Endurance: A Salvation Society Novel

by Alexandra Silva

  “It really is all right,” I murmur into the dark night.

  The moon is behind the clouds along with the stars, and the only light is cast from the house. It’s so still out here that the sounds from the crickets and the birds and the mice—all the critters I can’t see—are magnified.

  “No, Avery,” Garrett expels with his bated breath while he turns to see me. “It’s not okay. It’s not all right. Or fine.”

  In the darkness I can’t see his movement as clear, and when his hand cups my face, I relax. The wave of warmth courses through my body, shocking my heart into overdrive, knotting my stomach with need, turning my knees into jelly.

  “There is nothing acceptable about anyone hurting you. Ever.”

  Fragments of diluted light flicker through his eyes. He’s so close that I can smell the lightly musky, citrus tang of his cologne. Garrett’s gaze locks on mine, searing deep, and something inside me gives. It grows hot and promising, flowering in my chest until it feels so full that my lungs ache. My heart beats wildly with so much possibility that I might combust.

  “But you can joke…you can touch me. I’m not afraid of you—it’s all an impulse that—” I stop, unable to catch my breath.

  Without breaking our stare hold of each other, he draws me to him as he steps closer, pulling me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

  Neither of us moves or speaks. But there is a switch that flips inside me, making me very aware that I am a woman and he is a breathtaking, beautiful man. And he is holding me without any expectation. And it feels better than anything I’ve ever felt.

  Time stops and everything fades—it’s just me and him—and I can’t help but ask myself why I asked for time.

  Why was I so frightened to believe that maybe I am as different to him as he is to me?

  “I lost my shit today, and I’ve spent all afternoon hoping that I hadn’t scared you away.” Garrett lifts my face to his.

  We’re so close that his breath licks over my lips, making me thirsty for him. Taking his hand in mine, I bring it to my mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

  “No one has ever thrown down for me. Ever.” I stroke over his hand with my lips. “I was so angry, and I wanted him to feel at least a whisper of the pain he put me through. I’ve been waiting and waiting for him to show up, and I thought I was ready to see him, but now I’m on edge.”

  “I called Mark. He has Ben and another of his guys keeping an eye on the ranch, and a PI looking out for Carl in DC. Frank’s apparently one of the best, and he trusted him with Charlie.” He kisses my forehead, sweeping his thumb over my lips. “So I know I can trust him with you.”

  “Ben is Gretchen’s husband, right? I remember Charlie asking something about him on the phone to her before.”

  “Yeah, he’s spent a lot of time here after he returned from Afghanistan.”

  “Oh.”

  “He got injured pretty bad, but he knows this place inside out. If he’s watching, I know you and Iris are safe.”

  The intensity in his eyes takes me aback. Even in the muted light, it’s burning so damn bright.

  “I’m sorry I flinched—it really was a reflex. The only thing that scares me about you is…this.” Placing my hand on his chest, I rest my head over it. “It’s not only me, Garrett.”

  “I know that Iris is a part of you, Avery. I’ve known it from the beginning, and although I’ve made some dubious decisions in the past, I’m not a stupid man.”

  “No, you’re a great doctor. The best, I’ve been told.”

  “I’d say whoever told you that is an intelligent guy.” With a kiss to the tip of my nose, he wraps his arm around me and guides me back to the house. “You know, I think Jo’s right. You might be the easiest soul in the world,” he tells me when we reach the kitchen.

  “What makes you think that?”

  “She got her shotgun out for you. The last person that caught sight of it still crosses the street when they see me.”

  “She had it coming,” Jo states with a gruff edge to her voice before looking at Garrett and telling him, “I think our girl likes her new room.”

  Looking between them, I’m greeted with conspiratorial grins. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. Since you’re staying and all, we need to get you settled in.” Jo shrugs, leaning on her stick.

  A wicked grin splits her face, and it’s so infectious that I can’t help but mirror it. “You don’t need to—”

  “Please,” she cuts me off, winking at Garrett again. “I can’t in good mind let you live with the Wild Thornberrys.”

  “The what?”

  “It’s a crazy-ass cartoon Cullen used to watch when he was little.” Garrett heads back to the sink and starts putting the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher.

  “Oh.”

  “I read her a story and tucked her in,” Jo calls while she backs away, leaving Garrett and me alone as she disappears in the direction of her bedroom.

  “Want to help, sunshine?” He holds a glass out to me with the broadest smile I think I’ve ever seen on his face.

  Even with a bust lip, he’s handsome as all hell. With his dark blond hair falling in front of his eyes, and a confidence that radiates naturally from within, he is totally breathtaking.

  The butterflies in my belly flutter wildly, making me squirm as I take the glass from him and place it in the dishwasher.

  “Feel free to hum too. I’m getting really fond of the Care Bears.”

  He teases and I laugh. Maybe Iris is right—Garrett makes me happier than I’ve been in a very long time. Even with the storm brewing overhead.

  Chapter Fifteen

  AVERY

  The smell of coffee wakes me, although it takes me a while to get a full sense of myself this morning. My body aches from the fitful sleep I had, waking up almost every other hour with the same déjà vu nightmare that Iris is taken away from me. We’re walking along the beach, collecting stones and shells. I only look away one second, but when I turn back, she’s gone. The beach is empty, the tide is out, and I can’t find her anywhere.

  It’s my biggest fear—that somehow, I’m going to lose her. The agony I feel at the thought is enough to muddy the peace from the morning sunshine. I know a lot of my anxiety is stemming from my decision to put up a fight and cut Carl from our lives—something I should’ve done a long time ago—but a part of it is also due to the fact that I have so much to figure out and make sense of. A whole life to possibly transport, and every time I think of my parents’ home and leaving it…leaving behind the “safe” part of my life, I get a pang of sorrow.

  Jo’s right, though. I can’t chase something that’s been and gone. The only thing I can do is seek out mine and Iris’s happiness. And she is beyond content here.

  “You have to do this,” I tell myself as I get up and head to the bathroom.

  It’s time to put down roots and start building our life. It’s time that I push past my fears and focus on the future. Even if it scares me to the point where I’ve started having these awful dreams.

  After I’ve showered and dressed, I check on Iris to find that she’s already gone downstairs. Her pajamas are thrown over her bed along with a damp towel. I check the small bathroom adjacent to her room to find her toothpaste open. She was clearly in a rush to get downstairs this morning.

  Knowing her, she’s sitting out back with Josie. Every morning she and Josie sit out on the porch swing reading one of the Dr. Seuss books that Garrett brought her the other day. It’s become their thing.

  “Come on, champ, you’re going to give us away,” Garrett tells her.

  His voice instantly sets the butterflies off. My belly and chest are so full at the mere sound of the two of them together that I pause for a bit, waiting for more, but all I get is a lot of giggles and clattering of crockery to go with the warm baking scent that makes my mouth water while I come down the stairs.

  Leaning on one of the timber beams that allows me just
enough of a glimpse of them, I stop and take in the sight. My heart melts into a puddle of goo as he holds his finger to his lips while trying not to laugh himself.

  “Sorry,” Iris giggles back, failing to keep her voice down.

  In all her life, she’s never had the kind of relationship she’s built with Garrett. Apart from me, nobody has doted on her like he does.

  Iris is laughing so hard that she snorts, and the sound makes the heaviness I woke to ease. She really is happy here—in truth, I’m happy here too. Every day this place feels more and more like home.

  “It’s a beautiful sight.”

  I turn to find Jo standing behind me, smiling as dreamily as I am.

  “It is.”

  “She’s been up since dawn. I found her in front of the television with a bowl of cereal. I think she might be excited about going to see the school.”

  “I bet,” I chuckle, watching as Iris licks frosting off her fingers and Garrett looks on with a wide grin.

  Dipping a spoon into the frosting bowl, he hands it to her. “Maybe stick to eating it off the spoon?”

  “Nah, it tastes better off my fingers.”

  Garbled, her words are a mix of savoring mmms and cheeky chortles that leave me with no doubt that I’m doing the right thing by moving on with our lives.

  “That’s kind of yucky.” Garrett sticks his tongue out, brushing her hair away from her face. “Did you wash your hands after you gave Cap his treat?”

  “Ummm.” She pauses with a shrug, taking a moment to think about whether she did or not. It means she didn’t.

  “Iris!”

  “What? It doesn’t taste bad, so…”

  She carries on licking her fingers like she always does when we bake. Anyone would think she was raised by a savage. At least she remembers to wash her hands before helping Garrett frost whatever they’ve made.

  “That poor teacher ain’t gonna know what hit her with her and Kenny in the same room.” Jo starts for the back doors, picking up her fruit-picking basket and hat with Ship and Wave on her heels.

  Her move gives us both away. For a moment I’m completely transfixed by Garrett’s bright gaze. His eyes look relucent beneath his thick lashes. With the sunlight shining across his face, they look a vibrant green. And then he beams my way. The corners of his mouth turn up with a right-sided quirk that dimples his smile line.

  Good God, I melt in every possible way. He has the very definition of a killer smile. It’s so perfect and so…sexy that it scrambles my thoughts.

  Sexy. That thought sets me back. I can’t remember the last time I thought of anything or anyone as that. Let alone a man that makes my heart stop with a simple glance.

  “We’ve been rumbled,” Garrett whispers playfully as I bring myself closer to them.

  “At least we’re almost finished. That’s better than nothing.” Iris shrugs with glee glowing on her face.

  The positive spin she puts on the situation makes me chuckle. This girl is something so special; in a way, she makes me grateful for those first years with Carl. Without them, I wouldn’t have her.

  “What have you made?” I ask as I swipe some frosting from the corner of her mouth with my thumb and taste it.

  It’s rather good even if it is sugary. Before she tells me what it is, I already know from the cream cheese tang.

  “Red velvet cupcakes. I made sure Doc bought the ones we always make together, so you’ll love them.”

  “It was a thank-you for helping me with the coop,” he adds.

  “They were so smelly, and I got poop on my boots, but we cleaned it up.”

  “Sounds like you’ve been busy.”

  “We have, and now I have to go help Jojo with the apple picking because Mark said he misses her pie.” Iris jumps down from the wooden stool she’s kneeling on. “Thanks for the treat, Doc.”

  “You’re welcome, champ.” Garrett manages to clean her face with a towel as she grabs one of the cupcakes that has the most frosting and then rushes after Jo with Breeze running behind her.

  “You’re going to have sticky hands!” Calling after her, I slump back into the island, looking up at the ceiling like all the answers to my life might rain down on me.

  “Coffee?” Garrett holds a hot cup in front of my nose. It smells sweet and creamy, exactly how I love it first thing in the morning. The fact that he remembers all these details should feel strange, but if anything, it makes it easy to let myself go with him.

  “Definitely.” I take the coffee, turning to him. “All you morning people sort of make me sick.”

  “Maybe I should’ve offered my place because you’re starting to sound like the grumpy old woman.”

  Garrett’s so close that when I look up at him, my lips brush his jaw. The briny smell of his skin, along with the faint wisp of his cologne, draw me even closer. With his hand molding to my hip, my blood begins to simmer in my veins. Until the lightest stroke of his thumb on the sliver of skin exposed at the bottom of my shirt brings it to a boil that bubbles in my ears, making it hard for me to catch my breath. All I can do is clasp my coffee tighter with both of my hands.

  “Hungry?” he asks with a deep gravel that has heat pooling between my thighs.

  God, the effect he has on me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s as though I’m starved for his touch and his presence. Like I’ve been so for years.

  Nodding my reply, I swallow down the urge to come nearer. The tip of his nose brushes over my hair, sending my heartbeat berserk.

  I have to cross my legs to stop myself from falling on my ass. Everything fades to nothing at the feel of his sweet-coated breaths fluttering over my skin. The small kiss Garrett presses to my forehead before he pulls away leaves me yearning for more.

  Without another word, he hands me a cupcake. It’s so big that it’s more of a muffin. The icing is a little goopy as it runs over the sides of the case and onto my fingers.

  “Is cake for breakfast a thing for you?”

  “What can I say? That kid is a bad influence.”

  The goofy expression on his face makes me want to drop the coffee and cupcake and throw myself at him.

  The pouty grin on his lips is adorable, making my belly swoop, and when his hair falls in front of his eyes, I’m disappointed that my hands are full and I can’t push it back. As he does it himself, the black T-shirt he’s wearing stretches tight over his shoulders and strong arms.

  Unable to catch the sigh that escapes me, I take a bite of the cupcake—it tastes exactly the way we make it with pudding and all the extras I add to make the box mix taste a bit more homemade.

  “Did she boss you around too much?” I ask when I’ve washed down the slightly too-sweet frosting with some coffee.

  “She’s no Jo.”

  When I try to perch myself on the counter, he lifts me by my waist and sits me beside the plate of cupcakes.

  The atmosphere around us heaves as he watches me eat the rest of the treat in silence. Once my coffee is drained too, he asks, “Want to help me with the horses?”

  I focus on the way he doesn’t glance away while he waits for my answer. Everything about him is so striking. The sharp lines of his jaw that are softened by his pink lips and golden stubble. The depth of his stare that makes me want to free-fall into him.

  Garrett slips his hands into his back pockets, making his shoulders jut out in a way that defines the already cut muscles beneath his T-shirt. That tangle of shiny blond hair falls in front of his eyes again, giving him a boyish appearance that makes it impossible for me to say anything other than “Sure.”

  Biting down on his lip with his eyelids dropped, he comes closer. As though my answer was all the permission he’ll ever need, he parts my legs and stands between them.

  My hands are sticky from the frosting, and when he laces his fingers with mine, it’s like we’re being glued together. And I love the feeling of it as much as the idea.

  “You don’t have to.”

  My heart is beati
ng so damn fast that I can’t reply without sounding like an adolescent boy about to drop his balls.

  Come on, Avery! Get it together, girl!

  Inhaling a deep breath, I try to ignore the thrum of my pulse in my ears and the scorching heat throbbing on the apples of my cheeks.

  “I want to.”

  “Okay.” He smiles with a nod, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop myself from burying my face in his chest and inhaling all I can of him.

  The horses are stunning. I’m completely mesmerized by the way their hide stretches taut over thoroughly worked muscle. Their movement is so graceful for such a bold and mighty creature.

  It’s everything I love about nature. And everything I miss about my life in DC. I miss my job. It was one of the very few things that brought me joy. Yet, standing in the middle of the field—watching the horses graze in the bright orange glow of the morning sun—I feel almost at peace. Lost in the natural quiet of the ranch.

  “You ever ride?”

  I turn to find Garrett standing behind me. The sun tinges his skin a deep golden shade that highlights the lean muscles of his arms, the contours of his cheekbones, and the sharp lines of his bristled jaw. His hair is still a little damp from his shower post-sugar explosion, making the roots look a few shades darker than the sun-bleached ends.

  “No.” I shake my head. To fill the silence that follows, I add, “I used to watch people canter on the beach and on the dunes in Montauk.”

  “Nice.”

  “Yeah, it was. My mom was devastated that I was too scared to give it a try. All the other girls loved it, but I always preferred the water.”

  He looks at me fondly, as though he’s truly fascinated by what I’m telling him.

  “You’re scared of horses?”

  “No, not the horses. It’s the mounting and riding part that…” I pause as a perplexed expression flits over his face. “Every summer we used to go to Long Island, we had a house on the beach. One summer, I remember sitting on the porch waiting for the sun lotion to set, and this girl was riding by the water. One minute she was flying past, and the next she was on the ground.”