Endurance: A Salvation Society Novel

by Alexandra Silva

  He’s so calm and so cool that it’s obvious there’s nothing untoward. Still, my stomach is in knots, to the point that the smell of the coffee is nauseating.

  “Yes, I’m aware that he’s deceased, it’s why I need to talk to Dr. Haas.” Listening a little longer, he rubs circles on my thigh.

  Round and round, up and down.

  “Thank you,” he finally says with a pissed-off grit to his tone. “Please have him call me as soon as he can. It’s important.”

  Hanging up, he twists in his swivel chair to face me. With the sun shining behind him, the sea-wisped and sun-bleached ends of his hair are as bright as a halo.

  “Where are the kids?” Garrett asks, looking around me to the door before taking my hand and tugging me to him.

  “Why are you looking into my dad?” I ask, resisting his tender pull.

  It doesn’t matter how hard I try, the minute our stares catch, I’m incapable of keeping any distance between us. In all his gentleness, Garrett has a hold on me that overrides all my senses and restraints. It’s as though my heart has finally found its home and refuses to detach itself from it. From him.

  When he has me in his lap, he cups my face, touching his forehead to mine like he needs our closeness as much as I do. And it’s wondrous how the chill that’s settled since I spoke to Clara at the school dissipates. Every echelon of my being melts for him.

  Sitting straight, Garrett searches my face, his thumb tracing the underside of my lower lip as he draws in a deep breath.

  “You said that one minute he was alive and then next he died of a heart attack.” Brushing my hair behind my ear, he fingers the small gold hoop dangling from my lobe.

  “That’s what happened.”

  “I know,” he tells me with a nod, leaving my earring and stroking over my cheekbone with his thumb. “But for it to happen, there had to be an underlying condition. The heart is the strongest muscle in the body. It’s resilient, and for it to give like that…”

  “You think he was sick.” It’s not a question because the grim way in which Garrett’s holding me tells me that’s exactly the case. If it were anyone else, I would argue with them because my dad would tell me he was sick. Sick enough to die in a blink of an eye. Without me saying goodbye.

  He didn’t, though, and it stings. In fact, it hurts like hell that he might’ve known he was dying and he let me think we had all the time in the world. If I’d known, I would have been better. Listened more, argued less, held on tighter…

  “A couple weeks ago, I managed to get the coroner’s report, and when I started looking into things, someone broke into my house.”

  Balking at his statement as he watches me take it all in and digest it, I rise to my feet and wander to the window overlooking the busy street. Meanwhile, my thoughts are a jumble of voices. Garrett, Dad, Dominic, Charlie, Clara…all these small pieces of a puzzle I’m struggling to put together because I can’t catch my breath. My chest is too tight, and my lungs are burning too hot even though I am cold through and through.

  “You said it was nothing. It was just a coincidence.” The urge to turn to him as I feel him stand behind me is strong enough that I need to ground myself. Pressing my clammy palms to the glass, I focus on one of the lampposts on the other side of the street. “I asked you if you thought it was Carl. I asked if it was because of me, and you told me…you said it was nothing to worry about.”

  “You don’t need to worry about it,” he tells me, coming closer. Near enough that his warmth permeates all the way through to my bones. “I told you we would fix things.”

  Anger and fear rip through me, making me nauseous as I question every bit of my trust that I’ve given him.

  It’s happening all over again. Nothing’s changed. I’m not better or…or…

  “How can we fix something when I have no idea what’s going on?” My yell echoes around us as I spin to face him.

  With my belly churning and my chest too tight to breathe properly, everything starts spinning. It’s so hot in here. The walls feel like they’re closing in as he comes closer, and I back up to the window.

  “Stop,” I snap at him, and he takes a step back.

  “Avery, I’m trying to keep you and Iris safe. Mark and I are figuring this mess out.”

  “It’s my life,” I bite out in reply. “My mess! And I will not be blindsided again.”

  “It’s not like that!” Garrett pushes back, the bark of his voice making me flinch.

  With my pulse quickening in response, I step around him, heading for the door as he strides ahead of me to stand in front of it. Blind panic fills me as I look around for another exit.

  He would never hurt me, I tell myself on repeat as I recoil back, putting more space between us. He’s not Carl. He’s not going to hurt me. He’s not like Carl…

  Except…he’s caught me off guard with more secrets. Garrett promised he would never lie to me, but that’s exactly what he’s done from the moment he told me there was nothing for me to worry about.

  I should’ve known better. Had I been less preoccupied about our relationship and more focused on all that was unfolding around me, I would’ve figured it out sooner. I wouldn’t be in this position again. Right back at square one.

  When I take another step back, he steps to the side of the door, opening it so that I can see through to the glass to the encased waiting area.

  “Avery…” he calls me as I start for the open doorway. “Hear me out.”

  “I can’t.” With my head the mess that it is, and my heart and lungs twisted with my stomach, I’m incapable of staying one more second. I need air. I need to think. To make sense of…everything.

  “Don’t run away from me.”

  I’m not running away, I assure myself as I pause outside the door, turning to look at him. As I knew, my instinct is to go right back to him. But I can’t make that mistake again. I need to be better.

  “I trusted you, Garrett, and all you had to do was be honest with me. That’s all.”

  Before he has a chance to say anything else, I turn and walk away, trying to hold my heart where it belongs, with me, as it pounds harder and harder in protest. I’m fighting a losing battle, forcing myself to keep moving…stopping myself from looking back at him.

  I almost do when he calls me again, but instead, I focus on keeping my feet moving as I let go of my heart. Leaving it behind me.

  Jo levels me with a narrowed gaze as I look up from chopping the vegetables for dinner. My stomach is still all twisted, and the smell of the onion sauteing in the pan isn’t helping. Maybe I should’ve taken the kids to the drive-thru when the girls asked. Maybe I should’ve done a lot of things different in my life, but I seem to be great at making poor decisions.

  “I’m not sure what that pepper did to you, sugar, but you need to put the knife down before you hurt yourself.”

  Jo reaches across the island counter, her hand trembling so much that I put the knife down in case she grabs for it wrong. The minute I’ve put it down, she asks, “What’s going on?”

  I don’t know what to tell her without losing control of all the feelings I’m pushing down and trying to contain even as they violently rattle inside me. When I don’t reply, Jo gets up, and just as she’s about to round the island to me, the loud knock at the door gives us both pause. Charlie doesn’t usually knock, and neither does Garrett.

  I suck in a deep breath at the thought of him, something I’ve been avoiding since I left the clinic. My pulse is pounding in my ears as I start for the door.

  “Can you watch the pan?” I ask Jo as a way of keeping her away in case it’s the one person I’m hoping and praying it’s not.

  The funny thing about Carl is that I always know when he’s there, even when I don’t see him. And my sixth sense is on high alert. Every cell of my being is on high alert as I go into the hallway closet and grab the baseball bat I found at one of the thrift stores in town. Putting it down behind the doorjamb, I look through the peephole to
find Mike.

  Although that knowledge doesn’t make me any less easy, I open the door and let him in.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask my father’s partner.

  “Hello to you too, Avery doll,” he chuckles, squeezing my arm as I look out to the front of the house, trying to find the source of my anxiety. “I wanted to check on you and Iris. I know you told me you are okay, but I had to check for myself. Your father would want me to.”

  Michael’s right—Dad would expect him to check in on us, but I wish he’d given me some warning. Today isn’t the best day for him to show up, not when I already have so much on my mind, and I’m waiting for Charlie to arrive so I can talk all the mess through with her.

  “Everything okay?” he asks, looking out of the door and scanning the surroundings as I’m doing too. “Are you expecting someone?”

  “Sorry.” I shake my head and close the door before gesturing for him to follow me through the hall. “I think I’m still on edge with everything that’s going on, and today—”

  The sound of Jo’s truck makes my heart quicken a beat even as relief tinges my fraying nerves. It’s odd how Garrett’s mere presence makes me feel safe even when my sense of impending doom is on high alert. The sound of the door opening and closing has my breaths shortening in quick succession.

  “Avery.” Garrett says my name the minute I’m in his sight. “You can’t—”

  “Garrett, this is Michael Wells,” I cut him off before he says anything more. “My father’s partner.”

  I realize too late that I’m talking as though Dad is still alive. I do that sometimes. Even in my thoughts, I think of him as if he is still here and alive. As though I can pick up the phone and hear his voice.

  “Good to finally meet you, Dr. Dixon.” Michael puffs up beside me, stretching his hand toward Garrett while looking down his nose at me. I remember he did the same to Carl when he congratulated us on our engagement.

  “Likewise.” Garrett nods, shaking his hand firmly.

  There’s a serious expression on his face that I’ve only seen once before. The line of his lips is pursed and straight with something akin to distrust glinting in his eyes as he nears me.

  “Where are the kids?”

  Gesturing behind me with my thumb, toward the dining table that’s just out of sight, I steel myself against the instinct to melt into him when his hand flattens to my lower back.

  “I was just making dinner. You should stay and join us.” I smile, ushering him through to the living area with my hand. “Iris would love to see you.”

  “It’s been too long,” he booms in his typical way that has Iris running over.

  While she’s excitedly talking to him, Garrett takes my hand, pulling me back into the hall.

  “Avery, you have to listen to me,” he says the minute we’re far enough away that no one will hear us.

  “I don’t have to do anything.”

  “I’m not him, Avery.”

  There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s nothing like Carl. It’s why I’m still standing in front of him, forcing myself to keep the distance between us. If I go any closer, I know that it’ll be it. I’ll hold on to him for dear life because he’s the buoy that’s kept me afloat from the moment we met. Garrett made me see stars when my sky was polluted and marred. He was the light when everything was pitch-black, and he truly blinded me.

  “You lied to me, Garrett, when you promised you’d never do it. You looked me in the eye and swore you’d never lie to me.”

  Tears prickle my eyes as I focus on his navy shirt, the way it gapes slightly when he puts his hands on his waist and it stretches taut.

  “Didn’t you?” Looking up, I find him closer.

  I didn’t even notice him move. But the proximity only serves to make my entire body ache with the need to let him hold me. To let him make me feel safe and sheltered.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, sweetheart, but I can tell you that it’s not about you. There’s more to this than you think, or we know.”

  “You should have told me you were looking into my dad’s death. I deserved to know!” My remark comes out part sob as I shake my head down at my feet.

  With my chest tightening, it’s harder than ever to swallow down the brine collecting at the back of my throat. And when his shoes touch my toes, I don’t have the strength to pull back. Instead, I stand, motionlessly watching the way my toes curl, trying to inch closer.

  Without warning, his warm hands cup my face, molding to my jaw as he steps closer and lifts my gaze to his.

  “I didn’t lie to you, Avery. I never have and never will. I told you the break-in wasn’t your fault because it wasn’t. You didn’t do it, and you didn’t cause it. I promised you I would protect you no matter what, and that’s what I’m doing. It’s what I’m always going to do, regardless of what happens between us.” Although he doesn’t try to kiss me, I see the same need that’s burning over my parched skin reflected in his eyes as he holds me with them. They’re so green. So beautiful. Just like him. “There’s something much bigger at play here, and I won’t risk you to it. You are too precious, and we have a little girl in there that needs her mommy. You understand, sweetheart?”

  “I can’t live with secrets again. I can’t—” I stop at the sound of Jo clearing her throat.

  When she has our attention, she doesn’t say anything. Rather, she heads back to the living area, and I follow hot on her heels, avoiding the conversation Garrett and I were having because my head is too much of a mess right now.

  Much to my relief, Cullen steals Garrett away while I finish dinner. Meanwhile, Jo is still watching me like a hawk. I know she’s waiting for me to talk to her, but I’m still going through what Garrett told me out in the hallway.

  If there is something much bigger at play, what have I missed? And what does that mean if he’s looking into my father’s death?

  It strikes me then that he mentioned Mark earlier, and if Mark is looking into it with him, then Charlie must know something she hasn’t told me either.

  All of a sudden, I am completely in the dark and alone. All the logic that I had talked into myself on the way home vanishes. Just as when I was back at the clinic, all I can think is that I’m back where I was when I arrived here. Lost in a storm that I need to push through no matter what.

  While I dish dinner up and we all sit around the dinner table, I listen to the conversation, barely touching my plate. Garrett doesn’t say much as Jo talks to Mike and he tells them stories of when I was little. Something Dad liked to do. I keep looking at him and wondering if the reason he kept pushing for my father to retire was because he knew he was sick. Or maybe he knows something I don’t…

  “Was he sick?” I ask, taking a long sip of my sweet tea when the kids leave the table. “Is that why you wanted him to retire?”

  Michael looks down at his plate, putting his cutlery down. He keeps staring down as he says, “It’s a stressful job, doll, and there was always so much going on behind the scenes. You know how Rob was—he had to be on top of it all. At some point it was going to catch up with him.”

  “But people don’t just drop dead.”

  “I’m not the cardiologist.” He looks up at Garrett from the other side of the table where he’s now sitting on his own.

  I don’t recall ever telling Mike anything about him with the exception that he’s Charlie’s brother-in-law. But then, Michael is like Dad; he makes it his job to know all there is about everything and everyone.

  When Garrett doesn’t offer anything, I urge, “Tell him what you told me earlier. People don’t just have heart attacks and die from one day to the next. They’re not healthy one minute and gone the next.”

  “Sugar…” Jo tries to pacify me, reaching for my hand from where she’s sitting at the head of the table.

  Slouching into my chair, I try to take a deep breath to quell my frustration, and without a second of pause, Garrett stretches his arm on the back of it. He doesn�
��t touch me, but the closeness brings me the warmth I need to center myself.

  “Even a silent heart attack has a reason behind it,” Garrett tells Mike.

  “The coroner’s report will tell you that it was…uhhh…” Humming in thought, he gestures his hand around in circles as though that will help his memory. Maybe the job really has taken its toll on him and my father. “SADS!” he blurts with a click of his fingers.

  “Sudden arrhythmic death syndrome requires at least a family history of unexpected or unexplained deaths. Most people experience some kind of respiratory and cardio symptom.”

  Michael sits back in his chair, his stare solely focused on Garrett. Something feels off about the way they’re acting. Almost combative.

  “So, you think there’s foul play,” Michael finally states.

  “I know there’s more to it.”

  “That’s a bold statement that could get people hurt.” After another tension-filled beat of silence, he adds, “You don’t want to cause these girls any more pain, do you?”

  “I want to know why my father died,” I retort. There’s no way I’m letting him think I can’t handle the truth, even if I’m already so twisted up over it that I’m in agony on the inside. “Maybe his career was stress filled, but he still did his morning runs every day. He would call me during them when I was taking Iris to school…”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, doll.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Garrett and I are contacting his doctor.”

  “Robert’s gone, Avery.” He sits up straight, fists clenching tight on either side of his plate. “What is any of this going to do to help you move on? Let it go. Move forward.”

  “If you want me to move forward, you’ll help me figure this out. You know people, Mike.”

  A vapid chuckle pushes past his thin, pursed lips. “I’m running out of favors, Avery. I already told you that I’m trying to help speed up your divorce and custody issue…”

  “Please?”

  “What’s more important? The dead or your daughter? Your freedom?”

  “That’s not a fair question.” Jo bristles as Garrett spits, “You can’t ask her that!”