Unlocking the Rebel's Heart

by Alison Roberts

  It wasn’t until she was caught by a larger rock nestled in the roots of a tree that the fall came to a crunching halt. She felt, rather than heard the snap of the bone in her ankle but she couldn’t miss hearing the distant rumble of thunder that came in the next few seconds as she lay there, desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened and working out how badly injured she might be. The good news was that, apart from bumps and bruises, she didn’t seem to have broken any other bones. The bad news was that JJ was realising just how many rules she had broken.

  She wasn’t dressed for bad weather.

  She had no emergency supplies with her. She hadn’t even brought her phone because she hadn’t needed to go back into the cottage for her car keys.

  She also hadn’t told anyone where she was going or when she might return.

  At the same time she was cataloguing her stupid errors, JJ had two other thoughts vying for prominence in the back of her mind.

  One was how disappointed Ben would be in her.

  The other was that she might well be in trouble, here.

  Big trouble.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ‘BIT OF BAD weather brewing down south. We might get grounded later on this afternoon.’

  ‘Fine by me.’ Ben waved at a stack of books on the table beside him. ‘I’ve got a lot of revision to do. I’ve stuffed so much into my head in the last few weeks, some of it’s in real danger of falling out.’

  ‘Doubt that.’ Phil, one of the air rescue base crew, grinned at him. ‘You’ve aced your winch training. Your turn to dangle next time.’

  ‘Maybe not today.’ Ben looked through the windows of the rescue base’s staffroom. ‘I can see how fast those clouds are moving from here.’

  A quieter spell on shift was welcome enough to make Ben wonder if the thrill of joining this crew might be wearing off just a little. Not that it wasn’t as exciting as he’d dreamed it would be, it was just that you got used to anything, didn’t you? He loved knowing that there was almost always a critically ill or injured patient waiting for them with every call and that the speed with which they could respond and the expertise they could bring to stabilising their patients made it very clear that lives were being saved.

  But he did miss Cutler’s Creek. He even missed having a callout to an old man who was a bit ‘short of puff’ due to his chronic lung disease rather than a severe asthma attack that had someone on the edge of a respiratory arrest. Because a case like Alfie was someone he knew? Part of a community that he’d also been a part of? He was missing Mike and Zac and all his other mates that he’d spent so much time training with. He was missing being near the mountains. And he was missing JJ a lot more than he’d expected, but wasn’t that a warning signal that he’d left just in time? He’d never wanted an attachment that couldn’t be broken voluntarily because that way, even if it got taken away from you, it wouldn’t mean that you had to rebuild your whole life.

  He was deep into a chapter of a manual covering winch techniques in difficult conditions and terrain when a call came in. The revision was forgotten as he listened to Phil on the radio. A mountain search and rescue team was asking for backup. Someone was missing in rugged country. A member of the team had found a car but its owner couldn’t be located on the only track accessed from that parking area. With the weather closing in fast, they only had a small window of time to try and find the missing person before night fall and they needed help.

  ‘Co-ordinates?’

  Phil had their pilot beside him as he circled the area on the huge map behind glass on the wall. Ben was on his feet, as well. His mouth had gone dry as he saw the target area.

  ‘That’s Twin Rocks,’ he said. ‘Near Cutler’s Creek.’

  ‘You know it?’

  ‘Like the back of my hand.’

  Their pilot looked up from the screen where he was checking the latest weather information. He shared a rapid glance with Phil and the decision was made with a nod.

  ‘Responding,’ Phil told the control centre. ‘Keep us informed. Any further details on who we’re looking for would be helpful.’

  ‘All we know so far is that it’s one of the local doctors. A woman in her thirties. Name of Hamilton.’

  ‘JJ...’

  The name came from Ben’s lips in a horrified whisper but nobody else heard. They were all moving fast towards the helipad. In less than a minute they were airborne and on their way and they couldn’t get there soon enough as far as Ben was concerned.

  JJ could be hurt. Or worse...

  And it made no difference that Ben had taken himself away. It wasn’t going to make that particular loss any easier to live with. He’d thought he’d been in danger of falling in love with JJ. How blind had he been? It felt like his heart was already being ripped out here.

  Because he already loved her.

  He’d thought he could have lived his life knowing that she was safe and happy and with the type of person she would prefer to be with but he’d been wrong about that, too. He didn’t want JJ to be with anyone else and...and he didn’t believe that he could feel so sure of something if it was one-sided. If it was, he had to find out because living without JJ was always going to feel like living only half a life and, if it wasn’t too late, he had to tell her that.

  Please... he found himself repeating silently, with every air pocket that buffeted the aircraft as they sped towards the centre of the South Island. Please don’t let it be too late.

  * * *

  They told her later that it was only thanks to that bright red sweatshirt she’d been wearing that they’d managed to spot her huddled between the rock and the tree on the side of that gully. And it had only been possible because they’d been circling Twin Rocks track with someone on board the aircraft who knew the area so well. Due to the distance she was from the track, the rain, the sound of wind in the trees and then the noise of the helicopter overhead, she hadn’t heard any calls from the people on the ground who’d been searching for her and, even if she had, they wouldn’t have heard her calling back.

  They also told her she was lucky she hadn’t been far more seriously injured or become more severely hypothermic given the amount of time she’d been missing, but it was all a bit of a blur for JJ. The fall had happened so fast and then she’d become cold very quickly and all she could really remember was the pain in her ankle that had made it impossible for her to move and try and save herself and how very, very scared that had made her feel. She’d huddled into that soft, red sweatshirt as it had begun raining harder and it had been another reminder of the last time she’d felt this scared—when she’d fallen in that river and the current had been threatening to sweep her away.

  Perhaps that was why it had seemed like only a fantasy, through the blast of icy air and the roar of sound from the rotors above her, that the person inside that flight suit and hidden beneath the helmet and visor could be Ben Marshall. It wasn’t until he’d unclipped himself and his equipment from the winch lines and had crouched right beside her that JJ had realised that she wasn’t crazy. She really was about to be rescued and it really was Ben who was there to save her.

  It didn’t matter that he’d had to shout to make himself heard. He might as well have been whispering the words for her ears alone.

  ‘You’re safe now,’ he’d told her. ‘I’ve got you.’

  The pain relief Ben gave her before rapidly splinting her fractured ankle so that she could be moved without making the injury worse created a dreamlike edge to the drama unfolding around her that contributed to the blur that would come later. JJ had heard those words before, when she’d been pulled from that river and she had still been cold and shaking and frightened and yet she’d never felt so safe in her life—because she’d been in Ben’s arms.

  Another thought came from nowhere as he helped her into a harness. She’d known that somewhere along the line she’d fa
llen completely and utterly in love with Ben. Long before he’d told her how brave he thought she was. Had it been then—when he’d told her she was safe? When she’d felt so safe with him?

  Like the way she did now?

  When they were both clipped to that steel cable and JJ felt the moment they were in the air and being lifted towards the hovering helicopter, she knew that she’d never been in a situation quite this terrifying. There was still trust that she could cling to, however. She had Ben’s arms around her again after all. He was with her as they flew to the large hospital in Dunedin. He stayed with her while she was assessed in the emergency department and his face was the last thing she saw before they put her to sleep in Theatre so they could operate on her ankle.

  Ben’s face was also the first thing she saw when she woke up and, despite everything—or perhaps because of everything—this felt like the happiest moment in her life. This was the face she wanted to see every time she woke up for the rest of her life, with that look in his eyes that told her how precious she was.

  That she was loved that much...

  * * *

  He saw the instant her eyelashes flickered.

  He saw the moment her eyes focused and she recognised who was sitting beside her bed. Holding her hand.

  And he saw the way her whole face softened with an emotion that could only come from joy. Or love?

  Hopefully both. A bucket of both.

  ‘The surgery went really well,’ he told JJ. ‘You’re doing really well. You just need to rest and recover now.’

  ‘You’re still here.’ There was note of surprise in her whisper but Ben could see something else in her eyes. Hope...? He could feel his heart squeezing so hard and he just knew he’d been right. What he was feeling wasn’t one-sided at all, was it?

  ‘Why would I be anywhere else?’ He tried to smile but this was too huge and he could hear the crack in his voice. ‘I love you, JJ. Even if you do stupid things and break all the rules and nearly get yourself killed.’

  Her eyes were trying to drift shut again but she was clearly determined to hold his gaze.

  ‘I love you, too,’ she murmured. Then her lips curved on one side. ‘But I thought I wasn’t your type.’

  ‘I have a new type,’ Ben said.

  Her smile widened. ‘Me, too.’ One eye opened a crack. ‘What’s yours?’

  ‘It’s very exclusive.’ Ben leaned closer. So close he could lean his head to touch hers. ‘There’s only one person in the world who could ever fill all the criteria.’

  He could see the tiny wobble in JJ’s lips. ‘Sounds kind of like my new type.’

  Ben had a bit of a lump in his own throat. ‘Well...it does work, even if it shouldn’t, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Mmm...’ JJ’s eyes were shut again. ‘Okay...you’d better kiss me now. Before I fall asleep again.’

  ‘Soon...’ Ben had closed his own eyes. ‘Very soon. I just want...this a little bit longer.’

  Not that he needed any confirmation, but the fact that JJ didn’t ask him what ‘this’ meant was proof that he’d found the person he was meant to be with. The way her hand tightened on his and kept holding it told him that she was feeling the same thing he was.

  But he wanted to tell her anyway. Maybe he wanted to tell himself so that it became real. Soft words that were only intended for the two of them. JJ might think she’d dreamt them later but he could always tell her again.

  ‘This is one of those moments, isn’t it? When the world stops and there’s this...stillness. When all you can feel is how much someone loves you. And how much you love them. Where you are doesn’t matter. It’s who you’re with that’s important.’

  The soft sound JJ made was no more than a sigh but it was a sound of agreement. Of happiness.

  ‘I had it when I was a little kid. With my Nana. When she hugged me. Or when we were together. Just us, and the rest of the world didn’t matter. The fact that my mum never really wanted me didn’t even matter. It was...home. When she died, the bottom of my world fell out because I thought I’d never find that still place again. I didn’t want to find it because I couldn’t face how awful it was to lose it and so I keep moving, to make sure I didn’t find it again.’ Ben had to stop for a heartbeat, to swallow the lump in his throat. ‘But there it was. When I was with you. In that time and that place that’s just us. You and me.’

  ‘Like this...?’ JJ’s head turned beneath his. She was still sleepy but she was listening to every word he was saying. Fighting to stay awake because she wanted to hear it all.

  ‘Like this,’ he agreed. ‘But it scared me. Until something else scared me even more and that happened today, when I thought I might have lost you for ever. When I realised that living without you would only ever be living half a life.’

  A single tear escaped JJ’s eye and trickled down the side of her nose. ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ she murmured. ‘I feel a lot braver when I know you’re there.’

  ‘And I need to know that I can go home,’ Ben said. ‘The world doesn’t have to stop. I just need to know, deep down, that that stillness is there. That I can go back to it as often as possible. Because it’s where I need to be. The only place I ever want to be. It’s...’

  ‘Home,’ JJ finished for him. ‘It will always be there, Ben. For both of us. For as long as I’m alive, I promise.’

  ‘And that will be for a lot longer if you can just learn to follow a few rules.’

  JJ’s lips were curling into a smile as he kissed her gently. And then he kissed her again. There would be plenty of time to talk about other things later. To plan the rest of their lives. Right now, he just needed to stay by the side of the woman he loved this much.

  ‘Sleep now,’ he whispered. ‘You’re safe. I’m not going anywhere.’

  EPILOGUE

  A few months later...

  THERE WAS ANOTHER one of Betty’s legendary morning teas happening in Cutler’s Creek Hospital’s kitchen. It was becoming a bit of a local tradition that this was the place to make important community announcements and she was more than happy about that. It meant that she was always one of the first people to hear any news.

  ‘This is absolutely going to be my last retirement speech,’ Don Donaldson told everybody. ‘And that’s all I have to say on the matter.’

  There was a ripple of laughter in the room.

  ‘We’ll see,’ Bruce said. ‘We all know you’ll be back through that door in a heartbeat, Doc, as soon as you’re needed.’

  ‘And we wouldn’t have it any other way.’ Betty put another platter of savouries on the table—tiny potato-topped pies this time, which were one of her specialties. ‘Babies, broken ankles, shortage of volunteers for the fire service or ambulance...whatever the problem, we’ve got it covered.’ The solutions were often found during discussions that took place around this very table, a fact that Betty was rather proud of.

  ‘My ankle’s as good as new,’ JJ said. She bounced on her toes to prove it. ‘I got up Twin Rocks track the other day like it had never happened.’

  ‘And there are no more babies on the way,’ Liv added. ‘Not from me, anyway. I’ve got more than enough on my hands as it is. Can someone please catch Hugo before he crawls out that door?’

  It was Ben who swooped on the baby and then held him up high so that he shrieked with laughter.

  ‘We shouldn’t have any more shortages of volunteers for the ambulance either,’ he assured the group. ‘I’m starting a new training course next week now that I’m back here full time.’

  ‘You’re really giving up on the choppers?’ Mike looked astonished. ‘I thought you loved it.’

  ‘I did. And I’m really grateful for all the extra skills I’ve picked up in the last few months but...you know...there are things I love even more than the excitement of that job.’

  ‘Like Cutler’s Creek.’ Zac g
rinned. ‘And all your frequent flyers like Albie and Bert.’

  ‘Too right.’ Ben nodded. But he had tucked baby Hugo against his hip and his gaze was on JJ. ‘But that’s not the only reason I’m back.’

  A few knowing looks flashed around the kitchen but, for Betty, the feeling was one of relief. She didn’t have to bite her lip any longer.

  ‘Well...it’s about time,’ she said, with satisfaction. ‘It’s not as if we really believed that Dr Hamilton needed all those trips to Dunedin for physiotherapy on that ankle.’ She was beaming as she peered over her glasses at Ben. ‘Home is where the heart is, isn’t that right, lad?’

  ‘Oh, you have no idea how right you are, Betty.’ Ben handed Hugo back to his mother and went to stand beside JJ. He put his arm around her shoulders and, as she looked up to meet his gaze, there was a soft sound in the room, like a collective, happy sigh. Betty was certainly a contributor.

  ‘Seeing as you’re all here and you’ve probably guessed anyway, we may as well tell you that we’re engaged.’ Ben hadn’t broken that gaze yet. ‘JJ accepted my proposal and we’re going to get married next month.’

  ‘Here? In Cutler’s Creek?’ Betty had her hands against her cheeks.

  ‘Where else?’ JJ was laughing. ‘This is where we met. Ben proposed to me up on the top of Twin Rocks and we’re not planning on living anywhere else. This is home.’

  A delighted Liv turned to Don Donaldson. ‘You never know, Dad. It might be a good thing you’ve had some practice filling in for people on parental leave.’

  It was Ben and JJ’s turn to exchange a significant glance but, if there was a secret there, they weren’t ready to share it.

  Not that it mattered. Betty was quite confident she’d be one of the very first to know officially. Unofficially, she was quite confident she knew already.

  These were two young people who obviously adored each other enough that being together was all they needed but there was something in that glance that suggested there was even more happiness to come.