Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story

by Nikki D. Walker

  Sam, it was so good to run into you today. I still think about you and I hate how we left things. Please call me back so we can get together. I still miss you. Jay

  Um, ok. Really? He hated how we left things? He was the douche that left me here to go to California and get away from here. Plus, it was forever ago. I was so over it. Oh my god, boys were stupid!

  I called Rachel. “So I ran into Jay this morning and for some reason, gave him my number. He texted me while I was at work and told me he missed me and wanted to get together to talk.”

  “Seriously?” she asked. “That boy has some issues.” She had never really been a Jay fan. He used to pick on her in high school.

  “I’m sure he just wanted to catch up.” I did not think she needed to know the sight of him still made my heart flutter. He was already adorable in high school and California had definitely agreed with him. He would make a good Danny/Tim distraction. Maybe put a smile back on my pitiful face. (I would like to state for the record, I was physically attracted to him, not emotionally.)

  “Just be careful,” she warned. Then she went on to discuss her shopping spree at the new boutique in downtown Philly. She always was a shopaholic. Glad some things did not change.

  I debated on calling Jay or not. We had not really spoken since that awkward online conversation like three years ago. It could not hurt to see how he had been. Maybe hear some stories about his wild frat parties? Ugh, I was so irritated with myself. I came home to clear my head and focus on school and here Jay comes along and clouds my head all over again. I had been doing well so far. I had a job. I was so close to finishing my degree. I did not need this. It must be a rebound thing clouding my head.

  So anyway, despite my better judgment, I called Jay and we made plans to get together for drinks the following night. It was nice and we caught up. He did not try anything with me and part of me was disappointed while the other part was relieved. I kept telling myself I did not need the complication. He had apparently graduated a semester early because he took a bunch of summer and intersession classes. He came back home because he missed his family and had gotten a job at the local bank. I could not picture him in a suit and tie every day but ok.

  When I got home, I saw I had a missed call from Trinity. “Sam, you need to come back home!” were the first words out of her mouth when I called her back.

  “Ok, well first, technically, I am home. And second, why?”

  “Derek and I are engaged!” she shrieked.

  I nearly dropped the phone. “Shut up! Really?!”

  “Would I lie?”

  “Oh my God, when? How? Need pictures of the ring!” Who needed complete sentences?

  She laughed. “Last night, dinner at Fifty-Third Street Café and in my champagne. Who knew he was cheesy like that?”

  “I’m so happy for you, sweetie!”

  “Does that mean you will be my maid of honor?”

  “Aww, absolutely! When’s the big day?”

  “September 17.”

  “This year?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ok, so we have about,” I did a mental calculation. “Eight months to plan a fabulous wedding?”

  “Pretty much. That’s why you need to come home!”

  This was a no win argument. “I am home but I will without a doubt come down for wedding planning weekends.”

  “Ugh, fine. I have to go. Derek needs to call a couple people.” She paused. “But, Sam?”

  This could not be good. “Yeah?”

  “He’s asking Matt to be his best man.”

  Son of a bitch. “Why the hell would he do that? Does Derek hate me?”

  She laughed. I was glad she found my suffering amusing. “No, he doesn’t hate you but Matt moved back to Worcester a couple months ago and they had never lost contact so….”

  “Wait a minute. Matt moved back and you never told me?”

  “I’m telling you now.”

  “Really not the point.”

  “Sam, I did not see the point in bringing up old wounds. I just wanted to warn you because you might see him a lot with this whole wedding business.”

  “Ugh, fine. Just tell Derek to watch his back,” I said jokingly. Maybe.

  I was so ecstatic for Trinity and Derek. Part of me was sad that it was not my wedding and it of course made me think of Tim and Danny. I sank back into bed and screamed into my pillow.

  Chapter 14

  * * *

  I had been casually hanging out with Jay just having fun. Finally, I decided I was in need of some tender loving care so I asked him, “Are you going to kiss me, or not?”

  He looked startled. Given the circumstances, it was a completely valid question. It was not a new anything to us and I was getting quite impatient with his slowness.

  Puzzled, Jay asked, “Are you sure you want to revisit this?”

  I sighed in frustration. “Jay, I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.” I paused to take a drink of my Sex on the Beach. “I have had far too many of these and have not gotten laid in months. Work with me,” I demanded.

  I did realize that Jay and I never actually sealed the deal in high school but we might as well have and he was familiar and I needed familiar right now. I had not talked to Tim in months and it had done nothing to clear my head of him. Jay and I had been hanging out a lot since he had moved home and I just wanted to have some fun and release some of this frustration, sexual and mental. Emotionally, this meant nothing but I was a woman in need and Jay’s hot body would fill the physical void quite nicely. “Well?” I asked, still waiting for an answer.

  He finally leaned in and kissed me. He clearly had practice because it was far better than it used to be.

  I pulled back after a few minutes and smiled. “Not bad mister.”

  He laughed. “Glad I could impress.” He threw down some money for the drinks and nodded towards the door. “You want to get out of here?”

  I tried to give him my most seductive look. “Absolutely.” Ok, I thought, we were actually going to do this. I was glad I was drunk because I was not sure this was the best decision anymore. Nevertheless, it was Jay and I had needs and I knew he could fill those needs.

  We ended up back at his apartment. Given the fact that I was hammered, it was still an enjoyable experience. One, however, I would most likely regret in the morning.

  I managed to find all my clothes and sneak out before Jay could stop me. We had had a long night and he managed to fill my needs several times but now in the morning light, I realized this was a bad idea.

  I called Rachel and told her to meet me at the diner for breakfast.

  When we got there, I told her about my sordid evening. “Oh, no you did not!” was her reaction.

  I covered my face. “Please don’t yell. I have an awful headache.”

  “Ah, so you were drunk. That explains the poor decision making, doesn’t excuse it, but explains it.”

  “Ok, I am really not up for this discussion right now. All I am going to say is, it happened, not sure if it should have, but it did and it’s done.” I grabbed a menu. “Now, what cures a hangover?”

  “Eggs. And it unquestionably should not have happened.” I shot daggers her way. “Ok, fine. No more comments.”

  After I devoured my egg white omelet, I went home. Thankfully, my mom was at her usual Saturday morning craft class. I had to shower and get ready for work. I was not looking forward to six hours of crappy movies with this headache. I made a mental note to stop at the drugstore for some Advil.

  It ended up being a slow day. Hallelujah, the Gods were working in my favor today. Although, it did give me plenty of time to think about things. I still could not get my mind off Tim and now I was kicking myself for sleeping with Jay. (Moment of weakness or insanity, still undetermined.)

  I tried to avoid Jay but being a small town, it was hard. He texted me daily, multiple times a day, making me very glad that I had added unlimited texting to my plan finally. I know I should have just told
him it was a mistake but I was a chicken. When I had no other option, I had to tell him. Of course, fate intervened and forced me to have no other option. He had waited for me to get out of work one day. He looked pissed and hurt. I really wished I could stop causing people pain. “Sam.”

  “Oh, hey, Jay. What’s up?” I went for nonchalant but I did not think it worked. Crap.

  “Really? What’s up? We need to talk.” A group of people of course chose that moment to walk by and I did not want the whole town knowing our business.

  “Can we go somewhere? My car?”

  “Fine,” he said. I did not actually know what I was going to say to him. You would think I would have figured it out in the week I had avoided him, but no.

  “Ok, what’s going on?”

  I looked at him and he just looked confused. He did not deserve games, no matter how stupid he could be. We were both different people now. “I don’t know,” I said.

  He looked at me quizzically.

  “I don’t know what my issue is, honestly. I just don’t think we should have slept together.” There I said it.

  “Need I remind you that you initiated the whole thing? I was behaving myself.”

  “I know. In my defense, I was drunk at the time so my judgment was clearly fuzzy.”

  “Ok,” he grabbed my arms. “Here’s the thing, Sam. I had time to think about many things these past four years and I fucked up. I know that. I had dated a few girls since we broke up and one was even somewhat serious but truthfully, no one was you. I know you moved on and that is ok but I would really like you to think about us starting over. We can forget the other night even happened, even though it was amazing. Just give it some thought?”

  Ok, I really was not sure where to go with this. I was not expecting that reaction. I truly needed to get over Tim and Jay was always a good guy. “Can I think about it? I have a lot of things in my head right now and I need some time.” Honesty was the best policy, right?”

  “Sure, but don’t take too long.” He smiled. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

  After he left, I sat in my car for a while mulling over the situation. What the hell? I was not any closer to figuring things out as Bush was to ending the war in Iraq. Mother fucker.

  Chapter 15

  * * *

  “Girl, you really need to stop surprising me with things!”

  “I know but this was a bit of a surprise to us, too. Think we can do it?”

  “With my fabulous planning skills? Totally!” Quick catch up: Trinity was moving up the wedding to next month because she was pregnant.

  “Great. I will see you this weekend then?”

  “Yup.” I was glad I was coming off as calm because inside I was thinking how we were going to pull off a wedding in four weeks. I immediately called Rachel to tell her the news. She and Trinity had met a few times and really hit it off, which was great because that would suck if my two best friends hated each other.

  “She’s what? Really?” Good, she was just as exasperated. “I’ll be over in five minutes so we can plan the Bachelorette party.”

  Fortunately, for Trinity, Rachel and I were kick ass as party planners. Pregnant or not, she was going to have a blast at her Bachelorette party. It was a day full of festivities. First, we went to a spa and got mani-pedis and facials; followed by a tour of the local chocolate factory with a free taste testing afterward. Yummy! (Typically, we would have toured some sort of alcohol producing facility but we had to think of Trinity.) Of course, the night would not be complete without a surprise visit to Thunder from Down Under. Just because she was getting married did not mean we could not have some fun.

  With the obvious exception of Trinity, we all were pretty hammered at the strip show. Rachel even got her first lap dance. She was certain that “Christian” had stuffed his G-string somehow. We were definitely glad we had rented a limo for the nighttime entertainment. No one was in their right mind to drive and it would not have been fair for the Bachelorette to be the designated driver.

  Hung-over and still half-asleep, I crawled out of bed and jumped in the shower the next morning. I had a lunch “date” with Jay. I took my time thinking about things, which I was sure he did not love, but I had the upper hand and a clouded head. I needed to make sure I was going in the right direction for me.

  Head pounding (yes, I realize it was my own fault), I made my way over to Jay’s apartment. Thankfully, we had decided to order pizza for two reasons: it was a good hangover food and I did not think my head could have withstood the noise of a diner.

  I arrived at the same time the pizza guy. I did a silent yay in my head. I was suddenly ravenous. “Hey, you,” I said.

  “Hey.” Ok, I had hoped this was not going to be awkward but no luck there.

  “So…” I began.

  “So…” he started. We both laughed.

  “Pizza first?” I suggested.

  “Sounds good.”

  We ate and I filled him in on the Bachelorette party experience. “Sounds like it was a lot of fun. Pretty good considering you only had a week to plan it.”

  “Yeah, Rachel and I decided we were event planners in a past life.”

  “Maybe you guys should do that on the side. Start an event planning business. Although, I do not know how much luck you would have here. Maybe a birthday party here and there; no one really does much around here.”

  I laughed. “Thanks but no thanks. That was too much stress for one week. Trinity and Rachel are still passed out at my house.” Trinity was just exhausted from being pregnant, it was a late night, and Rachel was passed out cold.

  He almost choked on his pizza. “And your mom is cool with last night’s activities?”

  In case I did not mention this, my mom was super strict when I was in high school. I was not allowed to do much and I was lucky she really liked Rachel and her parents because without her I think my mom would have had me become a nun. She liked Jay, too, until he left me for California. Then she took her hurt daughter’s side. I was almost certain she was going to follow me to Worcester to keep me in line. Although, between the phone and instant messenger, she tried. Word to the wise, if you are “buddies” with your mom, be careful what you post for away messages. They may be held against you someday.

  “Mom loves Trinity and she also thought we just went to the casino.”

  “Ah, that explains it. Does she still hate me?”

  “She never hated you. She just loved me.”

  “She’s not the only one.” Damn, I guess we were going to have that talk now.

  “Ok, here’s the deal, Jay. I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you again but I’m not in a place for a relationship.”

  “Ouch, why do I not like where this is headed? Please do not say, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’. It’s so cliché.”

  I could help but laugh. “Ok, how about, ‘let’s be friends’?”

  “Oh, that’s so much better.” He threw a pillow at me.

  “Brat. I’m sorry but it’s the truth.”

  “Ok, fine. Friends it is. But I can’t guarantee my irresistible charm won’t have an effect on you.”

  I smiled. “I’ll take my chances and consider myself warned.”

  We finished the pizza and I headed home. Rachel and Trinity were up when I got there.

  “My savior!” Trinity grabbed the coffee I had stopped for on the drive home. We all know Trin and I have a caffeine problem. I bought a tea for Rachel; she was not a coffee drinker. Yes, I agree, she should be shot… or something. Coffee was wicked awesome.

  “Yum!” she turned to me. “Now, where the hell were you? Your mom was grilling us about last night and you were nowhere to be found.”

  “Yeah, we had to lie to her and it was hard with a headache,” Rachel agreed.

  “Well, first of all, I told you to take two Advil and some water before going to bed, Rachel. And I had a lunch date with Jay.”

  “And?” they said in unison.

  “And… I gave him the l
et’s be friends speech.”

  “Ouch!”

  “Yeah, ouch!”

  “That’s what he said, too. But he seems ok with it for now.”

  “Well that’s good. So since you have that cleared up, I have to tell you something,” Trinity said while trying to hide behind her cup. This cannot be good. “Just remember, I’m a soon to be mommy and it’s your godchild.”

  “Fantastic. Make me feel guilty before I even hear what you have to say. What did you do?”

  “Uh, I’m going to get some more sugar for my tea,” Rachel said and snuck out of the room.

  “Great, even Rachel is scared. Spill!” I demanded.

  “Promise you won’t hate me?”

  “No.”

  “Ok, fair enough.” She took a deep breath. “I invited Danny to the wedding.”

  I blinked.

  “And he’s coming…”

  I continued to stare at her.

  “With a date…”

  “What!?” It’s only been a few months and he’s bringing a date?”

  “Yeah, he’s apparently started seeing his physical therapist.”

  “How typical.” I did not know if I should be happy for him or pissed. We were freaking engaged and he already had a girlfriend. What the fuck? I clearly chose to be pissed. Fabulous. “Danny has a date and Matt’s the best man. Lovely. Any other men I should know about?”

  “Well, there is the priest and my dad. Oh, and Derek, of course.”

  I threw a pillow at her. “Ass.”

  “It’s just them. I was surprised Danny RSVP’d, honestly. He obviously knows you will be there.”

  “That’s because he wants to rub it in my face that he’s moved on.” I sighed. “Which he has every right because I screwed it up. I never should have continued our relationship when I found out Tim was his brother. I was just in such a bad place after Matt.”

  “I know you were, sweetie. You liked him, though.”

  “What was not to like? He is a sweet, caring guy and I broke his heart. He deserves better. I cannot blame him for rubbing it in my face. Kind of glad I am not bringing a date. I don’t want to make this any more uncomfortable.”