The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...)

by Terri Anne Browning

  My back began to ache from sitting like that for so long, and I slipped onto the floor, using the tub for support as I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my forehead on my knees as the tears continued to fall.

  Sometime much, much later, my tears finally started to dry and the cold that had numbed me started to thaw enough to make me realize that I should be mad. I was in love with Drake, and after Friday night, I was sure that he was in love with me too, or that he at least cared about me as more than a friend… Now, with him fucking some other girl in his hotel room, unconcerned that I would hear him, I knew that I had been wrong.

  All I would ever be to him was his friend, and I would have to accept that. But there was no way I could carry on the way we had been the last few months. I wasn’t that good of an actress. I sucked at pretending, especially when my feelings were involved. And they didn’t get any more involved than they were right now.

  It would kill me to have to see him day after day, knowing that he had gone from lying in bed with me one night to screwing some other chick the next. Maybe that was how it worked in the rocker world—okay, so I knew that that was how it worked in the rocker world, but I couldn’t deal with that kind of messed up shit.

  As the night dragged on, I realized what I had to do. It was going to be hard. It meant doing things I had promised never to do, but sometimes you had to do what was best for you, not what was best for someone else.

  With that thought firmly in mind, I stood and turned off the shower. When I entered the bedroom all I could hear was the voices coming from the television and sank down on the edge of my bed. Sleep eluded me. There was no way I could sleep now. Not without the sounds of the couple in the next room haunting me.

  Chapter 7

  Drake

  There was a pounding in my head. I blinked open my eyes and frowned at the ceiling, unsure of where I was for a moment. When it came to me, I groaned and turned over in bed, determined to get a few more hours of much needed sleep.

  “Drake!” Shane’s voice called from the hallway as he pounded on my hotel room door. “Emmie said to get up, bro. We leave in half an hour.”

  I muttered a curse and scrubbed a hand over my stubble roughened jaw. “Dude, you drove. Why can’t we wait until later?”

  “Because I’m leaving the car for Jesse,” Shane yelled through the door. “Now get your ass up!”

  Still muttering curses, I stumbled into the bathroom and turned the shower on full blast. I smelled like smoke and booze and perfume. Damn Shane, wanting to go clubbing! I was pretty sure that I had brought a girl back with me last night, but couldn’t remember her name or even what she looked like. She was already gone which told me all I really needed to know. She had been a groupie looking for a night in a rock star’s bed.

  Disgusted with myself, I scrubbed until my skin ached and then got dressed. I only had to toss a few things into my case and I was ready to roll.

  Downstairs, I found everyone already loaded up. Jesse and Layla were staying for a week as a kind of honeymoon and would drive Shane’s car back. So of course we all had to get into the Escalade. The only seat not taken already was the front passenger seat. Lucy and Lana had taken the smaller back seat with Emmie, Mia, and Shane in the middle one. I glanced back to check on Lana, but she had her head leaned against the window and her eyes were closed.

  “Did you get everything?” Emmie asked as she tucked Mia into her car seat.

  “Yeah, I made sure I packed everything.” She was such a mother hen sometimes, but I didn’t know what I would do without her.

  “Then let’s go.” Emmie grimaced. “I have things to do when we get home.”

  Lana

  How I made it through saying goodbye to my sister I will never truly know. Somehow, I was able to put on a smile and keep it on while she hugged me and Lucy. To my surprise, it was Jesse that saw through my façade and took me aside for a private talk.

  “What’s up?” he asked, his unusual eyes scanning my face. “You have circles under your eyes, and you’re as pale as a ghost.”

  I avoided his eyes, trying to push my emotions down when they threatened to surface. “I’m fine. I stayed up all night watching television when I should have been sleeping.”

  “Liar,” he accused.

  I glared up at my new brother-in-law. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. Especially now. I don’t want Layla to worry when she should be having a good time with you on your honeymoon.”

  He clenched his jaw, wanting to argue with me but unable to do so. He didn’t want to upset Layla anymore than I did. “We are going to talk about it as soon as I get home. Understand?” I nodded. “Good. Until then, if you need anything let Emmie know…And make sure you take care of the college issue this week, Lana. I expect your decision when we get home.”

  Again, I nodded. I had already made my decision. It had been all I had thought about once I had fallen onto my bed in the early hours of the morning. For the first time in my life, I was willing to let someone buy me something expensive. A college education wasn’t something that I was going to turn down, and it was my way of escaping which made it all the more appealing.

  When we all piled into the Escalade, I was relieved to find myself in the very back. When Shane and Emmie took up the middle row, I pressed my head against the cool glass of the window and closed my eyes, thankful that I wouldn’t have to be so close to Drake for the next five hours. When he finally slid into the front passenger seat, Nik pulled out into traffic and the long trip home began.

  Everyone was quiet around me. Lucy was playing with her iPad while everyone else was doing what I was pretending to do. Drake’s snores made me glance up at one point to see him fast asleep. Shane muttered something under his breath about waking the dead, and I felt the slightest of smiles tease at my lips.

  Emmie, seeing that I was awake turned in her seat enough to face me. “Jesse said that you will have an answer this week,” she whispered so she wouldn’t wake the baby.

  I nodded, my eyes still on Drake. “I’d like to talk to you about it when we get home, actually.”

  “Good. I can start the paperwork in the morning and get everything paid on time.” She smiled. “I’m really excited for you, Lana.”

  Three bathroom stops and six miserable hours later, Nik pulled into the driveway in Malibu. As soon as my feet touched the ground, I grabbed my stuff and pulled Lucy toward the guest house. Emmie was going to have the new house decorated this week so we could be moved in by the weekend. Until then, I was sticking to the guesthouse.

  “I’ll carry your cases in, Angel,” Drake called after me.

  “Yeah, sure. Thanks.” I pushed Lucy faster. As soon as I had her settled, I grabbed the two piles of paper work that I had narrowed down from twelve the week before and rushed into the main house.

  Emmie was pulling a bottle of water from the fridge when I found her. Something in my expression must have told her that she wasn’t going to like what I was going to do, but she didn’t say anything as she led me down the hall to her office and closed the door. “Sit down, Lana.” She sighed. “I have a feeling I’m going to need a drink after this,” she said half under her breath.

  I had narrowed my choices down to two schools. Both had everything I wanted in a college. UCLA would have been my first choice—had been my first choice up until the night before. So I tore up the acceptance letter and handed over the one that was about to change my life.

  Emmie muttered a curse when she looked down at the letter and the packet that had come with it. Green eyes flashed fire as she met my gaze. “Why?” she demanded.

  “Because it’s where I need to be,” I whispered.

  “You need to be here, close to everyone that loves you. Layla is going to go ape-shit over this, Lana!” She stood, glaring down at the packet that contained all the paper work she would have to deal with come morning. “Have you even thought this through? What will you do that far away? You will be all alone in a big city. No Layl
a, no Drake…” She broke off when she saw me flinch at the mention of his name. “Is this about Drake?”

  I looked away. “I have thought this through, Em. In fact, I have done nothing but think about it since about three o’clock this morning. Around the time the girl that Drake brought to his hotel room had left.”

  Emmie muttered something vicious and dropped down into her chair once more. “Lana, I know that your feelings run deep for Drake. But, honey, you two are just friends. He is going to screw around from time to time.”

  I met her gaze. “Like Nik screwed around while you two were just friends?” She flinched and I nodded. “How did that feel, Em? How did it feel knowing that the man you were in love with was off fucking someone else?”

  Her green eyes darkened, and I was sure that I was going to get an earful because really that had been a bitch move. Instead, Emmie only nodded after a long pause. “Touché,” she said. “I understand where you are coming from, but…”

  “No buts!” I cried. “He was fucking her against the door that separated our rooms. I heard her moaning. I had to listen while he…” Tears scalded my cheeks, and I quickly wiped them away. “Maybe you think that I’m being a coward for running away, but right now I really don’t give a flying fuck. I’m not as strong as you! I can’t do this and not crack. I can’t stay here and pretend that he didn’t shatter my heart last night.”

  Emmie sat there, just looking at me. I didn’t know what was going through her head, but I was sure she was trying to come up with something to excuse Drake’s behavior the night before. Maybe it would have made me stop and rethink my decision. Maybe I would have listened and not make her put everything into motion so I could leave as soon as possible.

  But then again, she didn’t know about Friday night…

  “Okay.” Emmie surprised me by giving in without any more arguments. “I’ll start on it first thing tomorrow. I’ll get your dorm taken care of, set you up an allowance like Jesse said to, and maybe I can pull some strings and get you moved in early. Maybe some time away will put everything into perspective for everyone.”

  I let out a relieved sigh. If Emmie was on board, then I knew that Jesse wouldn’t argue about my choice.

  “But promise me something, Lana,” Emmie said after a moment. “Promise me that it’s only for one semester. Take this time away and get yourself pulled together. Then when summer starts, you come home. UCLA was what Jesse was hoping you would pick. It won’t take much to get you into the fall semester.”

  I gave in and made the promise, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to keep it. I didn’t know how Emmie expected me to “pull myself together” when my heart was in a billion pieces.

  Chapter 8

  Drake

  Lana was avoiding me.

  I knew that she had to study. She only had two more weeks of school left and her exams took up an entire week of that, but she didn’t have time to text me back or have dinner with me. I had no idea what was up with her, and it was driving me up the wall.

  It didn’t actually bother me until one night midway through the week. Shane went out for his run and came back with Lana. They were walking, both of them sweating like they had run a marathon. I watched from the living room as Shane stopped on the patio and said something to her that made her chin tremble. My brother pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

  Okay, I’ll admit it. I wanted to punch my brother at that moment. His relationship with Lana was a strictly friends-in-passing kind of thing. They had only ever hung out when I was around. Now, all of a sudden, he felt like he could hug her…

  Yeah, I was thinking of punching him, possibly in the throat or his pretty face that got him laid at least once a day.

  I contained that urge, albeit with some difficulty. After all, it was a one-time thing. She was probably having an emotional melt down because she was working so hard studying. It wouldn’t be the first time she cried because the stress of studying for a test became too much and she needed some kind of release before it drove her over the edge.

  So I sucked it up and went to bed with a fifth of Jack.

  The next night Lana went for a run with Shane again, and then again on Friday night before Shane went out. Apparently, she had time to go on an hour long run, but not enough time to eat with me. I was positive then that she was avoiding me on purpose, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

  This week had sucked without her. There was no reason to smile when she wasn’t around. No peace to be found when I didn’t have her close. Before I passed out every night, it was with her name on my lips. When I woke every morning, just before the memories of the nightmares invaded my mind, and I went rushing for the toilet, it was her face that I saw behind my eyelids.

  Saturday morning, I was determined to corner Lana and find out what was going on. I walked downstairs, dressed for the day, in hopes of talking Lana into going shopping with me. Christmas was only two weeks away, and I hadn’t bought any presents yet. This was going to be the first year that we had an actual home to celebrate in, and I wanted to make it memorable.

  As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I heard Jesse shouting from the back of the house. He and Layla must have left Vegas at the crack of dawn to get home so early. I was glad he was home. Maybe he could tell me what was going on with Lana.

  “I don’t want this!” he shouted. “Layla is going to go off the wall when she finds out.” The door to Emmie’s office slammed and Jesse came stomping down the hall.

  “Hey, how was the honeymoon?” I asked when I saw him. His eyes narrowed on me, but he didn’t answer as he stormed out of the house—typical Jesse behavior when he was in a rage. He probably hadn’t even heard a word I said.

  I opened my texts and sent Lana a quick message while I ate a bowl of cereal. The house no longer smelled like bacon morning, noon, and night, and I was starting to miss the smell if not the taste of fried pig.

  By the time I had rinsed my bowl, Lana still hadn’t texted me back. Clenching my jaw, I went in search of her. If she was pissed at me, she needed to tell me so I could fix whatever I had done. When I opened the door to the guesthouse, it was empty of their things. Everything was either at the new house or in storage.

  Muttering a curse, I jogged down the beach to Jesse’s house and knocked on the back door. Lucy opened it, a slice of toast sticking out from her mouth as she let me in. “Where is everyone?” I asked when I didn’t see anyone else.

  Lucy sighed. “They’re upstairs. Lana’s in trouble.”

  My eyebrows rose at that. “Why?”

  “I don’t know.” She tossed the crust of her toast in the trash and reached for her glass of juice. “Jesse came in a little while ago. He started yelling, but I couldn’t make sense of it. Layla started crying, and Lana ran upstairs. They’ve been up there for a few minutes now.”

  What the fuck was going on with Lana?

  I took the back stairs up to the second floor. I had no idea which room was Lana’s but Jesse’s deep voice was coming from the one at the end of the hall, so I figured that was it. As I grew closer, their conversation was easier to hear behind the closed door.

  “…something happened in Vegas.” Jesse was saying. “I know it did. You were fine up until then.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Lana told him. “Why can’t you just accept that I want to go? You promised me that I could go to the college of my choice. Well, I chose this one!”

  “You’re running away!” Jesse shouted. “I know you, Lana. You wouldn’t move all the way across the country for some fucking school unless you were running away from something. I thought you were smarter than this!”

  “Jesse, that’s enough,” Layla’s calmer voice interceded. “This is her choice. We have to accept that. She’s eighteen, an adult. Whatever her reasons, she feels like she has to do this. I…I don’t like it, but she knows what is best for her.”

  “Best for her? Being away from everyone that loves her? What if somethin
g happens?”

  I couldn’t take it a second longer. I turned the knob on the bedroom door and pushed it open. Lana stood by the window, her face streaked with tears. When she saw me, she paled. I watched her, startled when what felt like an invisible wall went up between us as she clenched her jaw and turned her head away so I couldn’t see her face.

  “Drake…” Jesse was standing by the dresser, a mixture of emotions on my band brother’s face.

  “I need to talk to Lana,” I told him, knowing that I had interrupted a family situation but not giving a fuck.

  Jesse stared at me for a long moment and then ran a hand over his face and smooth head. “I had so many plans for today. Nowhere was this part of them. I don’t know what the fuck has been going on around here, but I’ve come home to a shit load of trouble that I am powerless to fix.”

  Layla put a hand on her husband’s arm. “It’s going to be okay. Really.” She tugged on his hand, pulling him toward the door. As she passed me, she offered a small smile. “Good luck,” she murmured and closed the door behind her.

  I waited until their footsteps had faded before turning my eyes back to Lana. She was looking out the window, but I doubt that she was really seeing anything. “Are you mad at me?” I finally asked.

  She bit her lip and shook her head. “No,” her voice was clogged with tears.

  I took two steps toward her but stopped when she looked at me. “Then why have you avoided me all week?”

  “Because it’s hard enough being this close to you without breaking apart.” A tear escaped the corner of her left eye and spilled down her cheek.

  “What does that mean?” I demanded, feeling like I was losing her right before my eyes, and I didn’t even know why.