The Bad Boy’s Heart

by Holden, Blair

  She’s mistaken.

  “Oooh, this is cute!” Now Megan throws voluminous ivory satin at me, which seems like it’s respectable enough, until I notice the slit in the skirt that goes up to parts unknown.

  Holy Crap.

  Do you really need to wear these things? I didn’t realize that actual women wear these things when they’re about to, you know…

  What’s the point of wearing them if they’re just going to get taken off? Why not opt for comfort and simplicity, then? Guys aren’t really adept at dealing with the knots and clasps that are on these things. Or maybe they are.

  Maybe Cole is.

  Oh God, I cover my face with my hands and groan into them. I did not sign up for this when I told my best friends about my plans. Whereas I thought they’d give me an emotional, meaningful speech and practical advice, they instead dragged me to Victoria’s Secret, subjecting me to this mortification. I don’t shop for nice lingerie; I buy the basic, white-cotton stuff. These things are on a whole other level, like the miracles of modern science.

  “Can’t I just…how important exactly is it to wear stuff like this?”

  “Guys appreciate the effort—trust me.” Beth winks and I cringe.

  “Don’t say things like that. You’re dating my brother, remember.”

  “But if I’m going to be lending my expertise, then you’ll need to hear them. Toughen up.”

  I turn to Megan with pleading eyes. “You…you lend me the expertise. I can’t listen to her anymore.”

  A flush creeps up her neck, shockingly similar to her hair. “I’m not; she’s more…it’s awkward to talk about it for me. But, seriously, you don’t need to worry. If you want to skip this stuff, then do it, but it actually makes you feel more confident, you know? When you’re standing sans clothes in front of a guy, you’ll want to have the cutest underwear on.”

  “See, now this I understand. You can stop traumatizing me now, please.”

  She shrugs, holding her hands up.

  The girls help me find what they think is occasion appropriate. We then stop over by the food court to refuel, and my phone chirps with a text.

  Cole: Lan and the guys are going to come into the city today. You won’t mind if we do a guys’ night out?

  My heart sinks a little. It’s not like tonight is supposed to be the one, but I did want to get a head start. Maybe practice a little, set the mood. But as soon as the thought crosses my mind, I realize that I’m being extremely selfish. He doesn’t really get to see a lot of his friends, and I shouldn’t have any problem with it. I don’t have a problem with it, so this is a nonissue.

  Me: Of course not. I’ll make plans with the girls; spa and shopping sounds good.

  Cole: Okay, babe, love you. Miss me.

  Warmth spreads through me, as is prone to happen around him. It reassures me that I’m doing the right thing. Suddenly the bags of excessively expensive lingerie aren’t weighing me down. In fact, I’m excited, nervous but thrilled at the same time.

  Me: Love you. And I always do.

  “So…what do I need to know about baby dolls and teddies?”

  Chapter Ten: BAM, You’re Naked and It’s Go Time

  In light of my latest epiphany, I begin to take precautions for the day to not be a total disaster. Not that I know when the exact day is; it’s not really sexy if you’ve marked “the moment” in your calendar, and nor is it romantic. It’ll happen when it’ll happen, spontaneously, like it happens in the movies. One minute you’re calmly sitting next to each other and the next, BAM, you’re naked and it’s go time.

  Again, that doesn’t sound really romantic, does it?

  Maybe what’s missing is the angst, the tension and anticipation. Maybe what I need for that moment to be special is for something big to lead up to it. It’s not like I’ll seduce him with my verbal prowess, or lack of, and it’ll be on. No, from what I’ve been advised by my friends, there needs to be a perfect blend of spontaneity and planning. You cannot afford to be unprepared in a “My legs need to be shaved by a WeedWacker way,” nor can you be overly eager and exuding the same sentiments of a stripper who gets paid a hundred dollars per hour. Apparently, there’s a science to it that I’m trying to wrap my head around. I’m sure Cole notices that I’m different, more jittery and nervous when he’s around. He hasn’t said anything, though, so maybe he’s willing to put up with my temporary neurosis. However, what he shouldn’t have to put up with is the hell that is the dysfunctional O’Connell family.

  ***

  One minute I’m in absolute heaven, eating my triple-Nutella-layered fudge brownies that I’d been so cruelly promised before, and the next minute, my phone’s ringing like crazy and I’m fielding texts from not only my mother but my dad and Travis as well. My first instinct is fear, the fear that maybe something’s happened to someone I care about. But when I do get the opportunity to go through the texts, I see that most of them are about the same thing.

  Travis is warning me.

  My dad wants to know if I’m still at the apartment.

  My mom’s telling me that she only has my best interest at heart.

  Holy crap.

  I have a few minutes to prepare myself before the buzzer goes off, letting me know there’s a visitor. My dad is one of the people who can come up without the reception having to confirm his visit. Reading his texts has told me that he’s here. Reading my mom’s texts has told me that nothing good is going to come out of this.

  Shooting out of the sofa that I’d curled myself in, I throw a panicked look toward the bedroom where Cole is showering. Megan and Alex still aren’t awake, and Beth’s gone out for a morning run. I’m both scared and thankful about the lack of company, because even though the coming confrontation scares me, I’m glad other people aren’t around to witness it.

  I throw the door open, in my haste forgetting that I’m still in my pajamas, those pajamas consisting of an old T-shirt of Cole’s and some halfway-decent sleeping shorts. Halfway, though, but not completely. My dad stands in front of me, a carry-on clutched in his hands. He becomes instantaneously stiff as he observes what I’m wearing, his reaction making me automatically blush. He clears his throat. “I called you,” he says blankly, his face not giving away anything.

  “Uh, I just checked; my phone was switched off,” I tell him, trying to figure out if the situation is nearly as bad as I think it is.

  “Can I come in?” He looks pointedly toward the path that I’m blocking by standing right in front of him.

  Hesitating just for a split second, I immediately move to give him space to enter. His rigid posture thickens the tension that’s already brewing in the room, a tension that has been lodged in my gut ever since I picked up my goddamn phone. Now, I wait for the bomb to drop, knowing that it’s got something or other to do with my mother and what she thinks is best for me.

  “Relax, Tess, it’s not nearly as bad as it is in your head,” my dad tells me as he sits on the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table. I saw him a couple of days ago, but now he seems older, scarier, and maybe a bit more authoritative. I haven’t done anything wrong, but still this feels like those times as a kid when you know you’re going to get scolded for something.

  “Why do I get the impression that it is? You wouldn’t have flown over in a night if it weren’t.”

  “I had business in the city anyway; when your mom called, I decided to come early.”

  Shaking my head, I begin pacing the room. “What did she say to you? Whatever it is, you have to know that she tried to manipulate me.”

  He huffs out a breath. “Of course I do, honey. I know all about the latest man in her life, and I know it’s just a fleeting affair. But she recognizes a golden opportunity when she sees one and probably thought she could set you up with the son and keep it in the family.”

  “That’s disgusting; she had no respect for my relationship, and Drew, oh my god, Dad, you can’t even begin to imagine how big of a self-righteous, ignorant
prick he was.”

  He laughs at me and shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure Cole put him in his place, if what I heard from your mom is correct.”

  That immediately makes me shut up. “He deserved it,” I mumble, once again defending Cole against the world.

  “I’m sure he did, and I’m not here to berate you about your personal life or your relationship. But your mother while being as misguided as she is, made one valid point.”

  Fear lodges itself in my throat; any valid point my mom makes can never be good news.

  Feeling as though what he’s going to say to me will be nothing but bad, I take a seat on the plush love seat opposite my dad so as to give my shaky legs some support. Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe what he has to say to me won’t be necessarily negative, or, even if it is, then it shouldn’t matter to me. But that theory goes to hell the moment Cole enters the room looking all freshly showered and outrageously sexy. There’s a grim expression on his face, as though he’s heard part of our conservation and knows that there’s a problem.

  “Mr. O’Connell.” He nods his head toward my dad and sits down close to me. He grabs my hand in his and squeezes it in reassurance. “This is a surprise.”

  “Well, it was either I show up here or let my ex-wife sort it out with your family. I think the sheriff would prefer not going through the ordeal. We compromised; I decided to come here and talk to you two, and she promised to stop being a giant pain in the ass.”

  I wince, a part of me still not used to having my parents talk so harshly about each other out in the open. But mostly I’m frustrated with the fact that my mom chose the absolutely wrong time to start giving a damn about my life. I have no idea what’s going on in that head of hers or why she feels so compelled to interfere in my boyfriend’s life. But if she doesn’t stop soon, she’ll have a very pissed off daughter to deal with.

  “I guess I appreciate that,” Cole tells him, and it’s my turn to squeeze his hand.

  “But you don’t completely disagree with her, do you? There’s something you find reasonable in all her madness?”

  “Yes, there is one where I think she’s coming from the right place.”

  “And?”

  He sighs and rubs his hand across his jaw, studying the two of us carefully and then studying our joined hands. Then, as if thinking very carefully about his words, he tells me, “What I feel is that the two of you are young, and that it’s not exactly healthy to have such a dependent relationship at this age.”

  My throat dries; I have no idea why I’m taking this as seriously as I am. There’s no need to listen to him but, unlike my mom, Dad seems to be coming from a genuine place, and I can’t find it in myself to ignore him.

  “Before you start arguing with me, know that I’m on your side. Tessa, even though I haven’t been the best father to you, you’re still my little girl, and no man will ever be good enough for you. Knowing that, I still think this kid here is pretty good. Don’t think I’ve missed how much happier you’ve been since he came back into your life.”

  My gaze, as if reflexively, lands on Cole, and he gives me a heart-stopping smile, melting some of the tension between us.

  “But,” my dad begins, and the tension comes back immediately. Ah, that dreadful but, “It’s scary how serious you are about each other. I saw what the breakup did to you, even if I don’t know the details. You guys are in it so deep, it’s like you’re an extension of each other. There’s no middle ground here; it’s either complete heartbreak or you go full throttle.”

  “So, you’re saying that it’s a bad thing if we’re in a committed relationship?” I don’t mean to sound as defensive as I do, but with the way Cole’s tensing up next to me, this situation is deteriorating pretty quickly.

  “There’s committed and there’s codependent. I’m on your side, Tess, but what I’m trying to tell you both is that it’s not healthy to build your lives around one person when you should be discovering yourselves. You’re starting college in a few months, Tess, and if I know you, then you wouldn’t even have made the effort to find out more about the people you’re going to meet. Tell me if I’m wrong, but is the fact that your boyfriend is going to the same college as you the most exciting prospect right now?”

  I don’t answer because that would be admitting he’s right.

  “No offense, Mr. O’Connell, but she didn’t even know I was going until a few weeks ago. I wasn’t a part of her plans then.”

  “And maybe that would’ve been better for you and for her.” My dad’s voice goes up a few notches, and this is the first time he looks slightly angry.

  “The fact that you got back together and then a minute later were on a road trip together, living in the same room, sleeping in the same bed…”

  My face turns red and I open my mouth to object, but he cuts me off. “I’m not an idiot, so don’t even try to deny that. You’re an adult, Tess, and as long as you’re being safe, I have no problem with what you do with your boyfriend. What I do have a problem with is the fact that you depend too heavily on him. None of you know what distance can do to a relationship, whether it can survive being given space and time. You know what it says to me? That the two of you jumped at the chance to travel together? It tells me that you’re insecure. It tells me, Cole, that you were scared Tessa wouldn’t want you back if she had the time to think about it, and same goes for you, Tessa. You may have been scared that he’d hurt you again, or that you might not want to get back together after the hell you went through in that month and a half. Maybe if you spent the summer apart, spent a little time figuring out what you want from each other, it would help you when you start college.”

  Once his speech finishes, no one speaks for a couple of minutes. He’s said so much that Cole and I both pretty much need time to soak it all in. I don’t even know where to start analyzing his tirade. So much has been said, a lot of which is right, but there’s a lot that’s wrong, too. Why do we need an explanation for how in love we are? Aren’t adults usually berating people my age for being involved in too many casual and meaningless flings? So, if I’m in a stable and secure relationship with a guy I’m in love with and who loves me, why is that suddenly starting to become such a big problem?

  Looking at Cole to gauge his reaction, I’m shocked by the stony expression on his face. His jaw is ticking, a sure sign that he’s angry. Maybe he’s had one too many O’Connells breathing down his neck lately. He doesn’t deserve the hell my family is putting him through, and I won’t blame him if he storms out right this second.

  “With all due respect, sir, I waited a long time to tell your daughter how I felt. She’s wise, she didn’t trust me at first, and she took her time to make sure that I was serious about her, about us. This isn’t some whirlwind romance, and nor is it unhealthy in any way. She’s my best friend; we know each other inside out. You think we’re dependent on each other? Why? Since when does being in love mean we’re addicted? We know what we want, and I’m hoping that she agrees with me on this, that distance or time wouldn’t have mattered.”

  I nod immediately, knowing without a doubt that he’s right.

  “Then do it; take some time apart. If you’re hell-bent on spending the rest of your lives together, and if that’s something you’re so sure of at eighteen, then give it a month, if not the whole summer. Tessa, this trip was supposed to be something you did with your best friends before you all went your separate ways. Do that, have fun with the girls. Your relationship will always be there, if you have so much faith in its longevity.”

  That’s apparently the last bomb he had to drop since he gets up and kisses me on top of the head. “I love you, kiddo, and I’m only doing what’s in your best interest. Get to know who you are before you become part of someone else’s identity.”

  I may have nodded; I don’t really know.

  “Same goes for you, Cole. You’re good for her, but give her the space to be something other than the town bad boy’s girlfriend.”

 
***

  It’s been a couple of days since my dad landed from Connecticut and wreaked havoc on my New York happy bubble. Though he only acted out of the goodness of his heart, the results have not been quite the success. Cole’s become really distant and quiet; no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get through to him. He lost somewhere inside his own head, and it scares me to imagine the kind of things he’s thinking about.

  But as I pack my bag, I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that we’ll be leaving New York tomorrow. It would be the understatement of the century to say that things did not go as were planned and that I’ll be glad to get out of here. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can put everything behind us.

  The girls and I are out, spending some much-needed time on our mental health; okay, so we’re shopping again, but retail therapy is the best kind of therapy. More often than not, though, I do find myself checking my phone to see if Cole’s replied to any of the texts I’ve sent him since the morning. It’s extremely unlike him to not do so, and the fact that I have no messages from him is what makes the gnawing fear inside of me grow worse. Whatever this is, whatever’s changing between us, I need to confront him about it before it becomes destructive.

  I’m done giving him space, and I’m definitely done avoiding what has obviously become a bigger issue than expected. After idling around the shops for a bit, I leave Megan and Beth, telling them that I’ll see them later. They’ve decided to give us the apartment for a bit, and Alex is going to meet them. Sending them a thankful look, I trudge toward whatever it is that awaits me.

  When I get back, it immediately hits me that something’s wrong when I see all of Cole’s bags gathered in the living room. Panic starts to claw at me as I walk toward the room we’re sharing. He’s there, sitting on the bed messing around with his phone. He looks uncharacteristically serious, his expression grim, and it only gets grimmer when he sees me standing in the doorway.

  “Hey,” he says, and I just look at him blankly.