Sophie's Heart

by Lori Wick

  Tory's mouth opened, but she was speechless and simply stared at her father. Alec didn't know how to answer. The little girl took this as a good sign.

  "He is not, Craig," she said loudly. "Just be quiet."

  And Alec was still mute. Of his three children he thought Tory would have the least problem with his relationship to Sophie.

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  "Do you really not want us to ask her, Tory?" Alec finally found his voice.

  Tory squirmed with guilt, but said, "Not this time."

  Alec turned away, hurting and confused inside. His in-laws had been wonderful about things when he'd told them, and Rita and Craig had known for some time. But Tory... Alec had no idea what to do.

  The subject was dropped, and the family did have a great day together, but Rita could not get the scene from her mind. She slipped into Tory's room that night and sat on her bed.

  "Hey, Tory," she began. "What's up with you and Sophie?"

  "Nothing, Rita. I just thought we could do something on our own today."

  Rita looked at her. She had not sounded upset, but it didn't make any sense.

  "I thought you liked Sophie."

  "I do, Rita, but I don't want her to marry Dad. I mean, where would she sleep?"

  "With Dad, Tory. Married people do that."

  "She can't, Rita. What about Mom?"

  Rita sighed. This conversation was just too bizarre for words. "Tory, you know better than anyone that Mom's not coming back."

  "That doesn't matter, Rita. What will Mom think when she looks down from heaven and sees Dad with Sophie? You know she'll be hurt. He just can't do that."

  "Tory," Rita's voice was patient, "you can't expect Dad to stay alone forever. I'm sure the three of us will marry. Why shouldn't Dad have someone?"

  Tory frowned. Rita's words brought tremendous guilt, but she would not admit that.

  "I don't want another mother," Tory said.

  "She wouldn't be your new mother. She'll be your friend like she always has been and Dad's wife. What's wrong with that?"

  "What's wrong with things staying the way they are? Tell me that, Rita."

  Rita knew then that it was time to end the conversation. She stood and told her sister good night. Tory bid her the same with a rather smug voice. Rita hadn't answered, so the child felt she must be right. Things needed to stay just as they were. And anyone wanting something else was just being selfish. Tory fell asleep then, but it was a restless, awful night. However, she

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  refused to even entertain thoughts that her attitude might be playing a major role.

  Tory arrived home from her fourth day of school very tired and in a poor mood. The Labor Day weekend started the day after tomorrow, and all of her friends had plans. Tory felt very put out about this and made no bones about it to anyone. Craig told her to knock off the bad attitude, but she only stuck her tongue out at him when he wasn't looking. Rita decided that to ignore the situation would be best. Unfortunately, no one had mentioned anything to Sophie. She did not know about Tory's feelings concerning her relationship with Alec, or she might have been more careful. Shedidknow that Tory had been in a bad mood all week, but thought this was just fatigue from the start of a new year.

  When the kids arrived home, the two older children went in separate directions, but Tory remained in the kitchen- something she hadn't done all week. She shuffled through the pantry, since she didn't like the bars Sophie had made, and when she found nothing of interest, shut the door with a rather hard thump.

  "Did you not find something, Tory?" Sophie asked gently.

  "No." Completely out of sorts, the 11-year-old moved around restlessly, and Sophie decided to distract her.

  "I watched 'The Price is Right' today, Tory. I wish you had been here."

  "Does my dad know that you watch TV when you're supposed to be working?"

  If Tory had slapped her, Sophie couldn't have been more surprised. Sophie's hands moved helplessly, and Tory turned away in anger. She had been spoiling for a fight, but Sophie hadn't obliged her.

  "I'm going to make a cake," she announced, and Sophie's shoulders slumped.

  "Oh, Tory, that is not a good idea. I made one today. Why don't you wait a few days?"

  "What kind did you make?"

  "Chocolate."

  "I'm tired of chocolate. I'm going to make a yellow cake."

  "Oh, Tory," Sophie went on. "It will be too much."

  "We can eat it." She was taking bowls out now, and Sophie saw that she was going to have to be firm.

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  "No, Tory, I do not want you to do this."

  "What did you say?" The little girl had turned to her, and now had her hands on her waist.

  "You cannot make a cake today, Tory. Maybe later." Sophie's voice was gentle but firm.

  "Are you telling me no?"

  Sophie nodded, even as she wondered what had gone wrong.

  "You're not my mother," Tory now told her, and again Sophie was as hurt as she was surprised.

  "I know that, Tory, but I still think it's best that you don't do this."

  "You can't tell me what to do." Tory was really pushing now and reached to turn on the oven.

  "You will not do this, Tory." Sophie's voice was even, but she was shaking inside.

  "You're not my mother," again she insisted.

  "I realize that, Tory," Sophie now whispered. "But I am your friend, and I hope you will listen to me."

  Sophie's voice and face were too much for Tory. Tears of anger over the fact that this hadn't felt as good as she imagined filled the little girl's eyes, and she bolted from the room. Sophie stood trembling for long moments before she walked slowly over to turn off the oven and then up the stairs. She knocked softly on Tory's door.

  "Tory, may I come in?"

  There was no answer, so Sophie opened the door just a crack.

  "I did not say you could come in." Tory's tear-filled voice filled the air.

  "Can we talk, Tory?"

  "No."

  Sophie hesitated for only a moment and then shut the door. She walked to the kitchen and found a piece of paper. She wrote a note to Rita as to what needed to be done to finish supper and then collected her things. Halfway home she asked herself if she was running, but knew that she was not. She wished in many ways that this was not Thursday. She had a feeling she and Tory could use some time apart. Of course there were ways to handle even that and get her work done. Tory needed her to be away, that was clear, and Sophie was not a person to push in where she wasn't wanted. Tory had made her feelings quite clear-for some reason she wanted nothing to do with her.

  The pain this caused brought tears to her eyes. She told

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  herself not to cry until she arrived home, and she almost madeit.She could barely see to use her key, but at last she was insidewhere the only thing to witness her tears was the soft throwpillow on her sofa.

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  Alec came in early on Friday evening, but he still didn'tcatch Sophie. There had been no explanation for why she had not been there the day before-not from the kids or in her note to Rita about supper. By the time Alec had had the chance to call her, it had been too late. Tory had been rather clingy all evening. Alec, who had all but forgotten the earlier scene with Tory on Saturday, found himself wishing that Sophie had been there for her. It was clearly what the little girl needed most. And now she was gone again, with only another note to Rita as to what she should do with dinner, and... Alec suddenly noticed an envelope with his name on it. He opened it, took out the notepaper, and read slowly.

  Alec,

  I'm sorry I couldn't stay until you arrived home. I know this will come suddenly, but I need to take some time off. I worked yesterday and today, but since Monday is a holiday, I have decided to take the rest of the week. I know you will be confused when I tell you I cannot explain why-at least not right now. If this has left you in an impossible position, I might be able to come in for a few hours each morning.<
br />
  I would like to see you, Alec, but I think it might be best if we didn't. I'll call you next weekend, the eighth or ninth, to see how the children fared. After speaking to you and also seeing how my own week went, I might be able to make a judgment as to whether or not I should return. I'm sure this has come as a surprise, but I don't know what else to do. I'm sure you will be tempted to go to the phone, but I'm asking you to reconsider. I need some time, Alec.

  Always, Sophie

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  Alec read the letter and read it again. He tried to see between the lines, but failed. Unless... Alec reread the part about seeing how the children had fared. His mind went back over the week, starting with last Saturday to the present. In that moment he decided not to say anything to his kids about Sophie's letter. She was certainly right: He did want to go right to the phone, but managed to control himself. It was an effort, but he held himself in check all the way through supper. He didn't mention Sophie until dessert was being served.

  "No Sophie again tonight, I see." Alec happened to be looking at Tory as he said this, and then his eyes shifted to Rita. He had to force himself to look at Craig and not back at Tory, who had gone rather pale. "Did she say why?"

  "No," Rita answered him. "She wasn't here when we got home."

  "I tried to call her," Craig mentioned, "to see if she knew where my knee pads are, but there was no answer."

  Alec nodded. "How about you, Tory?" His voice was as casual as he could manage. "Did Sophie mention anything to you?"

  The little girl's mouth remained closed, and she swiftly shook her head.

  "What's the matter with you, Tory?" Rita asked as she frowned at her. "You look like you've eaten something funny."

  Tory's eyes shot to her sister and then down to her plate. By now the whole table was watching her.

  "Is there something you want to tell us, Tory?" Alec's voice was a mixture of invitation and command.

  "No," she whispered.

  "Are you certain?"

  Again, Tory only moved her head, her eyes looking frightened yet defensive.

  "Are you going to call Sophie, Dad?" Craig asked.

  Alec shook his head. "She left me a note saying she was going to take next week off."

  "If she left you a note," Tory now spoke, "why did you ask us about her?"

  "Because she doesn't say why she isn't eating with us."

  "Maybe she has a date," Tory said softly, but with a stubborn look on her face. Again all eyes looked at her.

  "Tory," Craig began, but Alec stopped him.

  "Let's clean up the dishes" was all Alec said.

  Everyone rose willingly, but all were quiet. The work was done in an orderly fashion and, when everyone began to go in all

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  directions, Alec snatched Tory into his arms. He hugged herclose and then tossed her over his shoulder and carried her into the living room. When he had sat in the big chair, Tory in his lap, he spoke.

  "What's up, Tory?"

  For a few minutes she didn't look at him. Alec didn't press her, but waited patiently, praying fervently that she would talk to him.

  "I don't want things to change," she finally admitted.

  "What's going to change?"

  "I don't know. I just don't want you to marry anyone, and I want Sophie to stay here and take care of us. Why can't it be that way?"

  "I understand how you feel, Tory, but I want you to think about how selfish that is."

  "I'm not being selfish," Tory protested. "I think you are."

  "Why am I being selfish?"

  "Because you want everything to change when it's fine the way it is."

  Alec sighed. It would be so easy to argue with her, but this would accomplish nothing.

  "Why don't we talk next week at this time. All right, Tory?"

  She had been expecting a lecture, so she frowned.

  "Why next week?" she asked.

  "Because then we will have had a week without Sophie. If you don't want me to see Sophie anymore, I won't. But I want you to think about it for a week."

  "You mean," Tory said now, "if I ask you not to marry Sophie, you won't?"

  "That's right, Tory," he told her gently. "You mean that much to me."

  He could see that he had shocked her. She started to speak several times, but just shook her head and laid it against his chest.

  Do you know, Tory, just how much I love you? I see my sister's face when I look at you, and my heart always turns over with love. I believe with all of my heart that Sophie should be a part of our family, but I won't rush you. Please, Lord, help me to handle this. I want above all else to walk with Your blessing. I will stay away as Sophie asked, but I ask You to show me in Your time.

  "I love you, Dad," Tory suddenly said, and Alec hugged her close.

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  "I love you, Tory, and I always will."

  They hugged again, and Alec once again prayed for strength. He knew with a certainty that he was headed into a difficult week. Sophie had become a part of him. Had he missed the needs of his children because of her? He didn't think so, but he simply had to be there for Tory right now.

  Please, Lord,he prayed one last time.Please let Tory miss Sophie as much as I do already. Please give her a longing that will soften her heart.

  ***

  "Well, Tory," Sophie spoke with pleasure on Sunday morning. "How are you?"

  "I'm fine," the little girl said, but looked uncomfortable and wished she'd used the other bathroom. She remembered very well the things she had said to Sophie and still felt ashamed.

  "Do you have something fun planned for Labor Day?"

  "I don't think so," she said and mentally squirmed.

  They fell quiet for just a moment.

  "Well, I better get to Sunday school." Sophie could see the girl's discomfort and knew she had to let her go. '"Bye, Tory."

  '"Bye."

  Sophie slipped away, but Tory stood still. For the moment she forgot she had to go to the bathroom and that she had to get to Sunday school as well. She did miss Sophie. She missed her something awful. But she still knew that if her father married Sophie, Tory would feel as if she had betrayed her mom. Tears rushed to Tory's eyes at the thought, and she wiped them away. She then rushed into the stall and ran off to class before she was late. It was not the start of a great day or a great week.

  Rita had refused to take anyone home. She had come to Middleton Christian School, picked up Craig and Tory, and then gone directly to Woodman's. Neither of her siblings had wanted to grocery shop, so they both sat in the van. Rita had not been too happy with them, but she was inside filling the list now. Tory was angry at Craig for the way he had treated her the day before when she'd asked him to watch "The Price is Right" with her, so the atmosphere inside the van was decidedly cool.

  Everyone had been so busy. Tory thought that Labor Day was a day to run and play, but her father had worked on the house

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  and yard until late in the afternoon, and Craig and Rita had both pursued their own interests. Suddenly, Tory couldn't take the quiet any longer. She knew how Rita would answer the question in her mind, so she had to ask Craig before her sister returned.

  "Craig, do you want Dad to marry Sophie?"

  Craig looked at her. "I didn't at first," he admitted, "but I do now."

  "Why?"

  Craig shrugged. "I like Sophie a lot, and I can't stand the thought of Dad being alone."

  "But he has us, Craig."

  "Right now he does. It might seem like a long time to you, Tory, but it's not. In ten years we'll all be gone. Even you'll be in college or married. I mean, Rita's a senior and already applying to colleges. In ten years Dad will be alone. He needs Sophie, and she needs him."

  He hadn't sounded angry or accusatory, but Tory still turned tear-filled eyes to the window. She felt so betrayed. That was exactly what Rita had said, and somehow she had believed Craig would be on her side. For an instant she tried to see her father alone.
It wasn't easy because she always saw herself with him. But she gained a sudden glimpse and had to push it away or sob with the pain it brought. She barely got herself under control before Rita came back. Anxious to be home, Craig jumped out to help load the groceries, but Tory remained in her seat where she sat quietly all the way home.

  ***

  Sophie had a pretty quiet week herself. She spent some time with the Kents, but all in all, she was alone. There were times in her life when she could have said she was alone, but not lonely; she had known real loneliness this week. She missed Alec and the children almost more than she could bear. She knew her decision to take the week off was good and right, but it was not easy. By Thursday she was ready to throw in the towel.

  Tory had been heavy on her heart the entire week, and Thursday was especially intense. Sophie spent much of the day praying for her. She didn't know why, but the little girl was constantly in her mind. Had Sophie been able to see what was going on at the supper table that night, she would have gone to her immediately.

  As it was, Tory sat feeling alone and miserable and did little more than pick at her food. Alec did not comment, but prayed

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  that his daughter would come to him. It was tempting to press her, especially since she did not look well, but he only ate his meal, prayed, and debated what to do next.

  The meal ended before he could make a solid decision, and the only thing he concluded was that he would stay close to Tory this night. He need not have worried. She shadowed him from the end of supper till bedtime. He tried off and on to engage her in conversation, but her monosyllabic answers did not encourage him. He was careful to keep his expression open, however, and by the time Alec told Tory to get ready for bed, it paid off.

  "Can I talk to you, Dad?"

  "Sure, Tory." Alec stopped what he was doing and turned to her.

  She licked her lips several times as though nervous, but actual words took some time.

  "Both Craig and Rita have told me that we'll all be gone someday, but I didn't believe them."

  Alec nodded, but Tory didn't continue.

  "And how do you feel now?"

  Tears filled her eyes. "My teacher said something today that no one's ever said. She said, 'Tory, you would make a great teacher, because you explain things so well.' And well, I thought about it all morning. I mean, I dreamed of how cool it would be to have my own class, and then I remembered you."