“Yep.”
“He really doesn’t talk much,” Austin whispered.
“He needs to study,” Jeremy whispered back. “Speaking of which, we’re probably disturbing him.”
Evan waved a hand at them. “I’m fine.”
But they went in the living room to wait for their food anyway. Which seemed dumb because it was a big open area and Evan could see and hear them from where he was, but whatever.
“God, I can’t believe anyone chooses to go to school when they don’t have to.” Austin made a face as he flopped down on the couch. That sounded like torture.
“You don’t like school?”
“No. It’s stupid.” Austin gave him a sidelong glance. “Why? Did you?”
“It was all right. It got me where I needed to be.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means you don’t have to like school. Only nerds like Evan do.” Evan glanced up from his textbook and stuck his tongue out at them. “You don’t have to be excited about going. You just have to fucking do it because it’ll get you what you want.”
“What if I don’t know what I want.”
“You figure it out eventually. You’re only, what, thirteen? You’ve got time.”
Austin was silent a while.
“Look, college isn’t so bad,” Jeremy said. “You get to make your own schedule, do your own thing. There’s no one breathing down your neck telling you where to be or what to do. You get to run your own life.”
“Yeah, like I’ll be able to pay for college,” Austin scoffed.
“Uh, hello.” Jeremy gestured around the place. “You’re living in a penthouse and your new dads aren’t hurting for money. If you tell them you want to go to college, I’m pretty sure they’ll set you up with a college fund.”
He blinked. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“I don’t get why they’d do that. Or really, any of this.” It still felt weird to live here. He liked having his own room and the fact there weren’t a ton of little kids running around all the time. He liked the tiny balcony that was just for him. He went out there a lot while he read graphic novels and played games on his phone. It felt safe. But it didn’t really feel like home. He didn’t know where home was anymore.
“Well, they’re doing all of this because they’re weirdly nice guys who are super generous.”
Austin shot Jeremy a curious glance. “Are you a nice guy?”
“Nah, I’m kind of an asshole sometimes. But he loves me.” He jerked his thumb back toward Evan, who snorted. “And he’s a nice guy, so I figure I must be all right. That’s good enough for me.”
Austin hid a smile. Jeremy was actually pretty cool. If he had to get stuck with babysitters, at least they weren’t totally stupid.
“You know, I can’t remember the last time I watched a Braves game,” Stephen admitted with a rueful little laugh as he sipped his glass of bourbon.
“No, me either.” Russ grimaced. “Or read a book that wasn’t about parenting.”
“I’m not complaining that I’ve missed most of the news lately though,” Stephen admitted. “I swear, every time I look at the headlines, it just gets worse.”
Russ chuckled as he snuck a glance at his phone. “You haven’t missed much. I catch up sometimes when I’m at the center, but otherwise …”
“Even the poker games have been on hiatus,” Stephen said. “I loved hosting them since we moved into this place, but I haven’t wanted to overwhelm Austin with new people. Having the guys over to play felt like a bit of an invasion of his privacy when he first arrived and all of them totally understood. I do miss it though.”
“Well, we could always ask Austin how he’d feel about resuming it,” Russ said.
“Do you really think he’d say no?” Stephen countered. “I’d like to think so, but other than his frustrations about school, he’s very compliant. He does what we tell him and doesn’t put up a much of a fuss except for heavy sighs and a few muttered comments.”
“Isn’t that most parents’ dream child?” Russ said dryly.
“I hope not,” Stephen said. “Or at least not mine. I want him to feel like a real member of our household. I’m not saying I wish he was defiant about everything, but …”
“Oh, I know. I want him to feel like he can speak up too,” Russ said. “But you have to admit, there are worse things than a well-behaved kid.”
“There are. I just worry he’s stifling who he is to try to be the kid he thinks we want. Or that he’s been so beaten down by life he’s not even sure who he is. I want him to be able to stand up for himself. With us and with the rest of the world. Foster his sense of identity and self-sufficiency.”
“I want that too.” Russ adjusted his glasses. “But as you keep reminding me, all of this is going to take time.”
“True.” Stephen grimaced as a thought hit him. “Oh God, we’ve turned into those parents. We can’t even go out to dinner without talking about our kid. Every conversation we have circles back around to him.”
Russ gave him a lopsided smile. “I know. I can’t stop checking my phone. I keep worrying I’ll miss a message from Evan or Jeremy.”
“That’s it,” Stephen said firmly. “No more checking your phone and no more kid talk for the rest of the meal. Your ringer is on; if Evan and Jeremy actually need to get ahold of us, they can call.”
“I’ll try to come up with something more exciting than work and parenting while we wait for Tod to bring our food,” Russ said as he turned his phone facedown on the table. He glanced around the restaurant. “Where is the walking, talking flirt, anyway?”
Stephen chuckled and caught a glimpse of Tod winding his way through the tables on his way out from the kitchen. “Actually, it looks like he might be on his way with our entrees now.”
“Excellent,” Russ said. “I’m starved.”
“How’s the studying going?” Jeremy asked Evan after they sat down to eat pizza at the dining room table.
“Okay,” Evan said. “Just reviewing my notes.”
“What are you studying anyway?” Austin asked around a mouthful of pizza. Yum. Jeremy had even gotten extra cheese.
“Counseling Theory, Philosophy, and Ethics,” Evan said.
Austin’s eyes widened. “What is that?”
“Boring shit,” Jeremy said.
Austin laughed.
“Probably to most people but I enjoy it, so that’s all that matters. You know what counseling is, right?”
“Yeah, I’ve been loads of times.” Austin rolled his eyes. “The Nashes were big on that.”
“I know it’s not always fun,” Evan said. “But it can be helpful to have someone to talk to sometimes. I know you’ve been through a lot.”
Austin squirmed. That was the thing he hated most about being in foster care. Everyone knew about his life. It had been the worst at his old school. At least at the new school, he just told them he had moved. So far, no one had found out the truth. And it was kinda true. Not really a lie, so he didn’t feel too bad about it.
“You, um, know about my dad being in jail and everything?” Austin looked down at his plate. Russ and Stephen had promised him they wouldn’t go blabbing his past to everyone, but it turned out they’d lied. Then again, everyone did. He didn’t know why he was surprised.
Evan’s eyes widened. “No! No, Russ and Stephen really didn’t say much at all. Just that you were in foster care and the people you were staying with at the last home had to move so you needed a new family.”
“Oh.” Austin blinked a few times. That wasn’t so bad. Of course, he’d just blabbed about it. But it was better than someone else doing it. “Yeah.”
“But I don’t know anything about why you’re in foster care,” Evan said with a sympathetic look. “It’s not my business. I just know it’s usually pretty bad.”
Austin sighed. “Yeah. My dad’s in jail for drug stuff and my mom died.”
Evan gave him a sad look.
“I’m sorry. That must be really, really hard.”
Austin nodded and took another bite of pizza. If he didn’t, he’d cry and that just wasn’t happening. He didn’t cry in front of anyone. Not anymore.
“My mom had an asthma attack,” he mumbled. “I called 9-1-1, but her inhaler was out and she died before they got there.”
“I’m so, so sorry to hear that, Austin,” he said.
Austin glanced up at him through his lashes. Evan’s eyes were so sad it made Austin look away.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
Jeremy patted his back, which was almost worse, and he had to take a deep breath and cram more pizza in. It was hard to cry with cheese and sausage in your mouth.
Evan gave him a sympathetic look like he understood, then cleared his throat. “So yeah, you know what counseling is. I work at a funeral home, so there are a lot of people who are going through very, very rough times when their family dies. And I want to do more of the grief counseling there.”
“Oh.” Austin thought about it. “Wait, a funeral home? You spend all day with dead bodies? Eww. Gross.”
Evan laughed. “That’s what Jeremy said when I first told him.”
“So how did you two meet anyway?” Austin asked. They were a weird couple too. Jeremy was funny and loud, and Evan was kinda the complete opposite. Nice but quiet. They gave each other the same kind of mushy looks Russ and Stephen gave each other though.
“We met at a shoe store,” Jeremy said at the exact same time Evan said, “At Russ and Stephen’s engagement party.”
Austin looked between them both. “Which one is true?”
“Technically, both.”
“Um, okay. Fine, be all mysterious.” He snagged a breadstick and dunked it in ranch dressing.
“We each have a different version of it,” Evan said. “Well, which one counts as our first meeting, anyway.”
“The first time we saw each other was at Johnson’s Sporting Goods Store,” Jeremy said. “I’m a manager there. And Evan came in looking for running shoes. We talked for a few minutes, and I thought he was cute as hell so that totally counts as our first meeting.”
“And I think it doesn’t,” Evan argued. “A few months after that, we were at Russ and Stephen’s engagement party and actually sat down and had a conversation together. I went home with Jeremy after—”
Austin’s eyes widened.
“Not like that,” Evan said hurriedly. “He wasn’t feeling well, so I helped him get home, then left him my number to call. We had a real connection and in-depth conversation that night at the party. So that’s the one that counts.”
“I’m with Jeremy on this one,” Austin said. Not just because he liked Jeremy a whole lot but because, duh, obviously the first time you ever talked to a person was when you first met. That was just common sense.
Although Russ and Stephen both ate their meals with relish they didn’t do as well with their vow to focus on each other and find other topics to talk about. Russ kept stealing glances at his phone.
“Russ,” Stephen admonished him softly.
“I’m sorry. I’m having a hard time,” Russ said with a sigh as he pushed away his plate. “Turning it off, I mean.”
“Your phone or your brain?”
He laughed humorlessly. “Both, maybe?”
Stephen reached out and covered Russ’s hand with his own. “I understand. We can head back if you want. I’m nearly done with my meal.”
“No, it’s okay. I want to spend the evening with you. I just didn’t realize it would be so hard to go back to just focusing on the two of us.” Russ shot him an apologetic glance and squeezed his hand. He felt bad, like he was neglecting Stephen. “I didn’t expect that at all.”
“You trust Evan and Jeremy, don’t you?”
“Of course I do!” Russ protested. “I know they’re great, and Austin will be just fine with them. Honestly, I trust Austin as well. I know things have been rocky, but he’s a good kid and I know he’s trying. He’s done fine when Addie comes over while we go to the support group meetings I just … I can’t stop worrying.”
“I’ve heard that’s a side effect of becoming a parent.”
“Well, it’s annoying.”
“It certainly is,” Stephen agreed.
After they declined dessert and paid their bill, Stephen pushed open the door of Midtown Soul and ushered Russ out onto the sidewalk into the muggy early summer air. “Do you want to head home now or spend a little while wandering?”
Russ looked torn. “I’d like to go for a walk with you.”
The hesitation in his voice made Stephen stopped turn to face him. “How about a compromise? You can text the guys and see how it’s going and if they say it’s fine, we’ll stay out a bit longer.”
“Sounds fair.”
Stephen watched him as he frowned down at his phone screen. It was interesting seeing Russ step into his role as a father. Whatever his fears and doubts, he was good at it. Not perfect, and neither was he, but Stephen was very glad he was able to do this with Russ. He was much like Stephen had expected. Competent, caring, a little overprotective but fiercely loving.
“Evan said he’s been studying, and Jeremy and Austin are playing video games. Loudly.”
Stephen chuckled. “Tell Evan to feel free to borrow my noise cancelling headphones. They’re on my desk.”
“Will do.”
Russ’s thumbs flew over the screen. “Okay.”
“What’s the verdict?” Stephen asked as Russ slid the phone into his pocket.
“The verdict is, I’d like to take a walk with my husband.” Russ smiled at him.
Stephen smiled back. “He’s a very lucky man.”
They strolled down the sidewalk, enjoying the leisurely opportunity to explore the city.
“This is nice.” Russ looked more relaxed now. “Honestly, I needed the night out. My brain feels very crowded these days. Keeping track of appointments and what we need to be doing for Austin on top of everything at work … it’s a lot.”
“It is,” Stephen agreed. “It’s an enormous amount. But you’re handling it well. At least you didn’t forget to pick Austin up at school.”
Austin had a half day of school, and Russ had gotten a call midway through his workday asking if they were going to be picking Austin up. When they’d originally laid out the plans for the week, Stephen had promised to pick Austin up and work from home but apparently they’d gotten their wires crossed because he was in a meeting and Russ had to duck out of work and make a mad dash across Atlanta to get Austin at school. Russ couldn’t be gone all afternoon though, so Austin had done his homework in Stephen’s office while Elizabeth plied him with blueberry muffins she’d brought in for the staff. She’d won Austin over, but he’d been annoyed that Stephen forgot him.
Russ waved it off. “It was fine.”
“I swear I do actually remember a time we used to talk about things other than Austin,” Stephen said with a rueful chuckle.
“I seem to remember that too.” Russ shot him a smile. It dimmed though as he thought about something he’d been wondering. “Am I horrible parent because I haven’t told him I love him yet?”
“Of course not. To be frank, you barely know him, and he barely knows you. He’s been here less than two months.”
“I just feel bad.”
“I think if you say it before you mean it, he’ll smell the falsehood from fifty yards. You care about him. You want the best for him. Love takes time.”
“I know. But damn, living with people who don’t love you? I can’t imagine.”
“I think he’d rather live with people who are honest with him,” Stephen countered.
“Yeah, you’re right. I just constantly feel like I’m letting him down. Like I’m not doing enough. Shit, I’m doing it again. Talking about Austin when this is supposed to be about us.” Russ groaned. “I am so bad at this.”
“How about we take a nice romantic walk in the park to take your mi
nd off things?” Stephen suggested.
“Yeah. That sounds nice.”
“And if you start talking about the topics we’ve banned, I can drag you behind a bush and kiss you until you stop.”
Russ chuckled. “You’ll never hear any complaints from me about you kissing me.”
“Glad to hear it.
“I thought Russ and Stephen were just going to dinner? Shouldn’t they be back by now?” Austin asked as they cleaned up after dinner. There was a weird, itchy feeling crawling over him, like his skin didn’t fit right.
“They were,” Evan said. “But they texted me to make sure we were doing okay and when I said we were, they decided to go do something else. They’re allowed to have a night out, you know?”
“No, yeah, I totally get that,” Austin said. “I don’t need them here; I was just wondering.” He felt strange. Like he wanted to run to the window and look for them. The stupid thing was, he’d wanted them to go out. Wanted a break from the constant talking and trying to connect with him. Wanted to be left alone and ignored. But now that he was, he kind of hated it.
Ugh, why am I being so dumb?
Not that he was really alone. He had babysitters here and everything. But ugh, a stupid part of him just wanted Russ and Stephen to come home so this weird feeling would go away.
What if they don’t come back? a little voice in his head whispered.
His dad had left one day and never come home again. They couldn’t afford bail, so he’d gone from jail to prison and the only time Austin had seen him had been in court and when he went to visit him at the prison. He hadn’t gone in a while. He hated seeing his dad like that and it made him feel all mixed up inside. Mad at him for getting locked up and messing up their family. Missing him. Being mad all over again that he missed him. He got tired of feeling all jumbled up inside, so he didn’t go. And then he felt guilty about not going, which sucked too.
“You okay?” Evan asked him.
“Yeah, totally fine,” he lied. Evan was nice and all, but he wasn’t about to spill all of his feelings everywhere with strangers. Between foster parents and Marcus and counselors, he’d had more than enough of that.
Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Page 19
