Never Knowing

by Chevy Stevens

  Before I left them I’d asked about the other cases, what kind of evidence they had, but they wouldn’t give me details—not even on Julia’s. They said it was better I didn’t know too much so I wouldn’t accidentally reveal anything. They also told me to call them right away if I saw anyone who looked suspicious. Problem was, now everyone did.

  When I’m out for a walk I generally stop and talk to anyone and everyone, but now I avoided eye contact and watched middle-aged men warily. Was it him? What about that tall man under the tree? Was that man on the bench staring at me?

  It was sunny for a change, but still cool for the middle of April, and the wind off the ocean was biting. After I walked the seawall twice, my cheeks stung and my hands felt like ice cubes. Evan hadn’t called back yet and I couldn’t avoid home any longer—Moose needed out and I had a ton of things to do before I picked Ally up from school. I took a deep breath and headed to the Cherokee. If he called I was just going to have to deal with it.

  But nothing happened for the rest of the week. By Friday evening I was starting to wonder if the call was a hoax after all. Sandy or Billy checked in every day, their voices more falsely casual with each call, and I wondered if they thought I’d made it up. The initial flurry of calls from reporters died down, and when I checked online there were no new comments on any of the blogs. A few people asked Evan and Lauren about it, but they told them it was just a rumor. No one dared ask me. But I caught a few odd looks from parents at school when I dropped Ally off. I’m sure people are still gossiping, which drives me nuts, but as long as it doesn’t get back to Ally, I can deal with it. I talked to Dad, and the private investigator hadn’t called him back either. He was still talking about suing that Web site, but it sounded like he was losing interest as everything died down and his lawyer bill went up.

  It was all going away. I’d never been more relieved.

  * * *

  By Saturday morning I was missing Evan like crazy and couldn’t wait for him to come home Monday. While Ally played over at Meghan’s, I hit my shop for a few hours and got more done than I had in a week. Still riding the high of getting so much accomplished, I took a quick shower before I picked up Ally.

  While I soaped sawdust out of my hair, I made mental plans for the rest of the day. Maybe we’d tie-dye some T-shirts and go to a movie later. We hadn’t had a girl’s night for a while. When I was single we used to get dressed up and go on dates together every weekend. As much as I loved my life now, I missed our special times. After she was asleep I could make a rough guest list for Evan to go over. How long had it been since we’d done anything special together? While I pulled on some jeans and one of Evan’s T-shirts, stopping to sniff for any lingering traces of his scent, I daydreamed about a candlelight picnic, then a bubble bath for two, followed by—

  The doorbell rang.

  I peeked through the side blinds and spotted a delivery truck. The name painted on the side was a local company, but I kept one hand gripped on the baseball bat Evan had tucked in the corner and cracked the door.

  A short man with black hair and droopy jowls stood on the steps, a small box in one hand and a clipboard in the other.

  “Sara Gallagher?” I nodded. He thrust the clipboard toward me. “Please sign at the bottom.”

  I rested the baseball bat on the wall behind the door, signed the clipboard, and took the box. As he started backing down the driveway I glanced at the return address.

  Hansel and Gretel Antiques

  4589 Lonesome Way

  Williams Lake BC

  It was addressed to my business, Better Than Before, Furniture Refinishing and Antique Restoration, but I didn’t recognize the other store. In the kitchen, I cut the tape down the center of the package. As I rummaged through the foam kernels my hands touched something square. I pulled out a blue velvet box and opened it. Resting on satin was a beautiful pair of—

  Pearl earrings, they were pink pearl earrings.

  I dropped the box.

  * * *

  Sandy answered on the first ring.

  “I think he just sent me her earrings.…” I struggled to get my breath. “But there’s no note or—”

  “He sent you something?” Sandy’s voice was too loud, then she caught herself and it smoothed out. “Just leave everything as is—don’t touch anything, we’re on the way.”

  I stared at the box on the counter, my entire body shaking.

  “The address said it’s from Hansel and Gretel Antiques.”

  “Do you recognize the company?”

  “No, but ‘Hansel and Gretel’ was one of Ally’s favorite stories.” My mind filled again with an image of a woman running for her life. “The children, they were lost in the woods.”

  Sandy paused for a moment, then said, “Just hang in there, Sara, we’re on our way. Are you home alone?”

  “I’m supposed to get Ally. She’s at her friend’s, and I was just going to—”

  “Call and arrange for her to stay longer, we’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  * * *

  Ten minutes later tires crunched on gravel. I peeked out the front window—I’d been lurking in the living room, as far from the box as I could get—and watched as a black Chevy Tahoe pulled up, with Billy at the wheel. It was barely parked before Sandy climbed out. Even though it was cloudy, they were both wearing sunglasses.

  I whipped open the front door. “You have to get that box out of here.”

  Billy said, “We’ll be as quick as we can.”

  Inside the house, they pulled on gloves and examined the box and the earrings while I sat at the table. Moose rested his round bottom on my feet, growling at the police under his breath.

  My cell phone rang on the table. Sandy and Billy turned and looked at me.

  “It’s probably Evan.” I picked it up and checked the call display, then jumped to my feet. “I think it’s him.” I held the phone out like I was hoping one of them would answer.

  Sandy’s voice was clipped. “Is it the same number as before?”

  “I don’t think so. But the prefix looks the same—I don’t know how he got my cell number.”

  The ringing stopped.

  I said, “What do we—”

  Sandy grabbed the phone out of my hand and checked the call display.

  “Pen?”

  “Drawer behind you.”

  She yanked open the drawer, found a pen and paper, and scribbled something down. She handed Billy my cell, then went into the other room with her phone. She was talking quickly into it, but I couldn’t hear the words. Her hand moved in the air in rapid jerks.

  I sat back down with a thud and stared at Billy. “It’s him. I know it.”

  Now Billy checked the call display on my cell. “Let’s just wait and see if he calls back.”

  “What if he senses you’re here and flips out and—”

  “One step at a time. Looks like he might’ve called from a cell this time, so right now Sandy’s contacting a service provider. Hopefully, they’ll be able to triangulate the call.”

  “Triangulate?”

  “If he’s in a populated area near multiple cell phone towers we can narrow down his location to within a two-hundred-meter radius, about the length of two football fields. But if he’s in a remote area where there’s only one tower, or on the move, that zone could be several miles. If he calls back, just take a deep breath, pretend we aren’t here, and let him do the talking. It’s going to be fine. You can handle this, Sara.”

  Sandy moved farther into the living room. Her voice sounded angry.

  I said, “Those are Julia’s earrings. They have silver leaves, just like she said. He took them from her when he—” I covered my mouth with one hand.

  Billy said, “You okay, Sara?”

  I shook my head.

  “Take a couple of really big breaths in through your nose, try to imagine the air going deep into your lungs, then blow out through your mouth until there’s nothing left.”

 
“I know how to breathe, Billy. What if the earrings have blood on them and—”

  “Take a deep breath.” His voice was firm.

  I took a quick one. “I’m just saying he might have ripped them from her and—”

  “Right now your body is going into fight-or-flight. You need to calm down or nothing I say will register. Put your hand on your chest and focus on it lifting as you breathe. Don’t think about anything but your hand. It will help, Sara.”

  “Fine.” I did as he suggested, holding his gaze while my chest rose and fell, my eyes conveying I’m only doing this because you’re making me.

  He smiled and motioned for me to do it again. Finally he said, “I was right, wasn’t I?

  I actually did feel a lot better, but I said, “Just give me a minute.” In the downstairs bathroom I splashed cold water on my face. Then I stared in the mirror at my watering eyes and flushed face, at my hair. His hair. I wanted to shave it all off.

  * * *

  Sandy and Billy were waiting in the kitchen. Sandy paced, Billy leaned against the counter with Moose in his arms. Moose squirmed at the sight of me and Billy let him down, saying, “All right, all right.”

  Sandy smiled. “Feel better?” But the smile didn’t reach her eyes and her body radiated tension.

  The earrings were in a plastic bag on the counter beside Billy. So was the box.

  Evidence.

  Billy got me a glass from the dish tray and ran me some water. As he handed it to me I said, “Thanks.”

  He nodded and crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back against the counter. Sandy’s phone rang again and she picked it up.

  “What?” Her face flushed as she said into the phone, “That’s not fucking good enough.” She frowned as she listened, running her hand through her hair until it was sticking up.

  With my arms wrapped around my body, I leaned against the counter near Billy.

  “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  Billy said, “It’s a lot to take in.”

  “Ya think?”

  Sandy flashed us a look, then stalked off to the living room.

  Billy lowered his voice and said, “We’ll also have someone check into the depot the package was sent from. Now that we know he has your cell number, we’ll tap it as well. Someone will be monitoring any calls to your landline or cell twenty-four hours a day.”

  As Billy filled me in on the process, giving me lots of details and facts, my mind began to settle and I felt my confidence come back. Billy was right, I could handle this. Then my cell rang.

  Billy grabbed the phone. Sandy closed hers and ran back.

  Billy said, “Same number.” Sandy nodded and Billy handed the phone to me.

  Sandy said, “Okay, Sara. You can answer it now.” But I couldn’t.

  It continued to ring. They stared at me.

  Sandy raised her voice. “Answer the phone.”

  Billy said, “It’s okay, Sara, just like we talked about. You’ve got it in the bag, you’re ready to go.”

  I looked down at the phone in my hand. Every ring clamored in my head. All I had to do was pick it up. Pick it up. Pick—

  The ringing stopped.

  Sandy said, “Shit! We lost him.”

  Billy said, “Sandy, let’s just give her a moment, okay? He’ll call back.”

  “If he doesn’t, we lost our only chance to stop him.”

  “I’m sorry. I just—I panicked.”

  Sandy looked like she was forcing herself to sound patient. “That’s all right, Sara, most likely he’ll call back.” She tried to smile, but I was sure she wanted to slap me. She held out her hand for the phone. “When he calls I’ll pretend to be you.”

  Billy said, “Do you think that’s a good idea, Sandy? He’s heard her voice.” Sandy glared at him, but he just said, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance to rip him apart. When we catch him I’ll leave you alone in the room with him for a couple of hours.”

  To my surprise, Sandy started to laugh, then pretended to throw her phone at Billy, which made me laugh. The tension faded from the room and I leaned back against the counter. It was okay. If we could still laugh, it was okay.

  Billy turned to me. “Sara, I know you’re scared. But I also know you can do it, or we wouldn’t ask. You just have to get over the initial fear—once you start talking you’ll do great. Got any coffee?”

  Just as I pointed to the stainless-steel flask behind them on the counter, the cell rang. They spun around.

  “Remember, you can do this.” Billy’s voice was low and steady and rang with conviction. “Now pick up the phone!”

  I took a deep breath and answered my father’s call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Sara. How are you?” He sounded excited—eager.

  “Why do you keep calling me?” My body began to vibrate and I sat down at the kitchen table. Sandy and Billy eased themselves into chairs across from me.

  “Because I’m your dad.”

  “I have a dad.”

  He was silent. Sandy’s hand balled on the table like it was taking all her strength not to rip the phone from my hand.

  “You can call me John for now.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  He said, “You got my present?”

  “Yes. How did you get this number?”

  “It was on the Internet.” Of course, my business was listed on a Web site directory. That must’ve been how he found me in the first place. Too late I remembered Evan’s warning, You sure you want your cell number on there?

  “Do you like the earrings?”

  “Where did you get them from?” I knew I sounded angry, but I couldn’t stop the emotion from leaking into my voice. I glanced at Billy and he mouthed, Keep going. I didn’t look at Sandy.

  John said, “Karen gave them to me.” I closed my eyes against the image his words created. He said something else, but it was drowned out by a roar from a vehicle going by.

  He said, “Sorry about the background noise. I’m in my truck.”

  “Where are you?”

  He paused for a moment, then said, “It won’t work like that, Sara. I know you’ve probably called the cops and your landline’s tapped. But I won’t reveal anything they can use. Even if they trace this call, I know the Interior like the back of my hand. They’ll never find me.”

  I stared at the two cops sitting at the table with me. Did he really know I’d called them or was he just bluffing? My pulse beat loud in my ear. I had to answer fast. “I didn’t tell anyone. I thought it was just a prank.”

  He paused for a moment, then said, “I guess you probably got a few prank calls. Your family must be upset. Is that why you told the papers Karen Christianson wasn’t really your mother?”

  My stomach muscles tightened at the intimate tone in his voice, his casual way of speaking about my family. Then I realized I’d found my way out.

  “She’s not my mother. It was just a rumor someone started. I told you—”

  “I saw your Facebook photo. You’re my daughter.”

  My Facebook photo. How many others did he see? Did he know about Ally? My mind scrambled, trying to remember my profile settings.

  He said, “And I saw Julia’s photo in the paper. I know she’s Karen Christianson. She hit me in the head.” The last sentence he said with grudging respect.

  “Is that what this is about? You’re trying to find her?”

  “I have no interest in her anymore.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  “I have to talk to you whenever I have the urge. It’s the only way I might be able to stop.”

  “What … what will you stop?”

  “Hurting people.”

  I sucked in my breath as my thoughts scattered.

  He said, “I have to go now. We’ll talk more next time—keep your phone with you.”

  “I can’t always answer when you—”

  “You have to answer.”

  “But I may not
be able to. Sometimes I’m busy and—”

  “If you don’t answer, then I’ll have to do something else.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ll have to find someone.”

  “No! No, don’t do that. I’ll keep my phone on—”

  “I’m not bad, Sara. You’ll see.” He hung up.

  * * *

  He hasn’t called since. I know I should be happy—no news is good news, right? But I walk around in a constant state of anxiety. The first thing I did was check Facebook. Thankfully he could only see my profile picture because the rest were set to private, but I still removed everything. Billy and Sandy stayed until I’d calmed down, or as calm as I could be given what had just happened, and we went over what to do if he calls again. They want me to continue denying I told the police anything. Billy said the more confident John is, the more likely he’ll make a mistake. But I think he has good reason to feel confident.

  The police weren’t able to triangulate the call because he’d made it from somewhere west of Williams Lake and they could only get a signal from one tower. It took almost an hour for the local police to get there, and by then he could’ve been anywhere. All they could do was patrol the main highway and back roads, stopping vehicles, asking homeowners if they’d seen any strangers in the area. But without a vehicle description they don’t have much to go on. He was also using a stolen phone, which sent them on another wild goose chase as they tried to track down the owner.

  I’ve traveled through BC and I know the more populated towns are in the southern part of the Interior, the Okanagan region, but when you’re in the Central and Northern Interior, most of the towns are small. They’re also hours apart, with nothing but mountains and valleys surrounding them. You don’t have to drive far to disappear into the wilderness. And if the remoteness of the terrain wasn’t bad enough, Billy said there can be delays getting information from the service provider, and sometimes the signal even pings off the wrong tower. I asked about GPS, but apparently he can just turn that feature off.