by Pru Schuyler
His voice is low and raspy from rest. “Good morning.”
I smile back at him. “Good morning.”
Butterflies twist in my stomach. I can’t imagine there ever being a time that Cade won’t give me butterflies.
“What time is it?” He reaches out, trying to hook my waist again, but I pull away, escaping his warm, inviting grasp.
I check my phone. “Nine oh-one a.m.” I swing off the bed and grab my toothbrush and paste from my bag.
I head into the en suite and start running the water. Cade’s heavy footsteps make their way into the bathroom, and oh dear God, he’s sexy. His gray sweatpants hang low off his hips, exposing the sharp V and trail of hair leading below the waistband. His hair is a mess of black waves, tousled from deep sleep. My body ignites, and I want to make him feel the way I did last night. My eyes trail back down his firm chest, passing over the defined mounds on his torso, and land on the protruding hip bones poking out from his low-hanging sweats.
Oh, sweet heaven.
“Hey, ma’am, my eyes are up here.” His tone is playful, as always.
I scan my eyes back up his body, taking my time.
“That’s more like it.” He smiles when I finally meet his gaze.
I spit into the sink and rinse my toothbrush off, setting it on a towel on the counter. Cade follows suit, brushing his teeth and running his fingers through his dark hair.
“What are we doing today?” Giddiness makes me skip a step as we head back into our bedroom.
Cade looks at me, and that sexy half-smirk kicks up. “Let’s grab some breakfast, and then we’re all going tubing.”
We quickly throw on the PJs we were supposed to wear last night. I follow him down the stairs, and pots and pans clank in the kitchen. Brooke’s and Brady’s laughter carry into the entryway as we hit the ground level. We follow the soft voices into the kitchen. Brady, to my surprise, is quite the cook. A waffle iron is making giant golden-brown waffles. There is bacon sizzling on the stove and eggs scrambling in a pan. Brooke is pulling orange juice out of the fridge.
“Good morning, you two.” I let the amazement in my voice show.
Brady’s focus remains on his handiwork. “Morning.”
Brady and Brooke finish preparing their feast, and we all dive in. The waffles are fluffy and moist. Brady should really consider culinary school.
“These might be the best waffles I’ve ever had,” I praise him.
He smiles at me with his mouth full. “Thanks,” he mumbles out as a small blush creeps onto his cheeks.
We finish eating and all need to sit for a bit before we head out to the slopes. We walk to the living room and each find our cozy spot on the couches. I snuggle against Cade’s side, and he wraps his arm around me, pulling me in. He leans down, and his soft lips press into my forehead. I close my eyes and revel in the moment. My chest inflates with happiness.
I have the most amazing best friend, the most incredible boyfriend, the best mother in the world. I couldn’t ask for anything else.
We sit and watch 50 First Dates until our stomachs settle down and we come out of our food comas.
Cade nudges me, and I look up to him, his eyes shimmering with lust.
“You guys ready to go?” he asks the group, but his eyes remain on me.
“Yeah.” I can’t seem to peel my gaze away from him.
“Yes!” Brady and Brooke shout, thrilled for the day.
We pack up our snow gear and each make a thermos of hot cocoa before we leave.
It’s a short drive to the winter park. Cade and Brady are talking about the next few days, and when he mentions today’s date, I almost spit out my hot chocolate.
“Wait, what’s today’s date?” I butt into the conversation.
“October 22. Why?” Cade’s attention shifts to me.
Holy crap. I forgot my own birthday.
Cade looks back from the road to me, waiting for my response.
“Um, well, it’s kind of my birthday today,” I murmur.
“What?!” Brooke screams from the back. “How did I not know it’s my best friend’s birthday? We have to do something.” She grabs her phone and starts madly typing away.
Cade threads his fingers through mine. My heart speeds up, as always.
“I kind of forgot until right now.” I laugh. “I’ve just been so busy, and the days have been flying by. I guess I just lost track of time.”
Cade pulls my fingers up to his lips. “Happy birthday, Stels.”
“We’re going to your house tonight. This isn’t over, Stella!” Brooke shouts at me as she and Brady head out of the car.
I finally focus my attention on the huge winter park we just pulled into. There are more hills than I can count. Hundreds of people are skiing, snowboarding, tubing, or making their way back up to the top. We catch up with Brooke and Brady and head into the main lodge to buy our passes.
Brady tries paying for Brooke, but she thrusts her card into the reader before he gets a chance.
“Better luck next time. I’ll be buying his as well,” she tells the worker.
Just like B to not let him pay for her stuff. Such a gentleman she is.
“You’d better not try anything like that.” Cade steps behind me, pressing his chest into my back, and a shiver curls up my spine from other parts lining up. He reaches around me, putting his card in the reader, while I stay tucked between his arms and his chin sits on my head.
I let Cade pay for our passes; it is my birthday after all.
We get changed into our snow gear and head out to find the tubing slopes. I’ve never been tubing before, so I’m really excited to get going. Cade wraps his glove around mine as we make our way to the giant ski lift that takes us up to the start. We are greeted by a worker when we get up to the top.
“Hey, everyone! Grab a single or a double tube. You will pick your hill to the right. Have fun! We’ll see you when you get back up!” the young worker finishes his spiel.
“You want to go down together for the first time? Then, we can race the next one?” he asks.
Just like him, to offer to go down together the first time so I’m comfortable. I don’t even know if he realizes he does it. We can go down together the first time, so I know what I’m doing. Then, I’m going to win in our little race.
I nod. Competition igniting in me. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that humming energy in my chest. The last time was when Jess and I played volleyball in middle school. But that feels like a lifetime ago.
He picks up a red double tube, and we get in line, standing behind another couple. Brooke and Brady head to the single tube line to the right of us.
“Next!” the worker shouts.
Nerves and adrenaline course through me as Cade sets our tube down on the snow. The worker grabs hold of the handles, so we can each settle into our side.
“You ready?” Cade asks me, his lips tipping up at one side.
I pull my hat down once more to secure it in place. “Let’s do it!” I scream to him.
The worker pushes us off the edge, and we plummet down the peak.
Our tube floats on the snow and ice, like we’re flying. It spins and spins, throwing snow up all around us. I scream and shout as we build speed, flying down the course. Tubes are rushing past us, and we are passing others. Everyone’s screaming. Joy and happiness are the only feelings in my body.
I scream to Cade through the rushing wind, “I feel so alive!”
He laughs. “Happy birthday, Stella!” he shouts back to me.
We begin to slow at the end of the hill, and Cade jumps out. He grabs the tube, stopping it so I can get out without falling flat on my face. He offers me his hand, and I take it. He yanks me up, and I stumble against him. Even through all these layers, I can feel his warmth reaching out to me. I look up to his eyes and then to his lips. Instead of waiting for him to make the move, I do it for him.
I stretch up on my toes, and our lips crash together, trying to become on
e. I lightly run my tongue on his bottom lip, and a throaty moan slips out of his mouth. I pull away, feeling slightly disoriented from the intensity. Between the adrenaline from the ride and that kiss, I’m floating on a cloud, and I never want to come down.
We ride the tubes all morning and afternoon. Brooke and I race a few times as well as Cade and Brady. We spend our time laughing and smiling. I can’t remember a time as happy as this. Best birthday ever.
After we get back to the cabin, we load our luggage up and head back home. We only had the cabin for the night. After we clear out the cabin, we hit the road.
At some point, I drift into sleep, utterly exhausted from today. I start to wake when our turns get short and slow, meaning we are close to home. I open my eyes and sit up. When I look to the backseat, I see Brady and Brooke are curled up, fast asleep. Poor Cade. He’s the only one who didn’t get a nap.
“Hey there, beautiful. How was your birthday nap?” Cade’s finger tucks the loose strand of hair back behind my ear.
I stretch, feeling all my sore muscles strain. “So good. Sorry you didn’t get a nap.”
We pull into his driveway.
“That’s okay. I got to see you get some rest. You know, you’re adorable when you sleep.” Cade smirks.
Oh God, I hope I didn’t drool. I wipe my mouth and don’t feel any crustiness. All clear.
All of a sudden, Cade lays on the horn, causing Brady and Brooke to wake so abruptly that they scream and rush around, looking for what caused it.
Brooke hits a smiling Cade on the back of the head. “I hate you. God, way to ruin my perfect nap, asshole.” She huffs and storms out of the car.
He only laughs, a menacing smile striking his features. I shake my head and slap him on the shoulder. He playfully acts like I actually hurt him.
Brooke and Brady head inside my house leaving their bags in the car. Cade throws mine over his shoulder and strides up to me.
“So, birthday girl, don’t make any plans tonight.” His full smile shines.
Curiosity gets the better of me. “Why not?”
He shoots me a too many questions look. “Because you’re coming over later.”
Many different ideas of what he has in mind flood my brain, heating my cheeks up. I bite my lip. Cade shakes his head and laughs. He reads me like a book. I open my house door, and my jaw drops.
“Surprise!” Cheers fill the room.
My mom stands by the couch, which is loaded with presents, and walks to me with her arms out. I welcome her embrace and hold the hug longer than I ever have. Brooke and Brady are by the couch as well as Mrs. Carver. I feel the red on my cheeks spread down my neck and chest. The last time I had a surprise party thrown for me was when I was six.
Cade picks me up and swings me around. Lowering me back down, he hands me a small box. “This is for you.”
I take it from him and flash my eyes up to him once more before opening the black velvet lid. I lift the lid, and a gold chain with the name Cade is held in place. Two diamonds lie on each side of his name. I suck in a sharp breath at its beauty. I can’t believe he got me a necklace, let alone one that has his name on it. I know he likes me, but this is really showing it.
When did he even have time to get this made?
“It’s perfect,” I assure him as I remove it from the box.
I hold it up to him, so he can put it on me. He motions for me to spin around, and I obey. He slides the chain through my hair and clamps it right in the back. His fingers purposefully trail down my neck, and shivers continue down my spine.
I am his, and he is mine.
My mom comes up to us. “Janet and I are going to go grab some dinner. We are going to pick you all up some food on the way back, so send me what you want.”
I’m more shocked at the fact that I just learned Mrs. Carver’s name—Janet. I nod my head, and they head out. Brady wishes me happy birthday and then says he has to get back home.
After eating Chinese food, Cade, Brooke, and I spend the evening together until Janet calls Cade over to help her with some things at the house. He tells me to come over after the movie is over—for my real birthday surprise.
The Greatest Showman’s credits begin rolling, and Brooke throws herself on top of me, squeezing me until I can’t breathe.
“Thanks for this, B.” My heart swells.
She slides off of me. “Of course. I love you. This movie, it brings back a lot of memories. My old best friend and I used to watch The Greatest Showman all the time before she moved,” she reminisces, and a slice of pain pierces her eyes.
“Yeah, I bet you miss her. Tiff sounds like she was pretty cool,” I respond.
Wait, did I say Tiff? Shit. Shit. Shit.
She’s never actually used her name, just referred to her as her old friend.
Oh God. I just knew it from her journal.
My veins instantly turn to ice, and my heart drops out of my chest.
Maybe she won’t notice. Oh God, please don’t notice.
She stares at me for a moment, studying me. Then, her body goes rigid. “How’d you know her name was Tiff? I never told you that.” Her voice is flat.
I try to save myself. “Cade must’ve mentioned it.” That forced smile reappears on my face out of habit.
Her head tilts slightly, her eyes sizing me up. Like a predator to prey. “Cade never knew her as Tiff, only as Tiffany. It was my nickname, just for her. She called me Brit, as a joke. And I called her Tiff because she hated it. Her dad, who had walked out, called her Tiff. I never told Cade that. He would’ve just used it to piss her off,” she states, anger rising in her, and her eyes narrow.
They continue to bore into mine, and they are so distant, like I’m a stranger—or worse, an enemy.
She sits there for a moment, just assessing me. I can practically hear the wheels grinding in her mind.
Her voice goes quiet, stone cold. “I never told that to anyone. I only ever wrote it in my journal.”
My heart breaks.
She’s figured it out. My world spins, and all of the pieces fall into place for her, shattering me. She hesitates for one second longer, the last second I have without her hating me.
She rises up to her feet from the couch, towering down on me. Her voice builds power, destroying me with each word. “Oh my God. Oh my God. You took my journal! It went missing a few times and then would magically reappear. I thought I was going crazy!” Her voice is full of rage. “What is wrong with you?”
Her eyes are cold, dark, and twisted. I’m frozen.
I open my mouth to speak but stop when all the color drains from her face.
Oh God. She didn’t even realize that I knew what happened, that she had been raped.
She cuts back in, “You read my journal. You know everything.” She starts pacing. “How long have you known? Is that why you became my friend? Pity?”
No, no, no. Oh God. She feels like I’m only her friend because she was raped. How messed up would that be? More messed up than reading through her private journal?
I stand up next to her and reach for her shoulders. “Let me explain. Please.”
But she’s already pulling from my grasp.
“Brooke, please. Just hear me out. Seriously. Brooke, stop!” I reach out to her as she slips through my fingers, heading for the door. “Please, Brooke, talk to me! I can explain!” I beg her.
But I’m too late. She throws my door open and slams it behind her, leaving me to my darkness.
Tears burst from my eyes and run down my face. I ruined it. I ruin everything. I ruin every good thing in my life. All because I wanted to find who had done this to her, who had hurt her. If she would just listen to me, maybe she’d understand.
Oh God.
Cade’s deep green eyes flash in my mind. I’ve messed it up. There’s no way he’s going to stay with me after Brooke tells him everything.
Why would he want to date someone who broke into his house to steal his sister’s journal? I sound like
some stalker lunatic.
It’s over.
I run upstairs and crash into my bed. I let all the pain flow down my pillows. I can’t face him. There’s no way I can face everyone at school on Monday. I can’t even face myself.
Where will I even sit for lunch?
On top of that, all of my seating arrangements are next to either Cade or Brooke. I’ll have to drive to school and park by myself. I’ll have to walk the halls by myself. I’ll have to face Becca’s torment alone. I’ll be all alone, having to face two of the people I love most in this world.
It’s true. I love Cade. I think I have for a while. But I was too scared to realize it. He holds my heart, all of me. But the pain is excruciating; it feels like my body is being torn in two. There is no one else in this world like him. Cade is strong and sweet. He understands all of me. He is the only person who knows what happened to me. He accepts my demons.
He’s the light my darkness has been searching for.
My breaths start coming in and out faster and faster, picking up more and more until my vision begins to spot. Until sound starts to fall away. Until the pain fades and everything goes black.
SIXTEEN
Then
“Stels, baby, come on. We’ve had sex. What’s one more night?” His voice was gruff as his hands got a little rougher.
“We can do other things, Austin.”
I tried to lean back to put some space between us, but he caught my wrists in that sharp, too-tight grip. I yelped, and a smile stretched across his face.
Did … did he like that?
RED FLAG, flashed into my brain.
“Austin, why don’t we continue this in Jess’s house?”
I tried to slide my wrists out of his grip, but he only tightened it. Maybe he just didn’t know he was hurting me. He was drunk after all. But I was quickly sobering up.
“Hey, let go. You’re hurting me. Let go.”
I expected him to instantly drop my wrists and apologize. Instead, that wicked smile appeared on his lips, telling me he knew exactly what he was doing. He just didn’t care.
