“I guess.”
“Do you have any questions about what we talked about?”
“How long do we have to wait? For him to decide what he wants.”
“That’s up to him, Austin,” Stephen said. “But it doesn’t change anything, okay? We love you and it doesn’t change a thing, I promise.”
“What if he decides not to sign the papers?”
“Then we’ll talk about what comes next. There are other legal options.”
“What if he does get paroled and wants to take me away? And they don’t let you keep me because you’re gay?”
Russ’s heart broke. At the moment, Austin sounded both heartbreakingly young and world-weary. Not to mention scared. “Then we’ll fight it. If you want to be here with us, Austin, we’ll do whatever it takes.”
Austin rolled away, facing the sliding door that led out to the balcony and Russ rubbed his shoulder. He glanced up at Stephen, who gave him a helpless shrug. “We love you, okay? Don’t forget that.”
“We’ll give you some space now, if that’s what you want,” Stephen said.
“Please.”
It sounded like Austin might be crying, and Russ felt his eyes water. God damn it. It wasn’t fair that this kid should have to deal with the crushing doubt and fear he was undoubtedly going through right now.
“We’ll be out in the living room if you need anything, okay?” Russ said. “Whether or not you want to talk. You can just hang out with us.”
“’kay.”
“That kid breaks my heart,” Russ said quietly as he closed the door behind him.
“Mine too.”
TWENTY-SIX
They went out for brunch on Austin’s birthday and he could hardly sit still as he devoured a plateful of strawberry French toast.
Russ wasn’t sure if he was more excited about the zoo or seeing his sister. He’d moped for a few days after their visit to the prison but thankfully he’d bounced back and seemed excited to celebrate his birthday today.
“Are we ready to go now?” he asked.
Russ took another bite of his omelet. “Have you heard from Kellie?”
“Yep, she’s meeting us there at 11:30. Can we go now? I don’t want to be late.” Austin bounced in his chair, clearly impatient.
“We have plenty of time,” Stephen assured him. “I promise.”
But he was so antsy they finished their breakfast as quickly as possible and returned to their apartment.
“How long is this going to take?” Austin asked.
“We’re just about ready to go. I’m just filling our water bottles and putting a few snacks in a bag. Did you put sunscreen on?” Russ asked.
“Ugh. No.”
“Go do that now.”
“Fine.”
“And bring a hat!” Russ called after him as he disappeared into his room. “You’ll need it.”
“You’re so annoying!” he called back.
“It’s my job,” Russ answered. “Love you!”
They were twenty minutes early to the zoo, but the time they were supposed to meet Kellie ticked by without a glimpse of her. “Where is she?” Austin asked.
“I don’t know,” Russ admitted. “She hasn’t answered your text?”
“No.”
“Maybe traffic is bad,” Stephen suggested. “We can wait a little longer.”
Austin sighed and scuffed his shoes on the pavement as they waited but when half an hour passed with no sign of her, Stephen let out a sigh. “Okay, I think that’s enough waiting. Let’s go buy our tickets. We’ll pay for one for Kellie and ask them to hold it here. You can text her to let her know it’ll be waiting at the ticket booth when she gets here.”
“Ugh, fine,” Austin said.
Russ wasn’t convinced she was coming, but he nodded. The last thing he wanted was to do anything to put a damper on Austin’s birthday.
“Sounds great,” he said cheerfully. “Let’s do this.”
They had made it through half of the African Savannah exhibit when Russ spotted a familiar face. Several of them, in fact.
“Hey,” Russ said. “Isn’t that Dan and Marcus and the kids?”
“It is.” Stephen held up a hand in greeting and Dan returned the gesture with a smile.
“They’re looking like a cozy family,” Russ said under his breath as they approached. Marcus had a kid hanging off his neck while he held the hand of another.
“Hey, Austin,” Dan said. He had Carylynn in a carrier strapped to his chest. She was snoozing under her sun hat.
“Hey,” Austin muttered.
“What are you guys doing here?” Dan asked.
When Austin didn’t answer, Russ said, “We’re celebrating his birthday, actually.”
“Oh, that’s great. Happy Birthday, Austin!”
“Are you having fun?” Marcus asked, letting go of Tanner to shift Rose to his other hip.
“It’s okay, I guess.” With a sigh, Austin wandered off, staring down at his phone.
“Everything all right?” Marcus asked under his breath. “Your meeting with Mr. Carr went okay, didn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Russ sighed. “It went as well as can be expected, I think. He said he’d consider it, so we’re just playing the waiting game now.”
“Is that why Austin seems so down?”
“I am sure it’s a contributing factor,” Russ said. “But no, I don’t think that’s all of it. Kellie was supposed to meet us here two hours ago and she didn’t show up.”
“Ahh.” Dan winced. “I am sorry to hear that. Not altogether surprised but …”
“I wish there was something we could do for her,” Russ said. “We can’t take her in, but I know Austin would feel a lot better if she had a safe place to be.”
“We’d be happy to help her secure housing if she’d let us,” Dan said softly. “But we can’t force these kids—especially when they aren’t minors anymore—to stay with us or accept help, but sometimes I really wish we could.”
“I know that. It’s so frustrating.”
“It is,” Dan agreed. They all made small talk for a few minutes until the kids dragged Marcus and Stephen away to look at something.
“So you and Marcus …” Russ said to Dan when they were all out of earshot.
Dan shot him a vaguely annoyed look. “I have a season pass for the family, and the kids invited him. I won’t turn down another set of adult eyes to keep an eye on them.”
Russ followed Dan’s gaze as it lingered on Marcus’s backside as he spoke to Stephen. “Mm-hmm, his eyes are what you want him for.”
Dan snorted. “Fine, the man is absurdly attractive from every angle, but it changes nothing.”
“What about the fact that he’s amazing with your kids?” Russ pointed out. Rose was hanging off his neck and he easily shifted her to his other hip with an ease and naturalness that was apparent.
“Believe me, I know. I’ve had that thought too, but I’m just not ready.” Dan’s expression turned world-weary.
“Hey, I don’t mean to push. The thought of losing Stephen—” He couldn’t even finish the thought. “It’s unbearable. So I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. It just seems like a shame.”
Marcus glanced over his shoulder as if he could feel their gazes on him. He winked at them, and when he turned away, Russ gave Dan a pointed look. “I mean, come on.”
Dan chuckled. “I know.”
“Just don’t close yourself off is all I’m saying,” Russ said. “Stephen did after his previous relationship and I know he wishes he hadn’t.”
“When you’ve had that kind of love once, it seems like too much to ask for it again.”
“Seems a waste to deny it if it’s offered though,” Russ said.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to your trip to the zoo,” Dan said.
“I hope Kellie shows up.”
“Ugh, so do I.” Russ rubbed a hand over his face and adjusted the Braves cap on
his head. “It’s just … he’s had so much shit to deal with already. I just wanted him to have a nice day out for his birthday, you know?”
“I know.”
“So much is in the air with his dad and he’s struggling with it and I don’t know what we’re going to do if Leland won’t sign off. I mean, I know what we’ll do, but I don’t know how to make it easier for Austin.”
“You’re doing great,” Dan said. “Seriously. Austin is thriving. You’ll get through this.”
He glanced over at Austin, who was standing with Stephen and Marcus now. Austin was grinning about something, and Stephen reached out and pulled him close in a quick, affectionate hug that he squirmed away from, laughing. He was taller now, Russ noticed. Tall enough his head almost cleared Stephen’s shoulder. His face still had the round softness of childhood, but he was definitely growing. God, the thought of Austin not being in their lives was unbearable.
“Thanks,” Russ said absently. “We love him so much it’s crazy, you know?”
“I know.” Dan squeezed his upper arm. “Hang in there.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Okay, kids,” Dan called out. “We’re going to keep going. You too, Marcus.”
“Aww man.” He gave Dan an exaggerated pouty face that made the kids laugh. “Do we have to?”
“Yes,” Dan said with a laugh and there was something in his eyes that made Russ think he wouldn’t be able to resist Marcus for long.
Good. He deserved to be happy.
As Stephen and Austin approached him, Russ nodded toward the small building nearby. “I’m going to go use the bathrooms, okay?”
“Sure,” Stephen said. “Do you need to, Austin?”
“No, I’m okay.”
Russ tugged at Austin’s baseball cap. “I’ll be right back.”
He wriggled away, laughing. “Cut it out.”
Russ smiled as he headed toward the toilets, glad to see the encounter with Marcus and Dan had lifted Austin’s spirits a little. He was still smiling as he left, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw Kellie sitting on a bench under a tree staring down at the ground.
“Hey, there you are!” he said. “Austin’s been worried sick.”
She lifted her head and he saw she’d been crying. “No, he’s not. He’s having a great time. I was watching you guys talk to Marcus and Dan.”
“Look,” Russ said as he took a seat next to hear. “Yeah, he was laughing and having fun, but that’s good, right? He was so bummed when you didn’t show earlier. He’ll be thrilled to see you. He was so excited about us all spending the day together.”
“He doesn’t need me anymore,” she whispered.
Russ’s heart broke at the helpless look on her face. “No, no, that’s not true at all.”
“He’s happy with you guys,” she said. “I can see it. He told me you’re adopting him.”
“We’re trying, yeah,” Russ said. “It’s a little bit complicated with your dad, but we’re doing what we can to create some stability for him. But that doesn’t change anything with you two. He still needs his sister. Especially now. Seeing your dad was hard on him. And us going to the prison to meet your dad was too.”
“I know it was.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “He’s my little brother, and I feel like I’ve failed him.” She dragged her sleeve across her eyes. “But I don’t know how to fix any of it. I just can’t be around like he wants.”
“You’re doing your best.”
“My best is pretty shitty. I keep letting him down.”
“He understands.”
“Maybe he shouldn’t.” Her shoulders slumped and she looked off into space for a moment as a resigned look settled over her face. “Maybe—maybe I just shouldn’t come back. Maybe it would be better if he didn’t have to get his hopes up over and over again. You said it yourself, he needs stability.”
“Wait, no, Kellie, that’s not what I meant at all! That’s our job, not yours.”
“No.” She gave him a long, searching look. “You’re good for Austin, even I can see that. So what am I even hanging around for? He doesn’t need me anymore.”
“No. Kellie, we don’t want you out of Austin’s life at all,” he said, reaching for her as she turned to go. “I swear. We will do whatever we can to help you get more stable if that’s what you want.” Christ, at this point he’d tell Stephen to sell their damn place and buy a place with an extra bedroom for her to stay in. He just couldn’t stand the thought of Kellie disappearing on Austin. “He needs you.”
But she shook her head, tears trickling down her cheeks as she stood. “I’m just another part of his past he needs to let go of.”
Russ rose to his feet, every instinct in him screaming that he couldn’t let her go. “No, Kellie, please listen to me,” he said urgently. He reached for her arm, but she flinched and he backed off immediately, holding up his hands. “Just let me go find Austin, and you two can talk at least. Please, don’t go. You’ll break his heart if you disappear on him.”
“Kellie!” Austin yelled, excited to see her, and Russ closed his eyes for a second.
Thank God. He’ll be able to get her to stay.
“You made it,” Austin said with a grin as he bounced up, Stephen following behind him a little more slowly. “Where were you?” His happy expression fell, and he shot a look at Russ like he thought Russ had caused it. Well, maybe he had. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“I’m no good for you, Austin,” she said through a sob. “You have your new dads, and I can see you’re happy. I think you need to just forget about me.”
“What are you talking about?” he said. “Yeah, Russ and Stephen are great, but … you—you’re my sister.”
“Kellie, just think about this,” Stephen said urgently. “Austin needs you.”
“I do.” Austin reached for her arm, but she shook off his hand and backed away.
“I sorry, Austin,” she said, the words coming out thick and choked. “I love you, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep letting you down. I’m bad for you.”
“Kellie, no!” Austin said.
She took off at a run and Austin tried to go after her, but Stephen gently caught him by the shoulder and held him in place. “Let her go for now, son.”
“Stop calling me that!” He broke away and glared at Stephen as he snarled, “I’m not your son.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
The car ride home was silent. Austin stared out the window, glaring at the city as it passed, and Stephen exchanged a helpless glance with Russ and heard him sigh.
The minute they got home, Austin ran to his room and slammed the door. Stephen winced as he shut the apartment door more quietly behind him.
“Do you think we should talk to him?” Russ asked.
“I think we should try.”
Russ took a few deep breaths before he knocked on Austin’s door. “Can we talk to you for a minute, Austin?”
“No. Go away.” His voice sounded muffled.
“What should we do?” Russ whispered. “Should we just give him some space?”
“I think that’s probably for the best,” Stephen said with a sigh. He raised his voice, “Okay, Austin, I know this has been a really rough day. And you’ve had some really disappointing things happen. So take some time by yourself but once you do, why don’t you come out and try to make the best of it with us? We’ll order some food and we have a cake and presents for you when you’re ready.”
“Go away,” he said venomously. “I hate you.”
Heart aching, Russ walked out into the kitchen, feeling like he’d failed Austin completely. He slumped against the counter and buried his head in his hands. “I fucked up so bad,” he muttered. “This is all my fault.”
“No, you didn’t,” Stephen argued. He gathered Russ close. “And this isn’t your fault at all. I promise.”
“Isn’t it though?” When Russ tilted his head up, his expression was stricken. “I told Kellie Austin needs
more stability. She decided running away would give him that. If I hadn’t opened my stupid fucking mouth …”
“Hey.” Stephen rubbed his back. “You did nothing wrong. I think Kellie came today already in a bad place and she convinced herself she isn’t needed in Austin’s life. We all know that isn’t true, but she can’t see it.”
“I’m just afraid she means it, you know?” Russ said. “If she tosses that phone and gets a new one or just refuses to answer Austin’s calls or go to the center, there’s nothing we could do. I don’t want to call her job and risk getting her fired. She’s already in such a vulnerable position.”
“I don’t think she’ll stay away forever. She’s just in a rough place.”
“I want to help her too.”
“Russ …”
“No, I know.” He sighed. “I know we have enough on our plates with everything with Austin and it doesn’t make sense. I just fucking hate this. I hate seeing him hurt and not being able to do anything. I hate having to wait for his fucking biological father to make a decision, and I hate his sister for bailing on him. On his birthday no less! And I’m fucking angry, okay, because my kid is in there with his heart torn to shreds and I can’t do a goddamn thing to fix it.”
“I know.” Stephen’s eyes watered a little as he held Russ tighter. “I hate it too. So much.”
An hour passed with no sign of Austin. Then two. Stephen placed an order for takeout anyway and after it was delivered, he knocked on Austin’s door to let him know it had arrived. He came out, glaring, and reached for a plate.
“I’m just getting food. I’m eating in my room,” he muttered. “And you can’t stop me.”
“Please, Austin,” Stephen said softly. “Will you at least sit down and have dinner with us?”
“No. You ruined everything.” He glared at Russ. “It’s all your fault,” he said balefully. “You’re the reason Kellie bailed.”
Out of the corner of Stephen’s eye, he caught a glimpse of Russ’s stricken expression.
“Hey, no,” Stephen said, reaching out to Austin. “Russ told me exactly what happened in their conversation and he’s not at fault for this.”
Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Page 31
