by Pru Schuyler
Where would I have put it?
The last place I had seen it was in Austin’s car.
SHIT! It must’ve fallen out when my clutch spilled. Great.
Walking back over to him, I leaned over the couch near his ear. “Hey, can I borrow your keys? I think my phone fell in there earlier. I can’t find it.”
He turned, making our lips only a couple inches apart. His gaze instantly dropped to our almost-touching lips, causing me to inhale sharply. He took the blanket off and stood with no answer.
I would like to think that Austin and I could work again, that we could heal from his mistakes.
“Come on. I’ll walk you. Let’s go get your phone,” he said, stepping onto the stairs.
I decided that I would give him another chance. So far tonight, Austin had seemed great. Right?
We hit the first steps when Brad and Jess finally came up for air.
Jess broke the silence first. “What are you two up to?” she asked, not even trying to hide her cunning smile.
“I left my phone in his car, and I need to let my mom know I’m crashing here.” I kept my face straight, not wanting to give Austin any ideas.
Brad went over to the bar. He poured four shot glasses of what looked to be vodka. He carried two glasses over to us, forcing one into each of our hands. “Text her in a minute. Let’s take a couple of shots! To great friends, great booze, and great girls!” He reached out and clinked his glass against each of ours. He tipped it back and took the shot in one smooth motion.
We all followed suit, and before I knew it, we were all five shots deep. Well, I’d stopped counting at five.
I’d only ever been drunk a handful of times, but this was by far the worst I’d ever been.
Jess was lost in the movie that was still on. I didn’t even know what time it was.
Time. Check phone. Shit. Where’s my phone? Oh, that’s right. Austin’s car. I pushed myself off the couch, crashing straight to the floor, face-first.
I smacked the ground. Hard. “Owwww.”
Laughter erupted in the room. Jess was bent over, slapping her knee. I rolled on my back as Austin’s frame filled my view.
“Hey youuu,” came out much more slurred than expected. “My phone. I need to get my phone and text my mom.”
I didn’t know how he was possibly standing. He had taken at least three more shots than me. I lifted my hands to his outstretched arms, and he pulled me up off the ground like I was weightless.
You’re so strong, I thought to myself.
“Thank you.” He laughed.
“Oh fuck, did I say that out loud?” I covered my face with my hands but left room to see through.
A wicked smile spread across his lips. Pink lips, kissable lips.
I’d had way too much to drink. No more for me.
He laced his fingers in mine, helping me up the stairs. When we hit the cold air outside, I remembered I hadn’t grabbed a coat. He unlocked the car with the fob and opened the door for me. But he slid into the passenger seat.
Fine, I’ll take the driver’s seat. Like, helloooooo, it’s a Corvette!
He reached over, placing the key in the ignition, and started the car. The music softly played ’90s R&B from the speakers. I bent over, searching the ground for my phone, but I didn’t see it. I slid my hand under the seat, patting it, hoping to feel it. I hit something hard and squeezed my hand around it.
Got it. I pulled it out and pumped it into the air. Victoryyy!
SIX
The rest of the car ride was uneventful. Cade didn’t say another word to me, and I didn’t say a word to anyone. My mom filled Brooke in on what Target was, what they sell, et cetera.
Can you seriously believe this girl has never been to Target? Their maid does all the shopping for the family. Aside from her ritualistic spending at the local boutiques and online shopping, she doesn’t set foot in stores.
Once we are inside, I grab a cart and make my way to the back-to-school section. I finally catch up to my mom, Brooke, and Cade in the notebook aisle.
“Please tell me why my mom always got me the plainest notebooks in the world when I could’ve had ones like these my entire life,” Brooke practically shouts while flaunting the pink notebook with little roses on it.
“Because you’re not five, B,” Cade responds with an eye roll.
“Let the girl get her flower notebook, for Pete’s sake. This is her first time shopping for her own supplies. God forbid she gets one that makes her happy.” My eyes widen sharply at my quick reply. I’ve never been one to stand up for myself. But when it comes to people I care about or like, it’s natural.
“Do you want to get one with the puppies on it too?” Sarcasm rolls off his tongue.
Ugh, this boy gets on my nerves. Who does he think he is? What does it matter to him? We should’ve left him at his own damn house.
It’s not like anyone actually invited him. It just took one bat of his eyelashes at my mom, and she was hooked. Pathetic, if you ask me.
He’s not even that good-looking. Granted, his eyes are so dark green that they’d blend into the lushest forest, and his hair is so dark that you’d lose it against the night sky.
Not that I’ve noticed.
The snap of his fingers pulls me from my thoughts. I realize I’ve been staring at those damn puppy notebooks this entire time.
“So, have you decided to go with the golden retriever and kitten or the two puppies playing?” he jokes, stepping close enough that his arm grazes the back of my shoulder, shooting sparks down my arm.
I hate how much my body reacts to his, even from the smallest touch. I should be grossed out. I should be running. His touch should remind me of him. Of Austin. It should make my skin crawl, like every other guy in the world.
But it doesn’t.
That, most of all, is what scares me. I’m drawn to his presence. I can sense when he’s near. We are constantly drifting toward one another, no matter the distance. Like two magnets desperate to connect.
I finally break my gaze from the notebooks and realize my mom and Brooke are long gone. My mom is probably thrilled with her little surrogate daughter for the day, who loves shopping. I don’t like going out anymore, to do anything really. My anxiety skyrockets when I even think about leaving my house by myself. It runs my life, and I don’t try to fight it.
I lift my head, and I lock into his intense stare. His eyes drop to my lips and quickly rise back up. It was only for a second, but it was enough for me to notice. And enough for my body to want to lean into his. The room temp rises ten degrees, and a need to be touched swirls low in my stomach. Every part of my body is suddenly hyperaware of him. The butterflies kick off the ground.
His lips tip up into a smirk. Time seems to freeze around us.
I take a tentative step forward, and he lowers his head ever so slightly, everything around us fading. My heart pounds in my ears. The thump matching the quickness of my breaths. He leans down slowly, torturing me with the anticipation.
“Stella, honey, I—oh,” my mom cuts off, seeing us only inches apart.
I launch myself backward and knock right into the shelves behind me. The puppies and kittens are now laughing at me. Along with Cade.
Great.
“Am I interrupting something?” my mom adds.
I swear, her smile is trying to take over her entire face.
“Um, uh, um, no, nope,” I stumble through my words.
Smooth.
My mom’s smile somehow grows. If I wasn’t already going to get the Cade seems like such a nice young man, you should pursue him speech, I for sure am now.
She can’t help the giggle that escapes her. “All right then. Work just called, honey. I have to go in to get some stuff done. I really hate to cut this shopping trip short, but I don’t have a choice. We can finish up tomorrow or something. I’m sorry, Stella.” Her shoulders droop.
I hate to see this affecting her so negatively. I know how much days and moment
s like these mean to her.
“It’s okay, Mom. I understand.” I really do.
It’s annoying that her job takes precedence in our lives. But it’s always been this way, and it’s just how it is.
Brooke comes around the corner with arms full of colorful notebooks and binders. She hurries over to our empty cart and drops her haul.
“Where are your guys’ supplies?” Brooke scrutinizes our empty cart, aside from her own pile.
Cade speaks for the first time since our almost kiss, “Well, I already got mine last week. But Stella here was too busy trying to decide if she liked the kitty or the puppy notebooks better and which would correlate to what class the best.”
His gaze leaves Brooke and falls to me, and I see the amusement behind his eyes. He smirks, and I drop my head to hopefully hide the redness attacking my cheeks right now.
How can he influence me so much? I hate it. And I hate that I don’t hate it as much as I should.
I look back to my mom and see the urgency in her eyes. I start heading to the checkout area with Brooke’s supplies in the cart, both of my hands on the handle. Cade slips his hand under my arm and grabs ahold of the center of the handle, abruptly stopping the cart and me. I can’t halt fast enough, and my hip rams right against his forearm.
He leaves his hand against my hip as he speaks to my mom, “If you want, Mrs. Sullivan, I can get us an Uber to take us back home. That way, the girls can finish their shopping, and you can still get work taken care of.”
He twists his wrist on the handle, and his arm rises, lifting the hem of my shirt, exposing the smallest sliver of skin. His arm moves ever so slightly and presses flat against my bare skin. A shiver unfurls up my spine. My eyes drop to our contact and the veins in his hand are bulging.
Why can’t I just despise him?
I hate myself for even letting him touch me, for not putting an end to his antics. I hate that my mind is even considering a possibility that there could be more. I can’t be dumb enough to let myself fall into another boy’s trap. But I can’t let my guard down. No matter how hard that might be. I can’t let Cade in. I can’t let anyone in.
I look at my mom, who is surprisingly considering Cade’s idea.
“I think that’s wonderful. So thoughtful of you, Cade.” Her eyes shimmer at his thoughtfulness.
So thoughtful of you, Cade. I mock her in my head. Ugh.
My eyes roll, and I give my mom the come on, don’t make me do this look.
She reads my mind and slaps the air, shooing my silent plea away. I slam my gaze to the floor, finding a chip in the tile. She’s really going to make me do this, isn’t she? I look up from the piece of damaged tile I was glaring at and see everyone looking at me, waiting.
Realizing I missed something, I say, “Sorry, what?”
Cade speaks first, his deep tone filled with amusement, “So, puppies or kittens?”
“I hate you,” I spit back.
He smiles, and a deep, full laugh escapes his lips, stirring up those damn butterflies again.
“Stella, he has been nothing but nice. Watch your tone. I was going to ask what you wanted to do, but now, I think it’s best that you spend some time with Brooke and Cade since, apparently, you need some socializing.” My mom’s tone is full of disapproval and finality. No changing her mind now.
Why in the hell is she so defensive of him anyway? She should be defending me. She should be worried about leaving me alone with a guy twice my size.
Well, I mean, Brooke’s here too, but ughhhh.
I stay silent and make my way over to Brooke. I look up to her and see sadness in her eyes. Crap, I hope she doesn’t think that I don’t want to stay because of her. It’s her brother I can’t be around.
“Hey, I’m sorry for being a bitch. I love hanging out with you. I really do,” I whisper to her as my mom and Cade exchange numbers.
She tells him to call her by her first name, Melinda.
Great, now, they’re best buds.
“I get it. My brother is an ass.” She laughs. “I love hanging with you too.” She beams and bumps her hip into mine. She walks over to the pen and pencil wall and starts grabbing multiple packs of the most expensive ones, although she never even glances at the price tags.
With my mom here, everything was under control. But I just lost it all.
What if our Uber driver is a psychopath?
If I remain in control, then I don’t ever have to worry about anything. It’s what helps me stay calm and what keeps my anxiety attacks at bay.
Since my mom’s announcement of leaving me here, making me dependent on someone else for a ride, my chest has been tightening more and more. My breaths quicken, and I can feel what’s coming. My vision spots out for a second and returns with sparkly stars.
Breathe, Stella. Breathe. You are okay.
I don’t have my earbuds, so I have to try to talk myself down from this before it spirals and I lose control of that too.
I turn my attention toward the planner section of the aisle and close my eyes. My hearing intensifies, and I pick up on my mom and Cade, lost in convo. Maybe no one will notice my little moment.
Or maybe they will, and they’ll finally see it.
Breathe.
I repeat this a few more times until I feel the tightness start to fade and my breathing return to normal. I open my eyes, and the stars are gone.
Tuning back into the world, I turn and listen to my mom and Cade’s conversation.
I catch the end of my mom’s sentence. “… get going. Thanks again. Call me if you need anything.” She pats his arm and walks over to me.
She takes my arms in hers and pulls me into a hug. I let her have five seconds before I pull away, before I become too overwhelmed by the touch.
She clears her throat and speaks low enough so only I can hear, “Please behave and be nice to that boy. He has been nothing but kind since I met him. You have your card, so get what you need. Text me when you get back home, okay? I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.” No promises on the best behavior though. “I’ll let you know when I get back home. When do you think you’ll be done?”
Or how long do I need to keep all the doors in the house locked to prevent anyone from getting in?
“Hopefully not too late. I’m aiming for nine thirty.” She sighs.
Her phone rings, and she answers as she walks away with a wave. Leaving me alone with Cade while Brooke is in la-la land, shopping.
Focus.
Let’s get through this as fast as possible. First, try to avoid Cade. Scratch that. First, avoid Cade. Second, get supplies. Third, get the hell home.
I turn around, and my eyes find Cade’s instantly. Crap. My avoiding skills suck.
I throw my gaze to the wall of notebooks on my right and start grabbing random plain-colored ones. I’ll just return this stuff tomorrow and get what I really need. But right now, I just want to get home. There are too many variables at play that I can’t control.
I glance back to Cade, but he’s nowhere in sight. I pull two packs of pencils and pens from the wall and throw them in the cart, next to the notebooks and binders.
Brooke skips down the aisle that I’m in, once again with her arms full.
“My mom has been buying me the most boring school crap my entire life. Are you telling me I could’ve been writing my notes with neon gel pens this entire time?” She drops her armful into the now-full cart.
I can’t help my laugh from escaping. This girl kills me.
“Yes, you could have been writing your notes with neon gel pens this entire time, Brooke.” I bite my bottom lip to stop more laughs from following.
She steps to me and slaps my arm. “Stop laughing at me!”
I put my hands up, giving in. “Okay, okay. Did you get everything you need? Or should I say, everything you need for the next ten years?”
“Stella, I swear, I will kick your ass right here if you don’t shut up.” Her smile is beaming, all
the way up to her eyes. “Let me enjoy this right now. I need backup pens for when my first pens run out, okay?”
Smiling, I grab the cart and start heading to the front of the store. “Okay, Brooke.”
It’s small times like these with her, where I’m caught up in the moment, having fun. These times, where everything fades away—all my pain, all my past. It’s just her and me. I smile and laugh with her, and it’s real. I didn’t know if I would ever feel this again after what happened.
We make our way to checkout and pay for our haul. Kind of a wasted trip since I have to come back tomorrow to get my actual supplies. Once we get our bags loaded into our carts, Cade approaches from the café sitting area.
“Wow, did you guys buy supplies for the whole class?” He smirks at Brooke.
Her face is pinched. “Shut up. Did you get our Uber?”
She knocks into his shoulder as she walks past him. He doesn’t budge a step. She trips, stepping sideways around Cade, but her scowl doesn’t change. He laughs off her attempt to shove him.
His deep voice responds, “Brady just pulled up. He’s gonna give us a ride.”
Brady?
What? Who is Brady?
How old is he? How tall is he?
What does he drive? Is he stronger than me?
My heart plummets into my stomach. All oxygen seems to leave the air. The room starts spinning. I stumble backward, and one of my bags slips from my hand.
Cade catches my wrist, his touch light. But it’s still too much right now. I yank my arm back and look up to his eyes. His lips part slightly, and his shoulders drop down. His dark brows furrow, and I can see the true concern in his gaze.
Can he see inside—to who I really am? Can he see through my mask?
I look down to his chest and then slowly let my gaze travel back up to his, trying to get control of myself.
Who’s Brady? I urge the thought to come out, but my throat is sealed shut.
His face softens even more once my eyes find his again, his concern deepening. “Stella, are you okay?”
He extends his hand again. I take a second step back.
