“What a piece of work.” He shakes his head before grabbing my hand and hauling me to his chest.
“That was pretty sexy.”
“What was?” I arch an eyebrow. It’s nice to see him like this, all light and free and not brooding and distant.
“Seeing you like that, a woman in control.” He settles his hands at the sides of my waist and teasingly begins bringing them up and down.
“Your parents are a couple of feet away,” I squeak when his hands get a bit too close to trouble.
“Your overnight bag is in my room.” He grins.
“What?”
“I thought we were stating facts.”
“When did you…how did you? Am I staying over?”
He nuzzles his face in my neck. “Yes, and it’s going to be fun.”
“Fun.” I’m beginning to lose my train of thought.
“Yeah it’ll be like an R-Rated Disney Land.”
“Oh my…”
“My parents are going to go drop off Nana and stay the night with some of their friends.”
“And Jay?”
“Twenty bucks says that he’ll check into a hotel the moment we close the door to our bedroom.”
“That’s not something I’m going to bet against.”
“Smart choice, Shortcake, smart choice.”
***
Before I know it, it’s time to head back to school, but this time I leave knowing that winter break is just weeks away and that I’ll be home for a good while the next time I come back. Megan, Beth, and I say a sappy goodbye to each other, and Beth promises to visit at least once in the coming month, ensuring that she’ll bring Travis along.
Before we leave, my dad pulls me aside and hands me an envelope, which I know contains a big, fat check.
“What is it for this time?”
“She called it a pre-Christmas present present.” He scratches the back of his neck.
“Well, you know what to do with this.”
“Tessa…I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay with you shutting out your mom like this. This is the only way she knows how to connect with people these days. I really think you should…”
“I don’t need her money, literally. I really don’t need it, Dad.”
“And I’m proud of you, I’m proud that you’re smart with your finances and that you keep a steady job. Don’t use the money and see it for what it really is, a plea to get you to talk to her.”
“I’ll think about it; I’m not making any promises, but I’ll think about it.”
I hold my tongue from asking how her sugar daddy’s doing, because that would just ruin the moment.
The drive back is oddly quiet; Cole seems detached again, and the sense of foreboding that creeps through me makes my skin crawl. When I can’t take it anymore, I ask him to pull over.
“What?” He seems startled.
“Do it, or I’ll jump out of the car.”
“Tessie, what are you doing?” His eyes widen as I begin pulling off my seat belt.
“Being a sexy woman in control.” I grin at him as he pulls the car to the side of the road, earning us honks and angry glares from other drivers.
Removing my seat belt, I move over to the driver’s side and straddle Cole’s lap.
“I think I’m getting my mojo back.” I loop my arms around his neck.
“Your mojo?” His smile is a little bit cautious, like he’s wondering if his girlfriend has gone batshit crazy, oh well.
“I’ll try out for the dance team when I get back, and maybe the student newspaper.”
His eyes dance with delight and mischief. “Really? I’ll get to see you in that itty-bitty uniform?”
I laugh and kiss him. “You and probably every other guy on campus, mister.”
This makes him scowl. “Why don’t you just stick with the newspaper; I’m sure that’ll keep you occupied enough.”
“No way,” we kiss again, “I’m going back and fitting in, and if that means getting over my stupid fears, then I will.”
“And you,” I clutch handfuls of his hair and pull his mouth to mine, “are going to stop acting like you’re on a man period.”
He starts to choke. “I don’t act like…” I slap my hand over his mouth. “Shut up and make out with me.”
His voice is muffled beneath my hands. “Kinda difficult to do when I can’t even breathe.” His lips tickle my fingers, and I remove my hand.
“Are you drunk?” His hands settle on my back, moving lower until he’s palming my behind.
“Just a little liquid courage.”
He shakes his head. “Drunk Tessie always tries taking advantage of my innocence.”
I swat his shoulder. “You haven’t been innocent since the day you discovered your first facial hair.”
He gives me a disarming smile. “Now that, Shortcake, is the truth. What were you saying about making out again?”
***
Sarah’s studying in our room when I get in, still feeling the after-effects of the beers I chugged down before leaving for school. I must look like a total mess with wild hair and swollen lips, and she gives me a sly look.
“In the car? Really, Tessa?” She shakes her head, her shoulders quaking with humor.
“Hey, it didn’t get that far. Cole has a thing with not letting drunk girls maul him.” I fall onto my bed.
“That I do.” Cole walks in and drops my bag at the foot of the bed. “You need anything else, baby?”
“Just a really long nap.”
“If you want to go out to eat when you wake up, call me. I just have to go home and do damage control. Eric really isn’t into clean living spaces ever since his girlfriend left him…again.”
“She’ll be back by next week, right?” I mumble, fighting sleep and exhaustion.
“Give or take a few days. Sleep well, Tessie.” I remember him taking off my shoes and pulling the blanket over me, kissing my forehead before he leaves.
I hear Sarah sigh, “You’re so lucky.”
I don’t respond but silently agree, “I’m so lucky.”
Chapter Twenty-Three: It’s Like Finding Out McGonagall Wears Negligees to Bed
Coming out of the gym shower, I’m a little amused to see Cole and Bentley trying their best not to have a standoff. It’s actually cute how hard they’re trying, but the awkwardness is coming off in waves from their direction. Pulling my hair up in a bun, I walk toward them and try to get Cole away from my poor new friend before his newfound patience disappears.
“Hey, I’m all done. Should we go get some lunch?”
Cole looks relieved as the tension drains from his face. He grabs my hand and glowers at Bentley, who’s shuffling his feet.
“See you tomorrow?” I smile at him, but his face just reddens in response.
“I can’t…I mean I won’t be here tomorrow.” He scratches the back of his neck.
“Oh.” I’m disappointed. He isn’t just my trainer but has become a good friend in a place where I’ve struggled to find them. We don’t get a lot of time to hang out, especially considering he’s a senior and in all kinds of pain this semester.
“You’re working in the evening, then?”
“No, I took the day off, I kinda have a date.”
My eyes widen; this wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.
“Really? You met someone?”
Next to me I can practically hear Cole rolling his eyes as he tugs at my hand. “That’s how it works, Tessie. You meet someone, and if you don’t hate their guts in the first fifteen minutes of getting to know them, then you invite them for dinner and a movie, and if you still don’t feel like choking them, you go on another one.”
He directs his question to Bentley. “This isn’t your first date, is it? You look way too happy for it to be with someone you just met.”
“No, her name’s Amanda…I met her a couple of weeks ago, she, uh, she works at the campus bookstore and I’ve had a few classes with her before as well…”<
br />
His face lights up a little, and I realize that I’m truly happy for him, regardless of Cole’s teasing.
“That’s awesome, then! I hope you have a great time with her! Let me know if you’d be interested in going on a double date sometime soon.”
It’s almost comical how both boys have an eerily similar look of horror on their faces right now.
Okay, then, no to double dates.
***
“Double date with Bentley? Did you have this idea the same time as you decided to try out for the dance team mid-semester?”
Cami scowls at me as we stand outside the dorm room of the captain of said team in an attempt to talk her into letting me audition. Most girls on the team have applied for dance scholarships; others tried out in the beginning when the student-run clubs put up flyers. I, at the time, felt so overwhelmed and out of place that I decided not to become part of any of them. Hence, when I’m not studying, I’ve had a lot of spare time on my hands, and I realize that that’s part of the reason why my thoughts have become so self-destructive, why I’ve been questioning pretty much everything in my life. So, to put an end to that, I’ve decided on a new beginning, one where the focal point of my existence isn’t whether the vicious vultures will take Cole away from me or not.
“What’s wrong with a double date? Cole’s my boyfriend, Bentley’s my friend, and if I want to hang out with both of them, then I should be able to.”
“Am I the only one who notices Cole’s urge to decapitate any guy who’s even slightly interested in you?” I open my mouth to protest but she slaps her hand over it. “And don’t even tell me that Bentley’s not into you because he is.”
“He’s dating someone,” I mumble petulantly. Cami withdraws her hands and sighs. “So was Kristen Stewart, didn’t stop her, now did it?”
I blink a couple of times, trying to make a connection, but before I can point out that I’m not nearly as cool as the example she’s just given, the door to Lindsey Owens’s dorm room swings open, and Cami and I have to jump back to avoid colliding with her.
She’s a bit stunned to see us both. “Can I help you?”
“You can definitely help her by telling her that she’s absolutely crazy for thinking she can join your team now.” Cami scowls at her, clearly intimidating the older girl.
“Well,” she stammers because obviously no one’s ready for Cami this early in the morning. She turns to me and scrutinizes my body, obviously checking if I have the body for those sports bras and tiny shorts they like to wear.
“We do have an opening; one of the girls has a fractured ankle, so our routine is messed up. We weren’t going to hold auditions, though, we have backups.” She scrunches her nose and I see a glimmer of hope, something that might help this crazy plan of mine work.
“You don’t think they’re good, do you?”
“They’re out of control, freshmen girls who think they don’t look and dance like shit after an entire night out.” She narrows her eyes at me. “You don’t drink, do you?”
“I do occasionally, when I need some emergency courage and bravado.” I think about our car ride back to campus and my cheeks heat up.
“Oh, what the heck, give me your number and I’ll text you whenever we plan on holding auditions. Do you have any prior experience; have you competed before?”
“No, I just…I think I can do it, I’m a quick learner and I have no social life, so you won’t have to worry about me throwing up during practice.”
The corner of her mouth lifts up in a small smile. “We’ll see.”
Lindsey retreats back into her room and a wide grin breaks on my face; I squeal and hug Cami, who stands still.
“I cannot believe you’re doing this!”
Stepping back, I don’t let her less-than-enthusiastic attitude get me down. “I need to do this, okay? For me and for my peace of mind. If I don’t, then all I’ll ever do is sit in my dorm room and think about everything that’s wrong with me. This is what I need, to know that…”
“You’re just like every other girl who wants to be popular?”
Her comment hurts, but I do get where she’s coming from. She thinks I’ll change, that I’ll become someone unrecognizable, because so far, she’s only met Tessa the social hermit O’Connell, but what she doesn’t know is that sometimes I’m not a recluse by choice but because I’m held back by my fears. Currently those fears are taking a toll on me and my relationship, and something needs to give.
“It’s not about being popular; it’s about being more comfortable in my own skin.”
She blinks a couple of times and then rolls her eyes, slinging an arm around my shoulder. “I don’t get you, but I support you because that’s how good of a person I am. Now, on to the student newspaper office?”
I grin. “Yes, please, I know they’re looking for an investigative reporter.”
“Jesus, why don’t you go for the nice, happy, fluffy things? The beauty section is desperately in need of a revamp.”
“There’s a beauty section?”
“See? That’s my point! Hmm, maybe I’ll go apply, too, God knows someone needs to tell the people that having your roots show isn’t the cool thing to do anymore.”
I snort as we head down to the offices where the editor in chief seats. Mentally I tick yet another thing off of my to-do list.
***
“You’re going away?” I squeak as Cole begins throwing random clothes in his duffel bag. I sit at the edge of his bed, my textbook open in front of me currently being ignored. He’s just sprung the news on me and it’s extremely distracting.
He stops throwing the clothes in and leans in to kiss my forehead. “Just for over a week or so, baby, Coach wants us to attend some pro games and study their tapes. He’s managed to book us into some training program, and apparently it’s a big deal.”
“Oh.” Strangely enough, I try to remember the last time Cole and I were separated for more than a few days and nothing comes to mind.
“And you’re leaving tomorrow?”
“Bright and early to Florida.”
“Oh, it’ll be a short flight then,” I muse and begin playing with the end of my sweater.
“Hey,” he tips my chin up, “If you’re not okay with it, then…”
“No!” My eyes widen. “You’re going; of course you’re going. I guess I’m just not used to being here without you.”
“I don’t ever want you to get used to that.” His eyes are intense, burning into mine as he sits down next to me and pulls me into his lap. The textbook is shut and pushed aside, of course. I wrap my arms around Cole’s neck and nuzzle into his chest.
“I don’t want to suffocate you,” I tell him, somehow just starting to realize my worst fears. “I don’t want to be that girlfriend that wants you to only spend time with her.”
“Hey, where’s this coming from? Why’d you ever think that I would want to spend any less time with you? Tessie, I’m here with you because that’s all I want to do. In fact, it scares me sometimes that maybe you’ll get sick of me.”
He laughs, but it’s forced. I have no idea how we ended up having this moment, but it’s refreshing to know that he’s got the same insecurities as I do. He might be completely wrong but hey, at least he gets it.
“Never,” I whisper, “I’m going to miss you so much, but maybe this will be good for us.”
“Trying to get rid of me already? I’m hurt.” He jokes, but this time I know he’s not taking anything to heart.
“More like I’m giving you room to not worry about your crazy girlfriend. It’ll be a nice change.”
“I kinda like my crazy girlfriend; I think I’ll keep her,” he says, tightening his arms around me. But then his eyes meet mine and his expression is serious.
“I’m happy that you’re finally putting yourself out there. You deserve it, Tessie, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
My eyes sting a little, there’s a sudden crackle of tension in the air, and som
ething shifts, something I can’t put my finger on, and I’m not sure whether I like it.
“I love you.” I kiss him swiftly, trying to find that reassurance that nothing has changed,
“I love you, too.”
I pull back and study his face. “Are you still thinking about what Nicole said?”
His expression is unreadable. I don’t know what has happened in the time between our conversation in the car to now but it’s rattled him; something has, and he’s not telling me.
“No,” he says quickly and tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. “But there are other things on my mind.”
“And you don’t want to tell me?”
This version of Cole is slightly scary because ever since the day we got together, he’s been nothing but honest with me. Good or bad, he’ll tell me, and right now I know it’s killing him to have to hide something from me.
“I don’t want you to worry, okay? I can handle it.”
He doesn’t let me bring up the topic again as he kisses me into oblivion.
***
I’m doodling when I’m supposed to be working on my ten-page essay for class, and Sarah notices that my thoughts are elsewhere. I’d holed myself up in the library while she Skyped with Grant, but when I came back to our room, I hadn’t managed to even come up with an introduction. Cole’s left this morning and after spending all of yesterday with him, I still can’t figure out what’s going on with him.
“How did things go at the paper?” she asks. I know she’s trying to start a conversation that’ll eventually get me to spill what it is that I’m obsessing over. What could I possibly tell her when I don’t know much myself?
I shrug. “They’re not looking for reporters, no spots left. But I sent one of the editors a piece I’d been working on and she really liked it, so I’m optimistic.”
She smiles warmly. “I’m so glad you’re pushing yourself to do these things.”
She’s involved in a bunch of societies for environmental protection, which explains her enthusiasm.
“So, what’s wrong?” She frowns. “Why do you look so sad?”
I shake my head. “Nothing, it’s just an off day. I can’t seem to start this essay.”
The Bad Boy’s Heart Page 27
