Karma's a Bitch

by J. Gail

  “Anth- I mean Tony? Did you hear me?” she asked. Before she could say another word, Tony started snoring; he was fast asleep. Jenny sighed and grabbed a pillow off the couch. She laid her head down facing Tony, and for a while she just watched him sleep. She felt as if she were falling in love with Tony, but didn’t know exactly why. He treated her like crap, ran through her money like a faucet, and hardly ever even said two words to her. But it was so nice to have a man around the house. It had been so long since she felt the rush of testosterone inside of those four walls.

  “I’ll just give it some time,” she said outloud to herself. “He’ll come around. I’ll help him to get a job at the hospital, and as time goes on he’ll get to know me for the good woman I am. I just have to have patience.”

  Tony woke up in the middle of the night. The room was dark except for the light of the television. He looked around him to see where Jenny was, but she was no where in sight. He got up from the floor and took a few seconds to stretch his back out. He looked over at the cable box which read 4:13am.

  “Damn, I was knocked out,” he said, heading towards Jenny’s kitchen for something to eat. When he got there he quickly remembered why they had gone out to eat. There was nothing in the refrigerator except a half a bottle of spring water, some onions and a bag of lemons.

  “She really need to go shopping,” he said outloud and slammed the door back shut. He went back out to the living room and flopped down on the couch. He turned to BET Uncut and could have sworn one of the girls in the video they were playing was Quanisha. She looked just like her; thick, brown skinned, with the long braids. He started rubbing his manhood as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He thought about how wild Quanisha could get in bed, and how she could be so gentle at other times when they were together. Why am I over here thinking about her when she’s just ten minutes away? he thought.

  “I’m goin’ over there,” he said to himself, and then shot up from his seat to go find out where Jenny was at. Before he left the room, he saw one of Jenny’s purses sitting underneath her glass top coffee table.

  Tony didn’t even think twice about searching through Jenny’s purse. There was no way he could resist. He found a $20 bill laying on the bottom of the bag. “I thought she said she didn’t have any cash,” he said as he crumbled up the $20 bill in the palm of his hands and started to go up the stairs.

  He peeked into Jenny’s master bedroom and saw her sleeping peacefully with her back turned to the door. He shook his head, glad that he wouldn’t have to speak to her again that night. Maybe not anymore at all.

  When he reached the bathroom he lifted the toilet seat quietly as he looked back at the door to make sure Jenny wasn’t behind him. She could be sneaky like that sometimes. He closed his eyes and shook his head from side to side as he relieved himself. When he finally looked down at the toilet to flush he was startled when he saw that there was feces in there. Jenny had told him earlier that the toilet was stopped up.

  “Ewww,” he said as he tried to flush again and again unsuccessfully. Forgetting what he had in his hand, he accidentally let the twenty that he had balled up in his fist fall out into the toilet, right in the middle of two turds.

  “Shit!” Tony exclaimed under his breath. He looked in the toilet, as the bill became submerged in the toilet water filled with urine and feces. He considered grabbing the money, but it was so disgusting. He was squeamish about things like this.

  “Man. I need that twenty,” he mumbled to himself as he ran the palm of his hand down over his face. He finally just counted to three in his head and started picking at the twenty in the toilet. When he grabbed hold of it he threw it in the sink immediately. Running the water over the dirty twenty, he washed his hands five times in a row and then squirted some of Jenny’s liquid soap all over the bill.

  Tony exited Jenny’s house holding the corner of the wet twenty dollar bill. It was still dirty as far as he was concerned. He hopped in his car and headed for Quanisha’s house. He decided to hold the money near the open window so that it would dry in the wind as he drove.

  He was passing Baltimore Avenue and swerved to miss hitting a crackhead, who was only wearing flip flops and sweatpants. The crackhead was walking against the light, and apparently was not at all concerned about any cars that may have been coming down the street towards him. Cursing the crackhead in his rear view mirror, Tony saw a cop headed down Baltimore Avenue towards his direction. As he kept his eyes glued to the cop, an unusually strong wind whipped through the car. He lost his grip on the $20 bill. It flew out of the window and down the street. He hit the brakes on his car and was about to back up, but being that the cop was sitting there at the light he couldn’t. He continued on and made a U-Turn as quickly as humanly possible, heading back down the street where the $20 had flown. As he eased down the street looking for the green bill, he saw the crackhead he had just swerved to miss leaning down to pick something up. Before Tony could even stop the car and hop out, the crackhead had dipped out of sight. There was no doubt in Tony’s mind that he had found the money and ran.

  “I can’t believe this shit!” he exclaimed angrily. He couldn’t believe that he had just lost the $20 like that, especially after what he had to go through to get it in the first place. Now he couldn’t get his Newports, or anything to eat from the 24 hour McDonald’s. Furious, he got back into his car and slammed the door. “I can’t keep no money for nothing!”

  When he finally rolled up to Quanisha’s house, Tony was thoroughly pissed. He had wanted to stop at the gas station near her house to get his pack of cigarettes with the money he had just lost. At that point he was feening for a cigarette. But he knew he had to get his mind right before going in there to see Quanisha. He just hoped with all of his being that she didn’t have some dude up there with her, because then he was going to truly lose it.

  Tony found himself standing in front of Quanisha’s door staring at the peephole. He hesitated, and then finally brought his fist up to knock on the door. He didn’t know what she might have in store for him.

  When she didn’t respond to the knock, he pressed the loud, annoying buzzer for her apartment a few times. She still didn’t come, so he laid on the buzzer for at least 10 seconds, showing absolutely no respect for any of her neighbors who could probably hear it too.

  “Who the hell is that?” Quanisha finally yelled from inside the apartment. She had the revolver her uncle had given her for her birthday by her side.

  “It’s me. It’s Tony.”

  “What? What the hell do you want?” Quanisha said grabbing her robe together tightly. Despite all of the hatred she had for Tony at that moment, the sound of his famililar voice was a great relief to her.

  “I want to talk. Can you let me in baby? I just want to talk,” he said in the most sincere voice he could muster. Quanisha snatched open the door, gun still at her side.

  “If you come in here I just might kill your ass. Where have you been?? Do you know what I’ve been going through!!” Quanisha screamed like a crazed woman. “You gave me gonorrhea you dumb fuck!!”

  Tony just stood there and closed his eyes. He had been hoping that somehow Quanisha didn’t get it too. His worst case scenario was coming true. Only now he wondered if he should have called Quanisha first.

  “Do you know what it feels like, sitting up in that fucking STD clinic alone with all those other infected mutherfuckers looking at you? Do you know how embarrassing that shit is, walking out of there looking around to see who saw you come out?? How could you do that to me Tony, and then leave me by myself to deal with that shit?” Quanisha raged on, not caring about who may have heard her. “I hate your ass!! I hate you!”

  Tony came inside and grabbed hold of Quanisha in a hug. He tried his best to conjure up some tears. “Come on Nish, I’m sorry baby. I would never purposely do this to you.”

  “Then why did you do it! You sorry muthafucka! You couldn’t even call a bitch, in two damn weeks?” she asked incredulou
sly as she struggled to break free from his hug. Tony grabbed the gun out of her hand and placed in the back of his jeans.

  “I said I’m sorry Nish. I wanted to call you, but I thought you were mad at me. And I been dealin’ with all that shit with my mom, I just didn’t know what to do. I been wanting to come over all this time. I missed you baby. Please, please forgive me,” Tony begged. “Please baby?”

  “I ain’t tryin’ to hear all that shit! You left me! I hate you you stupid bitch!” Quanisha screamed. Tony kicked her door closed and picked Quanisha up, carrying her into the bedroom.

  “No! I ain’t having sex with you! Get the fuck off of me!” Quanisha protested and started slapping and scratching at Tony’s face. Tony became enraged when she slapped him across the sides of his face so sharply that it stung, but he kept his composure.

  “I ain’t having sex with you Nish, I just want you to calm down okay? We can talk about this!” Tony pleaded as he flopped her down on the bed.

  “I don’t give a fuck what you got to say, you ain’t got shit to tell me!” Quanisha responded, rolling over on the bed violently until her back was to Tony. She was infuriated with him, but she didn’t want him to leave. She had missed him so badly. Besides her shallow friends and selfish mother, she didn’t really have anybody in the world. While Tony was gone she had felt incomplete.

  Tony was about to go around the other side of the bed and try to talk to her, but instead he decided it was best to just be there. He knew that she would talk to him when she was ready. He lingered over the bed for a long time, watching Quanisha. She never moved an inch. He admired the trace of her figure inside of her pink robe. She was a sight for sore eyes, even in the midst of her anger. Quanisha was so much better than Jenny, even on her worst day. It was a relief to be back with someone he knew and was comfortable with, even if it meant conflict was in his future.

  Tony simply sat down on the bed and took off his shoes and jeans. He laid back on the bed besides his woman and sighed a long sigh of relief.

  “Nish… I love you girl,” Tony said very softly. He couldn’t even believe he had just said those words out of his mouth, but they had just flowed out. He expected some kind of response from Quanisha, but there was none.

  “Nish?” Tony asked a little louder. “You up?”

  The silence on the other end was interrupted by Quanisha’s heavy breathing, which eventually led to heavy snoring.

  Chapter 5

  It was 5:30 in the evening when Tony stepped out of Quanisha’s apartment. He looked back in the apartment once more, then finally allowed the self-locking door to close.

  Quanisha had since left for work, leavng him in her apartment to sleep. She had slept an uninterrupted and peaceful sleep until 11am that morning. Finally jumping up from the comfort of her bed, Quanisha showered and threw on some jeans and her smock. She had had to be at the grocery store for work at 10:30am, but didn’t walk out of the door until 11:22. She was in for some drama at work. She was already treading on thin ice after walking out on her shift when she thought there was a woman at her house all those weeks ago. She looked over at Tony before leaving, but didn’t have any time to say or do anything about his presence, so she had just left.

  Tony was on his way to the corner deli to pick up a sandwich when the cellphone that Jenny had bought for him started vibrating in his pocket. It was no surprise who the caller was. Jenny had been calling him every hour on the hour since he had arrived at Quanisha’s the previous night, finally causing him to have to put the phone in vibrate mode so that he wouldn’t wake Quanisha or hear the ringing himself. He was starting to get sick of the very idea of Jenny. She was too clingy. He needed a woman with a little more fight in her. He clicked the ‘talk’ button to get this conversation over with. He was back with his baby, and he didn’t need Jenny’s services any longer.

  “Yo.”

  “Anth—Tony? Where have you been?” Jenny asked into the phone sounding as meek as a mouse.

  “I been out. What you want?” Tony demanded.

  “What do I want? I want to know why you left me last night like that!” Jenny whined and raised her tone a notch. “Why haven’t you answered my calls? And why is twenty dollars missing out of my purse?”

  “I don’t know nothin’ about no twenty dollars, so don’t even go there. Besides, I thought you didn’t have no cash on you?” Tony said, turning the tables on Jenny.

  “Well I—” Jenny started, but was interrupted by Tony’s commanding voice.

  “And I left because I felt like it, I’m my own man. Yah mean? You don’t own me or tell me what to do or where to go.”

  “I never said I did? I just wanted to know—”

  “Look Jenny, you got a point to this call? Because I got shit to do.”

  There was silence.

  “Hellooooo,” Tony said in a very obnoxious, patronizing tone.

  “Tony why are you acting like this?” Jenny asked, near tears.

  “Acting like what? Didn’t I just tell you I have something to do? And here you go talkin’ that shit again. Man!”

  “Talking what? How do you mean? I’m just trying to find out what the problem is!”

  “Jenny, you know what? I’m gonna make this shit real clear to you right now, so you don’t never ask me again. We ain’t together no more. We ain’t never have been together to tell you the truth! So quit calling my phone bothering me, and I mean it,” Tony said, gesturing wildly as he walked down the street.

  “Your phone? I—” Jenny was cut off by the sound of Tony hanging up in her face.

  Over at the hospital, Jenny sat in the back area of the break room where the employees’ coats hung, with her mouth hanging wide open at her cellphone. A familiar rage started to make its way up her back, simultaneously up her chest and landed on the area surrounding her heart. The rage hugged her heart, softly at first as an old friend would, but then slowly tightened its grip. Jenny frowned hard at the numbers on her phone. Her lip twitched involuntarily as she pressed ‘phone’ twice to redial the last number.

  Tony picked the phone up on the fifth ring. This girl was relentless. “What??? What the fuck do you want??” he screamed.

  “Who the hell do you think you are hanging up the phone on me?” Jenny’s tiny voice yelled back.

  “This the bul Tony, and I’ll hang up on whoever the fuck I choose, anytime I wish,” Tony said casually and then chuckled as he stepped down off the curb and crossed the street, dodging a few cars as they passed. He never stopped for a red light at a crosswalk. When he made it across the street he pulled his scully cap down low on his head.

  “You think this is a joke? Tony we were doing so good! Why do you have to go and mess all that up?”

  “What? How do you figure we were doing good? Was you listening? I said we was never really together to begin with! We was just kickin’ it, aiight!” Tony said impatiently as he walked into the small arab owned grocery store a block down from Quanisha’s apartment building.

  “Just ‘kickin’ it?? I bought you new rims for your car, the car stereo system and not to mention the phone you’re talking on. I pay the bills on that phone! I did all of that for you! How is all that just ‘kickin’ it?”

  “Girl please, you buyin’ a few things don’t mean nothin’ at all. Nothin’ at all.” Tony thought for a second before saying his next words. Fuck her feelings, he resolved, What’s this bitch gonna do to or for me in this lifetime that she ain’t do already? “Jenny Imma be straight with you, you ain’t my type. I was down on my luck for a bit, and you helped. Thanks, but now I’m aiight okay? I don’t need—”

  “Anthony Jackson, don’t you dare say what you’re about to say,” Jenny said serenely, shivering in the cold iron folding chair she was sitting in. Beyond the wall separating the coat room from the main break room, several of her fellow employees sat listening to every word being said in her conversation.

  “What the hell did I tell you about calling me Anthony! Damn! I hate that s
hit.” Hearing Jenny call him by his broke sorry father’s name put Tony over the edge, and he no longer minced his words. “Listen! Your skinny ass just ain’t that fine to me, the pussy is wack and I’m all the way through with you. I don’t need your ass anymore, period!” Click. Tony ended the call and shut off the phone. He didn’t want to hear one more word out of Jenny’s whiny mouth.

  “Tony? Tony??!!” Jenny stood up out of her chair and screamed at the top of her lungs into her phone. “Tony!!!” Jenny’s scream was so blood curdling that it made her co-workers shake with a mixture of fear, incredulity and fascination at having the pleasure to have heard the entire conversation. The inside joke around the hospital was that they called Jenny “Lil Penny” after the little girl played by Janet Jackson on Good Times, because on more than one occasion in the past she had shown up for work with black eyes, bruised cheeks and bandages on her arms. The other nurses were going to have a lot to talk about that night.

  Jenny redialed Tony’s number over and over, only to be greeted repeatedly by the white lady that said the recording for his voicemail. $200 dollars she paid every month on his cellphone bill alone, and was greeted by his voicemail all of the time. He can’t even do his damn greeting on his own, she thought to herself. Furious, she threw her phone down on the carpeted floor hard enough to break it, but it didn’t break. It just bounced over to the opening that lead to the main break room area. She sat back down in the chair holding her arms crossed close to her body and rocking in place. After a few more seconds she bolted up out of her chair and rushed to the phone on the floor. Snatching it up, she looked to her left and saw four of her co-workers staring right back at her curiously. She stood straight up and frowned her brow up at them.

  “What the fuck are ya’ll looking at!!” she screamed and then ran full speed out of the break room to make her call in private. The giggles ensued soon thereafter.