and forgot what it felt like. If there was a chance it was better than the H I’d been getting, then I was all about it. On the way to my room I passed by Dave’s old room and caught a glimpse of that military box of his sitting on the floor. I grabbed it and brought it back to my room, then set it on the floor while I pulled out some tin foil I’d gotten from a sub shop dumpster for chasing the tar.

  I opened the box and found a ring box inside—the kind you get from a jeweler—and a photograph of a little girl wearing an Easter dress and a wide grin with missing front teeth. She looked about seven or eight years old. I flipped the picture over. On the back, written in pen, it read Ella “Daisy” Bennett with a small flower dotting the “i". I set the picture down and opened the ring box. Inside were four small teeth. They were human teeth but not from an adult. My heart sank and I teared up. I put everything back in the box and slid it across the floor, then reached for my needle. I prepped. I booted. I sank and dreamt, fantasizing of carefree days. Playgrounds and beaches, stardom and wealth.

  I gazed at the hallway in front of me. The girl stood beautiful and afraid. Her missing teeth reflecting a profound innocence. I told her I was sorry, that it was never meant to be like this. She shook and cried for hours.

  After my nod, I looked out the window next to me. Three kids, not quite in their teens, played with a football in the yard behind the house, the tall grass making small cuts in their legs they wouldn’t feel for hours. I broke down and cried. I wanted to jump through the glass and crash below, show them what’s waiting for them if they don’t keep their shit together. But I didn’t. I willed them away and gritted my teeth, then picked up a pencil and started adding flowers to the bare wall.

  End

  I Believe in Gratitude:

  For support and encouragement with this book, thank you: My wife Mary Lutzke, John Boden, Mark Matthews. For beta reading and pointing out ca-ca doo-doo: Matthew Weber, John J. Questore, Robert Pettigrew, Bettina Melher. For my 25+ years of staying clean, thank you: God and His Son, New Day and staff, Aunt Sharon, Sooz, Zombie Aaron and the whole Riverview Mission, my parents, and the Alano Club on Territorial.

  Praise for OF FOSTER HOMES AND FLIES

  "Original, touching coming of age."

  ~Jack Ketchum, author of The Girl Next Door

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  "Disturbing, often gruesome, yet poignant at the same time, Chad Lutzke’s OF FOSTER HOMES AND FLIES is one of the best dark coming-of-age tales I’ve read in years. You’ll laugh (sometimes when you know you shouldn’t), you’ll cry, you’ll find yourself wondering how soon you can read more of this guy’s work. Highly recommended!"

  ~ James Newman, author of MIDNIGHT RAIN, UGLY AS SIN, and ODD MAN OUT

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  "With OF FOSTER HOMES AND FLIES, Lutzke is firing on all cylinders. It's a lean mean emotional machine. Coming-of-age presented in a fresh direction. Bearing tremendous emotional weight and heart. It made me cry. "

  ~John Boden, author of JEDI SUMMER.

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  "OF FOSTER HOMES AND FLIES by Chad Lutzke is a lovely addition to the coming of age subgenre. He creates in the character of Denny an authentic young man with passions and foibles, someone easy to relate to and root for. The novella hits all the right notes you expect out of a coming of age tale, while also providing a plot that has originality and surprises."

  ~Mark Allan Gunnells, author of FLOWERS IN A DUMPSTER and WHERE THE DEAD GO TO DIE

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  "...one of those real treats that comes down the pipe and manages to get you all excited about reading again...the whole thing is just beautiful."

  ~ Ginger Nuts of Horror

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  "Of Foster Homes and Flies is the darkest, most disturbing story Chad Lutzke has written. It's also his best…the ultimate one-finger salute to oppression…Highly recommended."

  ~Dan Padavona, author of the DARK VANISHING series and STORBERRY

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  "…a brilliant coming of age story. This isn’t your average horror book…a masterpiece."

  ~Horroraddicts.net

  To get some free reads and be included in all future giveaways, visit www.chadlutzke.com