by Jill Lynn
“Stop it. Please.” He placed his hands—the left bulky with the cast—on her shoulders. It was the closest they’d been since his arrival at the ranch, but Jace no longer cared about whatever barriers Mackenzie had built. Those pretty grays, crammed with upset and worry, finally met his and held. “What happened between us in the past doesn’t matter right now. This is bigger than that.” She didn’t move away, didn’t disconnect from him.
“Okay.” Her shoulders eased down under his grip, her chin jutting in agreement.
She’d given him an inch, and Jace wanted ten miles. The craving to haul her close and hold on was almost impossible to resist.
But he managed to. She was letting him in the slightest bit, and he refused to ruin that.
They walked toward the entrance, Kenzie’s strides sure and strong. But that didn’t hide the fact that whatever they were about to face inside the hospital walls was scaring her silly.
Him, too.
The woman behind the information desk directed them. When they reached the correct floor and stepped out of the elevator, Kenzie gave a quiet gasp as the door slid shut behind them. Luc was sitting on the floor outside a room about halfway down a long florescent-lit hallway. His knees were bent, his head crashed onto his arms.
It didn’t look good.
For the whole drive Jace had been telling himself that when they got to the hospital, everything would be okay. That the news would be encouraging. That maybe Luc hadn’t contacted Emma or Mackenzie because he’d been busy with Cate or the babies.
But now? Jace’s theory was in question. Big time.
Helplessness suffocated him. He was worthless here. He didn’t have the right to comfort Mackenzie anymore. Not like she would need if things had worsened.
She might not want him in her life, but he could be strong for her.
Jace could at least do that.
He’d failed her in the past. Maybe he could figure out how to make that up to her now and in the future.
* * *
Mackenzie’s overcooked-noodle knees buckled at the sight of her strong brother crashed to the floor in the hospital hallway. With his head dropped to his arms, he didn’t see them. Didn’t know she’d faltered so hard that Jace had cupped her elbow and now held her steady.
She wanted to shake Jace off, but she was frozen and immovable. A mess. Mackenzie had never felt so helpless and woozy and worthless, and it was embarrassing. Enough. This moment isn’t about you. Go be there for your brother. But what if things were worse? What if Cate...?
A boulder clogged Mackenzie’s throat, making it impossible to swallow, to suck in oxygen. Numbness buzzed through her limbs.
“Breathe.” Jace jiggled her arm. “In and out.”
She obeyed like a weak, pitiful kitten who needed to be bottle-fed.
Her brother was in a heap, and she was so cemented and freaked out that she couldn’t make her legs work in order to go to him. She was supposed to be the strong one. But the crown no longer fitted.
“You don’t know what’s going on. Don’t jump to conclusions.” Jace nodded toward Luc, his voice quiet and annoyingly calm. “Go find out, and then you can deal with it, whatever it is. You can handle this. You’re the strongest person I know.” Mackenzie wanted to be mad at Jace for driving her here. For forcing her to ride with him. For not leaving her alone.
But she was pathetically grateful he hadn’t let her get away with any of that.
The temptation to turn into him for just a second, to let those strong arms of his tighten around her and that familiar voice whisper in her ear that everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn’t... Mackenzie wanted that like she’d never wanted anything before.
And she hated herself for that weakness.
You’ve been just fine without him for seven years. Jace Hawke does not need to carry you through this. You have God and your family, and they’re enough. Those sources are trustworthy, and the man next to you is not.
Not anymore.
“I’m going to find a waiting room and some bad coffee. I have no doubt you’d rather me not be with you right now, and I get that. So go check in with your brother. I’ll keep praying.”
Stop it! Stop being so good to me.
It wasn’t fair. Jace’s support only reminded her of what could have been. If he hadn’t left Westbend. If he hadn’t left her.
She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her unravel, so Mackenzie filled her lungs and pushed her shoulders back.
Jace watched her, assessing. Probably checking to see if she was going to fall apart right in front of him. Again.
“I’m fine, Hawke.”
“You’re going to have to trademark that phrase pretty soon, Kenzie Rae.”
“Don’t Kenzie Rae me.”
“But it’s so much fun to make you mad. How can I resist?”
The faintest hint of normalcy, of humor, edged in with his teasing. But the heavy unknown future loomed bigger, and they both knew it.
“Thanks.” That was all she said, all she could muster. Jace accepted it with a nod, then walked in the opposite direction.
He’s not the worst guy in the world.
And that was exactly the problem. He’d been the best guy in her world once upon a time, and she hadn’t wanted that to change.
But sometimes Mackenzie didn’t get to make the decisions. They were made for her.
She could only pray this wasn’t one of those moments and that what she was about to find out from her brother would be the good news she and Jace and countless others had been praying for.
Even though her brother’s body language shouted the opposite of that.
It took Mackenzie ages to cross the speckled, bleached tiles.
When she finally made it to her brother, she didn’t speak. She was so afraid to ask what was wrong and find out the answer was horrible that she just dropped to the floor next to him and mirrored his bent-knee position.
His head came up from his hands. His eyes were wet. Red-lined. The only memory Mackenzie had of Luc getting emotional was on his wedding day. When Cate and Ruby had come down the aisle together—then his Adam’s apple had bobbed, and he’d had to work to keep himself in check.
But that was about it.
“How is she?”
“She’s okay.” Luc rubbed his hands over his face as if trying to wipe clean a chalkboard. “She’s okay now. She made a turn for the better. Finally. They thought they were going to have to do a hysterectomy. But at the last second the bleeding stopped.” He choked back a sob. “The nurses are in there now, helping her, and I was in the way, so I came out here to pull myself together.”
Mackenzie grabbed him and held on.
A half groan, half cry wrenched from Luc, near her ear. “What would I have done...? What if she hadn’t...?” His anguish was palpable, registering in her bones.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. She’s all right now.” Thank You, thank You, thank You, God.
Mackenzie didn’t know what else to say or do to comfort Luc, so she just hugged him and prayed silently, praising God that Cate and Luc’s story got to be one of the good ones.
They released each other, and Luc inhaled, deep and relieved. His mouth opened and then closed as if he couldn’t form words.
“You don’t have to say anything else. I get it.” Luc might not be able to express himself at the moment, but Mackenzie could read him loud and clear. She’d always known what Luc was thinking or feeling. It had been unnerving at times to be so connected to another human being. But then it had also felt completely normal, because she’d never known anything else.
They sat silently for a minute, Luc stitching himself together, Mackenzie giving him the space to do that.
“You have to see the girls.” He lit up, dissolving the stark pain from only moments befor
e. “They look so identical, I’m worried I’m not going to be able to tell them apart. And they’re so tiny and perfect that I’m afraid I’m going to break them if I pick them up. Not that I’ve had much of a chance to do that yet. They’re in the NICU now.”
“I can’t wait to see them. Are you finally going to reveal their names? It was incredibly annoying that you didn’t tell us before they were born.”
Her brother obviously found her impatience amusing, because he waited a few beats before finally spilling. “Everly Jane and Savannah Rae.”
“You used our middle names? Emma’s going to flip. Oh, I love the names. So sweet. I’m honored.”
“The babies will be here for a while, gaining weight and developing their lungs, but it sounds like they’re doing well, considering.”
“Emma’s going to kill me for getting to them first. She took Ruby over to Gage’s. Since everyone at the ranch knew about Cate, they didn’t want her to overhear anything. She’s waiting for the all clear to bring Ruby to see the babies and you guys.”
“That was a good idea. I need to call her and let her know Cate’s through the worst of it.”
“I will.”
“That would be great. Thanks. So, how did you even know what happened? I tried to call you earlier today, but your phone must have been off.”
“It was on Silent. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you guys.” It might take Mackenzie a few weeks or months to stop kicking herself for being gone during an emergency. Jace’s statement in the car that her presence wouldn’t have changed anything might be logical, but she still didn’t like that she’d gone off the grid. Or that she’d let Jace affect her so much that avoiding him had been the immature reason she’d needed to escape at all. “Jace told me when I got back to the ranch. And then he insisted on driving me here. I guess he thought I was too upset to drive. I don’t know what that was about. I was fine.” Or I would have been. Somehow.
“Ah, Kenzie. You’re a stubborn piece of work—you know that?”
“You mean I’m fabulous? Irreplaceable? A true superwoman?”
Luc groaned and stood, then tugged her up. “Right. All of those things.” She even earned a quarter smile. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on him.”
She wrinkled her nose.
“I have a favor to ask of you.”
A switch in subject matter? Yes, please. “Of course. Whatever you need. Coffee? Food? Clothes?”
“I’m sure it will come as no surprise that our bags were packed by Cate, and we have every possible item we might need, here with us. Except car seats. But we won’t be needing those for a while.”
Mackenzie grinned. “I should have seen that one coming.” Cate was nothing if not organized. “So, what is it?”
“I get that I ruined your life by hiring Jace without talking to you first.” Oh, boy. So, they were continuing down the Jace road. “And I love you enough that if I could change that and find someone else, I would in a heartbeat.”
Her own heart bogged down like a boot stuck in mud. Luc wouldn’t have hired Jace if she’d just been honest about how things had ended between them. How much he’d hurt her. It was more her fault than anyone’s that the man was working at Wilder Ranch.
“But I can’t,” Luc continued. “He’s all we have right now. And I need to be here for Cate and the girls. We’re probably going to be driving back and forth between the ranch and Denver plenty. I’m not sure when the girls will get to go home. Cate either. I need you to buck up for the summer and accept Jace’s help. Train him.”
“I did.”
That look he gave her. It was I know you better than that and you’re digging a hole all in one. “I mean train him all the way this time. And quit trying to get him to leave.”
“But—”
“Do you really think I don’t know what you’ve been up to?”
Well. “This is all making me feel like a huge idiot.” She huffed, humiliation and regret wrapped up together. It was like when she’d been a kid and thought she was getting away with something only to find out that her parents had been onto her the whole time.
And she’d definitely been childlike about Jace.
“I’m sorry I’ve been a big ole baby. I get it. And you’re right. I’ll stop. Promise. You don’t need to worry about a thing with the ranch. We’ll handle it. I’ll even force myself into your office to make sure people and bills are paid and the lights stay on. Don’t worry about a thing. Seriously. I’ve got it covered.” She swallowed the bitter truth of her next statement. “I mean, Jace and I have it covered.”
“Good. Thank you.” Luc nodded just as the nurses came out of Cate’s room. “I’m going in to see my wife. You coming?”
“In a minute.” She wanted to give Luc and Cate some time together without her intrusion. Plus she needed a second to deal with the mortification she was currently drowning in.
Luc strode into the room, shutting the door behind him, and Mackenzie barely resisted banging her head against the wood.
How embarrassing! She’d been a scheming toddler about Jace, and the whole world knew it. Well, maybe not the whole world. But her brother was bad enough.
Why had she been so immature about the man? They were long over and done. There was no need to stay tangled up in the past. In a should-have-meant-nothing high school relationship.
Mackenzie hated admitting she’d been wrong in how she’d been acting. And it was like chewing sand to think about being civil to Jace, to think about welcoming him and not just tolerating the guy who’d once made her feel so trivial that she hadn’t even been worthy of a goodbye.
But for her brother’s sake—for the ranch’s sake—she would do exactly that.
If she were truly over Jace, there would be no harm in letting him back into her life. Professionally speaking, of course.
Chapter Six
Jace had been summoned by his boss, Mackenzie, and he wasn’t about to be late.
The two of them had been running, heads down, since the babies’ arrival nine days ago. After Cate’s discharge from the hospital, she and Luc had stayed in Denver for a few days, to be close to the girls, who still needed to reach some milestones before they’d be allowed to come home. Now Luc and Cate were spending nights at the ranch and driving to the hospital during the day.
Thankfully Mama Wilder had come to help watch Ruby for a few days, because Jace didn’t know how Mackenzie and Emma would have added that to their full plates.
He’d jumped in with both boots since the twins’ unexpected early arrival, trying to be a help, hoping that his being here somehow made it easier for Luc to be there for his wife and daughters.
At least that would lessen the sting of not being able to compete. A couple of Jace’s buddies had texted him about what he’d missed, updating him, asking how he was. Jace hadn’t responded yet. If he didn’t soon, they’d come knocking on his door. But it was hard to be out of the loop, not earning points. At least the guys would understand that.
Jace had just gotten back from supervising the afternoon shooting-range session, and Kenzie had said to meet him by the corral, but she wasn’t there when he arrived.
Sable, the buckskin quarter horse who’d caught his attention last week, approached, meeting him at the railing.
“Hey there, pretty girl.” She whinnied, then nosed around, looking for a treat. “You think that I’m going to bring you something every time I say hi?”
Her head bobbed in answer, and he laughed. “Fine. I give.” Jace had popped into the kitchen on his way over and snagged an apple for Sable.
He offered it to her, and she chomped the treat. After, she nuzzled his shirt and his shoulders. “You’re not nearly as stingy with your affection as some women I know.” One woman in particular. Not that Jace was trying to win Mackenzie’s affection.
But even thou
gh they’d worked together all week and done a good job of it—at least according to him—there was still a line in the sand. One Mackenzie had drawn and didn’t dare cross. There’d been no talk about anything personal. Just business. It made sense, but at some point the two of them were going to have to stop pretending they didn’t have a past.
“I guess the timing’s not right yet. I can be patient.”
With Luc’s absence, there hadn’t really been an opportunity to discuss anything outside Wilder Ranch.
It had been trial-by-fire learning for Jace, because while Mackenzie had attempted to train him more in the last week, their time was often cut short or interrupted.
But it was working. Jace was figuring things out. So he had no idea why Mackenzie had called this impromptu meeting with him.
Maybe she still wanted him to leave, though she hadn’t given him that impression since the hospital. Mackenzie had been on her best behavior. He wasn’t sure whether to be grateful for that or concerned about what she wasn’t saying.
Jace brushed his free hand down Sable’s neck, her coat gleaming in the sunlight. “You could rub off on her, you know. You’re as sweet as they come.” She held his gaze, those deep, dark eyes seeing and understanding more than anyone probably gave them credit for. “You’re right. That wouldn’t be nearly as interesting, would it? I always did like that Kenzie Rae was made of spice.” Sable pawed the ground. “You have some sass in you, too, girl. No need to get in a huff about it.”
That seemed to placate the horse, who burrowed her nose into his shirt in search of another treat. “I gave you all I’ve got. And don’t tell the other horses that I’m sneaking you contraband. Pretty sure the boss would be upset about that.” Jace’s cheeks crinkled at the picture of Kenzie taking him to task. Her spunk was exactly what attracted him to her. Kenzie Rae could rule the world with one glance. When Jace had first noticed her in high school, it hadn’t taken him long to “happen” to walk by her locker just as they were both headed to shop class—as if her signing up for shop class hadn’t been enough of a reason to fall in love with her right then and there. And it hadn’t taken her long to challenge him to a competition at the Wilder Ranch’s shooting range.
