The Bad Boy’s Heart

by Holden, Blair

  I open my mouth to interrupt but he shakes his head, begging me to let him finish.

  “I need to know everything about that night, Tessie. If I don’t, then I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering whether or not I was weak enough to do that to you. Because some part of me believes that I would never do that to you, that I would rather die than cause you so much pain.”

  Blinking back tears, I ask him gently, “And did you? Did you get the answers you wanted?”

  Because how could he get answers without talking to the only person that had them? The thought of him with Erica in any capacity made my stomach churn. If he’d gone to see her and not told me, then I did not know what I would do, and the prospect made me tremble.

  He exhales heavily. “She’s been trying to talk to me for a while, I guess. The day I went to see her before the graduation party, she tried so hard to avoid talking about that night, and that’s what made me suspicious. But she left town the next day, and there’s been no words from her since. I guess we could put it behind us since I didn’t sleep with her,” he grimaces and his face scrunches up like he’s swallowed something bitter, “But I need…”

  “Closure—we both need that,” I affirm.

  A bell chimes, alerting us to the fact that we’ve arrived at our floor, and Cole walks us out with a hand at the small of my back. Unlocking the door, I lead us inside and head straight for the fridge, the clicking of my heels magnified by the silence. Grabbing a water bottle, I gulp down the entire thing, attempting both to draw out the conversation and soothe my parched throat. I need to be less buzzed in order to deal with what Cole is going to say.

  He leans against the kitchen counter, his eyes never wavering from my face. “Lan’s been digging around for me.” He stops and lets out a laugh. “He was always convinced that Erica belonged in the nut house. He’s having one hell of a time making me feel like shit now.”

  “You couldn’t have known that she was a psychotic bitch any more than the next person,” I say, and Cole grins. Only a few people manage to bring out my vindictive side, and his personal crazy lady is right on top of my shit list now, with Nicole definitely knocked down from that spot.

  “Well, now I know, and we’ve been trying to find her. I should let it go; God knows I never want to see her again, but there are so many questions in my head, and I can’t look at you without feeling like a complete asshole that doesn’t deserve an ounce of your loyalty.”

  “I get it, Cole; you don’t have to sneak around behind my back while you’re looking for whatever answers you need. It’s important to both of us, and I’ll try not to have a complete meltdown if you ever have to confront her again. You might have to persuade her to wear bulletproof clothing, though.”

  His face breaks into a huge smile and so does mine. He seems relieved that I’m not ending us again just on the basis of the fact that he needs to know why we put ourselves through months of misery. Maybe I’ve been prone to overreaction; maybe it’s totally justified that I have. Whatever the deal is, we both need time to fully convince ourselves that the other isn’t going anywhere. The fear is still there, haunting us and making us fearful of the loss we’ve already had to face once, but then I guess that’s what love is. Love means to be brave despite knowing the kind of agony that comes with a broken heart.

  And I think it’s about time to put on my big-girl panties.

  “So, was this the conversation you were so worried about?” I tease, and watch as his eyes turn a shade darker than their usual mesmerizing ocean-blue. I gulp as he strides toward me, like a confident predator. He gently removes the water bottle from my hand and throws the empty bottle in the trash, making a perfect shot in the can without even looking.

  I raise my eyebrows at him. “Impressive.”

  He grins, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

  And then he kisses me.

  Like really kisses me, smack-dab on the lips.

  I moan as he presses his lips to mine in a kiss that starts out slow, sweet, and poignant but quickly turns into frantic and wild, passionate and searing. The time apart makes this a bittersweet moment. Of course, there’s happiness in coming back to each other, but the desperation behind our kiss hints at the pain we’ve gone through. I tug at Cole’s hair as he bites and nips at my lips, running his tongue over them, soothing and salving the sting. I push my hands under his shirt, tugging at the hem. Cole gets the point, breaking away only to pull the shirt off and then going right back into kissing me.

  My hands greedily explore his chest, fingers trailing over his shoulders, his incredible abs, and the taut skin of his waist. His muscles strain beneath my touch, and he groans into my mouth. In one fell swoop he picks me up in his arms and carries me to the room he’s staying in, kissing me wildly all the while. Abruptly, he drops me on the bed. We’re both out of breath and panting like crazy. But I don’t care; I need him to kiss me some more. And perhaps touch me, all over and right now.

  He looks at me longingly, like he’s in pain, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

  “Why did you stop?” I say breathlessly, and he groans a little.

  “We’ve both been drinking, Tessie. What if you regret this in the morning? We should wait…maybe when you’re sober.” He gulps and looks away, shoving his hands in his hair.

  I fall onto the pillows with a loud thud. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I thought you wanted to…at the club and in the taxi, you were all…this is so embarrassing,” I whine, covering my face with my arm. My heart rate is slowly going down, but now my face is as red as can be. What did I think? That we’d do the deed tonight? I’d so brazenly attacked him that I didn’t even consider that Cole would hesitate, that he would never take such an important step when we’d both obviously been drinking.

  I didn’t mind, though, and that in itself should make me feel ashamed. Didn’t girls usually want to be completely sober during their first times? Though I have no idea why, alcohol would totally help with the pain.

  Oh well.

  I feel the bed shift as Cole lies down next to me, removing my arm from across my face. He’s still shirtless and not helping the situation in any way.

  “Are you disappointed?” he asks as he kisses me softly.

  “I don’t know. Maybe it’s for the best; we did talk about baby steps, right?”

  “You blew that when you wore this dress, babe.” He grins and I blush, ridiculous, considering how I’d just been mauling him a few minutes ago.

  “So, we definitely suck at taking things slowly. It’s either nothing or full throttle, huh?”

  “It’s never nothing with us and it never will be.”

  “Stop being so sweet and shirtless; you’re making me horny.”

  Shit, did I just say that? I clasp my hand over my mouth as Cole bursts out laughing and continue to do so for at least five minutes as I lie there in utter humiliation. Why, oh why, did I drink? It is totally ruining my game here. This time I push myself up from the bed and pretend to need to use the bathroom. I hide in there for a good ten minutes, running the faucet for longer than I need to take my makeup off. Cole knocks much later than I expected him to and comes right in without waiting for permission. He looks a bit apologetic and still shirtless.

  “I shouldn’t have laughed; I’m sorry.”

  Biting my lip, I hop onto the counter and study the tiled floor. I’m beyond embarrassed. It seems like the only thing on my mind is sleeping with him, while he couldn’t be less interested. In reality, I know that that’s not necessarily true. For a girl who has spent her entire life seemingly loving people more than they love her, his reaction brings out my insecurities, which are always itching to resurface. Those little, blood-sucking leeches.

  “It’s okay,” I mumble, twiddling my thumbs.

  It’s stupid and immature to be hurt by this, he’d only been joking, but like I said, my insecurities seem to like sucking the joy out of everything.


  “How do I keep managing to screw things up with you?” he says hoarsely, coming to stand in front of me and tilting my chin up to look at him.

  “This isn’t about you; I just need a minute, okay? I’ll be right out.” I smile at him, but he sees right through it. Pain darkens his features as he closes in on me. “I hurt your feelings, and that’s not okay.”

  “Cole, please, it’s not a big deal. You were just trying to do the right thing, and here I am acting like some sex addict with a one-track mind. I made a fool out of myself out there; anyone would have laughed.”

  I’m blushing furiously as I say this, humiliation washing all over me. But when I look at Cole, I don’t find pity or disgust at my behavior; he looks almost angry as he takes my mouth in a punishing kiss. Spreading my thighs, he moves into the space between them and moves me so that I sit at the very edge of the counter. The kiss is meant to affirm, to tell me how he feels, and it’s doing a pretty good job of that. We break apart after a while, lost in a lust-filled haze as Cole nuzzles his face into my neck.

  “I love you so much, Tessie, and I want you like crazy. You drive me insane; whenever you’re around, I can’t think straight. Whatever control I have is hanging by a very thin thread right now. If I wasn’t so fucking terrified of somehow losing you again, I’d make love to you right now. But I won’t, not because I don’t want to but because I know the wait will be worth it. When I’ll be with you, it’ll both rip me apart and make me whole at the same time.”

  If he feels how fast my heart is racing, he makes no mention of it. But damn, it’s a miracle that I’m still upright. Goose bumps form over my skin, and I shiver due to the power of his words. I’ve never been spoken to like that, not even by him. His words are so raw, so passionate, and so unbelievably romantic that I want to cry. In fact, I do tear up, but that’s just routine now.

  “Cole?” I say after we just hold each other for a while.

  “Yeah?” he asks, kissing my neck.

  “You should take me to bed now and cuddle. I would really like to cuddle right now.”

  “Anything you want, Tessie, anything.”

  And so, he carries me out, settling me on the bed as if I were made of glass. He then proceeds to get pajamas for me, the Scooby ones I never threw out, and undresses me without ever looking away from my eyes. It’s the most erotic experience of my life. We fall asleep with my back pressed to his chest and his arm slung over me, our legs tangled together and his head buried in the crook of my neck. We vaguely hear our friends stumble in, in the early morning. But I don’t even pretend to worry about what they might think.

  I’m in heaven.

  Chapter Seven: We’re Not Bunnies

  The sound of a running shower is what wakes me up the next morning. Well, that and the fact that there’s the unmistakable hangover headache that’s desperate to make its presence known. Groaning, I lift my head up, only to find its weight unbearable. With a thump, I fall back into bed, cursing myself for last night. Simultaneously I thank Cole for having the foresight to make me drink a whole bottle of water and take two aspirin in the middle of the night. Had it not been for him, Damien, the devil child from The Omen, would have nothing on me. Obviously, I don’t do well with hangovers, just like every other person out there, and that still didn’t stop me from imbibing my body weight in tequila last night. Fine, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, and I’m grateful for not drinking as much as I’d been planning to, but someone needs to make the pain go away! Mentally, I stomp my foot, since physically moving would be a one-way ticket to the bathroom and would end with me hugging the toilet bowl.

  “How’re you feeling?”

  I mumble an incoherent answer, hugging a pillow closely to me. It smells like Cole. I like it when things smell like Cole. I’ll have to do with them since I can’t really bear the sound of his amused laughter. He’s a cruel, cruel man.

  “Tessie, come on, you need to get up and eat something. You’ll feel better,” he says more softly and I open my eyes. Well, I’m not exactly capable of opening them; it’s more like squinting when someone’s got a flashlight all up in your face.

  “I don’t want to,” I whine and shove my face back into the nice-smelling pillow. The thought of food is nauseating.

  “You’re going to have to. We’ve got plans today, and you need to get out of bed.”

  I grumble, but at this point I’m dozing off, and sleep is welcoming me with open arms. Ah, sleep, my oldest and closest friend. No wonder we get along so well; it’s always there to take away my pain and the consequences of my various mistakes.

  “I don’t have to do anything. I’m on vacation, remember?” I huff, making the effort of glaring at Cole before turning my back on him and preparing myself to go back to sleep. In my haste to slip back into oblivion, I don’t think too much about the fact that Cole’s not wearing a shirt. That said, a sleepy smile makes its way across my face when I think about instituting a law that requires Cole to walk around shirtless all the time. Now, that would be a wonderful amendment to the Constitution, wouldn’t it?

  “Fine, but you asked for it.” Maybe I should be more fearful of what he’s about to do, but it’s not an immediate concern, so I dismiss the warning I’m receiving from the part of my brain that hasn’t been destroyed by alcohol.

  “Since you want to sleep, we obviously need to cancel our plans. There’s no need for me to get dressed; actually, why wear any clothes at all? All I have to do is take off this towel wrapped around my waist. Maybe we’ll make a day of it; how about it, Tessie? Let me just take this thing off…”

  Wait—what?

  He’s getting naked?

  Now?

  “WAIT!” I shout and cover my eyes with one hand, flailing the other about in space. “Keep your clothes on, Stone; I’ll get out of the damn bed, just don’t get naked.”

  “Oh, so you want to undress me yourself? Can’t complain there, but why don’t you get some food in yourself first?”

  I want to die. He’s totally feeding off of my embarrassment, and I’m letting him. How sad is this? Why can’t I flirt like the pro I’ll never quite be at exchanging sexual innuendos? Maybe I need lessons; do they have a hotline for that?

  He laughs then, and it’s the most wonderful sound, even in the given situation. I haven’t really heard enough of it and find myself cracking up, too. “You’re actually wearing jeans, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, shortcake.” He pulls my hand away from my eyes and kisses the top of my head. “I just wanted to know how you’d react. Good to know the idea of making me naked traumatizes you.” He shoots me a wounded look and I shove at his chest, not even moving him an inch. I’m sitting upright and he’s standing at the side of the bed and, upon inspection, I do see the jeans and the exposed, coveted “V” of his hips but quickly avert my gaze. I need to stop eye-molesting the guy.

  “I don’t feel so good,” I mumble, looking longingly at the pillow that I’ve now placed in my lap.

  He ruffles my hair gently. “Why don’t you go take a hot shower, and later I’ll make you my hangover-cure breakfast.”

  I must start looking a little green since he chuckles and tips my face back to meet his gorgeous blue eyes. “You’ll like it; I promise.”

  Smiling at him, I rest my forehead against the still unclothed chest. “I know I will.”

  ***

  Hot showers are a godsend, let it be known. I feel relatively human again as I stumble into the kitchen forty minutes later and comfily clothed in a trance-like state, following the smell of coffee. I pour myself a huge mug and add in copious amounts of sugar and creamer, taking big gulps of the scalding liquid.

  “Easy there, tiger, you’ll burn your tongue or something.”

  I look up at Cole, who is both frying up some eggs and watching me with amusement. “I already did.” I grin and keep drinking. It definitely deserves to be called the elixir of life; caffeine is like no other substance out there, and there’s only one thing i
n the world more addictive than it.

  And he’s staring at me like he wants to commit everything about me to memory.

  As I shamelessly gawk at his gray-T-shirt-clad body and his jeans, which cling to all the right places, I find myself doing the same. But no amount of time being away from each could have possibly made me forget how his blue eyes become darker whenever he feels an intense emotion. I can’t forget that he gets annoyed by how stubborn his hair is in the morning and that he’s given up on it, making him look impossibly sexy with the Andrew Garfield hair. And what I definitely couldn’t ever forget is how he looks at me, like he’s been waiting for me forever. That look tends to stay with a girl for a lifetime.

  “What?” I ask him, sounding rather breathless.

  He gives me a heart-stopping grin. “It feels good to be with you like this again.”

  Warmth fills me, along with a kind of happiness that I haven’t experienced in so long. He’s right; it does feel good. It feels like we’re back to who we were, but stronger. So what if we don’t have all the answers right now, and he needs some twisted sort of closure from the redheaded witch; that doesn’t really matter, not when being with him feels so right.

  “Is there some kinky kitchen action going on?” Beth’s head pops out from the room that was supposed to be Cole’s. I can only imagine the thoughts running through her head when she found out that our shared room was otherwise occupied. Mentally groaning at the amount of teasing I’m going to have to endure, I twist my body to give her a pointed glare.

  “We’re not bunnies,” I huff, but any annoyance at her evaporates when I notice that her pajamas are my brother’s former baseball jersey and sleeping shorts with his number on them. I’ll tease her about them later, but right now, it melts my sappy heart. Jenny, Travis’s conniving, backstabbing ex-girlfriend wasn’t really the supportive kind. She enjoyed the privileges that came with being Travis O’Connell’s girlfriend, but that was about it; when the ride ended, she left. Knowing that now my brother has someone like Beth, and that she has him, makes everything right in the world.