by Pru Schuyler
“I can see how much you like him, Stella, and I just want to make sure that if you guys decide to take any further steps, you are safe.” My mom eyes me endearingly.
“Trust me, Mom, we won’t need them tonight,” I reassure her. Embarrassment coats me in red.
“Oh, well, I would still like you to keep a box in your room, just in case. FYI, young lady, I am not condoning sex. But I know teenagers. This might be shocking to you, but I was one once, and I just want you to always have protection. Don’t fight me on it. We will be leaving with them.”
I can’t believe I have to face the checkout lady with a box of condoms and my mother.
We pass the sleepwear section, and fluffy red pajama bottoms catch my eye. I turn in their direction, leaving my mom alone. I work my way through the racks of lingerie and PJ sets until I reach them. I run my fingers down the front of them, and I swear, I just touched a cloud. They are red fleece PJ bottoms with little hearts. I have a little white tank top that would look so cute with them. They’re perfect for tonight. I grab my size and head back to where I left Mom.
My mom chuckles. “Oh, I definitely won’t have to worry about you guys having sex if you’re packing those.”
“Shut up! I really like them! Feel how soft they are.” I hold them out for her.
She caresses the fabric, and her eyes widen slightly at the softness. “Okay, fair point. This might be the softest thing I’ve ever touched,” she says as I toss them in the cart.
“Since you know more about this trip than I do, do you know when he’s picking me up?” I ask her, my bottom lip protruding slightly.
“Oh, stop pouting. He’s planned this whole thing just for you, might I add. He will be picking you up at five thirty. Honestly, I really like him, Stella. He even sent me the address of the cabin you guys are staying at. As well as everyone’s phone number,” my mom boasts, impressed.
He definitely won points in her book. He won some in mine, too, for making sure my mom felt good about everything. This will be the first real trip I’ve ever taken with a guy. I know her well enough to know that she is more nervous than she’s letting on.
We finish our Target laps and head to the checkout with ten candles, two mugs we just could not live without, what seems like a thousand new bottles of paint, two new blankets for the house, candy, chips, and my fluffy red PJ bottoms. Oh yeah, and the box of gold condoms. I try to at least pay for the snack and PJs that I picked out. But she insists.
On our drive home, we sing along with Lady Gaga to “Poker Face.” We used to sing this on the way to school every day when I was younger. It is nice to feel like we are back in time, when life was much simpler.
I miss time with just her and me. We need to do it more often. It’s just so hard with her job. She’s constantly working. But thanks to her, I have more than I could ever want, and I’m able to attend the college of my choice. Well, depending on acceptance, obviously.
Once we unload the car, I collapse on my bed for a little catnap before I have to pack for tonight. But my brain won’t shut off. It just keeps running through all the things I need to remember to grab.
I also can’t get the idea of Cade and me in a room alone all night out of my mind. I can’t even imagine what he looks like under his shirt. I’ve leaned against him and touched him enough to know his stomach is solid mounds of muscle. But, oh God, I’m nervous. We will be sleeping in the same bed. Alone.
My heart rate rises. I’m so excited, but what if he expects things I’m not ready to give? I mean, I really see Cade being the one I want to share that with again. But I’m not ready for that, not yet.
Beep, beep.
The alarm I set for my nap blares into my ears. I slap my phone until it quits screaming, aiming for the off button. Silence finally fills the room again, and my heart and breathing settle back down from the attack that gave me. I check the clock—three thirty p.m.
Okay, I have two hours to be packed and ready for a night with Cade.
Everything floods me at once. Should I shave? Should I really pack the condoms? What if I change my mind and decide I am ready?
I rush to my bathroom and hop into the shower stall. I turn on the water until it’s nice and warm, not too hot. I shave my body until I’m all smooth. I throw a shower concert for all my shampoo and conditioner bottles. Once my encore ends, I step out into the cold air to dry off.
I grab my clothes from the closet and throw them in my suitcase. I choose a plain white tank to go with my fuzzy new PJ pants. I also grab all my snow gear and a red sweater with yoga pants to wear tomorrow. I decide to go with a deep emerald-green sweater and yoga pants as my main outfit for tonight. The sweater cuts off just above my hips, and the tightness of these leggings leaves little to the imagination. But Cade makes me feel comfortable with my body again, and for the first time in forever, I want to wear something that shows my body off. My heart smiles, and pride beams within me. I’ve come so far in the last few months, and I couldn’t be happier.
I run to the bathroom and throw my hair in a loose braid to the side.
My mom knocks on the bathroom door. “Hey, Stels. Are you almost ready?”
“Yeah, be right out,” I reply.
The doorbell chimes through the house, announcing Cade’s arrival.
“I’ll get it!” my mom cheers.
I grab my suitcase and jacket and head downstairs.
Cade’s tall frame is climbing the stairs two at a time. His eyes sparkle, and his smile is as wide as can be. “I couldn’t wait for you. You were taking too long.”
He plants a kiss on my cheek, heating my face up.
“Give me that.” He takes the suitcase from my hand.
His fingers graze mine on the exchange, lighting up my arm. I can’t hold back the smile that’s spreading from ear to ear.
When did this happen? When did I find someone as amazing as Cade?
“You ready?” he asks, a note of hesitation in his voice.
I answer honestly, “Yeah. I’m excited.” It’s never been hard for me to tell him how I really feel. Well, once I stopped lying to myself about liking him. That’s one of my favorite things about us—we just click.
Cade loads my suitcase into his trunk, and Brady and Brooke are in the backseat, lost in conversation. I’m so glad they are doing good. Nothing makes me happier than getting to see their relationship take off. I wonder if they’re going to make it official tonight. It’s going to be romantic in the ski lodge—roaring fire, falling snow. My heart picks up as I anticipate my own night.
“Please don’t forget to text me when you get there,” Mom reminds me as she pulls me into a tight hug. “Be safe.” Her tone is off, a note of humor in it, but I don’t get it.
I squeeze back. “I will. I love you.”
Cade opens my door for me, and I climb into the front passenger seat.
“Stella! I’m so pumped for this! We are going to have so much fun!” Brooke squeals from the backseat.
I look back and see Brady’s hand on her thigh. She’s in the middle seat, pushing up against him. My palms start sweating. I really hope she told him that she wants to take it at her own pace. He’d better not pressure her in any way tonight. I really don’t want to have to kill anyone on our trip.
I smile back at her. “I know. So much fun.”
Cade turns the radio up, and Maroon 5’s “Memories” sings through the speakers. I turn and focus on his profile. His jaw cuts hard, but his lips are so soft. He is the perfect example of balance. His chest rises and falls. My fingers tingle, wanting to reach out and touch him, to remind me he’s real. The attribute I find most attractive about him is his heart. He is the most caring guy I have ever known and will probably ever know. He feels me staring and glances over. His lips kick into that sexy smirk, and my heart flutters.
He lifts his hand up, turns it over, and spreads his fingers for mine to fall into. I slide my fingers in between his, where they fit like they were made for each other. We c
ontinue to sing and shuffle through Brooke’s extensive playlist the rest of the way.
And after a few slower songs, my eyelids drift shut, and I’m off to dream of Cade.
It feels like hours later when Cade’s soothing voice pulls me from my slumber. “We’re here, Stels.”
His lips leave a hot mark when they pull off my fingers. My lips part, and I open my eyes, taking in the view. When he meant lodge, I wasn’t expecting a three-story log cabin with soft yellow lights illuminating the sidewalk and house. The stars are glowing so bright. I can see them so much better out here, where the lights can’t dim their shine. Two people running to the cabin force my attention back down. Brooke and Brady are apparently racing to the cabin.
Cade beams. “You like it, huh?”
“It’s kind of incredible.” I laugh in astonishment.
“Come on. Let’s head in. I’ll get your bag.” He exits the car and heads to the trunk.
I step out, and delicate snowflakes fall into my hair and on my clothes. It’s like a winter wonderland. I love being in the mountains. It feels like you’re stepping into a movie.
I admire the sky. It’s lit up with thousands of stars. You can’t get this kind of view in the city. After losing track of time, I find Cade gazing up into the sky alongside me.
He senses my stare. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s breathtaking,” I respond, my eyes locked on his moonlit silhouette. I look back up, getting one last glance in before we head to the cabin.
I follow Cade’s footprints in the snow to avoid my boots getting filled. The cabin is so much bigger up close. Cabin is so not the right word for this mansion. Large windows span the entire front of the house. A chandelier glows through the entryway window, and everything inside looks cozy.
Cade opens the door for me, and I shake the snow off my coat and take off my boots.
“Our room is right upstairs. Brooke and Brady’s on the main level,” he fills me in as we head up the grand staircase.
The house is silent. Brooke and Brady must be getting settled into their room. My stomach twists in nerves, butterflies fluttering all around.
We are here. This is it.
Cade opens one of the double doors to our room.
A giant four-poster bed sits in the center of the room. On the left wall of the bed is a faux fireplace, heat emanating from the plastic flames. The room is dressed in shades of white, blacks, and greens. An en suite is shining through the room, marble tile glistening in the moonlight. Cade sets our suitcases on the floor.
“Which side of the bed do you want?” he asks.
“Um, I don’t care. Whatever you want,” I stutter out, the nerves starting to spark through me.
He sets my suitcase on the side farthest from the door. He turns, and his eyes find mine, desire and lust coursing through them.
“We can watch a movie downstairs with Brooke and Brady if you want, or we can stay up here. I’m yours for whatever you want to do.” Cade’s smooth voice wraps around me. He closes the space between us, and his fingers slowly caress my arms, sending chills up my spine.
My leggings got a little wet from the snow, and besides Cade’s fingers on me, all I can think about is getting out of these pants.
“Can I change first?” I check in with him.
“Yeah, of course. Do you want the bathroom or the bedroom?” His sweet voice nips my heart.
“Bathroom,” I respond without thinking. It really doesn’t matter, but I need these pants off me—for more than one reason.
I walk to my suitcase on my side of the bed and unzip it. Of course I packed my PJs all the way at the bottom of the bag. I thrust my hand down through my snow clothes and feel the fluffy red pants touch my fingertips. I grab hold and yank out, and half of my suitcase empties out all over the floor.
Great.
A gold shimmer flies past me. It takes me all of three seconds to realize the gold shimmer is the box of condoms.
Oh my God, I’m going to kill my mom. She must’ve put them in there when I was braiding my hair!
My entire body flares up. I shoot my gaze to Cade, whose wide eyes are glued to the gold box on the floor.
Oh dear Lord, help me.
His eyes find mine, and they are huge.
“So, my mom put those in there. I promise I had no intentions of anything tonight. I’m so embarrassed right now, and I’m, um …” I break off, unsure of what else to say. I’m absolutely mortified.
He starts laughing, a full deep-belly laugh. I’m too shocked to join in.
His laughter dies down, and his eyes find me again. He saunters to me, taking my hands in his.
He slowly rubs his thumbs over the backs of my hands as he says, “First off, your mom is hilarious and awesome. Second, I don’t expect anything tonight, okay? I just want to have a good night with you. Even if we just cuddle and occasionally kiss, that’s perfect.” He closes his eyes, and when he reopens them, a fire I haven’t seen burns through them. “Don’t get me wrong; I want to do everything with you. But we have time, and I will never, ever make you do something you’re not completely ready for. Okay?”
My heart bursts. I have to be the luckiest person on this earth.
“Okay.” The word barely comes out. Once again, Cade has made me speechless.
I don’t know if it is Cade’s openness or my newfound confidence that encourages my next words. “I want those things too, Cade. I want all of it with you. I’m not ready to have sex yet. But there are always other things that we can do that aren’t sex.” I keep my gaze locked on his chest.
His fingers lift my chin up to meet his eyes. He slides his hand up, caressing the scar on my cheek. “If—and only if—you want it, I am always, always down for other things with you, Stella Sullivan.”
A tension pulls between our bodies.
I want him. Need and unbridled desire rush through me, pulling my thoughts in a thousand ways. I want Cade’s lips on mine. I want to feel his need for me. I want our clothes on the floor. I need to be closer to him. I trust him.
This time, I make the first move. I slide my fingers around his neck and pull him down until his lips crash into mine. His hand grips my waist, fingers digging in. He wastes no time deepening the kiss. His tongue parts my lips and caresses mine until we find our rhythm. These kisses are powerful and needy, like we can’t seem to get close enough.
He wraps his arms around my hips, and suddenly, I’m lifted up. I slide my arms around his neck, and his hands find the roundness of my hips. I hook my legs around his waist and press into him, feeling the hardest part of him rub the softest part of me. He walks us over to the bed, our lips never separating.
He lays me down on the bed and pulls his kiss away. Our heavy breaths fill the air around us. He slowly rolls his forehead on mine. My entire body is humming, electrified.
I’ve never felt this intensity with anyone before. I’ve never felt this need to be closer, a true want to share my body. I need more of him, all of him.
His lips are nipping at my neck, his tongue gently pressing down with each kiss.
“Cade, I want more.” My voice breaks between soft moans.
His eyes pour into me when I look up. He wants more too. He hesitates before he opens his mouth. “Are you sure, Stella? Please, please tell me if anything is too much.” His emerald eyes glow with passion.
I nod my head, craving more. I need Cade like the stars need the night sky. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m shining, like I’m finally alive.
His fingers find the hem of my sweater, and he glides it up over my stomach. He pauses slightly before lifting it over my head. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. No one has seen me since Austin, and almost every part of my brain is cheering for me, calling me pretty and trying to make me confident. But the other part is telling me I’m not good enough for Cade and that he’ll hate my body. He tosses my green sweater on the floor and hooks his fingers under my black lace bralette.
�
��Stels, we can stop here. Are you sure?” His whisper soothes my nerves.
“Yes, yes, yes,” I repeat, trembling with anticipation.
His fingers lift my bralette over my head, and it finds its spot with my sweater. I open my eyes, and Cade is just staring at me, at my chest, my body, my darkness, my soul.
He takes his time with each word. “Stella, you are so beautiful.”
Warm pressure sits down on my chest. This is what this moment is supposed to be like. To share this with someone who truly cares and appreciates everything about me.
He lovingly slips his fingers past my hip bones and into my yoga pants, and he tugs them. “Stella, I want tonight to be about you.” His voice is husky and raw.
I grant him access by lifting my hips up and letting him slide my pants and undies down past my ankles. They find the pile with my sweater and bra. Vulnerability stings my eyes, and I welcome the warmth that follows.
“So beautiful,” he whispers.
Cade lowers his head until his lips press into the crook of my neck. He trails wet kisses down over the curves of my body. His tongue circles over the peaks of my chest, and I dig my fingers into the sheets. Whimpers and heavy breaths escape my lips. I get lost in the sensations, in his kiss. His mouth trails past my navel until he finds my most sensitive spot. He moves in rhythm, curling my toes. My body tenses, close to spiraling.
His pace quickens. “Let go, Stels,” Cade rasps out.
His words are my undoing. I tip over the edge, plummeting into pure, pulsing bliss. His name falls off my lips over and over. Serenity fills my body. All my cells are humming from this newfound euphoria.
We stay wrapped in each other, never getting enough. We lie together, tangled, and soon, I greet the darkness of sleep like an old friend, no longer scared of what is to come.
FIFTEEN
Sunlight from the window guides me awake. I wiggle to move but am trapped under a heavy arm over my waist, a hot firm chest pressed flush against my bare back.
Last night floods through my mind, reminding me where I am and what happened, and a blush spreads to my cheeks. I roll around to face Cade, who is sound asleep. I reach and lightly lift his hand, peeling his arm off of my waist. We must have been like that all night. He shifts and mumbles, his eyes pressing together, and then slowly, emerald gems sleepily come into view.
