Falling into You

by Jackson, A. L.

  The car eased into the thick traffic. Neon lights glowed from the restaurants and clubs and hotels we passed, the sidewalks packed, laughter and voices seeping into the car and pumping a fever across our flesh.

  The vibe in the air was like none other.

  Ripe with potential. With riches and fame. Music and stars. Art and creativity.

  The Mylton Records exec shifted around where he sat in the front seat next to the driver. Dude wearing a suit and his blond hair perfectly slicked back.

  Reeking of money and power.

  He smiled. “Are you two ready for what awaits you?”

  “Hell, yeah,” Shawn said.

  Blue eyes shifted to me.

  “Absolutely,” I answered.

  Though I itched, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans as we twisted and turned through the city until we came to the sprawling fortress of a house just outside Beverly Hills.

  The massive gate swung open at our approach.

  Those nerves rattled.

  Different this time.

  Something uneasy shivering across my skin.

  The Mylton Records exec waved his hand toward the pretentious house as the car eased into the sweeping curved drive. “This…all of it is yours. At your fingertips. Yours to keep. You just need to prove how much you want it.”

  I swallowed down the disquiet, and I hung onto the promise.

  All of this was mine, and every dream of mine was a dream of hers, and I was going to do whatever it took to give it to her.

  Heart hammering, I was jarred out of the memory when my mother pressed the damp rag to my forehead, wincing as she cleaned my wound.

  Gash right between my eyes.

  Bullseye.

  “I’m fine.”

  She tsked through the harsh lights of the small upstairs bathroom where I sat on the toilet and she doctored me up like she used to do when I was a kid. “Don’t look so fine to me.”

  I scowled, and that shit hurt, too.

  I was a mess. Disoriented. Head aching like I’d been pierced straight through.

  More than any of that, I was raging mad. Fury roiling through my being, muscles knots of aggression, cells overflowing with the need to protect.

  There was nothing more I wanted than to pick up the scent of that prick and hunt him down.

  Prey becoming the predator.

  Because there was no doubt in my mind that coward had been sent to sniff us out. That they’d picked up a trail and they were desperate to find out where it would lead.

  “Try to hold still,” she urged.

  “I’m not twelve, Ma.”

  “Well, you might as well be with the way you’re jitterin’ all over the place.”

  “Someone was on our property. In the middle of the night. Asshole didn’t think twice to take me down, either. Think I have a reason to be on edge.”

  She blew out the alarm she was trying to pretend didn’t exist on a heavy sigh as she continued to dab at the wound. “You didn’t get a good look at him?”

  “No.”

  And I sure as hell wasn’t about to tell her what I assumed. Was bad enough giving the vague statement to the sheriff who had shown up at our doorstep after Lincoln had called 9-1-1. I’d come to quickly and was able to refuse the need for an ambulance, but a cruiser had already been in route before I’d had time to talk Linc out of making that call.

  My baby brother had no clue what he had stepped in on.

  Disquiet shivered through my mother’s demeanor, and her worried gaze searched my face like she was looking to make sure her oldest son was still intact. Her voice trembled when she admitted, “I was terrified, Lincoln calling the house and shoutin’ that you’d been injured. Had no idea what we were gonna find when we went racing out the door.”

  Her hand shook as she continued to clean the wound. Sorrow winding through her being.

  I reached out, took her by the wrist, and stared up at her warm eyes. “Ma, I’m okay.”

  My mother was the definition of care. So good and right. Tough as nails and as giving as grace.

  Her graying hair was tied in a haphazard bun, and her green eyes the same color as mine were bloodshot from the tears she’d shed.

  Knew she’d spilled too many of late.

  Overwrought with the trauma of finding out what had happened to Emily.

  “I can’t stand for another one of my babies to be hurt. I think we’ve had enough of that around here, haven’t we?”

  In emphasis, I squeezed her wrist. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry. I had it under control. Was probably just some kids out on the property who got spooked and panicked.”

  Only wished.

  Ma chewed at her bottom lip. “What if it wasn’t, Richard? What if someone came prowlin’ around here?” She cast a petrified glance at the closed door that led out to the rest of the bedrooms on the second floor. Finally, her gaze drifted back to me, sheer desperation written on her face. “What if someone is tryin’ to strike fear in Emily? Keep her from testifyin’ against that wicked man? I can’t…I can’t let anything else happen to her. With the baby…”

  She trailed off.

  Unable to say it.

  Terror seeped from her pores. It manifested in the quivering of her bones. Like she was looking to me to see to it that she was safe. That I would protect her. That no more harm would come to her.

  Not to her or anyone else.

  Royce and I were going to see to it that remained a fact.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. That I let him get to her. If I could go back…”

  Rage burned hot.

  If I could go back, Cory Douglas would be dead.

  But I’d been too blinded by my own hatred and agenda to even realize what was going down right under my nose.

  She touched my cheek. “It’s not your fault.”

  My teeth ground. “It is.”

  It was the first time I’d confessed it to her, but she had no idea what it really meant. The depth of what I’d done.

  Her brows twisted in knowing concern. “You hold so much sadness, my sweet boy.”

  Regret clutching me in a fist, I forced a grin. “I’m just fine.”

  Her smile was small. “Don’t even try to work your charm on me, young man. You might own a stage, all those women who go nuts at your feet, but your mama knows the real boy hidden under all that glitz and glam.”

  No.

  She didn’t know me at all.

  Sorrow spiked through the consciousness.

  She saw it, and she tightened her hold on my face. “And he’s a good man. A good, good man who got lost somewhere along the way.”

  Not somewhere.

  I knew the exact moment.

  The one mistake.

  The one misstep that had toppled me into a spiral of corruption.

  “You still love her?” She searched my face, no need to even say her name.

  I flinched.

  “Thought so,” she murmured.

  Agony clawed across my chest. “No good for her, Ma.”

  She tipped up my chin. “What if you’re exactly what she needs?”

  “Doubt that.”

  “And that little girl.” Ma said it like a statement.

  My spirit panged. Guilt and grief and this glimmer of something that I refused to recognize.

  “She’s a handful,” she continued softly. “Couldn’t believe she got herself all the way up in that tree. That’s a wild one for sure. Ain’t it funny how instincts kicked right in when she fell? You were right there in a flash.”

  My head shook.

  She was back to cupping my chin, forcing me to look at her. “Bet that sweet little thing has got a big ol’ hole cut out in the middle of her and she’s just searchin’ for a way to fill it. Not quite sure what is missin’ yet. Thing is, when a child grows up with a vacancy that big, they start lookin’ in places they shouldn’t.”

  Guilt lashed.

  Constricting.

  Suffo
cating.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  I squeezed my eyes closed like it could block it out.

  “Ma.” I was about to start begging her to stop. “Violet is enough for her.”

  She had to be.

  “And what if Violet’s got a hole just as big? She lost two of the people who meant the most to her and she’s about to lose another.”

  Lash. Lash. Lash.

  I felt her words like the strike of a thin leather strap to my back. A scourge. Splitting skin and bleeding out.

  “Please.” The word cracked.

  Because I knew every fucking thing she said was true.

  She sighed and moved to fumble around in the medicine cabinet. She dabbed some ointment on the wound and butterflied it. Nothing was said between us, but the air was so thick it said plenty.

  Disappointment radiated from her, ricocheting from the walls.

  While I choked on my treachery.

  “There,” she said, searching my eyes for more than just a concussion. “You should put some ice on it. You’re goin’ to be hurting good come morning.”

  I nodded.

  She started for the door then paused to look back. “I’m not putting undue pressure on you, Richard. Not asking you to step up and be a man. I’m asking you to find your heart because you and I both know where you left it.”

  Then she stepped out and left me sitting there stewing in the disaster I had made.

  Finally, I forced myself onto my feet, and I was struck with another rush of dizziness. Dickhead had gotten me good. I looked at myself in the mirror. At the gash that was held by the makeshift stitch. Let it feed the fire.

  The reality that this was not a game.

  Violet’s face flashed through my mind. Protectiveness gathered like a darkened storm.

  Menace sinking all the way to the marrow.

  The thought of someone being in the same town as her made me insane.

  I moved out of the bathroom and down the hall to my bedroom. I let myself into the darkness and went for my phone I’d left on the nightstand.

  Dialed the number.

  It took four rings for Kade to finally answer, which considering it was in the middle of the night, it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but still, I was on edge, eating up the floor as I paced.

  “Richard.”

  “They know.”

  Disquiet dragged through the line on a clot of silence.

  “What do you mean, they know?” he demanded low.

  “Someone was here. On my property. Barely caught sight of him. I took off after him, and the asshole smashed my head with a rock before I could get him. Dropped me straight to my knees. He threatened me, right before I passed the fuck out—called me a thief. Implied I had something that belonged to him. Said he was comin’ after me and my friends.”

  “What’d you say?”

  “Didn’t say a fuckin’ thing,” I hissed, voice held but filled with the rage that ripped me to shreds. “Fucker took off when my brother’s dog went nuts and he came out to check what was happening. Don’t know what would’ve happened if he hadn’t gotten there when he did.”

  “Did he see him?”

  “No. Scum was a ghost.”

  “Shit.”

  “Need to find him,” I gritted.

  “No,” Kade shot out. “What you need to do is stay course. Act like you don’t know a fuckin’ thing. They’re speculating. Manipulating the way they do. They had you once. Don’t let them get you again.”

  “Someone threatens my family? Gonna end them, man. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”

  I’d played off the dreamer.

  Dude who only cared about his band and their success for so many years.

  Couldn’t sit around and do it anymore.

  He heaved a breath of pure anxiety. “We’re so close. String them along. Play it safe. You need to lay low? Lay low. You need to get lost? Get lost. But don’t fuck this up. They are counting on us. We’re all they have.”

  “Know that.”

  “Good.”

  “Okay.” Wasn’t even sure what that meant any longer. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Ending the call, I tossed my phone to the mattress, grabbed my guitar, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

  The sensations that had hit me earlier were overwhelming.

  The girl was right there.

  On my tongue and on my fingers and writhing in my memories.

  But that feeling had turned frenzied.

  Frantic with the need to make this right. No longer knowing what that looked like or what it meant.

  I strummed the quietest chord that resounded deep. The vibrations of the strings reverberated through my body.

  Eyes shut, I swayed, got lost in that mystery.

  Violet and dreams and the girl.

  Almost silently, I began to sing.

  I closed my eyes

  I fell into a dream

  Watching through a looking glass

  Nothin’s what it seems

  Shards of ice

  Cold, bitter bliss

  That’s what I get

  For stealing that first kiss

  I strummed through the verse as the chorus took hold. Framed in my mind and written from my soul.

  Now I’m lost

  Lost in your mystery

  I lost sight. I lost my right

  Staring at eternity

  What’s come, what’s gone

  Never gonna be reclaimed

  Because clinging to this moonflower

  Is where I’ll forever be chained

  Because I knew—knew it in her kiss.

  She hadn’t gotten over me any more than I’d gotten over her.

  My hope.

  My reason.

  My wife.

  I just didn’t know what part of this life I had left to give her.

  If there would be anything left at all.

  If any forgiveness could be found in the mistakes that had been made. The heap of them had only grown higher as the years had passed.

  I turned my gaze out to the sheer drapes at the window. The blink of the stars were barely visible.

  But they were still clear.

  Still inevitable.

  And I knew right then I couldn’t go on without taking back what was always supposed to be mine.

  Seventeen

  Violet

  “Wakes it up, Mommy!”

  I was facedown, tossing in a tormented sleep when the tiny tornado made landing on my bed. Jolting through a gasp, I flung around to find Daisy actually jumping at my feet, waving her casted arm in sync with the other over her head.

  I squinted at her through the harsh light breaking through the drapes. “What on earth do you think you’re doin’?”

  She didn’t even seem to register that she’d been injured. That she might make it worse.

  Goodness, I was gonna have to tie her up if I wanted to tame her, but I was pretty sure my spitfire would find a way to get herself free.

  My own little Houdini.

  “Wakeskin’ you up, what do you think?” she said, matter-of-fact. “It’s almost passed the whole day and Papa said I had to let you sleep because you had a reals rough night last night. You have a rough night? Lords knows I did.” She tried to form a low whistle, but it was more a raspberry.

  A laugh that was a cross between exasperation and adoration slipped up my throat, and I forced myself up to sitting. I scrubbed my palms over my face to break up the sleep.

  The dreams that lingered.

  The aura of him still holding me. Touching me. Luring me in the way he’d always done, willpower dust with a brush of his hand.

  The man my destiny and my destruction.

  How was it possible I could have succumbed so easily?

  Put myself in the position to be wrecked all over again?

  Hell, I was the one who’d begged for a little breakin’ when I’d followed him out the door and into the hall.

&nbs
p; But that’s the way that boy had always made me.

  Liquid.

  Melted butter in his hands.

  I blew out a heavy sigh and pushed back the matted, tangled bedhead that no doubt was givin’ the scarecrow out in the field a run for its money.

  I had to get myself together. Remember the pain of what he’d done before he had the chance to ration another deadly dose.

  Just him being in this town meant I was traversing dangerous ground.

  Heartache curled through my chest at the thought of it, that speck of me trying to hold on to what wasn’t there, my wrist burnin’ from the agonizing temptation of his touch, his mesmerizing voice a song that still whispered in my ear.

  “That is the one lie I never told.”

  How could I even consider believing that B.S.?

  Believe that charmer?

  I knew better.

  He was nothin’ but a swindler and a fraud.

  A snake lookin’ for a snack.

  I shook Richard Ramsey out of my thoughts because he didn’t belong there, and I turned my attention to my little girl who continued to jump on my bed.

  “You are somethin’, you know that? You fell out of a tree last night and now you’re trying to break your head by falling off my bed.”

  “But Imma bird! See how high I fly.”

  “And don’t you know birds can’t fly with a broken wing?” I teased, reaching out to grab her and haul her onto my lap because words didn’t seem to do a whole lot of good.

  Apparently, emergency room visits and broken bones didn’t, either.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked with her back tucked to my chest, my chin hooked over her little shoulder as I lifted her arm that was casted.

  In pink, of course.

  “It only hurts just a little tiny teensy bit.” She tipped her head back to look up at me, her mess of hair bunched at my face and her sweet grin and scrunched-up nose splitting me open wide.

  Joy pressed full.

  Overflowing.

  Overwhelming.

  I kissed her forehead, and I tightened my arms around her and hugged her close.

  Misery bound my consciousness.

  Because I couldn’t lose her. Not from an accident. Not from someone stealing her away. She was mine, and I would cling to her forever.

  My voice dropped to a low plea, “You scared me yesterday. Don’t ever do that again. You need to listen to Mommy even when you don’t like what I have to say.”