After the show, we continued talking. We moved to my bedroom, brushed our teeth, and got ready for bed. I asked him about his mom, which he didn’t have much to say other than she had a boyfriend he hated and both of them were druggies.
Then, I asked about his dad.
“Not much to say really,” Cason said as we lay in bed, light off and the fan spinning above us. “He was an alcoholic who liked to beat up on me and my mom. It’s why I don’t like to drink. I never want to be like him.” His eyes watered. “He walked out on us when I was nine, and I haven’t heard from him since.”
I reached for his hand, and he took it. My heart broke for him.
“It just sucks,” Cason continued. “I still think about him sometimes and wish he could see the man I’ve become. So he’d know he didn’t break me. That I made something of myself.”
I couldn’t even imagine the pain Cason went through—the grief he was still going through. Being abandoned by a parent left a deep scar. I should know. My parents had cut me out of their lives once learning I was gay.
“Come here,” I said, slipping an arm around him.
He rolled toward me and lay on my chest, his face pressed to my neck. In that moment, I realized how much I truly cared about him. Cason was precious to me, and I hated that he was hurting.
I slid my fingers through his brown hair and started to sing. He stilled before sinking against me, nestling closer.
“What song is that?” he asked as I paused to take a breath, keeping his eyes closed.
“It’s an oldie,” I said, trailing one hand up and down his back, my fingertips gently grazing his soft skin. “Called ‘Moon River.’”
“The melody is sad,” Cason said, holding me tighter. “But soothing.”
I kissed his forehead and smiled. “I used to sing it to Ryan when he had trouble sleeping.”
“Can I hear more?”
And so I started from the beginning and sang it once through. He was asleep before the last note rang out.
Chapter 17
Cason
The firecracker squealed as it shot into the air and exploded with a loud pop.
Trevor was throwing a huge Fourth of July party and had invited a ton of people as usual. Some I knew, most I didn’t. The sun hadn’t yet set, so the huge fireworks were being saved until later. Bottle rockets and other smaller ones were being shot off now.
Ken, Trevor’s older brother, who had always bought the alcohol for the parties but rarely made appearances at them, threw an arm around the tall guy standing beside him. The two of them smiled and spoke quietly before breaking apart, grabbing a handful of bottle rockets, and lighting the fuses before shooting them toward each other.
Girls screamed as the firecrackers went off course and whistled toward them instead.
“Ken’s a dumbass,” Trevor said, shaking his head. “He and his butt buddy need to stop scaring off the chicks.”
“Butt buddy?” Ryan asked, before taking a drink from his red cup.
“Yeah. My brother’s a homo, dude. Didn’t you know?”
Ryan looked like he was about to choke on his vodka and fruit-punch concoction.
“He came out over Spring Break,” Trevor continued. “And man, Dad was pissed. He told Ken he couldn’t come back around, but he eventually got over it. Mainly because my mom threw a fit from hell and said Ken was still a part of the family no matter who he loved. Or some shit like that.”
“You gonna come out as a cocksucker next?” Brad asked Trevor, jabbing at his side.
Trevor dodged the hit. “Fuck no. I love pussy too much.”
Hearing my buddies talk that way was tough. Would they call me names, too, when they found out? Not that it mattered. Trevor had chosen to work in the family business selling feed for livestock and working on tractors instead of going to college. Typical farm boy crap. Brad was going to a college in California to play football.
Once fall arrived, I wouldn’t even see these guys anymore. It didn’t matter what they thought.
Ryan, on the other hand, was a different matter. We’d be going to different schools, but we’d still be close enough to hang out if we wanted. After the conversation we’d had in his car, I hoped he’d understand when I was ready to tell him.
But I never knew with Ryan. He was impulsive and unpredictable.
“Fuckin’ fags,” Brad said, watching Ken and his boyfriend.
“Shut the fuck up,” Ryan snapped at him, taking me by surprise. “They’re not hurting anyone, so mind your own goddamn business.”
“Dude. What the hell?” Brad put his hands up and stepped backward.
Ryan glared at him before glancing at Ken and then at the ground. One hand was in a fist, and the other gripped his drink. He’d defended Ken. It had been unexpected but amazing. And it made me think that, maybe, things would be okay when I told him about me.
My phone vibrated with a text.
Faith: Hey! I’m at the party. Are you?
Me: Yep. We’re by the shed.
“Who’s that?” Ryan asked, nodding to my phone.
“Faith. She said she just got here.”
“You sure you aren’t banging her?” Ryan took another drink, his eyes already a little glassy. “Y’all got a little close when we were playing pool that one time.”
“How would you know?” I responded with a scoff. “You were dry humping Lexi the whole night.”
“Ssh.” Ryan touched my lips. “Don’t speak the evil’s name or it will appear.”
“She’s an it now?” I asked against his fingers. Dude needed to move them before I bit them.
“She’s a demon, so yes.” He dropped his hand from my mouth and turned his cup upside down. “Damn, I need another drink. Be back in a few.”
Now alone, I glanced back at my phone and clicked on Emery’s and my chat box.
Me: Wish you were here. It’d be cool to watch the fireworks together.
Liam: You’ll see me tomorrow.
Before I could type back a response, he sent another text.
Liam: I wish I was with you too btw. Enjoy the night with your friends.
One week had passed since Emery and I had agreed we both wanted more. There’d been a lot of sex over the past seven days, sure, but there’d also been nights where we’d snuggled together on his couch with a large bowl of popcorn and watched a movie. Mornings where we’d gotten each other off and then showered together before having breakfast and making plans to see each other later in the day.
I didn’t know the name for what we were, but whatever it was, it felt incredible.
“Hey, stalker,” Faith said, giving me a one-armed hug.
“Glad you could make it.” I returned her hug. She smelled like cherry blossoms, probably her shampoo. “You DD tonight?”
“As always,” she answered. “I don’t mind, though. Not much of a drinker, so I don’t think I’m missing out.”
“Yeah, I don’t need to drink to have fun.”
“Ah, you got stuck as DD too again, I see.”
I grinned. “Caught me.”
“Faith!” A girl with long red hair ran up to us. “Here are my keys. Thank you again for driving.”
“You’re welcome.” Faith took the keys and put them in the small purse strapped across her torso. When the girl saw another group of people and ran toward them, Faith glanced back at me. “That was Lauren. She’s my cousin. I mentioned her, right?”
“I think so,” I responded, remembering a few of our chats. “She’s the beauty pageant queen?”
“Runner-up,” Faith corrected with an evil little smirk. “She acts like a damn princess, though, and treats me like her serving girl. She’s staying with us this summer because her parents are going through a messy divorce, and my mom wanted her away from all that. So yay for me.”
“That’s nice of your mom.”
Ryan walked up, handing me a can of Dr. Pepper. “Hey, Faith.”
“Hi.” She waved and took an awkward s
tance. “Where’s Lexi?”
Ryan snapped his head to the left, then looked to the right. “Oh. Fuck me. I thought you said there’s Lexi. I was about to run for it.”
Faith scrunched up her face. “Ah, I see. Bad breakup?”
As they talked, I popped open the can and took a drink. Ken and his boyfriend shot off more bottle rockets before sharing a small kiss. I’d had no idea. Seeing them be so open about it, despite the nasty looks thrown their way, well, it gave me hope. It made me excited about one day being so open about my relationship too.
That may never happen. Emery might not ever want to be open, even once I was out. Because of Ryan.
With Faith and Ryan still engaged in conversation, I sent another text.
Me: You meeting Jay for drinks tonight?
The insanely hot blond still pricked at my nerves a bit, but I trusted Emery. He had made it clear we were exclusive now. So, hotshot blondie could flirt all he wanted, but the dark-haired knockout was mine and mine alone.
Liam: No. I’m staying home.
Me: Have I mentioned that I wish you were here?
Liam: lol stop texting me and hang out with your friends. Don’t make me use my dad voice.
“Ah, fuck.” I bit my bottom lip.
“What?” Ryan asked.
Realizing I said that out loud, I quickly put my phone away. “Nothing.”
“Who were you texting?” he pressed further. “You had the biggest, goofiest grin on your face.”
“Just scrolling my Facebook.”
Ryan narrowed his eyes but let it drop. Thank god.
Once it was dark enough, Trevor stood on the tractor beside the barn and shouted so everyone could hear, “Hey, fuckers! Who’s ready for some goddamn firecrackers?”
People clapped and hollered. Half of them were drunk or close to it. Ryan cozied up to some blonde girl, and I knew he’d be preoccupied for a while.
“Want to sit with me to watch them?” Faith asked.
“Sure.”
We found a spot on the grass and watched as Trevor and Ken set everything up in the field in front of us.
“Can I ask you something?” Faith said, playing with her charm bracelet.
“Yeah. What’s up?”
“Are you really seeing someone, or was that just an excuse because you don’t like me in that way?” Faith looked up. “I’ll understand if you lied. I just have to ask because you never bring anyone to these parties, and you don’t post anything on your Facebook about dating anyone.”
Ah, shit.
“I didn’t lie to you,” I answered, feeling guilty even though I shouldn’t. I’d tried my best not to lead her on by making it clear up front that I wasn’t available. “I am seeing someone. It’s just kinda complicated.”
“Is he closeted too?”
“No, he’s out, it’s just—” My mouth snapped shut, and it felt like a million electric eels were slivering through my chest cavity. What the fuck did I just do?
I just outed myself.
“It’s okay,” Faith said. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“How did you know?” I asked, once I could find my voice again.
She shrugged and stared up at the darkening sky. “Just a hunch. My two theories were you either lied about seeing someone or you were gay. To be honest, I’m glad it’s the latter.”
“Why?”
“Yaoi is my life,” Faith answered, smiling at me. “The thought of you kissing another boy makes me want to read Boy Love stories and go on a never-ending Pinterest dive for all that adorable yaoi fan art.”
I started laughing, and so did she. And it felt scary and amazing at the same time. Finally, someone knew. I didn’t have to pretend.
The sound of cannon fire filled the air as the first large firework was shot off. It burst into strands of red and blue before blinking out of sight. Then another shot upward, exploding into shimmering gold with red stars.
And I smiled so wide my cheeks hurt.
I was excited and nervous, but most of all, I was happy. Happy I had a friend who knew my secret and accepted me anyway.
***
Ryan’s obnoxious snores woke me from a dead sleep. He was on his stomach, one arm hanging off the bed and his fingers touching my forehead. We’d gotten to his house around two in the morning, and it’d been a challenge putting his drunk ass to bed.
It was still dark outside, way too early for me to be awake.
I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. After another hour of tossing and turning on my pallet on the floor, I gave up on sleep and went to the bathroom to take a piss. The living room clock ticked loudly through the quiet house, and I checked the time as I walked by to go to the kitchen.
Five a.m.
I’d gotten less than three hours of sleep. Sitting at the kitchen table in the dark, I texted Emery.
Me: Your son is keeping me awake. Send help.
He replied a few minutes later.
Liam: You can’t sleep so you wake me up too so we can be miserable together?
Me: hehe
Liam: You’re lucky I like you.
I couldn’t stop smiling as I texted him back.
Emery made my life better. I woke up every morning thinking of him, and he was the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep. When he wasn’t with me, I counted down the hours until I saw him again—until I could taste him and touch him. Hear his laugh. See his smile.
I was falling and falling hard.
Me: I can’t wait to see you.
Liam: Wear tennis shoes when you come over.
Me: Why? Please don’t tell me you have a foot fetish that I’m just now gonna find out about.
Liam: Good god. No.
“Cason?”
I shrieked and dropped my phone on the table.
“Sorry!” Amber said, turning on the light and pulling her robe tighter around her tiny frame. “Didn’t mean to startle you. What are you doing up?”
Ryan snored again, the sound so loud that it traveled down the hall and reached us in the kitchen.
“Oh. Gotcha.” She shook her head with a laugh. “Want me to make some coffee? I can’t sleep either.”
“That’d be great.”
Amber measured out the coffee and added water to the machine before hitting Start. It was strange being around her now. She’d had a whole life with Emery. Knew his touch.
A side of me was jealous of her. But if not for them having been together, I wouldn’t have Ryan, and I probably would’ve never even met Emery.
“Thank you for getting Ryan home safe,” Amber said, sitting beside me at the table. “I worry about him a lot. Worry if he’s making the right choices. When he’s with you, though, I can rest easy. I thank God every day for bringing you into his life.”
“I’m nothing special,” I said, feeling even more awkward. Bet she wouldn’t be so nice if she knew I was fucking her ex-husband.
“Don’t sell yourself short.” She patted my hand before pulling away. “Ryan used to be so close to his dad, but they had a falling-out a few months back, which I’m sure you know. He’s been so angry since then, but I can see a change in him lately. Did you say something to him?”
“He told me what happened with his dad,” I said, hoping my face didn’t give way to my nerves. I should’ve avoided that topic like the plague, but I was too curious. “About Emery being… gay.”
Amber raised her brows and stood to walk over to the coffee machine. “Homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible. But it’s not for me to decide. That’s between Emery and God. I’m ashamed to say I did judge Em when I found out, but it wasn’t my place.”
“We can’t help how we’re born,” I said, standing to join her at the counter as she offered me a cup. “I told Ryan that Emery was still his dad, and it wasn’t fair to hate him for something he had no control over. That’s all.”
She nodded and poured her coffee before filling my cup as well.
“Life is funny some
times,” she said, once we were back at the table. “You can hold on so strongly to your convictions, and then someone you love challenges those beliefs. Suddenly, you find yourself questioning everything. Hate the sin, love the sinner. But then you wonder if it’s even a sin at all.”
“You still love Emery?”
“Sure. I shared my life with him, and he will always be in my heart. Our marriage ended, but that doesn’t change the love we once had.”
It was, without a doubt, one of the strangest conversations I’d ever had. One I was still thinking about later that day as I drove to Emery’s house. Emery’s life was kept private. Lonely. It was something I noticed the very first time I’d met him.
He reminded me of a man building a tower around himself. He built it brick by brick, barricading himself from those who loved him. As if he didn’t understand that they still loved him. That he didn’t have to be alone.
The garage door opened, and I parked inside. The usual routine. What wasn’t normal was what waited for me once I walked into the house.
“Hey,” I said, as I entered the kitchen. Emery was putting stuff into a medium-sized ice chest on the counter. “Have you finally snapped? Did you chop up a body and take out the organs to sell on the black market?”
Emery laughed and closed the lid before walking over and slipping his arms around me. “Are you sure you want to be a detective? You’d make a fine crime writer with that imagination. The next James Patterson.”
“Pfft. Whatever.” I tilted my face up to kiss him. “Not that I’m complaining, but why do you taste fruity?”
“I cut up some watermelon and might’ve stolen a bite or two,” Emery answered, giving me another light kiss on the mouth before stepping away. “We’re going hiking.”
“Huh?”
“I promised you a ride in my Lexus, remember? And it’s a beautiful day. I thought we could take a drive and see the countryside. Maybe go on a hike and have a picnic.”
So that’s why he told me to wear tennis shoes.
“You’re kind of perfect,” I said, smiling.
His Temptation Page 17
