Sophie's Heart

by Lori Wick

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  will, for Thou art my God; let Thy good spirit lead me on level ground. For the sake of Thy name, 0 Lord, revive me. In Thy righteousness bring my soul out of trouble. And in Thy lovingkindness cut off my enemies, and destroy all those who afflict my soul; for I am Thy servant.

  Sophie had stopped crying by the time Kasmira was done, but she was still shaken. She swiftly prayed that she would keep her wits about her before the call was terminated.

  "Who is operating?"

  "Dr. Svoboda. He has been very kind, but honest."

  "Will it be intense?"

  "It depends on what they find."

  There was far more to this answer than was verbalized, but both understood.

  "Who can I call to see how you fared?"

  "Eduard is here with me. He will call you just as soon as he can."

  "All right." Eduard had been Sophie's superior at the Federal Assembly, and she knew she couldn't ask for a better replacement.

  "Will you be all right, my darling?"

  "Yes, just as long as you know how I feel about you."

  "Oh, my darling, there is never any doubt in my mind. I laughed at your stern letter. You were so upset over what you had missed, but I was proud of you. Too often you have buried your head in the newspaper and tried to solve the earth's problems. It's not a sin to have your world shrink a little."

  "Then you didn't think I'd forgotten you?" The tears were back.

  "Of course not, my Sophie. You will be my last thought and in my last prayer, my darling. Believe this with all of your heart."

  They had to say good-bye then, and Sophie could barely replace the phone. There was a sudden cramp in her hand, and she realized she'd been clutching the front of her gown so tightly that she'd cut off the circulation. A numbness was spreading over her now. Mechanically, she moved toward the door.

  "Are you all right, Sophie?" Mr. Riley's voice came from somewhere behind her, and she turned slowly to see him across the kitchen. She began to answer in Czech, and then caught herself.

  "My grandmother has cancer. They operate in hour."

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  "I'm sorry, Sophie," he said inadequately. "I wish you could be with her."

  "Yes" was all she managed, and then just stood there.

  "Don't worry about the kids in the morning, Sophie. Just turn your alarm off and sleep in."

  "Is almost morning?"

  "No, it's only 2:30."

  'AH right." Sophie moved to the door then, but her hand was so cold that she could barely turn the handle. She made herself concentrate then and was just getting it when Mr. Riley's hand appeared. He walked Sophie to the bottom of the stairs, a flashlight lighting her path.

  "Watch your step now," she heard him say and quietly thanked him. He didn't come up the stairs, but waited below until she was safely inside.

  The light of a full moon illumined the rooms so much that Sophie had no need for the light. Still in her robe, she lay down atop her bed and looked at the ceiling.

  Do you trust Me, Sophie?Yes, I do, Lord.Do you know that My way is perfect because I love you?Yes, Lord, I know this.Do you also know that I love your grandmother, even more than you do?Yes, Lord, I must leave her with You. She is Your child.Rest in Me, Sophie. Rest in me for every hurt. I will never let you fall.

  There were tears then, not tears of desolation or anger, but of mourning and pain-pain that her grandmother's body must hurt and that she must endure surgery at her age, and mourning because it did not seem that she would see her again. The tears made her eyes heavy and sleep was crowding in, but she fought it as she remembered the book of Job, where Satan stood before God and said that Job would curse Him if God would turn His hand.

  It was not true with Job, Lord, and I don't want it to be true with me. I do not want Satan to say to You, Father, that Sophie only praises You when her life is happy. So I thank You now that I had my babushka for so many years, and I praise Your holy name for the things she taught me. Comfort her now. Move the doctor's hands. Thank You that Eduard is at her side. Thank You for this cancer. Thank You for the things You have to teach me. Please, if You're going to take her, do so swiftly, Lord. Don't let her suffer long.

  Such requests did not wash the pain away, but they did bring peace. Sophie realized in amazement that all fatigue had left her.

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  She prayed for the next two hours, sometimes with urgency and sometimes in calmness, but then rest came. Sophie could not say what was different, but she knew she could sleep now.

  The clock read 4:45, and Sophie realized that her grandmother was either in heaven or resting peacefully. God knew, and for the moment that was all that mattered. Sophie checked her alarm again to make sure it was off and settled between the sheets. She was asleep some ten minutes later, and when the kids left for school three hours after, she never heard a sound.

  ***

  Sophie had only been working for about an hour when the kids came home from school. She was in the kitchen as usual, dinner ingredients on the counter. Alec had left a note telling them not to look for Sophie and why. They came in rather noisily, but quieted when they saw her.

  "Hi, Sophie," Rita started. "Any word on your grandmother?"

  "No. I have not been working long, so maybe they will get through now."

  "We prayed for her at school, Sophie," Tory said. "I told my class about it, and Miss Nelson had us pray right away."

  "Thank you, my Tory. I know that God heard your hearts."

  The phone rang right then, and Sophie tensed. It was usually set up with an answering machine and she never had to touch it. But when she had come in today, she had turned the machine off.

  "Hello," Rita spoke into the receiver and frowned. A second later she held it out to Sophie. "It's a little hard to understand, but I'm sure it's for you."

  Hellowas the last word Sophie spoke in English. The moment she heard Eduard's voice she rattled off in Czech, and the children sat transfixed at the kitchen table.

  "A success, Sophie. It was nowhere near as bad as they'd predicted, and she is resting peacefully."

  "Oh, Eduard, thank you for being there. It must be very late now."

  "Yes, but I didn't want to call you in the night again, and it took forever to get word. How are you?"

  "I'm trusting. I was ready for whatever news you had, and you know, Eduard, that there is no better place to be."

  "You warm my heart, Sophie. I feared that you would arrive in America and they would corrupt you forever."

  Sophie had to laugh at the drama in his voice. It had always been remarkable to her to be a Christian herself and have a

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  Christian supervisor in a communist country. Eduard had been a wonderful boss, and she missed him so much. They talked just a few minutes more and he explained what the doctors had said about treatment in the weeks to come. He promised to take down a letter from Kasmira as soon as she could talk. Sophie thanked him with tears in her eyes and hung up the phone.

  She then wished for a camera to take a picture of the children. Each one was leaning forward in his chair, all three faces alert and ready for the news. Sophie was very touched by their concern.

  "She is alive," Sophie told them, a tear now sliding down her cheek. "The operation was long, but success, and she is resting comfortably."

  Craig turned his head away to hide his emotions, but Rita came forward and hugged Sophie. Tory clearly did not want to cry, so she stayed in her seat and spoke to Sophie from across the expanse of the table.

  "I'm glad, Sophie. Tell her we prayed."

  "I will, my Tory. I will tell her just that."

  Craig swiftly left the room at that point, and Sophie would have given anything to go after him, but did not think it was her place.

  "He'll be okay, Sophie." Rita had read her expression.

  The older woman didn't answer, but she was doubtful. Rita had said this before, and Sophie hadn't believed it then. She went back to work a few minu
tes later, a prayer of thanksgiving on her heart, but also prayers for Craig.

  Help him, Father. Help him as only You can, and let me be as loving and patient as You are with me.

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  "The kids have made a change in the plans," Alec told his sister just four weeks before Christmas.

  "You mean for Christmas?"

  "Right." Alec went on to explain, and then waited for Janet's response.

  "I think that's great," she said, utterly surprising him.

  "You do?"

  "Yes. It still gives us time, but it lets you start your own tradition. Maybe someday we'll be coming to you. Have you told Mom and Dad?"

  "No. I was hoping-" Alec cut off when Janet laughed.

  "You want me to be the bad guy!"

  "Do you think she'll really be upset?"

  "No," Janet answered honestly. "I think she'll understand, and it's not like you won't see her at all. I have to call about something else, so it's no problem. But don't be surprised if she calls you."

  "I won't. Rita says we all need to sleep in on Christmas. With as tired as I am right now, she's sure to be right. We'll probably see you around 1:00 or 2:00."

  "All right. We can open gifts right away and have a feast for dinner that evening. I'll run it all past David, but I think he'll like the change. How many days can you stay?"

  "I think until Thursday or Friday, but it might depend on the weather. I really don't care to get snowed out of my own home."

  "Speaking of home, how's Sophie?"

  "She just found out that her grandmother has cancer."

  "Oh, Alec, no." Janet sounded on the edge of tears.

  "Yeah, she was pretty upset last night, but the kids told me at supper that she'd heard the operation was a success."

  "Good. How is the work going?"

  "Hers?"

  "Yes."

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  "She's amazing, Janet. I wish some of the guys that work for me were half as industrious. You can't believe how clean this house is. Sometimes I feel guilty because I enjoy it, and Van never had it this nice."

  "I can see how you would, Al, but all Sophie does is clean. She doesn't carpool kids, serve on committees, bake for school, pay bills, or any of the other million little things that Vanessa had added to her job description. You realize that I'm not slamming Sophie. I think she's wonderful, too, but cleaning someone's house and cleaning your own house are like night and day."

  "I see what you mean." Alec had had thoughts along this line, but having Janet agree with him lifted his burden.

  "Well, I best get off here and put a call in to the folks."

  "All right. Tell them we're looking forward to seeing them."

  "I will. We'll see you in about four weeks."

  "Will do. Good night, Janet."

  "Bye, Alec. Kiss the kids for me, and tell Sophie hello."

  They hung up then, and Alec got to thinking about how close it was to Christmas. He hadn't a clue as to what he should buy, but he knew he had better get started. The following day was not too pressured, and he decided then and there to go while the kids were at school. He took a moment to pray about it and then spotted a Christmas catalog. Hoping it would give him some ideas, he picked it up on his way upstairs.

  ***

  Sophie was wearing a shiny, dark-green track suit with a white turtleneck under the jacket and white tennis shoes, looking as "Christmassy" as her surroundings. She had just blown a huge bubble with her gum-one that popped all over her mouth and had Tory in stitches.

  "I'm not going to walk in the mall with you, Tory," Craig warned, "if you're going to carry on."

  Sophie knew that the statement was also directed at her. She and Tory shared a laughing, conspiratorial look and tried to get serious, but weren't very successful. Christmas shopping in the mall, however crowded, was too much fun to be serious.

  "Have you decided what to buy for your cousin Jeremy?" Sophie, who was really trying to behave, now asked Craig.

  "No. He likes computer games, but they can really get expensive."

  "I know what I want to get Beth," Tory chimed in. "But I want Rita with me."

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  scanno

  "Well, I think it's time to meet her at Penney's, anyway," Craig told his sister. "So let's get her and have the girl stuff over with."

  Sophie was not sure why he remained, since he had never stayed when they'd shopped before, but she didn't comment. He'd been doing so well until the news of her grandmother, and even though the report had been positive and continued to be so, Craig was still short with everyone and everything. Sophie had tried to talk to him, but had had her head taken off for the effort.

  "Isn't that Melissa Barton?" Tory suddenly asked.

  "Where?" Craig's expression turned frantic as his eyes scanned the crowd.'

  "Oh, yes," Sophie agreed. "Let's go and talk to her."

  "No"came Craig's low, furious voice, but for once Sophie ignored him. She marched up to where Melissa was sitting alone on a bench and stopped right in front of her.

  "Hello, Melissa."

  "Oh, hi, Sophie. Hi, Tory. Hi, Craig."

  "How are you, Melissa?" Sophie asked, even though the young girl's eyes were still on Craig.

  "Fine." She finally looked at Sophie. "My mom's in Prange's, so I'm just waiting for her."

  "How did your debate go?"

  Melissa frowned at her, but then her face cleared. "Oh, it was fine. I used that closing comment just like you suggested, and the teacher said it was good. Didn't Craig tell you?"

  "I forgot to ask him," Sophie admitted.

  "Did you get those words off the board today, Craig?"

  "Yeah." Craig's face was a little pink, but his voice was polite.

  "Then I might call you because I missed one."

  "Oh, sure." He was proud of himself for sounding more at ease than he felt. "We'll be home a little later."

  "I didn't get a chance to talk to you at school, Craig, but I'm having a Christmas party after school on the twenty-second. Can you come?"

  "Oh, sure." Again he mentally cheered at his own casual tone. "I think that would be okay. I mean, I should probably check with my dad to make sure, but I'll let you know."

  "Okay. Oh, there's my mom. I'll see you tomorrow."

  "Yeah. 'Bye, Melissa."

  ""Bye, Craig."

  Melissa didn't remember to bid anyone else good-bye, but Sophie didn't mind. She watched Craig, who was watching

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  Melissa, and then held his eyes with her own once he looked back.

  "Thanks, Sophie," he finally said, and Sophie smiled with all the love she felt inside.

  "You are welcome, Craig. Shall we get Rita now?"

  He only nodded and again they began to walk. Rita was not directly in front of Penney's. Tory spotted her in front of the hair salon and darted off in that direction. Sophie and Craig followed at an easy pace.

  "Look at this, Sophie," was the first thing Rita said. "Isn't this a cute haircut?" She was pointing to a large poster in the window.

  "Yes, it is."

  "She looks like you," Tory said now.

  "That's what I was thinking," Rita added. "It's always perfect when you find a match with a different haircut."

  "Why is that, Rita?" Sophie did not understand.

  "Oh, it's just for fun, but that way you can see how you'd look in different hair."

  "How long is your hair, Sophie?" Tory wanted to know. She'd never seen it down.

  "Not very long. Maybe middle of my back."

  "That's pretty long," Tory said while fingering her own shoulder-length locks. "Hey, Rita," Tory changed the subject just that fast, "I want to get something for Bethany at The Elephant and Canary. Will you come with me?"

  "Sure."

  The three Riley children started away, but Sophie followed more slowly. The woman in the poster did have her eyes and mouth, and her hair wasgorgeous.Sophie thought about what Rita had said for the rest of the afterno
on.

  ***

  Three nights later, on the Thursday before Christmas no less, Sophie accompanied Brad to his company Christmas party.

  "We waited too late to book on the weekend, but maybe this will be better."

  "Why do you say that?"

  "Well, I think it actually might be helpful since people will have to watch the clock as well as what they drink. Oh, my."

  "What is it Brad?"

  "The restaurant has a bar. I forgot to tell you that, Sophie."

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  "Is all right, Brad. I will not get drunk."

  As she did often, she caught him off guard. His head snapped around in surprise before he saw the glint in her eyes.

  "Seriously, Sophie, is that going to offend you?"

  "I will be fine, but I thank you for asking."

  "Your dress is pretty, by the way."

  Sophie fingered the dark-green collar that stuck out of the top of her coat. "Thank you. I wanted to look like Christmas."

  "Well, you do."

  "So does your red and green tie," she mentioned.

  "My mother gave that to me last year."

  "Your parents are alive, Brad?"

  "Yes. They live in Iowa."

  "I have seen Iowa on map. Is farm country. Pigs."

  Brad chuckled. "Yes, as a matter of fact, that's just what my folks do-raise pigs."

  "How interesting. This is where you grew up, on farm?"

  "Yes."

  It was very nice to talk as friends, Sophie found, and before she knew it they were at the restaurant and hurrying inside to escape the cold. The group had a banquet room and, although some of the jokes were rough and the air was thick with smoke, they had a very nice time. Sophie had a wonderful conversation with a woman on her right, and she was able to see firsthand that Brad had a real love for the people with whom he worked.