Dark Truths: Kiss Her Goodbye #2

by Royce, Rebecca

  He side-eyed me. “You okay?”

  “Great.” I smiled. “So are we going upstairs now or…” I let my voice trail off.

  “No. You’re feeling those martinis. So am I. We both want to be in our right mind the first time, at least. Maybe in the morning.”

  I kept my hands to myself. This was harder than it should have been. I was a natural toucher and Judson was yummy. I wanted my hands on him all the time. “Tease.”

  “Why are you holding your hands like that? Does your stomach hurt?”

  I stared down at my clasped hands. “I’m trying not to touch you. You tolerate it but that doesn’t mean I have to do that. I’ll get used to it. I’m keeping my hands to myself.”

  He opened and closed his mouth. “Oh.”

  I didn’t know if he would have said anything else because as we opened the door the loud blasting sound of jazz music completely distracted me.

  Derrick sat in a chair in the living room. He looked up, his swollen face breaking my heart as he winced. “Oh good. You’re back. Maybe you can make him turn it down.”

  “Who’s playing it?” I really didn’t know jazz music, and I was from Louisiana where jazz was king. “Kade?”

  He shook his head. “It’s Warden. He’s in the wine room.”

  “I’ll get him to turn it down.” Judson walked over to Derrick. “If you go back to your room and lie down. Where is the nurse? We have two now so they can alternate. If you’re not going to listen to anyone you aren’t going to get better. I have a lot of experience operating on the nose. Consider me an expert ordering you back to bed.”

  Derrick shot Judson a death look that I could even see through the general swelling on his face. “I was lying down. Then he put on the music.”

  “A drunk Warden is a jovial Warden. They must have executed the algorithm. He’s not thinking.” Judson patted him on his shoulder. “I’ll take you up. Everly, the wine room is that way. I think tonight you won’t be able to miss it.”

  The fact that Derrick let Judson help him spoke to how awful he must be feeling. “I hope tomorrow is better, Derrick.”

  I leaned over and kissed his cheek where it wasn’t black and blue. He smiled at me. “This day is already better. And this will all be worth it. You won’t mind so much sleeping with me.”

  My heart clenched. “I never minded. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, and I’m even more sorry you’re in pain. I am glad that you’re breathing better and will be even better when this is over. That seems really important.”

  I pressed my head down on his shoulder, and he held me close. “You fucking killed those guys. I watched the video ten times today on my phone. You were like a killer angel. My lethal beauty. Well done.”

  “Derrick, I was terrified.” I said it aloud although he had to have known. I couldn’t imagine I looked anything but scared as I ended their lives.

  “You did it anyway.” He kissed my cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

  I stepped back and smiled at Judson. “See you in the wine room?”

  He nodded. “Yep. Be right there.”

  I turned and left them. It was easy to find the wine room. Not that I’d ever seen anything like it before. The room was painted a dark burgundy. Three small tables decorated it, with Warden, Kade, and Trace seated at a table together, each of them laughing. They saw me, and they all stood. They were quite a good-looking group. For a second, they took my breath away. I stared past them at what looked like a glass door, behind it were bottles of wine.

  “So this is the wine room.” I pointed at the door. “And that’s the cellar?”

  “That,” Warden said, grinning, “is a room kept at a constant temperature with some of the best wine in the whole world. This is my hobby.”

  Trace shook his head. “This is his baby.”

  I hurried toward them. “Can you turn the music down? I think it’s great but poor Derrick. He’s not able to rest. It’s kind of loud.”

  Warden picked up a remote on the table. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “We were thinking that by tomorrow morning every member of the Alliance leadership is going to find themselves broke. And not just them but their mothers. Their sisters. Their high school English teacher if they were unusually close.” Kade picked up his glass of red. “By tomorrow morning they’ll swear allegiance to us or they’ll be done, and if they come for us, they’ll be dead.”

  I should have felt something about what he said. I should have felt awful that someone’s high school English teacher was being wrecked for knowing an Alliance leader. I waited for that feeling, for the surge of ethical outrage to ride me into yelling at them. Go after the leaders, fine. Even Zoey with a y was fair game but to take it that far?

  I waited. Nothing came. Maybe it was because in addition to being held hostage and hurt, they now had a hit on me. They could all go fuck themselves.

  “I’ve had two martinis. Pour me a glass of that.”

  Warden nodded. “Love to. This is an Oregon pinot. It’s very nice. I’m thinking of funding the vineyard. I don’t want to grow the grapes myself. I’m hardly a horticulturist or a farmer. I don’t really particularly care for getting my hands dirty or touching plants.”

  Trace sat down and patted his lap for me to sit on. I did just that. “He likes some plants. Just the ones already taken care of and of the smoking variety.”

  “This is true.” Warden poured me a glass. “Tonight, let’s celebrate. To the end of the Alliance. Thanks to you, Everly. It might have been years before I thought to investigate the small time accountants. Years before I realized that half their clients were fake. Years before I found where all the proverbial bodies were buried.”

  I waited for any kind of bad feeling about this. I took a sip of my wine. No, it wasn’t coming. “I keep thinking I should have some kind of moral or ethical reaction to this. I think it may have been beaten out of me. They ripped my caring feelings out when they tore the skin from my back.” Trace put his hand on my thigh and squeezed just as Judson entered the room. He grabbed a chair and scooted it over to the table to sit with the rest of us. “What have you done with my father?”

  “He’s in my dungeon.” Warden winked at me.

  “Don’t joke when you had one in Vermont.” I’d seen them for what they were.

  Trace put his forehead on my back. “We all have dungeons somewhere. Except for Kade. He lives in them himself.”

  “Your father is fine. For now.” Judson poured himself some wine. “What would you like to do with him, Everly? Whatever you want to happen can happen.”

  Those words settled on my shoulders. “I don’t think anyone should have to determine the fate of their parent. It’s too… complicated.”

  The dreams I had of my mother on the motorcycle running from gunmen filled my mind. I sipped my wine. It was possible by saying that I’d just signed his death warrant, and like the fates of strangers I didn’t give two shits about, I didn’t care about my father’s either.

  Chapter 14

  I was half surprised when Judson walked me to my room and came inside. He had said we weren’t having sex tonight, which was probably smart because I stumbled at least twice getting up the stairs, and Judson laughed louder than I usually heard him. Yeah… we were drunk. The whole house was, minus Derrick who was hopefully on some high quality drugs to take care of his pain and knock him out.

  “If you’re coming in can you unzip me before you leave?” I took the sweater off so Judson could get to the zipper. Putting it on and zipping it up had been a lesson in contortionism.

  He took the zipper in his hands. “I was going to stay unless you want me to go.”

  I stepped out of the dress. “Aren’t we waiting for sobriety?”

  “We are, yes.” He took the dress from me and put it on top of the chair in the corner. I guessed we were a little too drunk for hangers right now. “I was going to stay to sleep. The others do, right? That’s why Derrick got himself, finally—and thank you fo
r that—fixed?”

  I smiled at him. “Yes. But I didn’t think you wanted to. You never did in Boston.”

  “We barely knew each other. I couldn’t imagine you wanted to share a bed with me.”

  I crawled under the covers. They were warm, and my head swam just enough that I was pretty sure I would hurt tomorrow. Right now, I didn’t care. “Come on in, Judson.”

  He must have gotten in because when I woke up, he was in the bed with me, his arm thrown over me in sleep. I loved the feeling. Judson was warm, comforting, and so much better than the hangover already forming between my eyes.

  Then it occurred to me that he was touching me and he didn’t like to be touched. This was going to be a constant problem for me to remember. I’d eventually get used to it, but until then, I had to remember to keep my hands and person to myself. I probably cuddled up against him in sleep because that was what I was used to doing with the others.

  I sighed, as I tried to exit his embrace without waking him.

  He tugged me backward, muttering something unintelligible and holding on tighter. I was too tired to fight him. The best I could do was hope it wouldn’t be awkward in the morning.

  * * *

  It wasn’t better in the morning. As I opened my eyes, it was to find Judson lying on his back, his head turned away from me, his mouth slightly open, and I lay sprawled on his chest. Light streamed heavily in the room, not the kind of early morning but the brightness that told me it was mid-morning at least, if not lunch.

  Laughter from downstairs reached my ears. Kade said something loudly and Trace laughed back. I was glad they were okay because my head reminded me, loudly, that I was a two drink girl. This time I managed to exit the bed without Jud stopping me, and I limped my way into the bathroom. Fortunately, Warden had painkillers in his guest bathroom. I took one to stop my headache and splashed water on my face.

  I’d never seen his room. I wanted to know how he did his bedroom. This guest room was nice enough to be a master, but it wasn’t. He’d stocked it up with his own things—the same soap, as he’d noted, the shampoo. What did he do differently in his own space?

  I brushed my teeth and then determined that I really did need a shower. By the time I got out, hopefully the meds would have done their trick and that would be that. The hot water certainly felt good, and I was glad to be clean and not hurting.

  I grabbed the robe from the back of the door and quietly exited the bedroom. Judson sat up in the bed, watching me. He looked like perfection. It was a funny thing to think. No one was perfect. I knew that, intellectually. Still, my gut said perfect so there it was. How could we both have had the same alcohol—okay, I might have a little bit more when it came to the wine—and he look so okay while I fought off the hell that was a hangover? So unfair.

  “Hey, beautiful.” He put out his hand, and I walked toward him. It was after we linked fingers that I realized what we’d just done.

  “You don’t have to. I mean, I know it’s probably… habit… to touch people the way they want to. But you don’t have to.” When I would have pulled my hand away, he stopped me.

  Judson shook his annoyingly perfect head. “I never do anything I don’t want to do. That’s just a fact. Or, I very rarely do. Sometimes there are things. I’m getting away from the point. I appreciated knowing that you tried last night to be considerate of my wishes. I even thought maybe it would be okay. Then I watched.”

  I blinked. Maybe my hungover brain wasn’t working properly. “Watched what?”

  “How easily the others touch you. How easily you touch them. The easy affection. I want us to have that; I want to link hands, kiss lightly, have you think it’s fine to sit on my lap. I never wanted that with anyone, but I want that with you. And no, that’s not just because I’m naturally competitive. I like how your skin feels. I like how soft you are. I don’t think it’ll translate to sex. Maybe it’s a vulnerability thing. I’ve never been particularly good at opening myself up to women. I don’t expect that to change. But outside of sex? If you’re game, I’m game.”

  I leaned forward. “Judson… I want everything from you. I always do. You intimidate me. Much more so than the others, and I don’t know why that is. I want to be better around you. Smarter. More cultured. Less lost. I want you to want me.”

  He drew me closer to him. “I don’t want you to be anything other than who you are. And I know that is evolving. I want who you are now and who you will be. I want all the scars on your back.”

  I kissed him. I didn’t even think about it. He cupped my cheek, holding me there as our lips met in a gentle caress. Eventually, he pulled back enough to stare into my eyes. I shivered. What did Judson see when he looked at me?

  “I have the rope in my jacket pocket.” He motioned toward where his suit jacket was slung over my black dress. No hangers for both of us last night. “If you’re up for it, and there’s no pressure, I’d love to make you come, Everly.”

  I bit my lip. “I wasn’t, but I’ve got to say that right now I feel like I could fly.”

  “Me, too.” He got out of bed. “Give me a minute and I’ll be right with you.”

  “Jud.” I loved being able to use the nickname. “My birth control won’t be one hundred percent until the end of this month.”

  He nodded. “I’ll always take care of you.”

  I believed him and that was amazing. I sighed. The doubts of the world started to fill my mind, and I pushed them away. When we left the bedroom, I’d do skeptical. For now, I was trying to for upbeat. I could still find upbeat somewhere in my head, right?

  Judson came out of the bathroom and my perky fled. He wanted the scars on my back. I didn’t have to pretend with him. Not that I was going to greet him with “hey, no one can take care of each other, ever,” but if I felt like being dark and flippant, I’d do that.

  He reached into his suit and pulled out the rope. It was different than I’d expected it to be. It wasn’t a rope. It was a silk tie. He walked over to me, holding it out, and I caressed it, loving the sensation. “Soft.”

  “Do you like the color?” His question startled me. The tie was a peachy blend.

  “I… I think it’s fine. Does it matter if I like it?”

  He gave me the sideways smile I’d seen twice now. He must save it for special moments. Or not know he did it at all. I was going to consider it his smile for me. Even if that was cheesy and stupid. There was room in life for cheesy and stupid.

  “Apparently, it does to me since I asked.” He winked. “What is your favorite color?”

  I had to think about that. “I like black, not really a color but absence of it.”

  “Black works. I’m going to buy this in black. I want you to love it.”

  I touched it again. “When you said rope, I googled rope. And I was picturing pirates and ships.”

  He kissed me with a smile on his face. “I’ll be honest with you, I’m not sure I’ve ever handled a real rope. That hasn’t been something I’ve actually done.”

  I made a tsk noise. “Rich boys and their sheltered lives. They never taught you to strangle someone with a rope? In either Alliance or Medical school?”

  “Must have been absent both those days.” He lifted up the tie. It was soft and not at all scary. These were good things considering what I’d pictured. “As you can see, it’s not a particularly strong restraint. More like a reminder to stay where I put you.”

  I supposed that made sense. “And if I don’t like it, I’m just saying no, okay? Or stop.”

  “Fair enough. It would never be my intention to cause you any pain. So you need to be sure to tell me. I can fix it if you do. I’d rather work this out than start out badly. And I know you’ve just been through some things with Ben, so you say no, it stops. It’s that easy. ”

  This was such a bizarre conversation. I couldn’t say as I’d ever had anything like it before. In my dressed up clothes, with alcohol, I’d had a looser tongue.

  He kissed the tip of my c
hin. “I don’t want you ever intimidated by me. I know you said that, but I don’t see that when we’re together. I’ve never known a person so quick to disagree with me or so vocal about it. Even people who don’t know about the Alliance seem to be naturally nervous. You’re not. I love that.”

  I had news for him. Out of all of them, he made me the most tongue-tied. But it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Judson made me sit up straighter when he came in a room simply so I could be more alert to pay attention to him. I liked how that made me feel.

  I didn’t have to be comfortable with him twenty-four-seven to want him around all the time. There was excitement in discomfort.

  He tugged on my robe. “We need to take this off you.” Judson kissed my neck. “Don’t move until I tell you to.”

  I nodded. I almost made a joke that included the word sir and then didn’t. There was something sort of sacred about experiencing this with him. I didn’t want to make jokes. There it was again. Judson made me more serious around him.

  He slipped the robe off of me and threw it onto the chair with my dress and his suit jacket. We were clearly going to have to do some dry cleaning unless one of them knew how to iron because I had no idea how.

  I forced my attention into the present. We could worry about the logistics of things later.

  “I think I’m nervous.” There, I was being honest. “My mind is scattered.”

  Judson kissed the other side of my neck. “Stay here with me. Just here. You’re a beautiful woman, Everly Marrs. Stunningly so. In a gorgeous dress, in your jeans, naked. I’m lucky I get to touch you at all.”

  Now he had my full fucking attention. “Jud…”

  He ran his hands down my arms, and I shivered. “Arms together. This headboard is great but not for our first time doing this. You have to trust me more first.”

  I’d given no thought to the headboard, but it was a series of decorative poles with space in between them. Jud was right. It would be easy to tie me to them. Again with the bizarre thoughts I’d never imagined having…