Out of Character

by Annabeth Albert

  “Is that everything?” I asked as I closed a box of clothes.

  “Yeah. Thanks.” He’d grudgingly let me handle packing up the closet with the boxes we’d picked up at my mom’s. She did so much online shopping that it had been easy to raid the stack awaiting recycling in the garage. And it hadn’t taken many boxes at all to pack up Milo’s tiny, bleak room at Luther and James’s apartment. Nothing on the walls, not even any of his amazing drawings. A bed and dresser he didn’t own. No signs of the Milo I’d come to know so well over the past few weeks. Even his art supplies and sketchbooks were a meager stack that he’d kept stored under his bed. We’d mainly packed in silence, and the quiet continued as we carried the last boxes down the single flight of stairs.

  Milo didn’t spare a last glance for the place as he tossed a key on the kitchen counter, not that I blamed him. There was nothing homelike about this place. I wanted so much better for him.

  “Are you sure your mom is cool with me parking there?” he asked when we reached our cars. A loaded-down classic car in the huge parking lot at school would be a major theft magnet, so when we’d grabbed the boxes, I’d asked Mom if Milo could park behind the garage, out of view from the street and curious passersby.

  “Yes. I didn’t even have to tell her the whole story—”

  “Might as well.” Sighing, Milo unlocked his car. “Everyone is going to know soon enough. Luther can’t keep his mouth shut.”

  “As well I know.” I spared a glance around the deserted parking lot before patting his shoulder. “It should still be your choice who and how much you tell.”

  “Ideally.” He pursed his mouth, looking off into the distance. Sad Milo always tugged at my heartstrings, but this version was something different and way harder to read.

  “Hey. Are you mad at me? I didn’t make—”

  “No.” Milo rubbed my arm as he steered me toward my car. “I know you didn’t. You didn’t make me come out to them. It was the right thing to do. But sometimes doing the right thing sucks donkey balls.”

  “That bad?” I tried to get him to laugh by making a silly face, but all he had was the ghost of a smile.

  “Yeah. Let’s get out of here.”

  Later, after his car and belongings were safely stored at my house with a minimum of Mom interactions, we split a cheap pizza on the floor of my dorm room. Even with a lax RA and all, Milo wasn’t going to be able to stay with me indefinitely and that knowledge hung between us, a ticking clock warning that we needed a new plan for him. And not surprisingly, he barely picked at his food. I’d ordered plain cheese and plain breadsticks, trying to go easy on his stomach, but he only played with his crust and shredded a breadstick.

  “Not hungry? Stomach still upset?” I asked. I’d thought about grabbing some soup for him at Mom’s, but he’d asked for pizza and I didn’t want him accusing me of coddling him. Even if I kind of wanted to. I liked taking care of him.

  “A little. Sorry.”

  “Quit saying ‘sorry.’” I put the food away in my mini-fridge and retrieved a clear soda for him. “Do you want a movie or other distraction? I was going to do more card searching after cosplay, but—”

  “That. Let’s do that. I need some good news.” Milo leaned forward as I brought out my laptop and set it between us on the bed. I called up all my bookmarked card-searching sites. A spare five grand might nab us something, but now more than ever, Milo needed a bargain. He deflated further with each lead that didn’t pan out.

  “The universe hates me,” he groaned. “I want this one thing to go my way, put the whole mess behind me.”

  “I know.” I stroked his back. We were alone in my room so I could touch him as much as I wanted, but he was still stiff and tense under my hand. “We’ll find something. Do you want me to call Professor Tuttle? He might have a lead.”

  “Nah. No sense in bothering him. We’ll see them Saturday, right?” Earlier in the week, Professor Tuttle had messaged about a game after I worked on Saturday and specifically told me to bring Milo along. Milo had readily agreed, but now seemed less than certain. “If I’m still invited…”

  “Of course you are. In fact, if you tell them what happened—”

  Frowning, Milo pulled away from me. “Didn’t you say it was up to me who I tell? I don’t want anyone’s pity. I can sort this out on my own.”

  “People like helping—”

  “Not everyone. And not all help is free.” His tone was ominous, like he was echoing his father and his strict grandmother along with some painful past lessons. I understood, but I also didn’t reach for him again. I didn’t want to make things worse, so I only nodded.

  “Sorry.” He gave me a fast pat on the knee. “I’m being a pain.”

  “You’re allowed a bad mood.”

  “Yeah, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.” He rested his head on my shoulder, and I hugged him close, wishing there were more I could do. “How about that movie? You can study and I’ll try to tell my brain to shut up.”

  “It’s a nice brain.” I kissed his forehead.

  “Not as nice as yours.” His crooked smile was his first real one in hours and the kiss he gave me was that much sweeter for the wait.

  In theory, what happened next was him watching a movie on my tablet while I got out my notes for my senior seminar. But in reality, I set my notes aside and played with his hair and stroked his shoulders while he used me as a backrest. Every so often he’d remind me to study, and I’d try, but I kept getting distracted by how much I wanted to help him. As the final credits rolled on the movie neither of us had paid that much attention to, Milo yawned big and leaned further into me.

  “Tired?”

  “Yeah. Head is still buzzing though.” He groaned and rubbed at his thoroughly messed-up hair.

  “Tired but wired sucks.” I dropped a kiss on the back of his neck while I snaked a hand down his torso. “I know one thing that might help…”

  “Sorry.” He stilled my hand and reversed our positions so that he was cuddled behind me, face buried in my hair. “Not right now.”

  “Okay. It’s all good.” It was a challenge to sound as accepting and accommodating as I wanted to while Milo was squeezing me so tightly that I had to keep from squawking.

  “Oops. I’m squashing you.” He arranged us in a marginally more comfortable position, but the bed certainly seemed a lot smaller when we weren’t all tangled up in each other on it. “Do you want me to take the floor bed?”

  “Not unless that what’s you want.” I snuggled into him, trying to give off platonic vibes, which was difficult with him right there, smelling so good, but I truly was fine exactly like this. I loved being near him however I could get him.

  “No. I just want to lie here like this.” He held me close, gentler now, breathing like he was doing a meditation class.

  “Does that help?” Now I was the one yawning, but I wanted to stay awake if he needed to talk. And maybe also to memorize this moment that felt both achingly sweet and infinitely fragile.

  “Holding you always helps.” He kissed my temple. I’d meant the breathing, but I wasn’t going to turn down the compliment. However, somehow I also didn’t believe I was doing enough to assist him through this crisis. I was good for more than being a human body pillow. And for all my ability to scheme and plan my way out of tight situations, I couldn’t help Milo if he wouldn’t let me.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Milo

  “Is every song in this thing about being lonely?” I looked up from the program we’d snagged from a stack in the lobby. The tech rehearsal audience was bigger than Kellan had advertised, but Jasper, April, and I had found seats off to the side away from a rowdy mix of undergraduates in the middle of the theater. Mrs. Q had been full of reminders to use hand sanitizer and have April home on time, and Jasper was all about taking his big brother duties seriously
.

  “I think there’s a deeper meaning than that.” Leaning over Jasper, April pointed at a paragraph that explained how they’d picked the various musical numbers for the revue. It was a mix of well-known hits and newer songs. “It’s iconic songs of personal power.”

  “Way to quote the program.” Jasper laughed from in between us. “Speaking of alone… Any luck with your…new project?”

  He gave me a pointed look. We hadn’t had much time to talk that day. I’d had to leave while he was still asleep to make the bus to work for the early shift I was scheduled for. I couldn’t afford to miss work, not right then. Then after work, Jasper had been in class, so I’d hung out in the Gracehaven library, scrolling through housing ads and trying not to get too discouraged by dead ends.

  “Maybe,” I answered cagily, not wanting to involve April in my drama.

  “Good.” Jasper had brought me soup from the dining hall after his class. He was so good at the caretaking thing, but nonetheless I hated how much I needed him. I wanted to solve my own problems, and he made it too easy to sink into his cozy nest of favors and nice gestures. Unsurprisingly, I hadn’t told him how fruitless my searching had been when we’d fetched April together. And now he was all questions. “What about—”

  “It’s starting.” April shushed us, and I was grateful for the distraction.

  The revue was a lot of fun with high-energy musical numbers that lifted even my bleak mood. Watching groups of people run around and sing and dance while navigating quick costume and scenery changes was more enjoyable than I’d anticipated. The revue took a number of songs out of the context of their respective plays and did fun twists on the staging of the numbers. Later, the frantic energy of the early numbers gave way to a somber performance of a medley of songs from Wicked recast as a lesbian coffee-shop romance.

  “Oh, wow.” I didn’t realize I’d gasped aloud until Jasper squeezed my hand. Reflexively, I started to pull away, but then the music crested, and it hit me that I didn’t have to. I didn’t have to hide. Not ever again. Not if I didn’t want to. The worst had happened, and in a way, it was freeing. I gripped his hand back. Let people see. I was damn lucky to have someone like Jasper on my side. The soloist hit a high note and my soul soared along with the music. Seeing the two lead singers so fearless and defiant made me newly resolved to figure out my current situation.

  “That was incredible,” I enthused after the performance as everyone took their final bows.

  “I know.” Jasper had a tender look for me as he released my hand.

  “Should we find Kellan?” April asked as we made our way to the lobby.

  Jasper made a face at that. “Nah. I mean, I’m sure he’s all about the kudos but it’s going to be packed backstage, and Mom wouldn’t be happy with the germ potential.”

  “Okay. Party pooper.” April pushed at his shoulder, but good-natured as ever, Jasper simply laughed and took it.

  “Yup. Let’s get you home.”

  “Can we at least take the long way home?” April asked as she pulled on her coat. “We could get drive-thru milkshakes at—”

  “Quigley.” The sound of Jasper’s last name drowned out the end of April’s request, and it was the last voice I wanted to hear right then.

  “George.” Jasper gave him a cool nod while I merely did my best to set his smug face on fire with my eyes, superhero style.

  “Oh, and pretty boy.” George gave me a once-over that had my skin crawling. “Fancy seeing you at an institution of learning.”

  A growl escaped my chest. “I have a name.”

  “So you do.” His tone was dismissive and made my hands ball up. “What are you doing here? Wouldn’t have taken you for a patron of the arts.”

  “I could say the same for you,” Jasper interjected with a laugh.

  “I’m seeing the soloist of the third song. He’s got an audition next week for an off-Broadway show. He’s going places.”

  “Not with you,” Jasper said firmly. My chest swelled with pride at how easily he put George in his place, and I resolved to ask Kellan to give the singer a warning that George was a piece of work.

  “Cold, Quigley. Cold.” George sounded almost as impressed as I was. “Guess I can see why you’re suddenly interested in the Frog Court cards.”

  Wait. What? My eyes narrowed, but Jasper spoke before I could.

  “Like I said. None of your business.”

  But it was mine, and I gave them both a hard stare. I was not going to contradict Jasper in front of George, but he was going to need to talk fast as soon as we were alone.

  “I might be interested in that offer of yours.” George gave Jasper a considering look. “Might.”

  I couldn’t stay silent any longer. “What offer?”

  George’s arch look soured my stomach even before he spoke. “That’s between Quigley and me.”

  No, it wasn’t, but before I could protest, a crowd of people came through.

  “Message me, Quigley.” George gave us a little wave as he backed away. “I find I’m…intrigued.”

  He wasn’t the only one, but we still had April with us, and no way was I interrogating Jasper around her. So I settled for beaming questions at the back of his head as we left the theater.

  “Are either of you going to tell me why Milo’s car is at our place?” April asked as we made our way to the parking lot. “Or is that need-to-know information?”

  “Yup.” I tried to keep my tone light.

  Jasper must have picked up on my efforts, because he added, “If you don’t bug him about it or make a big deal to Mom, I’ll get you that milkshake.”

  “Jasper. I’m not nine.” April did an impressive eye roll while waiting for Jasper to unlock the car. “But okay. Lucky for you I’m hungry.”

  I wasn’t. But I wasn’t going to stop the two of them from picking up shakes from the fast-food place next to Lee’s Bakery that April liked.

  “Stomach again?” Jasper whispered while April dictated her order.

  “Yeah.” If I blamed my wallet, he’d offer to treat me, so I went with the easier excuse. Seeing George had killed whatever limited appetite I had, but I did need to save every dollar.

  Finally, we delivered April and her drink safely back to the Quigleys’ where Jasper’s mom must have been waiting by the door, lights going on as soon as we pulled into the driveway. Jasper glanced at me as if he was debating going in, then shook his head before I could speak.

  “Tell Mom I’ll call her soon. And that Milo says thank you for the parking space.”

  “Yeah. I appreciate it,” I added.

  “Okay. Don’t get into trouble with the rest of your night.” She winked at us as she exited the car. “Or rather, get into lots of trouble, but tell me all about it.”

  Jasper and I groaned in unison. “April…”

  “I’m going, I’m going.”

  I waited until her door shut and Jasper was back on the road before I unleashed the question that had been burning a hole in my brain ever since George’s appearance.

  “What did he mean?” I asked as Jasper turned toward campus. “Offer? When did you talk to him, anyway?”

  He sighed like he’d been expecting this question. “Yesterday.”

  “And you didn’t think to tell me?” Heck. I sounded like my mom, and it was not a comfortable comparison. Shifting in my seat, I looked out the window.

  “You were a little busy yesterday.” That flimsy excuse got me whirling back around, and Jasper quickly added, “And I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

  “Well, it is. I don’t trust him.”

  “Oh, neither do I.” Once we arrived back at his dorm, Jasper did a parking maneuver that had me sending up a quick prayer.

  “Then what were you doing making him offers?”

  “Chill.” Turning the car off, J
asper twisted toward me. His command had the opposite effect, making all my muscles tense, but I waited for him to continue. “All I did was suggest a friendly game. My ticket to the launch party wagered against at least one of the cards. I’m going to argue for him including all of them—”

  I held up a hand before he could go further down this absurd path. “No, you’re not.”

  “I’m not?”

  “I don’t want you playing him!”

  “Because you don’t think I can win?” Jasper took on a pinched expression.

  “Because he’ll cheat and you’ll lose that ticket, and your whole future is riding on your contacts at the game.”

  “Well, maybe not my whole future…” Shrugging, he looked right at me, holding my gaze until I swore years passed between us.

  My face heated. God. I wanted him. But he couldn’t pin a whole future on me. On us. “You know what I mean. You can’t lose your shot at that job.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe staying local wouldn’t be the worst thing.” He still had that stubborn tilt to his chin to match his speculative tone, like I was anything other than an iffy bet at best.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You are not risking your future for me.”

  “Who else would I do that for?”

  My heart trembled even as my soul thrilled. But I couldn’t let myself wallow in his sweetness. “Be serious.”

  “I am. You’re insistent that you need those cards. I want you to have the cards. Ergo, playing to get you the cards makes sense.”

  “No, it doesn’t.” I didn’t need fancy Latin words to know I was right. Jasper was always so quick to want to solve things for me, and right then, the math simply wasn’t adding up for me.