The Beginning (Starting Over)

by Matthew J. Metzger

  A hand seized his elbow. Another his waistband. He was bodily lifted into the van, the man at his back. Gabriel’s knees hit the floor. The door banged shut, and for a moment there was nothing but the dark.

  “Let me out!”

  “Maybe later.”

  A torch flickered into life. A boot hit him in the back and held him down. Something ripped. Tape was pressed over his mouth, and his wrists were bound behind his back. Then he was dragged up by the shoulders and slammed into a seat.

  “Safety first.”

  The clunk of the seatbelt was deafening. The torch went out. In the dark, thick fingers stroked his palms.

  Kevin. Not the persona of a stranger. Kevin, checking like always.

  Gabriel spread his hands open. If gagged, the safeword was to clench a fist. If it was dark, it became snapping his fingers—but there was no way he was safewording such a promising scene.

  Kevin nodded—and the act resumed.

  “Sit tight, slut. Be plenty for you to do later.”

  The door slammed again. After a brief pause, it opened and Gabriel’s bike was rigged to the wall before another slam, more darkness and the grind of a lock. The engine chugged into life, then the van did a rough U-turn and headed back up the hill.

  Gabriel didn’t bother trying to track the van’s movements. If Kevin was going to use toys or get creative, they’d go to his house. He didn’t really play anywhere else. If he was just going to get fucked on the floor of the van, they might go anywhere. A country lane with nobody to hear him scream, or a busy high street with shoppers only inches away.

  Which would he prefer?

  He decided on a country lane—trying to be quiet while being fucked with Kevin’s truncheon of a cock wasn’t sexy, it was just impossible—and got lucky. The roads got worse. The van jolted. Tyres crunched on gravel, then dirt, then fell silent as the van rolled over soft hillocks of grass or sandy earth.

  The engine died. The van dipped. Kevin hawked and spat before closing the door. His steps were silent, and Gabriel closed his eyes only just in time to avoid being blinded when the back doors were flung open.

  For a while, Kevin didn’t say a word. The van was full of tools, but he snapped open a briefcase that Gabriel knew very well from previous kidnappings, and set everything up how he wanted. A collar and chain around Gabriel’s throat, the end of the chain padlocked around the towbar hinge under the back bumper. A picnic blanket spread out on the grass in the evening sun. A vial was unscrewed and a needle drawn up, the drug shimmering in the gold light.

  “Just a little relaxant,” he said. “Make you nice and pliant.”

  It stung. He taped a plaster over the site mockingly, then took Gabriel’s jaw in one massive hand and looked him dead in the eye.

  “Let’s get a couple of things clear,” he said. “We’re going to be out here a while, and I’m going to fuck you. How is up to you. You take that tape off your mouth, that means you want to blow me. You come when I’m fingering you, that means you want my dick where my hand was. You turn your back on me, that’s an invite into your arse. You resist me, that just means you want it rougher. Understood?”

  Gabriel nodded.

  “Good.”

  The seatbelt was removed, then the tape around Gabriel’s wrists. Then his clothes. It was a brisk but intimate strip—his tits were sucked as his binder was removed, his arse was massaged once his shorts were halfway down his legs, his cunt fingered once his briefs had been yanked off. Once naked, he was dragged to the van doors by the chain and shoved out, stumbling onto the blanket. They were in a meadow. Long grass flowed up the side of a stubby hill to a dark treeline, silhouetted by the setting sun. He could make it, as long as he ran before the drugs kicked in.

  The chain jerked him back to reality. Sitting on the edge of the van floor, Kevin reeled him in until Gabriel was dragged up to straddle his thighs, the bulge in Kevin’s trousers jutting up between them. When Kevin pulled down the zip, his monstrous cock sprang free immediately.

  “Nice, isn’t it? Even you’d struggle to handle all of this at once. Come on. Play with it. It wants to play with you, after all.”

  A hand on his arse pulled him closer as Gabriel wrapped a hand around the immense girth of it. He couldn’t close his fingers all the way. It twitched and hardened even more as he clumsily jacked it, and trying to ignore the way Kevin was sucking on his nipple, the thumb that had been shoved dry into his arse, the wet heat pooling in his cunt.

  But he couldn’t figure out how to run. He was chained like a dog. The hand opening his arse meant he couldn’t pull back. The teeth on his breast wouldn’t let go. And Kevin pushing him up, up onto his knees, guiding that leaking head to his cunt, ready to—

  Gabriel’s hand began to shake.

  The drug was kicking in. If he wanted to be chased, he had to act fast. If he wanted that conquering in the grass, it had to be now.

  He pulled his hand away from Kevin’s cock and ripped the tape from his mouth.

  “You little whore,” Kevin laughed. “Knew you couldn’t resist.”

  Gabriel slipped down from his lap and kissed the head. His knees were wobbling. He drooled on the meat in his mouth before he managed to suck it.

  And his fingers scrabbled at the collar.

  Kevin had tipped his head back. Sighing at the sky. Gabriel sucked desperately as he worked the buckle with sweaty fingers.

  Come on, come on, let go—

  It broke free, and Gabriel ran.

  “Hey!”

  He bolted. Straight for the hill. Fast as he could.

  Only—

  Too late. His knees buckled with every blow. His lungs reeled. The hillside tipped. The sky turned green. He forced himself up again, but only make it a handful of dizzy steps before he tipped again. His arms shook as he tried again.

  Someone chuckled.

  “My fault for untying you, I suppose.”

  A hand swiped his ribs. He fell. Kevin loomed over him—shirtless, belt in hand, massive cock jutting from his open fly like a shelf.

  “Very nice,” he said, pushing Gabriel’s legs apart with his boot and nudging his vagina. “You turned your back on me.”

  Gabriel cringed, shaking his head.

  “Oh yes you did. But I’ll get to that later. Wait until that relaxant wears off. More of a punishment then.”

  He slid down and over Gabriel like a hungry snake, pushing weak limbs aside until Gabriel was hopelessly exposed. Cupping his jaw once more, Kevin held eye contact as he pushed in. His cock was immense. Endless. It burned like the surface of the sun. Gabriel clenched and it kept going anyway. He could do nothing but take it—yet how could he take it? It was like being fisted. Too much, too dry, too sudden—

  “There we go,” Kevin whispered.

  It stopped. Right up against the danger zone, it stopped. He felt so full that his guts ached. His lungs struggled to inflate all the way. It pushed at everything.

  “What a welcoming little cunt you have,” Kevin whispered.

  The kiss was filthy. Plundering. Defiling. And just as Gabriel ran out of air, the cock inside him surged, and another two inches were forced inside him. He wrenched his head away, but it was wrenched right back and he was kissed again. Another surge. Another silenced cry of anguish.

  Then it stopped barely short of his cervix, and Kevin smiled down at him with a terrifying hunger.

  “If I were you, I’d stay nice and still.”

  Gabriel nodded.

  “If you look away,” Kevin breathed, “I’ll bottom out.”

  The earth tipped, and it wasn’t the drug. He could. He was long enough. He’d hit Gabriel’s cervix like a battering ram, and the pain would make him vomit until he blacked out. He’d never done it, but they both knew he could.

  “But if you relax and behave, there’s no reason”—he slid out to the tip, then surged back like the unstoppable force of an incoming tide—“you can’t enjoy it too.”

  The relaxant was sinki
ng in. Every thrust was long and slow, like a boat being gently towed through a still lake. Gabriel’s whole body shuddered with the impact. He rippled like water, the pinch of a hard hand in his hair the only thing anchoring him to the swaying world.

  “Did you think this was a one-time thing?” Kevin whispered. “I’d take you and rape you and put you back?”

  The soft tone, the almost vanilla fuck, but the cruel words were a drug all of their own. Gabriel flexed and felt wet heat pooling inside.

  “Look at you, getting wet and milking my dick like that. You’re the perfect little whore. Let me take all your clothes off without a fuss. Asked to suck my dick so politely. Wriggled around on my lap, absolutely gagging for it.”

  Gabriel whimpered as the first warning ripple flowed over his abdomen. He was close, dangerously close.

  “Lying there, good as gold and taking it. And that mouth—that’s perfect. Those lips sucking on me is going to be a daily thing. Your breakfast for the rest of your life. First thing you’ll do when you wake up is kiss my dick hello.”

  Kevin’s eyes were right there—

  “You’ll be begging me to fuck you by the end of the week.”

  This cock, his fingers, his eyes, his voice—

  “I own you.”

  Lightning struck him. He seized. Screamed into the mouth that sealed his own. Shook. Was that the world? Was it him? Who—what—

  Who.

  What.

  Gabriel blinked.

  Dark hair swayed around him in long ropes like curtains. Breath panted. Fingers like claws in his hips. His ribs were jerking. His cunt—

  He clenched.

  “Fuuuuuuck.”

  His aching cunt was flooded. His skin was slick. Lips grazed his own. Something pulled out of him in a hot, slippery rush.

  “Ow—”

  Hard fingers in his pussy. Jabbing. Poking.

  “Get up.”

  The body that had held him down rose, but Gabriel couldn’t tell which way was up. His limbs refused to move. Hands dragged him up by the wrists and he collapsed into Kevin’s frame, wet as a kitten. The kiss forced into his mouth was still hungry. He was lifted higher, legs opened around Kevin’s waist, and their combined climaxes flooded from his cunt in a revolting betrayal.

  “We’re going to go back to our blanket,” Kevin said as he walked through the grass. “You’re going to put your collar back on. Then you’re going to suck my dick until it’s ready for your arse. The drugs will be wearing off by then. So I will turn you over and I will really rape you. I will make you scream. I will make you bleed. I will fuck you so you can’t walk, never mind run from me again. And then we can go home. Understood?”

  The blanket was scratchy. Kevin’s cock was soft and familiar, sex and cum all mixed together. He held Gabriel’s head and neck in both hands and massaged his own dick with Gabriel’s mouth like an expert.

  But—

  But—

  Something wasn’t right.

  Where they still in the meadow? It was cold. Who was fingering him? His fingers spasmed. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. Oh God—

  “Hey.”

  It was too much. His body wasn’t his. He was drifting away. There was nothing here, nothing—

  “Colour?”

  The words were rubbery. His tongue numb. There was nothing in his mouth anymore. Someone was stroking his hair.

  It bubbled over like a boiling pot, and Gabriel burst into tears.

  “Red. Oh fuck, red-red-red—”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. Okay, angel. Okay. It’s all right, I heard you. Red. Game over.”

  Blanket. Arms. Warmth. Kevin’s legs under his. His heart pounding in Gabriel’s ear.

  “Ssh, angel. I’ve got you. It’s all right.”

  “S’too strong. I’m so—I don’t—nothing’s working—”

  “That’s all right. I’ve got you. Nobody else here. Just you and me.”

  “Just you, just you, just you…”

  “That’s right, just me.”

  A heavy hand was stroking his hair and the side of his face. Gabriel clung. The world was spinning. He felt like water draining away to nothingness.

  “Close your eyes. Now breathe in. Nice and deep. Hold. And out. Good. That’s very good. Again. Iiiin…”

  He breathed. The sense of dissolving eased. His brain started to come back online. He curled his limbs tighter, and Kevin’s arms followed.

  Kevin’s lap. Wrapped in the picnic blanket. A warm finger tracing the shell of his ear, over and over.

  “What’s happening?” he whispered.

  “I think you spaced a little but the drug made you panic.”

  “It feels so strong.”

  “Same amount we’ve used before, angel.”

  “P-promise?”

  A kiss pushed against his scalp.

  “When have I ever used something on you we haven’t agreed to before?”

  “Never.”

  “Exactly. I used exactly the same stuff in the same amount as last time. And I won’t be doing it again. Not if it’s giving you a funny turn.”

  Gabriel exhaled and opened his eyes. The world was brown and red. Kevin’s skin and the blanket. Nothing else.

  “I don’t—it’s—I—”

  “It’s all right,” Kevin murmured. “Take your time. Did you eat before leaving work?”

  “N-no.”

  “When was lunch?”

  “Eleven.”

  “Ahh, that might be it.”

  “M’sorry—”

  “Nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was low and soothing. Gabriel closed his eyes, trying to burrow into the sound. It was Kevin. Kevin was safe. Even as the panic clawed against the insides of his skull, another part of him recognised that Kevin was safe.

  “Clothes. Please.”

  He needed the armour.

  “No problem. Just relax. I’m going to carry you to the front seat, all right?”

  Kevin’s voice was a soft, patient murmur. He talked through every action. His hands were firm but gentle, and when they weren’t helping Gabriel into his clothes or turning on the heater or fiddling with the seat, they were smoothing down his skin, pressing affection and love over the roleplayed abuse.

  “It was going so well,” Gabriel said miserably.

  It was already starting to wear off—either the panic attack or the drug itself. He felt almost hungover.

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “I came. Like…like an out-of-body experience. It was—just—God, it was one of the best I’ve ever had. But then when I came back, it was like my whole body wasn’t mine. Like I didn’t know you or what was happening and I couldn’t do anything. And it was terrifying. Really terrifying, not—not the good thrill, but this awful horror. Like it was real.”

  Kevin stroked back his hair with both hands and leaned in to kiss the bridge of his nose.

  “And then you safeworded,” he whispered, “and I stopped.”

  “No.”

  Eyebrows rose. “Pardon?”

  “You stopped before. You noticed something was wrong. You wanted a colour.”

  “True, but I was wondering if you were going to be sick, to be honest.”

  Gabriel laughed weakly. His body still felt rubbery and not quite his. But the panic had yielded to a miserable half-shame. He wasn’t sure which he preferred.

  “Okay. Here’s my idea. You need looking after. So you can either come home with me and join us for dinner, or I can take you back home and walk you right into Aled’s hands. Your choice, but you need someone who knows how to look after you so those are the only choices.”

  Gabriel squeezed his wrist. “Dinner sounds good. I have news anyway.”

  “Yeah? You good if I let go and pack up, or you need more time?”

  “I’m okay.”

  He still felt wobbly and wrung-out, but the van was warm. He felt safe again. When Kevin got into the driver’s seat, he leaned over for a kiss
and there was a flicker of fresh arousal.

  “We can do that some other time without the drugs, right?”

  “Sure. In a few days, once you’ve had time to get back on an even keel. So what’s this news?”

  The engine chugged into life and Kevin wrestled the van out of the meadow and into a country lane. Stars were coming out on the horizon. Gabriel texted Aled his whereabouts—though no doubt Kevin had already done it after the kidnap—then spread his legs out into the footwell.

  “Aled and I are moving.”

  “Again?”

  “To Cornwall.”

  Kevin flexed his fingers on the wheel and blew out his cheeks.

  “Christ,” he said eventually. “What’s brought that on?”

  “He’s been offered a job with a hotel chain, and his best friend lives in St Ives. He’s been unsettled—unhappy—since she moved.”

  Kevin nodded. “Well, not like you aren’t the moving kind.”

  Gabriel smiled. He was from London. Had grown up there. Then he’d fled a violently transphobic family and come north. He’d lived in Sheffield for a while, then Leeds after a relationship breakdown, then moved in with Aled in Wakefield.

  Yet this felt different.

  “First time I’ll be leaving someone behind that I love.”

  Kevin snorted. “It’s Cornwall, not Australia.”

  “Yeah. I’m still going to miss you and Judith and the kids, though.”

  “I would have been worried, once.”

  Gabriel rolled his head on the rest to frown at Kevin’s profile in the dark.

  “Once?”

  “Yeah. All that way, nobody but your partner, no job, new home…a few years ago, I’d have tried to talk you out of it.”

  “And now?”

  “You’ll be fine.”

  Gabriel smiled.

  “Be some new rules, though,” Kevin said. “You’re still family. Every six weeks, I’ll send you the tickets and you’ll get on the northbound train. No exceptions. You got it?”

  Gabriel grinned as a heavy hand squeezed his knee and tucked the edge of the blanket under his chin.

  “Yes, sir.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Aled had another new car.

  It pulled up just after six on Friday evening. Another Range Rover, but a rich blue instead of the previous black one.