“Maybe,” I said, laying back and tucking my arms behind my head. “It’s a nice one. Sue me.”
“You do remember I’m a lawyer, right?” Emery went into the bathroom, out of sight, but I heard the faucet turn on. “Suing people is kind of my thing.”
I couldn’t wipe the stupid smile from my face. Did every guy get so loopy after losing his virginity, or was I just a special kind of silly?
Emery returned to the bed holding a wet washcloth. He ran it over my stomach, washing off his drying cum.
“Thanks,” I said, feeling my lids get heavier.
“I should be the one thanking you.” Emery went back to the bathroom and tossed the rag in the hamper before coming back and sliding into bed beside me, pulling me against him.
“Why?”
“You got me out of my head,” Emery answered, grazing a finger across my ribs. “I struggled with my attraction for you. A part of me still does. But hearing what you wanted helped me decide.”
“Good. Because I wanted you. Still do.”
“For more than just tonight?” he asked.
“Definitely.” I turned my head on the pillow. “You still have to pound my ass.”
Emery chuckled. “I had everything planned for tonight. Dinner, sex. Instead of letting it happen naturally, I obsessed over getting every detail just right.”
“Then I came in and screwed up your plans,” I said. “Chaos in your perfect world.”
He cocked his head at that. “I don’t see you that way at all.”
“Oh yeah?” I stretched and yawned in the process. “How do you see me?”
Emery watched me a moment, silent, and then he grabbed the blanket and pulled it up to cover us. He settled back in place and closed his eyes. I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then, “You’re not chaos. You’re more like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t realize until tonight how planning everything can be so tiring. It’s nice to sit back and let the pieces fall where they’re going to. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah.” I snuggled into the blanket and finally let my eyes fall shut. “I do.”
This was the last summer before I went to college. I wanted to have no-strings fun. And, finally, Emery had stopped overthinking everything and let it happen.
Chapter 12
Emery
I was traveling down a dangerous road, one that would probably lead to a crash of epic proportions, but if I drove carefully, anticipating the hurdles before reaching them, maybe it would turn out okay.
Because it was too late to turn back now.
Cason lay in my arms, asleep, and I stared at his profile, admiring the curve of his lips and his long lashes. Not even an hour had passed since we’d screwed, and I already wanted him again. I wasn’t a religious man, but if I were, I’d compare him to the apple in the Garden of Eden. Sinfully delicious. Forbidden.
I had taken a bite anyway.
And nothing had ever tasted so sweet.
He’d asked me to be his first. To give him a safe space to let loose and explore his sexuality. Once I had stopped overthinking, I’d seen how amazing it could be. I liked Cason telling me what he wanted and how he wanted it. I had to make hard decisions every day at work, and it was freeing to have that burden lifted when with him.
No planning. No obsessing over everything being perfect. Just relaxing and enjoying another person’s company. And sex… god, the sex. I didn’t know if the sneaking around had made it more exciting or if it was just Cason, but it had been the best sex I’d ever had.
Knowing I had work in the morning, I forced myself to stop looking at him and go to sleep. I woke at six to shower, and then I started a pot of coffee. Before it finished brewing, Cason joined me in the kitchen, a sheet wrapped around his shoulders and his hair adorably messy.
“Morning,” he rasped, sliding onto the barstool.
I went over and kissed him on the temple, rubbing his back. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”
“Great. You?”
“Same.” I grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and filled them with coffee, adding cream and sugar to his before setting it in front of him. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Oh no. Not again.”
I smiled. “I’m not second-guessing things. I just think it’d be a good idea to set ground rules.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, grabbing the mug and lifting it to his lips. “What are the rules?”
“It’s only for the summer, and we keep it between us.”
“In other words, don’t bring feelings into it and don’t tell Ryan,” Cason said, before taking a drink.
Yeah, he’d seen right through me, especially the part about Ryan.
“Is that something you’d agree to?” I asked.
He scrunched up his face, looking too adorable for his own good. “But I’m already in love with you, Mr. Cross. I’ve already fantasized about a big white wedding and all the kids we’re going to adopt.”
I nearly dropped my coffee.
“Oh my fucking god, you should see your face right now,” Cason said, snorting as he laughed. “I know virgins have a bad rap about being too clingy, but I told you I’m not looking for anything more than sex, Emery. So relax.”
“Damn near gave me a heart attack,” I said, touching my chest.
“No worries about me falling in love with you, okay?” He tugged me toward him, grazing his lips up the center of my chest. I cupped the back of his head and knotted my fingers in his tousled hair. “With me going to college, I don’t want a serious relationship.”
“Good,” I said, forcing his head back as I gently tugged on his hair. He smiled up at me as I bent down to kiss him. “Glad we’re on the same page.”
A summer fling would be harmless. We’d keep it secret, both get what we wanted, and then go our separate ways come fall.
No one would get hurt.
***
A week later, I sat at my desk looking over the motion for appeal on Jeff Ritter’s case. He had wanted to fight the ruling, and as his attorney, it was my job to work in his best interest. Damn if it didn’t cause a cold shudder down my spine at the thought of him getting out again someday, though.
Goddamn you, Jay. He had forced me to admit the truth. That I felt Ritter was exactly where he needed to be.
“Mr. Cross?” Becca asked, knocking on my open office door.
“I’m busy, Bec,” I said, focusing back on the document.
“Your son is here.”
I dropped the papers and glanced up at her. “Ryan?”
“Do you have another son I don’t know about?” she asked like the sassy little spitfire she was.
“Send him back,” I said, placing the document in the folder and closing it. When she walked away, I shakily inhaled and released it. Fuck, I was jittery.
Why was Ryan here?
He never came to see me. And the last time he’d been to my office… I’d been pushing Jay against my desk, kissing him as I unbuttoned his pants. At the memory, my face heated and I had to take another breath, this one even shakier.
“He’s in his office,” I heard Becca say a moment later.
“Thanks,” Ryan responded.
Hearing his footsteps coming down the hall, I stood from my desk and walked around it. Ryan appeared in the doorway, a spitting image of me. He even had my attitude, though I’d wager he was more stubborn. Or maybe not.
“Hey,” he said, glancing at me before averting his eyes and crossing his arms.
Not even a second in my presence and he was already in defense mode.
“It’s good to see you.” I stepped closer but refrained from touching him. He’d outgrown hugs long ago. “Is everything okay?”
“Does something have to be wrong?” Ryan snapped, stepping farther into the room and dropping into the chair in front of my desk. “I can’t just come see you?”
“No, you can,” I answered, walking back around the desk and sitting across from him. “But you never do.”
I couldn’t even guess at why he’d come to see me. Then fear took root in my gut.
What if Ryan had somehow found out about me and Cason?
For the past week, Cason had come over and we’d fucked several times—with him topping each time. In fact, he should still be at my house at that exact moment, probably showering and getting ready for work. And it was so not the time to be thinking about Cason naked in my shower.
“Okay,” I said, trying to relax. Ryan wasn’t nearly angry enough. If he was there about Cason, he would’ve walked in shouting at me.
Inhale. Exhale.
“You know I’m still not okay with all of this,” Ryan said, shifting in his seat. “Finding out you’re gay was and still is a shock. I don’t know how to deal with it.”
Breathing was hard. It had been five months since the blowup with Ryan, and he very rarely brought it up in conversation. Why was he doing it now?
“I’m sorry you found out the way you did,” I said, glad my voice didn’t shake. “If I could go back, I would’ve done everything differently.”
“Yeah, but you can’t go back,” Ryan snapped, sitting forward and clasping his hands together. “I walked in on you all over some guy, and I can’t ever unsee that shit. I don’t like my dad being gay. All right?”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” The crack in my heart widened. “But I can’t change who I am.”
“That’s what Mom said.”
“She did?” I asked, a little shocked. When Ryan found out I was gay and told Amber, she had called me and screamed for nearly an hour. I understood her hurt. She had been married to me for nearly sixteen years and never knew.
“Yeah,” Ryan responded. “She said it’s bad to harbor hatred in my heart or whatever. But I never hated you for it. I just don’t like it. You were straight all your life, so I don’t see why you have to be this way now.”
Ryan didn’t know how much I had struggled. He’d never given me the chance to tell him. Even now, I sensed his ears were closed on the matter.
“Is that why you’re here?” I asked, allowing my hurt to transition to annoyance. “To tell me how much you don’t approve of my life? Last I checked, I was the parent.”
Ryan scoffed and stood up. “Whatever. I thought maybe we could talk, but you’re still the same hard-ass as usual.”
I had hoped Ryan would eventually come to terms with everything. Was this his way of trying?
“Wait,” I said, standing up as he stormed toward the door. He turned to glare at me. “It’s almost noon. Do you want to grab lunch somewhere?”
The hardness around his eyes softened, if only a little. And for a moment, I saw the son who used to look at me like I was his hero. I knew it wasn’t easy for him. He had never handled change well. Finding out I was gay had been the thing that tipped him over the edge.
“I guess I could eat something,” Ryan said, keeping a defensive attitude despite the eagerness I saw in his eyes.
Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting at Joe’s Diner, one of Ryan’s favorite burger joints. He had ordered a vanilla milkshake and drank it while we waited for our food.
“Do you remember the first time I brought you here?” I asked, looking around the restaurant. It hadn’t changed much over the years. Same ’50s diner vibe with the same red jukebox in the corner. “You were six and got so excited when seeing the waitresses wearing skates.”
Ryan smiled before forcing it from his face. He was trying so hard to stay mad at me. “Don’t remember.”
“Then you got chocolate ice cream all over your Spider-Man shirt.”
“It was strawberry not chocolate,” Ryan corrected.
I smiled. “I thought you didn’t remember.”
He froze before looking out the window. “Whatever.”
The waitress arrived with our food before skating off. Ryan and I reached for the mayonnaise bottle at the same time. He smiled and said thanks when I let him use it first. We both liked a blend of mayo and mustard on our burgers. So alike in so many ways.
“Are you excited to start college?” I asked, after we had eaten a few bites.
“Yeah.” Ryan shoved a handful of salty fries into his mouth before washing them down with the vanilla shake. “Playing college ball is the dream right now.”
“Have you decided what you’ll major in?” He might’ve had a baseball scholarship, but he still had to get a degree in something.
“Don’t know.” He took another bite. “Probably gonna take general courses for the first year, then pick something later. Cas is goin’ for criminal justice.” His face fell as he chewed. “Sucks we’re not gonna be at the same college.”
“It’s only forty-five minutes away. I’m sure you two can find time to hang out.”
“I hope so.” Ryan eyed another waitress, smirking as their eyes met. Then, he looked back at me. “I feel kinda guilty about it all.”
“How so?”
“Cas was approached about the scholarship first,” Ryan answered, picking at his fries. “Only one guy from the team could be chosen, and he knew how much I wanted it. He passed on the offer so I could have it.”
That was news to me. Cason hadn’t said anything about it—not that we’d done much talking in between us being tangled together in the bedsheets.
“He’s a great friend,” I said, feeling guilty all over again. What if Cason’s and my fling caused a rift between him and Ryan?
However, it’d be way too damned hard to stop it now. Not after I had tasted Cason. Felt him against me chest to chest and heard his delicious moans of pleasure.
I’m so selfish.
“Yeah. He’s the best.” Ryan tore into his burger, not saying another word until all that was left of it was the smear of mustard on his cheek. “He’s always tellin’ me how awesome you are.”
Another bit of news. I didn’t know Cason and Ryan talked about me. Ryan certainly hadn’t said much to him.
“Really?”
Ryan nodded as he wiped his face with a napkin. “He’s part of the reason I came to see you. His dad isn’t around. And, like, I know he doesn’t understand the tension between us.”
“Because you haven’t told him about me.”
“It’s not like I want any of my friends to know that shit,” Ryan said, irritation back in his voice. “They’d hound me for life, and I don’t wanna deal with it. I didn’t tell any of them when I found out, and I sure as hell ain’t telling them now.”
It hurt to know my son saw me as some great embarrassment.
Ryan must’ve seen the hurt on my face, because his brows pulled together and he ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I don’t hate you, Dad. I just don’t know what to think. It’s hard. I thought of you one way my whole life, and then this happens.”
“You need time to process,” I said, placing my half-eaten burger back in the basket. I’d lost my appetite. “I understand that. It took me a long time to accept it too.”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t just wake up one morning while married to your mom and decide to be gay, Ryan,” I explained. “It’s something I’ve fought ever since I was sixteen.”
The waitress returned to refill my water and to bring Ryan a soda since he finished his shake. She dropped off the check and left again.
“I didn’t know that,” Ryan said.
“You never gave me the chance to talk to you about it.”
“This doesn’t mean I’m cool with you or anything,” he said, reverting back to his stubborn self. “I just wanted to say I don’t hate you.” His cheeks darkened as he lowered his gaze to his glass of soda. “If you ever wanted to have lunch again or something, I guess I wouldn’t mind much. But only if I don’t already have something else planned.”
He could pretend all he wanted to, but I saw the truth. Heard it in his voice. It gave me hope that, maybe, we could eventually
have the kind of relationship we used to have.
When we were back at the office, Ryan got out of my car and hesitated a moment.
“Thanks for lunch.”
“You’re welcome.”
He nodded and took off toward his Mustang. I watched him pull out of the parking lot before going back inside.
“That was unexpected,” Becca said, giving me a knowing smile. “Have a nice time?”
She didn’t know the details of Ryan’s and my falling out, but she knew it had something to do with me coming out.
“Yes, I did. Did I have any calls while I was away?”
She gave me a note with clients who had called, and she told me she set an appointment for a consultation for three o’clock that afternoon.
I went back to my office and continued working. I tried not to get my hopes up about Ryan. His mood changed like the wind. He could be open to repairing our damaged relationship now but then go back to ignoring me tomorrow.
Teenagers.
My phone vibrated, and I took it out of my jacket pocket, smiling when I saw the name flash across my screen. Cason had laughed so hard he cried when he found out his contact name. I thought it fit him perfectly.
Damsel: We meeting tonight?
Me: Already wanting more, huh?
Damsel: Duh.
Cason’s sex drive was insane. A week of sex and my ass was really feeling the ache. There were times when we fucked, lay there for twenty minutes, and then he was ready to go again. When I wasn’t quite ready afterward, I would suck him off or we’d make out for a while—which he still enjoyed.
I loved that he desired me so much, though. I loved even more that I was the only one who’d ever had him.
Me: Not to kill the mood, but idk if my ass can take it right now. I’m still recovering from the morning fuckfest.
That morning, I had woken up to Cason sucking on one of my nipples. I had moaned and clung onto him, my dick quickly filling. He’d kissed down my body and then taken me into his mouth, sucking me so fucking good my toes had curled. He’d then gotten between my legs and pounded me for an hour, stopping every so often to switch positions—him driving into me, then me riding him, and then on our sides.
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