If It Isn't Love

by Hodges, Cheris

  Jason eyed her suspiciously. “Are you sure that’s all?”

  “Mmm,” she said as he pulled into her drive way.

  He raised his eyebrow at her, but held his tongue then they got out of the car. Jason crossed over to Ingrid and grabbed her shoulder. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” he asked.

  “Jason, can we just go inside and be with our son?” She reached up and tucked a stray lock behind his ear. “I’m tired. It has been a long day.”

  Before they could get in the house, a couple of photographers stopped on the sidewalk and started snapping pictures of the couple. Jason fought the urge to rush the photographers and smash their cameras. “Get the hell out of here!” he screamed.

  “We got the shot,” one of the photographers said to his cohorts.

  Ingrid rushed to the sidewalk and glared at the photographers. “Show up at my house again and we’re going to have serious problems. You people aren’t in Hollywood and I will have you arrested,” she barked as she wagged her finger at them.

  “Lady, you’re big news, this ain’t over until we get a picture of the boy,” one of the men said. Ingrid wished she had a brick to throw at them.

  “You leave my son the hell alone. Jason, call the police.”

  One of the photographers grabbed the mouthy man’s shoulder. “We don’t want to get locked up in Mayberry, let’s get the hell out of here.” The three shutterbugs scampered off and Ingrid shook her head.

  “How long are we going to have to deal with this madness?” she asked as Jason wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.

  “It’s going to be over real soon,” he said. “Let’s go inside and forget about this madness for a little while.”

  She nodded and they headed up the steps. Ingrid glanced over her shoulder to make sure there weren’t any more photographers lingering around her house.

  “What was all of that noise out there?” Christina asked when they walked in.

  “Nothing,” Ingrid said, “where’s DeShawn?”

  “Upstairs coloring,” she said, noting that her friend was a little irritated. “You sure everything is cool?”

  Nodding, Ingrid forced a smile then headed up to her son’s room.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Jason followed Ingrid upstairs and paused when he noticed a picture of Louis and DeShawn on the wall. He’d never taken note of the picture before and he smiled when he saw how happy they looked in the photograph. Part of him was jealous, though. He hated that he’d missed out on times like that with his little boy. But now was the time for that to change, still he wondered what Ingrid was so afraid of.

  Walking into the bedroom, he took a seat on the bed beside Ingrid, who was hugging DeShawn. He stroked the back of DeShawn’s head. “How are you, little man?” he asked.

  “OK,” the little boy replied as his mother released him. “What are we going to eat for dinner?”

  Ingrid flashed a tense smile. “Why don’t I go to the restaurant and pick something up for us? Chicken, cabbage and macaroni and cheese?”

  DeShawn nodded happily then turned to Jason, “Are you going to have dinner with us too?”

  “Sure,” he said then kissed his son’s cheek. “I’ll even take care of dessert. Chocolate chip cookies and ice cream?”

  “Yeah,” DeShawn said. “Are we having a party?”

  Ingrid laughed, “It seems like it, doesn't it? But, no, it’s just a family dinner.”

  “Is Grandma coming?”

  “I don’t think so,” Ingrid said, “but Chrissy’s going to be here.”

  “OK,” he said. “Jason, can I help you bake the cookies?”

  “Sure, let’s head to the kitchen and see what we can find,” he replied, extending his hand to his son. Glancing at Ingrid, Jason wondered what she was really thinking.

  Ingrid drove slowly to the restaurant, wondering if her life would ever be normal again. She looked in the rear view mirror every few minutes to make sure she wasn’t being followed by the press.

  “This is dumb,” she muttered as she turned into the restaurant’s parking lot. Ingrid wasn’t surprised to find the place packed. She knew it wasn’t just regulars filling the parking lot and the tables inside. She headed for the back entrance and found two photographers standing by the Dumpsters smoking. Though part of her wanted to turn and run, she wasn’t going to allow these people to make her hide in her own town and stay away from her business. Holding her head up high, she walked into the restaurant and ignored the clicks of the cameras.

  “Miss Ingrid, I saw you on the news,” Felix said when she walked into the kitchen. “That was some story.”

  “Please, I don’t want to talk about that,” she said. “I just need to pick up some dinner.”

  He nodded. “Sure. But if you want to talk, you know I’m here for you.”

  Ingrid crossed over to her trusted employee and hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Felix. I really appreciate this. I never wanted any of this to come out in the media and through the town gossips. I just wish it would all go away.”

  “It will as soon as one of those white girls in Hollywood flashes the cameras on a night when they forgot their underwear.”

  She laughed. “You talk like you read TMZ,” she said as she grabbed some boxes to stuff food in it.

  “Why don’t you let me fix you some fresh chicken?” Felix asked as he closed his hand around Ingrid’s. “The cold chicken is for the reporters.”

  She smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “And charge them double,” she quipped.

  About thirty minutes later, dinner was done and packed. Ingrid took the boxes of hot food from Felix and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks.”

  “Aww, it was nothing,” he said then waved goodbye to her.

  When Ingrid walked out to her car, the same photographers who’d been by the trashcans were still there. The shutterbugs immediately started taking pictures of her and Ingrid held the bags of food in front of her face while rushing into the car.

  “This is madness,” she mumbled as she started the car. “Do I really want to live like this?” Ingrid drove quickly to get home, ready to tuck herself away inside her house and hide. She sighed as she pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. Glancing over her shoulder, Ingrid was happy to see that she hadn’t been followed by any photographers.

  “I’m back,” she said when she walked in the house. “Dinner is ready.”

  Jason and DeShawn walked out of the kitchen. “And so is dessert,” Jason said as he crossed over to her and took the bags from her hands. He leaned in to kiss her, but Ingrid turned away from him.

  “I have to get the plates. Where is Chrissy?”

  “She went to the store to get some ice cream. What’s wrong?” he asked as he followed her in the kitchen. Before she spoke, Ingrid looked at DeShawn.

  “Sweetie, I think Little Bill is on T.V.”

  “Yay, Little Bill,” DeShawn said then dashed into the living room.

  Ingrid began taking dinner plates out of the cabinet with her back turned to Jason. He leaned against the stove with his arms folded across his chest, watching her tense movements.

  “Are we going to talk about what’s wrong or are you going to pretend nothing’s bothering you?”

  Ingrid dropped the dishes on the counter. “I can’t move without a photographer taking a picture of me. They know where I work and where I live. How soon is it going to before they get a shot of me taking DeShawn to his art class or to my mother’s? I don’t know if I can deal with being a prisoner because of your fame.”

  “What?”

  “I knew this was a mistake. I should’ve just ignored. . .”

  “What’s the mistake, because I get the feeling you’re talking about us,” Jason said as he crossed over to her.

  “Maybe I am,” she said. “This could be why I left New York. You’re a star and I never wanted to be. I never wanted this and never wanted to be on the cover of someone’s newspaper.”


  “And you don’t have to be. But if you don’t have enough faith in us, why the hell am I here? What happens when I take my son somewhere? The photographers are going to be there then too. We can protect him if we are in this together. But if you want to bail again, fine, do it.”

  “I never bailed on you. I. . .”

  “You did and you’re trying to do it again and it’s been that way since I came back. I have to wonder if we didn’t share that little boy if we’d even be trying again. I’m tired of being the only one trying to make this work. Just what in the hell are you afraid of?”

  Ingrid dropped her head in her hands and released a quiet sob. “I’m really sorry if you think that I. . .What if it doesn’t work this time, again?”

  “You’re not giving us a chance to work, not a real chance anyway. Why did you accept my marriage proposal? You knew who I was and what I did. I can stop singing, but there will be certain place that we’re going to go and the cameras will be there.”

  “But we’re here, in Elmore and the cameras are following me.”

  Jason sighed and tugged at his locs. “You created this! Instead of coming to me, you wrapped yourself around a lie and it blew up in your face. I’ve been trying to understand why you would do this, but I can’t. I can’t understand why you lost all faith in what we had and thought that I would just turn my back on you and our son? When we were together, you were the only person who ever believed in me.”

  “I knew it was your dream to sing. I didn’t know if you wanted a family. I couldn’t come back here and—”

  “You didn’t have to leave!” Jason bellowed. “Do you know how hurt I was? I’ve never loved anyone but you and when I thought you didn’t love me, I didn’t know how I was going to get through it.”

  “And I suppose you think it was easy for me, lying to everybody because I didn’t want to be judged?”

  Jason grasped her shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. “You could’ve told, should’ve told me. I would’ve given everything up for you. Why don’t you get that?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know,” Ingrid said. “I really don’t know. Maybe it’s the stress of this media attention and how it’s going to affect my son.”

  “This will blow over, a lot sooner than you think. You have to trust me,” he said as he stroked her arm.

  “I do,” she said. “And I’m sorry, but I guess I’ve been protecting DeShawn for so long, this is just something I never thought we’d have to contend with in Elmore.”

  “We won’t. Tomorrow, I’m sure things will die down. But I have to know if your commitment to me is real,” he said. “Every little thing can’t make you look for the nearest exit.”

  “I love you, Jason. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, but I am afraid. What if you decide that you want to go back into the business, then where is that going to leave me?”

  “If I go back into the music industry I’m taking you with me. Every decision that I make will be made with you and DeShawn in mind. All I want is our family to be together. I want to wake up to you and my son every morning. At night, I want to go to sleep with you in my arms.”

  Ingrid’s doubts began to float away as she stared deep into Jason’s eyes. “I love you,” she said then tilted her head upwards to meet his lips. Jason captured her sweet lips and kissed her, making her feel as if they were the only people in the world.

  “Whoa!” Christina exclaimed. “Did I pick the wrong time to come back with the ice cream. Please tell me the food is covered.”

  Jason and Ingrid separated. “You always have jokes, don’t you?” Jason asked as he licked his lips.

  “At least I didn’t burn the cookies. Thank God you got Ingrid to cook for you and DeShawn. Otherwise, we’d starve.” Christina set the ice cream on the counter.

  “We?” Ingrid and Jason said in unison.

  “That’s right, you two don’t have time for leftovers,” she said. “So, where’s dinner?”

  “Go away and we’ll be out with the plates in a minute,” Ingrid said then shooed her friend out of the kitchen. Jason opened the boxes of food and Ingrid filled plates for her family. Once the plates were ready, Jason set the table and called Christina and DeShawn to dinner.

  As they all sat down to eat, Ingrid looked around at her family and smiled. This was how things should be. Jason reached over and squeezed her hand. Ingrid wished that she could bottle what she was feeling in this moment and save it for when times got rough.

  She had no idea that things were going to turn so quickly. After they finished dinner and Jason was preparing dessert, there was a loud banging on the front door.

  “Who in the hell is that?” Ingrid mumbled as she stalked to the door. When she pulled the curtain back and saw her mother there, she wished she’d just stayed at the table.

  “Mother, what’s wrong?” Ingrid asked flatly when she opened the door.

  Lois shook her head and placed her hand on her hip. “You just want the whole world to know your business?”

  “Can we save this for another time? We’re about to have dessert and until you arrived here, I was having a pretty good evening.”

  “Then I guess he’s inside?” Lois spat.

  “He has a name, Mom and please don’t come in here if you’re going to start a shouting match, we’ve had enough of that.”

  Lois stroked her cheek back and forth. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me the truth. I’m your mother and from the day DeShawn was born, I knew he didn’t belong to Louis.”

  “Mom, do we have to get into this right now?”

  “Why didn’t you trust me?”

  Ingrid shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “You never made it easy for me to come to you. What was I supposed to say?”

  “How about the truth? Did you think I didn’t see how much my grandson looked like that man?”

  “His father?”

  “The man who let you live a lie. What if Louis hadn’t died? What kind of mess would you be in now?” Lois asked with her hand on her hip.

  “And if I had come to you and told you that Jason was the father, what would you have said to me? How was that conversation going to go, Mom?”

  Lois rolled her eyes. “I would’ve been there for you and my grandchild, it didn’t matter who the father was. You were in trouble and you didn’t come to me.”

  “It’s never been easy to come to you,” Ingrid railed. “The last thing I wanted was for you to judge my son like you do everybody else.”

  “He’s my flesh and blood too!”

  Ingrid shook her head, “And he’s Jason Campbell’s son too.”

  Lois rolled her eyes. “So, what? It’s not as if Jason has been there for the boy.”

  “That’s going to change,” Jason said as he appeared behind Ingrid. He placed his arm across her shoulder protectively.

  “And why should I believe you now? You damned sure wasn’t around when she found out she was pregnant. I know what kind of man you really are,” Lois raged. “You’re just like your father.”

  Her words stabbed him in the chest like a sharp knife. Jason never wanted to be compared to his father. He never wanted anyone to mistake him for that drunken fool. His whole life had been about separating himself from the man that his father was.

  “Mom, you’re out of line!” Ingrid yelled. “You’ve never known Jason or the kind of person he is. You and everyone else in this town put him down because of who his family was. That’s why I felt as if I had to lie. I didn’t want you or anyone else treating my son differently.”

  Lois blanched. “I would’ve never. . .”

  “Mrs. Russell, I’m going to love my son and your daughter. I’m going to provide for them in ways my father never did for my mother and me. You can’t judge me by what he did.”

  “I-I,” she stammered.

  “You should leave,” Ingrid said to her mother.

  “Fine. Jason, I pray you prove me wrong,” Lois said th
en left.

  Ingrid fell into Jason’s awaiting arms and kissed him tenderly on his chin. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

  “So, that’s the root of it, huh?” he asked quietly.

  “What?”

  “The fear and the reason why you keep going back and forth on us being together.”

  Ingrid sighed. “You know what, I can’t continue to worry about what people think. That’s why my son was robbed of you to begin with.”

  “We both made mistakes for the right reasons, but that’s over now.”

  She nodded in agreement. “Let’s get in here and eat before Christina cleans us out.”

  Jason wrapped his arms around Ingrid’s waist and they headed into the dining room.

  After a stress free dinner and dessert, Christina headed home and DeShawn went to bed, leaving Jason and Ingrid to clean the kitchen.

  “You’re sure you’re ready to trade the fast life for dishes?” Ingrid asked after drying the last dinner plate.

  Jason snapped the top down on the half empty carton of ice cream then placed it in the freezer. “Yes,” he replied without hesitations. “You act as if I’ve been a star all my life. This is the life I want. Jay Slade is gone. That fast life and living in hotels got old the minute you left. I wanted you to be pampered. I’m a grown man and I can take care of myself.” He picked up the can of whipped cream that had been on the middle of the table.

  “Now,” he said. “I’m ready to take care of you.”

  Ingrid turned her back to the sink. “Oh yeah?” she asked as he closed the space between them.

  “Yes. Why don’t you go upstairs and wait for me,” he said in a near growl.

  She didn’t have to be told twice and Ingrid dashed upstairs.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Jason gathered the leftover whipped cream and chocolate sauce before he headed upstairs to Ingrid’s bedroom. Before he walked in, he tipped over to DeShawn’s door to look in on his sleeping son. Smiling, he stood in the doorway and watch his son sprawled out on the bed looking just like him when he was that age. Slowly, Jason crept away from DeShawn’s door and crossed over to Ingrid’s bedroom and stood in her dim doorway. She was lying across the bed with a come hither look on her face. He was happy to see Ingrid had changed into a black lace gown that made his mouth water the way it clung to her curves.