Broken Wings

by Terri Schaefer

  “Fuck, Natalie,” he said, his heart still racing. He could see the pulse thrumming in her neck, was about two seconds from swooping back in for a taste. But he couldn’t. Because while this had been fucking awesome, they were running on adrenaline and fear. Which was a potent cocktail for some fantastic lovemaking, but he wouldn’t, couldn’t do that with her. Somehow, in twenty-four hours, she’d gone from being the enemy to someone he wanted to completely corrupt, while cherishing her at the same time.

  And those kind of feelings were so foreign to him that he needed to take a big damn step back, even as he wanted just one more taste. Even as his body clamored for her, his dick straining the front of his cargo shorts.

  She looked up at him, those big gray eyes swirling with want, and he almost lost his battle. But then she cleared her throat, dropped her gaze, saw her hands bunched in his shirt and relaxed her fingers.

  “No condom, huh?”

  He could tell she was forcing levity into her voice, but he could still hear the huskiness of desire beneath her words.

  “No.” He stepped back, trailing his fingers over her skin as he did, feeling the goosebumps rising in response, and wished he was a different man. A man who could take what she’d offered without remorse, without worrying about tomorrow.

  But he was a man who’d sunk to depths most couldn’t imagine, and was still trying to crawl back to the light.

  Natalie shifted her feet a bit further apart, centering herself.

  Ethan Masters had just about burned her world down, and she’d liked it. Loved it. Would have slept with him if either one of them had protection and not regretted a second of it.

  But he had shadows haunting his eyes again, shadows she wanted to soothe away, that she wanted to delve deep into to find out why he’d truly pulled away, because they’d both been around enough to know that you didn’t have to actually have sex to get your rocks off. But he was still standing a few feet away, hands in the pockets of his shorts now, as if he needed to stop himself from touching her.

  She ran a hand through her hair, setting it to rights and stepped back to the window, looking at the lake again. “This is going to be a problem for us, you know that, right?”

  He joined her at the screen, a careful foot away. “I’m more of a hookup kind of guy, Natalie. Or at least I was.” He sent a smoldering look her way that almost set her afire all over again. “I like you. Respect you. Too much to do the casual fuck and run.”

  Well, at least he was honest. And while there was absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of nomadic lifestyle, he didn’t strike her as that sort. And in that moment, she knew. He’d been burned, badly. And likely not just by love. He gave too freely for it to be a love thing. What the ever-loving hell had Ward and her father done to him?

  But now was not the time to ask. Not when there was still electricity arcing in the air between them. When they both wore summer clothes that would be all-too-easy to ditch. When he so obviously was trying to do the right thing.

  So she answered him honestly. “I never would have seen you as that, you know. And I like you too. Maybe a bit too much, given our circumstances and the fact we’ve only known each other for less than two days. And I like your body, a lot,” she said with a smile. “But I’m adult enough to know when to back off.” She paused, turned enough that he had to mimic her or appear rude. “So let’s get back in our crazy costumes and go buy some regular clothes as well as another set of disguises, since I’m pretty sure the footage from the big box store in Midland is already circulating. Get some fresh air. Do some surveillance to see if the feds really are gone.”

  He held her gaze for a long moment, as if trying to read her intent, to see if her words were true, then nodded his head slowly. And when he spoke, it did nothing to tamp down her libido. “And maybe hit a drugstore while we’re out.”

  Need curled inside her, rebounding as quickly as if it had never left.

  Tonight was going to be interesting, indeed.

  Chapter 10

  Ethan wasn’t sure if he’d dodged a bullet or done the stupidest thing in his life by stepping away from Natalie.

  Regardless, it was done, and now he and Natalie were back in the get-ups they’d bought in Capitan, strolling the main drag with a bunch of other folks in equally crazy costumes.

  They could have hit one of the big box stores, but they’d stand out really badly there, even with the rest of the Fest attendees, so they stuck to the downtown area and hit up a novelty shop for another set of disguises. Natalie went full-on Scully with a strawberry blonde wig and a t-shirt that looked like a business suit and a pair of wire rimmed glasses. While she was using the dressing room to put them on, he settled on a pair of Buddy Holly glasses, an X-Files t-shirt and a ballcap that touted the Lone Gunmen. He’d complete his makeover when they hit the drugstore.

  Two doors down from the novelty shop was an actual clothing store where they used the remainder of the money on one of the gift cards they’d purchased in Midland to buy jeans, shorts, sturdy hiking boots and non-novelty shirts. In a day or two the cards would likely be traceable, but anyone looking for the purchase of them would have to get a warrant, and that took time.

  They grabbed a corn dog and soda at one of the street vendors and sat on an out-of-the-way bench to people watch.

  Natalie had expertly steered them away from the few cameras in town, which were mostly on banks and municipal buildings. Ethan would have spotted them eventually, but she was a pro, used to doing it for her charges.

  So after they ate, while they watched the crowds thin and swell, he asked her about her work.

  “When we were in Europe and North Africa, it was mostly politicians or statesmen. A few business types and celebrities doing the charity route.” She paused, and he could see her going far away, much as he sometimes did. He waited a moment, then prompted her.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” he said, “but you look like you could use an unbiased listener.”

  She shot him a side eye. “Please. When it comes to Arrow, you’re one of the most biased people I’ve met.” She finished her statement with a smile.

  He returned it. “True, but while your company isn’t on my Christmas card list, I respect you. I’d like to know you better.”

  It was really that simple. Since she knew his overarching goal wasn’t to get her into bed, not after this morning, maybe she’d believe him.

  Apparently she did. “We were on a job, got intel that sounded wrong to me, but Cord was the lead and decided to go with what we’d been given. He died because of it.” She shrugged, as if it didn’t matter, when he could tell she was reliving it. Experiencing the pain all over again. “We’d been together for about a year at that point. Hadn’t made any real promises to each other, but the feelings were there.” Her lips twisted into a grimace.

  Instead of pulling her in for a hug that he was positive would not be welcome, he braced his elbows on his knees and stared at the passing crowd, keeping an eye out for feds and Ward’s bruisers alike.

  Then he gave her something of himself.

  “Three years ago I was working for Ward Dynamics as a contract pilot in Afghanistan. We did all kinds of semi-sketchy stuff, but it was never illegal, just riding the line. The money was great, so I didn’t get too riled up about it. We were doing an extraction from a rooftop, but we were only there to get the man. He was a high-level informant, so pretty important. He brought his wife and daughter up to that rooftop. Begged us to take them with us. I tried to talk the crew into it, but I was just the pilot. They were there with a mission. We didn’t take the women with us. The crew was a mix of Arrow and Ward Dynamics operators. And when we got back and I started to raise a ruckus, they all lied. Said the women had never been there, that I’d lost it and was telling lies to get them in trouble. The informant kept his mouth shut because he was more scared of his countrymen than us. If I hadn’t quit, they would’ve fired me, and I was warned, very explicitly, about keeping my trap
shut in the future. I did.”

  He waited for comforting words, for her to tell him it hadn’t been his fault. That he couldn’t have done anything else.

  Instead, she joined him in his pose and the silence between them became thoughtful, almost as if they were each pondering the others’ words. He sure as hell was. He’d almost expected the story, after the hints she’d let drop, but her pain, her doubt in herself, caught him off guard.

  After a few moments he stood, reached out for her to help her up.

  She slid her hand into his, squeezed hard for a moment, then let go to pick up her trash. He did the same, and they walked away from the bench in companionable silence.

  Jesus. Ethan’s words rolled through her mind in a loop as they strolled down the street. She could just picture him, see that carefree face she’d watched yesterday on the television. Now knew what had changed that cocky pilot into the taciturn man striding beside her.

  She thought back to his expression yesterday morning, when he’d come back for her and Petra. The grudging acceptance. What she now understood was penance, of a sort. It also explained a hell of a lot about why he’d stuck by her and Petra early on. Why he was still sticking with her now. Because Ethan Masters didn’t leave anyone behind. Not anymore.

  He’d given that to her because she’d revealed a painful piece of herself. Trusted her with what she was pretty sure he’d never told anyone else.

  Around them the crowd was starting to swell as people got off work and joined the tourists. It was a lively bunch, besides the costumes, of course, and she felt her mood lifting as a live band started up a street down.

  But even with the gaiety around them, they kept their eyes peeled.

  She’d already lost one male partner in her life, and damned if Ethan would be the second.

  She hated thinking of Cord, that his beautiful life had been cut so tragically short. Even if they hadn’t gone the distance, he’d been a good person, and held a piece of her heart. Always would.

  But walking like this now, with Ethan, even though they were laying low, made the sad piece of her heart lift a bit. And his kisses earlier hadn’t hurt matters. At all. The man packed a serious punch in the kissing department, and honestly, if they’d had protection, she would have been more than fine taking it further.

  And who knows, maybe they would, tonight, tomorrow, next week. But in the here and now, she was as happy as she’d been in a very long time, and wasn’t that just a kick in the ass?

  They strolled into the drugstore, flowing with the crowd, heading directly for the women’s hair section. Ethan hadn’t told her all of his plan, but she got the gist of it… he was going to color his hair. Which sucked, but had to be done if they wanted to do more than cower at the casita.

  Even though they hadn’t discussed their plan past this afternoon, she had the feeling something was rumbling around Ethan’s brain, and she couldn’t wait to hear it.

  They grabbed brown hair dye and a set of scissors. Which meant he wanted to cut his hair. Which was totally not a skill she possessed, but she’d give it her very best shot.

  She was walking ahead of him, but didn’t miss it when he reached out and grabbed a package of condoms, buried it beneath the hair coloring box. She stifled a smile and peeled off to grab a bottle of wine to give him a chance to pay for their initial purchases without her hovering. Because she wanted to see how he explained the magically appearing rubbers later on.

  They returned to the casita right as the sun was going down. They got out of their costumes and into shorts and t-shirts they’d bought earlier. Natalie hit the kitchen and started whipping up dinner. He’d offered to help, but she demurred, saying she enjoyed cooking. She’d actually sounded enthused about it, and he wasn’t going to argue, considering his cooking skills were limited to soup, sandwiches and about five varieties of eggs.

  He heard her pour a glass of wine and start humming as she put supper together.

  He wondered how he’d gotten so lucky. Her flexibility in everything that had happened was astounding. And as a team, they were better than good, especially after only a day and a half together.

  He didn’t want to screw that dynamic up by sleeping with her, but the thought of sinking inside her made him want to throw all of that to the wind. Made him want things he had absolutely no business wanting.

  So he pulled out the hair dye, read the instructions. Figured it’d be easier to do after they trimmed his hair, so settled into his chair on the porch and watched the sunset.

  A strange sort of peace settled over him. He could have something like this. Not with Natalie, of course, she’d move on after this was said and done, and while it brought a pang, he was a realist.

  But he could have the quiet, the inner peace. Once he paid Rob, he could see himself settling into a little house just like this, puttering in a garden. His disability check from the military would cover modest living expenses and he could find a job. Not repossessing fast, shiny things. But maybe working with his hands.

  He’d never be able to get a job as a teacher in the next few years, not with his history of alcoholism and gambling, so his degree in anthropology meant squat. But he’d loved landscaping when he was working his way through college, since ROTC only paid so much.

  Natalie called him out of his daydream and into dinner.

  They sat at the dated little Formica table as the sun cast the last rays of light through the porch screen. He turned down a glass of wine and instead grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler.

  She’d taken their leftovers and put them together into almost a stir fry of sorts that incorporated fresh veggies he didn’t remember seeing in the cooler and the remains of their pulled pork and brisket with a tasty sauce.

  “How’d you do this?” he demanded after he swallowed, because his momma had taught him to never, ever talk with his mouth full. “It’s fantastic.”

  She smiled, maybe even blushed a bit, although he couldn’t tell for sure in the iffy light. “My mom and I loved to cook together. I always envisioned myself being a chef when I grew up. But then she died, and Dad needed me to step up when it was time to go to college.”

  “That’s tough,” he said in sympathy. “But you definitely got the good cooking genes. And the good looking ones.” He waggled his eyebrows, trying to lighten her mood, her load, just a bit.

  She laughed, threw a snow pea at him. “Corny, Masters, very, very corny.” She paused for a moment, took a sip of her wine. “Tell me about you. I mean, I know you were military. I’m thinking Air Force just because you’ve got that flyboy vibe. And that you worked for Ward once upon a time.”

  He winced. “Let’s not go there, okay?”

  She nodded and took a bite of dinner, waiting.

  “Before that, I’m an open book, sunshine. Grew up in Fort Smith, Arkansas. Dad was in the Army and basically forced me into the Air Force when I said I wanted to serve, said it was in my best interests. Got a degree in cultural anthropology focusing on archaeology from the University of Arkansas.”

  At her disbelieving sound he smiled. “Hey, I’ll have you know that knowing obscure things about ancient civilizations can be a very valuable tool in the Air Force. I always won at Stump the Chump. Didn’t buy my own beers for a very long time until they finally stopped trying. Even thought about Jeopardy at one point, but I’m not quite up to Cliff Clavin standards.”

  She laughed out loud now, and the sound went straight to his heart. This was a woman who deserved to laugh every day of her life.

  “I loved Cheers reruns when I was a kid,” Natalie said. “But Carla was always my favorite.”

  Ethan nodded in agreement, shoveled another bite into his mouth, chewed with true appreciation.

  Seeing him enjoy the food she’d prepared sent a bolt of longing through her. She missed doing stuff like this with her mom. Missed creating something delicious from basic ingredients. Wished things had turned out differently.

  Ethan was studying her again
with that unnerving gaze he sometimes had.

  “What would you be doing if not working for the company?” he asked, and his voice held a yearning she felt deep in her soul.

  “I wanted to go to culinary school. Open a little farm-to-fork restaurant. Maybe in Denver or Colorado Springs or Santa Fe. I love those communities, would live there in a heartbeat.” She cleared her throat. “But that’s never going to happen.” She shrugged. “What about you? What are you going to do when this is all over?”

  He looked at her for a long moment. “I was thinking that when I was out on the porch. That I could easily find a little cottage like this, and a job where I could work with my hands. I’m tired of chasing after shiny things. And if I fly again after this job, it’ll be for fun, not because I have to.”

  They both sat in silence for a long moment, then he finished his meal and took his plate to the sink, began washing the dishes.

  The spell broken, Natalie sat back and enjoyed watching him work as she took her last bites, then joined him, handing over her plate.

  “So what’s on the agenda for the rest of the evening?”

  As soon as the words left her mouth she wished them back. What the hell was she thinking?

  His look was positively molten, but his words were easy, unhurried. “I’d like you to trim my hair. Nothing drastic that would make me look like when I was active duty. Then we’re going to dye it. I think with those two small changes, I won’t even get a second look unless they’re using facial recognition software, which I don’t think they’ll go to right off the bat.”

  She nodded in agreement, thankful that he’d taken the high road. Sort of. “Sounds good. Let’s get started.”

  They moved the dinette table out of the way, set him up in the middle of the room, straddling the dinette chair so he could rest his arms across the top. He claimed it was more comfortable, and who was she to question it?