by A. E. Murphy
If you remember Sylvia and I bonded before when I almost died. Yeah, well we’ve bonded again. I actually enjoy her being here. She doesn’t push me, doesn’t boss me around she basically just helps out and looks after me. I’m now officially allowed to move around as there is zero danger to me going into labor. DJ thinks it could be any day now as baby is in the right position and her head is right down. So, Sylvia has been researching ways to kick start labor because I’m annoyingly frustrated.
Marie brought round seven pineapples. Yep, apparently seven pineapples will kick start labor. I immediately responded, “Well if I manage to eat that many pineapples my stomach would most likely stretch in size and push the baby out of my belly button.” I mean… is this even physically possible? Not the baby through the belly button but the eating of seven pineapples. It sounds impossible.
“Come on,” she chuckles as Lucas walks in. “Eat.” I take the bowl full of chopped pineapple and start chomping down. “I’ll go juice the rest.”
Summer is here also, she thinks jumping jacks and going for a long walk will help so she’s brought this exercise step with her so I don’t have to go out into the rain. Now I’m eating pineapple whilst stepping up and down on this fucking thing. Gah. My friends are crazy.
Back to Lucas.
“What are you…? I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me.” He then takes a paper bag full of groceries into the kitchen, Amelia sits next to Marie on the couch and watches me with her inquiring eyes. “I’m making chili for dinner. Spicy food should get you started.” Another miracle labor starter. How wonderful.
More like a shit volcano starter.
They mean well.
I’m loving the fact they’re here trying to get this baby out of me. What I’m not loving is the methods in which they are choosing to help with.
“SEX!” Marie practically screams and holds her phone in the air. “Just found another one. Apparently the stimulation of the nipples and an orgasm via sex can bring on labor.” She looks around frantically and then frowns. “Where’s James?” her hands go to her hips and then she glances towards the clattering in the kitchen. “Lucas?” Summer and Sylvia both grab her before she says something I’ll probably sit on her for.
“James should be here for this,” Summer says solemnly as she braids Amelia’s hair. “Should we call him?” I shrug, I really don’t care.
Sex does sound tempting.
No, it really doesn’t. How would it even work? I have a soccer ball glued to my front. It really sucks to be me. Up, down, up, down. I’m still doing my steps when the bowl of pineapple is taken from my hands and a warm cup of foul smelling water is thrust at me.
“Drink this,” James says and winks at me. “It’s raspberry leaf.” Again? I tipped this in the plant by the couch the last time he gave it to me. “I put a little lemon juice in it.” Oh joy.
I’m desperate enough that I pinch my nose and down the contents. I need to sit down now, I’ve been doing this step thing for the past thirty minutes. My stamina sucks.
“When did you get here?”
“Summer called me half an hour ago,” wow, has that much time really passed? “Is it ok that I’m here?”
I narrow my eyes playfully, trying to establish a no tension temporary bond between us, if that makes sense? “Are you going to make me eat seven pineapples, chilies and do a million step ups and downs?”
He shakes his head and smiles back, that smile that I claimed so long ago, “No.” He takes the cup from my hands and puts it on the coffee table before wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight. My belly kind of separates us. It’s a little funny, especially when she starts wriggling. “Sit.” I do as I’m told and park myself between Amelia and Sylvia.
I then watch as he pulls out a birth ball still in a flat box and starts to blow it up. When it’s done I sit on it instantly, it’s so comfy, ahhh. That’s nice. James holds my shoulders as I bounce a little so I don’t fall. He also rubs my shoulders… heaven, pure fucking heaven. I hate our up and down relationship at the moment but I have to admit, I’m relieved he’s no longer seeing Zara. God knows why. I broke up with him right?
“It’s good you’re here James,” Marie chirps in but before she can finish Summer slaps her hand over her mouth again making her cackle like a hyena.
Unfortunately labor doesn’t begin and everyone leaves, apart from Sylvia who is currently helping me clean the kitchen. I’m going to miss this woman when she leaves. She’s actually a really nice person, just a little rough around the edges and set in her ways. James left twenty minutes ago after giving me a back rub. We didn’t talk, there’s nothing to be said. I think we’ve fucked it, part of me wants him to ask for me back. Part of me thinks I’ll say yes. The other part is telling me far too much time has gone by and far too many arguments have made the cracks in our feeble connection start to glow.
James has never been a verbally angry person but recently I’ve pressed his buttons too much which has clearly caused him to say some extremely hurtful things. I am a verbally angry person so it’s to be expected of me. When you know someone says a lot of shit when they’re mad you learn to not listen to it, but when someone level headed doesn’t ever say a bad word no matter how angry and they suddenly start calling you all the names under the sun, part of you wonders whether or not it’s true.
I need to pee again, all this thinking is effecting my bladder. That doesn’t look right! Oh my god. I’m bleeding! No. “Sylvia!”
“What is it?” I hear her burst into the bedroom.
“There’s blood in my underwear.”
“Let me see,” Ok, well this is awkward. “That’s just your bloody show. It means your plug is loosening.” How does she know that? “I read the baby books.” So did I! “It’s mucus and brown rather than red. Definitely the show. Shall I load pictures on the internet to compare it too?”
“No, no, that’s ok. I trust you,” phew. “Nothing came away when I wiped. I remember reading something about it too.”
“Yeah, it usually occurs a week before labor happens but that’s not always the case. I’ll call James. He should be here just in case.”
Great.
Half an hour later James rushes in and starts fussing over me. He even has this weird baby heartbeat device and straps it to my stomach. I have to admit, falling asleep to that sound is one of the best things in the world.
My due date comes and DJ performs a membrane sweep. That’s not pleasant and had me crying out in pain. It’s where they run a finger around the plug to release the sack or something. Hell if I no.
Now I’m back at home with James and Sylvia, my swollen ankles are resting on his lap as Sylvia runs around, making sure everything is in the overnight bags and ready to go by the door just in case. I suggest they put it in the car which according to Sylvia is a brilliant idea. Which leads to me asking if James has installed the car seat yet. He’s shocked that I know something he doesn’t. Ha. So off they go with the bags and the car seat and such while I lay on the couch and make one of Amelia’s Barbie’s fall off the mountain that is my stomach and die a most painful death.
“Still making noises?” James chuckles on his way in. I flip him off and continue to make Barbie gurgle and spit and cry for help until… oh no! The remote goes flying down and whack, ends her poor little life. I’m evil. I know. “You’re a strange being.”
“And you have smelly feet.”
“I do not.”
“You can’t smell it because you’re so used to it. They smell like crackers and cheese.”
He pinches my thigh, I yelp and giggle. My back is aching like a bitch.
“I’m getting Braxton hick’s again,” I sigh and reveal my shiny pudgy. We watch as it tightens and my back aches. “DJ said this would be normal after the sweep right?”
James nods and leans forward to press his lips to my stomach. I smile and run my fingers through his hair. It’s so soft, like silk or feathers. “Want me to run you a bath?”<
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I nod, a small smile teasing my lips, “That would be great.”
He sits with me while I’m in the bath, we argue about names. He really loves the name Evelyn. I don’t dislike it, it just doesn’t feel right. Although the abbreviation Evie, that kind of works for me. We may be able to reach a happy medium.
Twinge, spasm, ouch. My back really hurts. Stupid false labor.
I tuck myself into bed, James sits beside me and rubs my back. I fall to sleep as his magic fingers continue to work their magic.
“I am not taking you to get a spray tan and a wax! You’re a day overdue!” James snaps. Lucas and Marie start sniggering behind their hands. Why are they here again? “Not a chance. No way.”
“Marie, can you take me to get a spray tan and a wax. I really don’t want the doctor looking down there and wondering where the hell my cunny has gone,” I stick out my lower lip. “Please?”
“Certainly milady, shall we get out nails done too?”
“Yes, a mani-pedi sounds perfect.” It really does. “My hair needs a trim too.”
“Are you crazy?” James practically squeals. I glare at him, “Even if I do happen to suddenly go into labor the baby isn’t just going to fall out! If you come too you can keep an eye on me.” He relents and grabs his coat, Lucas shrugs and follows suit. Off to the day spa we go.
Ok, so we go a little overboard, we get facial’s, mud baths, massages, we get our hair and nails done, makeovers and of course a wax.
“No, no, no. AH!” Lucas squeals like a little girl. We’ve forced him to get his chest waxed, I’m laughing so hard I can barely stand. “Stop it!” he practically shouts at the beautician or whatever you call them, she’s trying not to laugh but failing miserably. James is holding his brothers shoulders to stop him from bucking like an angry donkey. “No! No! OW!” She pulls another strip off without even giving him a moment to breath does another and another. The entire time he screams, curses and threatens us with serious bodily harm. All of which only makes us laugh even more. She puts a soothing lotion on his now shiny and bare chest, I watch his face relax and a sigh escapes his lungs.
“I hate you all, I never want to see you again,” he pouts like a petulant child and slams the car door. Marie and I sit in the back behind the boys still sniggering. Oh yes, I filmed it, of course I did. He turns to look at me, “I didn’t hear any screaming when you got a wax.”
I shrug, “I’m used to it. You big baby.” We head home, my back ache returns. This sucks. The ache travels from my back to my front. Damn it. “I need to lay down.” I state as soon as we enter. Sylvia is watching a knitting show, her needles in her hands. So far she’s managed to make a mangled scarf. Practice makes perfect though right?
“My belly hurts,” I rub my lower abdomen as James rubs my back. It really hurts. It’s still false labor though. Right? The pains are erratic and a little painful but nothing concerning yet. They feel like they’re getting stronger but that could just be because I’m tired and fed up. “I need to go to sleep.” I can barely keep my eyes open.
“Do you think it’s time?” James asks as he helps me to the bed. I shrug, he’s really asking me? I don’t even know when a turkey is cooked. Let alone a baby. “Try and get some sleep.” He helps me into my silk nightgown and goes to leave. I pull him down beside me and press my back against his chest, his warmth feels so good. So soothing.
“No, don’t leave,” I feel him smile against my shoulder in between gentle kisses. “James?”
“Yes babe?”
“You know you said before that I don’t love you anymore?”
I feel him tense, he asks cautiously, “Yeah?”
I stretch and yawn. “It’s not true. I do love you.” His breath hitches and he buries his face in my hair. “My belly hurts.”
“I know baby, I know.”
Chapter Twenty Seven
So warm, need to pee. I check the digital clock on my bedside table. It’s four thirty in the morning.
Fuck. That definitely wasn’t a twinge, that really fucking hurts. My entire lower stomach is clenching and tightening. It’ll pass… it’s not real. Right?
I take a few deep breaths and pad into the bathroom to do my business. Then I pad back into the room and sit on the bed, James is still sleeping. He looks so peaceful. I shouldn’t wake him.
Four minutes pass and I feel it building. Oh dear god. That really hurts, it’s manageable though. I can handle this. Just lay down and go to sleep for a little longer.
Laying down I turn on my side, James instantly wraps around me. I’ve missed my tentacle monster. With slow deep breaths the pain releases and I’m once again ok, although I am feeling a little nauseous, and hungry.
Just shut your eyes and sleep Maya. I find myself dozing between a state of awareness and the land of nod. Hell, I miss Numbland.
“AH!” I cry out, I can’t help it. My breath becomes labored, my mind instantly working my lungs as it tries to control the pain in my lower abdomen. James instantly jolts up. “Time.”
“Time?”
“What time is it?” I check the clock. I must have dozed off. It’s almost six in the morning. “Shit. It’s time.”
“Time?”
I narrow my eyes at him, “Are you fucking stupid? It’s time. I’m in labor.” I swear, if I’m not I will freak. “Ow, ow, ow.” Here comes another.
“MOM!” James shouts a little frantically and starts pulling on clothes. Sylvia dashes into the room fully clothed, her hair in a mess around her face, she already has her coat on. “I heard her the first time she shouted. I’m ready.”
“I’m glad you two are ready, I’m still in my nightgown,” I laugh a little. They both rush around and help me pull on sweats and a vest. James shoves my shoes onto my feet and follows me into the bathroom. Whilst I brush my teeth another sharp pain tears through me. I hum and breathe through it, my toothbrush gripped between my clenched teeth. James bless him starts finishing my teeth for me before doing his own. Sylvia quickly does her hair and shoves mine into a messy bun. “Let the others know. They’ll be pissed if you don’t.”
James sends a group message and calls DJ who requests to speak to me directly. I put the phone to my ear, “Hello.”
“Maya, how are we doing?”
“Not too bad.” AHHHHH! “Ok,” I grit out mid contraction. “Maybe, a lot bad. But the in between is a good relief.”
“Stay on the phone, I want to time your next contraction.” So we sit, he waits, listens to my breathing, and times the next two. “Ok. Go to the hospital. Maternity ward. I’ll meet you there.”
Three minutes apart and starting to feel a little pressure but it’s honestly not that bad yet. Of course it hurts but it’s not so painful where I want to numb it all.
James drives like a madman to the hospital. It’s rather fun, kind of like being on a rollercoaster that doesn’t go upside down. I find the swerving rather relaxing. Sylvia rubs my back for me the entire way, this also helps.
DJ greets us as soon as we step onto the labor ward. I’m so relieved to see him I almost hug him. He’s in blue scrubs, not his normal attire and takes us straight to a private room. It has a bed on one side and a large round bath on the other, it’s really cozy and warm. It even has tea and coffee making facilities. I get struck with another contraction as soon as we enter the room. James stands behind me as I bend over the bed and rubs my back.
I take back what I said before. I’m really, really not enjoying this. Sylvia is grinning from ear to ear, James just looks like he’s about to shit himself with worry and DJ is casually whistling the mission impossible theme tune which really isn’t helping. I tell him as such which only makes him laugh and flick my ear. He just flicked me!
DJ then goes on to fill the tub, I watch the steam rise as hot water shoots from the tap. James helps me dress into a bikini, the top part is a red vest that goes over my belly, and the bottoms are just red hot pants that will most likely be coming off soon.
“Come on baby,” James breathes softly in my ear, I’m literally clinging to him like a lifeline. Oh man this hurts. “Deep breaths.”
“I don’t like this,” I whimper as the contraction subsides. “Can’t you just pull it out?”
DJ shakes his head and motions for me to lay back. Off go the panties, I literally have zero modesty right now. “I’m going to check you to see how dilated you are.”
James kisses my forehead. I feel DJ’s hand tug at my inside and bite my lip to stifle the cry. Fuck, that really fucking hurts. “Ouch! Dude, do you have to pull?”
He just chuckles again, that’s really infuriating. “You are five centimeters dilated. Half way there Maya. You can do this.” He covers me up with the thin hospital blanket. My eyes catch the little plastic cot in the corner, it has a contraption of some sort going above it, that looks like it may light it up or something. They showed us one of these in class. I think they weigh the baby on it and such. “Do you want to get in the pool for a bit now?”
I shake my head, “No, but I really feel like I need to push.”
“You don’t need to push, you’re only five centimeters.”
I’m fucking serious, “There’s a lot of pressure going on down there.”
“Ok, let’s see what happens.”
I don’t just scream, I growl and squeeze James’ hand as another contraction rips through me, and another and another. Then I go for it, DJ holds a cloth of some sort between my legs. Is Sylvia filming this? Fuck that hurts. It won’t stop clenching, need relief.
There’s a pop, a splash and wow, the pressure is gone. James starts laughing, like really laughing. I glance up and look at DJ who is unfortunately covered from his shoulders to his hips in my waters. They fucking projectile! I did not know this.
