“Yo, Jeremy, you want to play again?”
“Yo, sure little man. We can play a few more games.” Jeremy draped an arm over his shoulder and steered him toward the living room.
Russ and Stephen were careful with him. They patted him on the shoulder or messed up his hair. And it was better than them being weird and expecting hugs all the time. Amy had hugged him all the time. He’d put up with it because he knew it made her feel better, but he’d kinda hated it. Hated the way it made him miss his mom and his dad. Hated knowing that at some point she’d go away too. He’d just started to believe she might stay around a little when she’d told him she and Brian and their bio kids were moving and he couldn’t come with them.
He'd been right and so mad that he was right. So he’d run and tried to find Kellie but he’d gotten lost and she hadn’t answered his phone and he’d gotten mad all over again that there was never anyone he could just trust would be there when he needed it. He hadn’t expected Russ to show up when he texted, but he had. And then all of this had happened. And he wished he could just stop moving from place to place. Stop wondering when people were going to leave him next. Because it would happen with Russ and Stephen too. It always did.
And obviously they were going to come home tonight because this was their place. He wasn’t dumb, so he knew they weren’t just going to walk out and never come home. But what if tonight when they were out they started talking about how hard this was? About how ungrateful Austin was for everything they’d given him? What if they decided they were sick of being parents and wanted to go back to when it was just the two of them? What if they came back and told him he had to leave?
“Hey.” Jeremy knocked knees with him. “You okay, little man? You seem a million miles away.”
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Austin said. “Just full of pizza.”
Jeremy gave him a look like he didn’t really believe him, but he nodded. “Okay. You ready to play?”
“Yeah, I’m totally going to win this one.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Jeremy said.
Austin laughed. “Well, I’m gonna show you.”
They played a few more games and Austin felt a little better. He didn’t win but he liked that Jeremy didn’t let him. And he liked sitting next to someone who didn’t bug him and make him answer questions. But he kept thinking about what was going to happen when Russ and Stephen got back. The cheese and dough felt like a brick in his stomach.
When Austin heard the sound of the key in the lock, he flew up off the couch feeling better and worse all at once. Russ and Stephen came in, talking about something and laughing. There was a dumb little part of Austin that wanted to run over and hug them, but he wasn’t a little kid and he didn’t need that.
“Oh, hey,” he said as he walked over slowly, like he didn’t really care.
Russ grinned at him. “Hey, we missed you.” He reached out to ruffle Austin’s hair but Austin ducked away. “Did you miss us?”
“No, Jeremy is way cooler than you.”
Russ held a hand to his chest. “Ouch. That hurts. He is pretty cool though. I don’t know why Stephen traded him in for me.”
Stephen laughed and hugged Russ from behind. “Because Jeremy and I would have murdered each other by now and you know it.”
“That’s the truth,” Jeremy said with a laugh.
“So, how’d it go tonight?” Stephen asked.
“Great.” Jeremy rested a hand on Austin’s shoulder. “We had fun. Austin ate twice his weight in cheese, Evan got studying done, and I got to be the fun uncle.”
Russ laughed. “So, about what we expected then.”
“I’m going to my room now,” Austin said. “Thanks Jeremy. That was fun.” He ran off before Jeremy could reply and was almost there before he remembered Evan. “Bye, Evan!”
“Bye Austin! It was nice spending some time with you,” Evan said.
Austin darted into his room and slammed the door shut behind him before the tears hit his cheeks.
“How did it really go?” Russ asked quietly the moment Austin’s door shut. Loudly. Hmm, they’d need to talk about that. Austin had seemed weird too. A little jittery or something.
“Honestly, it went fine,” Jeremy said. “He’s a good kid.”
“I know he is,” Stephen said.
“He’s a little snarky and defensive but that’s understandable.”
“Like someone else I know?” Stephen teased.
Jeremy widened his eyes. “Who me?”
“Yes, you,” Stephen said with a laugh and Russ smiled too. Because Stephen was definitely right about that. “But that’s good, you’ll be someone he can relate to.”
“I may have also told him you’d probably pay for college.” Jeremy scratched the back of his neck.
“Presumptuous on your part,” Stephen said dryly.
“Oh my God, that’s what I thought,” Evan said.
“I was trying to motivate him to study but in hindsight …” Jeremy grimaced.
“It’s fine. Of course, that’s something Russ and I have discussed. The money we get from the state automatically goes into a savings fund for him. Of course, that doesn’t amount to much but we also opened an IRA that’s a little higher yield and eventually, he’ll be able to use that for college or whatever he decides to do later.”
“And you’re still planning to adopt him, right?”
“Yes,” Russ said. “We thought it best to see how the first six months or so went. Obviously, we don’t want him to leave and we’ll do everything to keep him with us, but if there’s something we aren’t able to provide …”
“I get it,” Jeremy said with a nod.
“Whether or not we adopt him, we’d like him to have that opportunity though. Even if he was ultimately placed with another family, if he wants the money for college when he’s eighteen, it’s his.”
Jeremy whistled. “That kid’s lucky as hell to have you two.”
“I’m starting to realize we’re the lucky ones,” Stephen said softly. Russ nodded because he completely agreed.
After Jeremy and Evan left, with hugs and a kiss on the cheek, Russ turned to Stephen. “Did Austin seem odd to you?”
“Odd how?”
“I don’t know.” He frowned. “It just felt like something was off.”
“It could be. Why don’t we go talk to him?”
“Okay.”
Russ knocked softly on Austin’s door. “May we come in?”
There was silence, then a shuffling sound, and finally the door opened. “What?” Austin peered out suspiciously.
“We just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. Can we come in or would you prefer to go in the living room?”
“Here’s okay.” Austin fell back and Russ walked into the room, looking around. Austin’s secrecy concerned him a little. Was he hiding something? Were his eyes red-rimmed? Russ squinted, studying him more closely. The room didn’t smell like weed so he didn’t think Austin was smoking or anything. Even if he’d done it on the balcony the smell lingered. Russ knew that from his own teenage years. Which meant Austin had probably been crying. Damn it. Russ would almost prefer the weed. He could probably get Austin to talk about that. The emotional stuff would be way harder.
“Am I in trouble?” Austin chewed his lip.
“No. Should you be?” Russ joked, hoping that would lighten the tension.
Austin’s eyes widened. “No! I was good. I swear.”
“I was kidding.” Shit. Wrong approach. He gave Austin a reassuring smile. “Jeremy and Evan said you were great. They’re happy to come hang out with you any time we have to go away.”
“Cool.”
“You like them?” Stephen asked.
“Yeah, they’re all right. Evan just studied and Jeremy and I played video games.”
“How was dinner?”
“Good. We got pizza.”
“I’m shocked,” Russ said. “How was it?”
“Good, Peppero
ni, Italian sausage, and extra cheese. There’s some in the fridge, but I think I ate too much. I’m really full now.”
Stephen chuckled. “I know the feeling. We went out for a walk after dinner, which helped, though.”
“I just sat on the couch.” Austin rocked back and forth on his heels. “Did you have fun?”
Russ hid his surprise. It was rare to have Austin this engaged in a conversation. “It took a while to feel like we were just enjoying ourselves, but it was nice to get out for a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“It turns out, once you become a parent, it gets hard to turn off that part of your brain,” Stephen said. “You go to dinner and you can’t stop thinking about what’s happening at home.”
“I swear I wasn’t going to do anything bad while you were gone,” Austin said, his open expression turning sullen as he turned away.
“Oh, hey, no.” Stephen gently grasped Austin’s shoulder so he faced them. “I didn’t think that at all. Russ didn’t either, okay?” Austin shot him a skeptical look. “We didn’t think Jeremy and Evan would have any problem with you. And we trust them totally too. We still worried. Crazy things, like the building catching on fire.”
“That’s dumb.”
“I’m inclined to agree,” Stephen said. “But apparently that comes with the territory. Russ and I will just have to get better at it, I guess.”
“Are you going to go out a lot?” Austin asked.
“No,” Stephen said. “Not a ton. But occasionally.”
“Because sometimes my dad would go out and he wouldn’t come back for a day or two,” Austin mumbled. “And then one day he didn’t come home ’cause he got arrested.”
Russ closed his eyes. Oh shit. He hadn’t considered the fact Austin thought they might not return. He had no idea what to say.
“Well,” Stephen said carefully, “we have no intention of doing that, okay?”
Russ nodded his agreement.
“And like … the one foster home Kellie and I were in … the lady would sometimes go out for days. She always said she was coming right back but she didn’t, and I’d wait and wait and …” He gulped. “The guy was there but he didn’t really do anything, so Kellie would have to take care of me. She’d cook for me and make sure I had clean clothes for school.”
“Hey, come here. Let’s sit down and talk a minute,” Russ said gently. Austin sighed and dragged his sleeve across his eyes as they all sat on his bed. His eyes were even redder now. Damn it. Poor kid.
“So, I know your dad was involved with drugs. And part of it was that he was really desperate for money and that makes people make decisions that aren’t always good for their families, right?” Stephen said. Austin nodded. Stephen spoke slowly, like he was trying to word this very carefully. Russ was grateful because he didn’t have a clue how to reassure Austin about this. “I don’t know what the situation was with that foster parent but, thankfully, worrying about money or being involved in anything illegal isn’t something Russ and I have to deal with. So while yes, something unexpected could happen like an accident or an injury, we will always do everything in our power to come back to you, okay?”
“I guess.” He looked down at the bedspread.
“Did you feel this way when Addie stayed with you when we went to the support group meetings?”
“Um, kind of. I felt sort of weird then.”
“Why was tonight worse?”
“Because I didn’t know when you were coming back. I thought you were just going to dinner, but you stayed out way later and I thought maybe you were sick of me being here.”
“Would it help you if we checked in with you?” Russ asked softly. “Like in the future when we go out to dinner or whatever.”
“I’m not a little kid,” Austin said scornfully.
“We never said you were.” Stephen said calmly. “But part of becoming an adult is learning to ask for help when you need it. And that includes reassurance if there’s something bothering you.”
“I didn’t want to bug you,” he said in a small voice.
“You wouldn’t bug us.” Stephen chuckled softly. “And what did I tell you? We were thinking about you too.”
“I checked my phone at least fifty times at dinner,” Russ said. “I was thinking about you a lot and wondering if you were all doing okay. I didn’t want it to seem like we were hovering or overprotective. But if it would help you, we would be happy if you messaged us or we can have a check-in time or something we agree on.”
“I guess that would be okay.”
“Cool. That’ll help both of us then,” Russ said, smiling at Austin. “Because we care about you a lot, Austin. We really, really do. I know you haven’t been here long and you’ve had a rough time of it, but we want to prove to you that we’re different. We’re in this for the long haul and we aren’t going anywhere,” he said firmly. “We aren’t giving up.”
“Exactly,” Stephen said.
There was a flicker of something in Austin’s eyes that was there and gone. Russ couldn’t even begin to identify it for sure, but it almost looked like hope.
After they’d made a quick tour of the apartment to clean up a few things and make sure everything was squared away for the night, they went into their bedroom. Russ sagged back against the door. “Okay, well tonight didn’t go like I planned at all.”
“No, me either.”
Russ grimaced. “I assumed Austin would be thrilled to have us leave for a night, but I never considered his history.” He shook his head. He was about ninety-eight percent sure Austin had been crying before they went to his room. Had he been that terrified that they wouldn’t come back? He shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t think …”
“No, me either. I think it was a good talk tonight though. Like we had a breakthrough, maybe.” Stephen squeezed his upper arm.
“I do too.”
“And I’m all for celebrating our victories however we can get them,” Stephen said.
“So am I.” Russ sighed. “We’re doing okay at this, aren’t we?” There was a trace of vulnerability in Russ’s voice that Stephen clearly picked up on immediately because he pulled him close, pressing a reassuring kiss to cheek.
“Yeah, we are. Honestly, I think we’re doing pretty damn well.”
“God, I hope so. I don’t think I’ve ever given my dad enough credit for what he did raising me alone.” Russ shook his head. God, no wonder he’d been so stressed and short-tempered at times. There was so much to worry about.
“Alan’s a good man,” Stephen agreed.
“What about your dad?” Russ asked. “This must bring up weird feelings for you.”
From everything Stephen had said, Beau Parker had been a hard man and their relationship had been very complicated.
“There were a lot of things he did right,” Stephen said slowly. “He provided a roof over my head. He put food on the table. He worked long, grueling hours to try to create a better life for my mother and me. He didn’t know how to show his emotions at all, but he tried.”
Russ nodded.
“And I know I am so ridiculously fortunate to have this life and this place and more money than the three of will ever need in four lifetimes, but I have to acknowledge that I probably wouldn’t be in this position if not for my father’s lessons about hard work and perseverance. So it’s never going to be a clear-cut thing. I appreciate some things and I’m trying to forgive him for his failings. I just wanted to do better by Austin than my father did for me.”
“I do too,” Russ said. “God this is hard.”
“It is.” Stephen hugged him close and Russ gratefully sank into his embrace. “I have no regrets we made this choice, but it is so damn hard sometimes.”
FIFTEEN
“The Gwinnett County Fair is on,” Russ said.
“Hmm?” Stephen said absently as he scrolled through the headlines on his tablet. Ugh. One depressing thing after another. He didn’t know why he ruined his relaxing Sunda
y mornings with this. He needed to read more fiction or something. All he’d read lately was parenting books. Which was important but hardly relaxing.
“The county fair is on. Do you want to go?”
Stephen lowered the device so he could focus on Russ’s question. “I haven’t been to a county fair since I was a kid.”
“Well, neither have I. But I remember my dad took me once. It was fun. He even scraped together enough money to let us ride a ride or two.”
“Good memory?”
“Yeah.” Russ shrugged and gave him a half-smile. “I’d like to take Austin. Maybe start a family tradition for us.”
“Sure, that sounds nice. Maybe we can go next Saturday?”
“Works for me.”
A couple of hours later, when Austin shuffled into the living room in pajamas, yawning, with bedhead, Russ broached the subject. “Stephen and I had an idea for something to do next weekend.”
Austin flopped down on the couch. “What?”
“The Gwinnett County Fair.”
Austin blinked at them. “You wanna go where?”
“The county fair,” Stephen said.
Austin blinked again. “I don’t even know what that is.”
“Well, there’s animals there, carnival rides, music, fair food … lots of different things.”
Austin shot him a skeptical look. “Yeah, okay. I guess we can go. If you want.”
“It’ll be a lot of fun.” Russ sounded like he was determined to make it fun come hell or high water.
“It will,” Stephen said. He was somewhat less convinced Austin would find it enjoyable, but if this was important to Russ, Stephen would make sure it happened.
Austin still appeared skeptical of their plans for the day as they bought their wristbands for entry the following Saturday. He looked around and wrinkled his nose. “So, what are we gonna do here again?”
“I thought we’d start with the animals first,” Russ said.
“Ugh, I’m too old for a petting zoo.”
“No, I know,” Russ said. “But there’s more than the petting zoo. It’s kind of cool actually. You can see the cows and rabbits and stuff.”
Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Page 20
