“I know this is going to be hard for you. But even if your father won’t sign off on the adoption, we have some other legal options. This was just the one we wanted to try first. And we’re not going to give up.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Do you really believe that?” Russ asked quietly, echoing exactly what Stephen had been wondering. “Or are you saying that because you think it’s what we want to hear?”
Austin shrugged. “I dunno. I mean, I know you mean it, it’s just …”
He wasn’t ready to trust them. Intellectually, Stephen understood. But it still hurt. Because he wanted Austin to know that he belonged here. That they’d go to the end of the earth to fight for him.
“Could I have a hug?” Stephen asked.
“I’m fine. I don’t need a hug.”
“Who said it was for you?”
Austin shot him a little glance, half-amused, half-annoyed, but he closed his arms around Stephen’s torso and hugged him. He expected it to be a light hug, over before it began, but Austin clung to him for a moment and Stephen breathed in his scent and held him close.
Oh sweet boy, he thought.
“I suppose you want one too,” Austin said to Russ when he finally pulled back.
“Yes, please.”
“You guys are so annoying.” But he hugged Russ for a long time too and they both looked more relaxed when Austin finally stepped back.
“Thank you,” Russ said with a smile. “That helped.”
Austin rolled his eyes. “So am I hanging out here by myself today or is Jeremy coming over?”
“Addie will be here.”
“Dude, why can’t I just stay by myself?” he whined. “Don’t you trust me?”
“We do,” Stephen said. “But those are the rules. Until you’re fourteen, you need to have someone here. You’ve got one more week of this.”
Austin sighed noisily. “That’s stupid.”
“It is,” Russ said. “But we don’t want to do anything to jeopardize you staying here and having the best shot at being able to adopt you. So we’re going to follow the rules to the letter. And my sister’s nice. You seemed to get along with her well before.”
“She was fine. But why can’t it be Jeremy?”
“Because he and Evan both had to work today,” Stephen said. “We did ask him first, but it wasn’t possible.”
“Ugh, okay.”
“Maybe next time,” Russ said. “And you’ll be fourteen soon enough.”
“And if you adopt me, we won’t have to follow those rules, right?” Austin asked hopefully.
“We’ll have our own rules, but yes,” Stephen said. “We’ll have some freedom to make decisions based on how responsible you’re being as opposed to following the court’s guidelines.”
“I’ve been really good,” Austin protested.
“You have,” Stephen agreed. “We’re both impressed. Keep it up and we won’t have anything to worry about when that time comes. Now, what do you want for breakfast? Scrambled eggs? Cereal?”
“Could you make French toast? Mrs. Nash used to make French toast and I really liked it.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever made it, but I am sure I can figure it out.”
“Really, Stephen? Never? I have. I used to make it all the time for Addie when we were kids.” Russ gently hip-checked Stephen out of the way. “I’ll take over here. You just watch and learn. You want to tell me what Mrs. Nash’s was like, Austin?”
“Um, I think it had cinnamon,” he said. “But that’s all I really remember.”
“Cinnamon French toast coming up.”
Stephen rarely ate anything that sweet or carby for breakfast, but that morning he happily tucked into the sticky sweet stuff and felt grateful for the other two people at the table. He could only hope that after today’s meeting, he and Russ would return with good news for Austin.
“This is almost worse than going to Putnam a few years ago,” Stephen said with a sigh as he pulled into a parking spot outside of the prison. He put the car in park and turned to look at Russ.
“Yeah?” Russ raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised. “Really?”
“Sure. I hated it. I was incredibly stressed out about the thought of going there and confronting my past. Not to mention dragging you into it. But at the end of the day, I knew we’d end up back in Atlanta. Worrying about Austin, about where he’ll end up and how the decision will impact him is so much worse.”
“Agreed,” Russ said. “I can’t imagine being in his shoes.”
“So, we go in there, we act gracious and magnanimous toward Mr. Carr, and we swallow all our pride and ego to do the best for Austin, okay?”
Russ nodded once, the determined set of his jaw saying more than words possibly could.
It took a while to get through the security area and be escorted to the visiting area, but when they did, it wasn’t hard to spot the man who was Austin’s father.
“Mr. Carr,” Stephen said as he approached the table.
Leland Carr was a tall, lanky version of his son. He had reddish-brown hair and brown eyes but everything about him was angular. He was about Russ’s age, but he looked closer to forty with a lined, tired face. Not a huge surprise. Nothing about his history had been kind to him and being in prison wasn’t likely doing him any favors either.
“I’m Stephen Parker and this is my husband, Russ Bishop.” Leland looked them over thoroughly before he nodded. “May we have a seat?”
“Sure.”
They stared at each other across the table for a while.
“So you’ve got my boy,” Leland finally said.
Stephen nodded. “We’ve been taking care of Austin, yes.”
“Has he been good for ya?”
“We’ve had a few rough patches,” Stephen said. “But yes. At heart, he’s a great kid. Bright, curious about the world around him, caring. He’s a child any parent could be proud of.”
“Wish I could say I had anything to do with that, but …” He lifted one bony shoulder. “I haven’t been much of a father.” He looked down at the table. “I suppose you know why I’m here and all that.”
Stephen nodded. “We do.”
“A day doesn’t go by that I don’t regret it, you know?” He rubbed his knee. “I felt desperate. Like I didn’t have any other choice, but it wasn’t worth it. Not when it means I lost my son. And my wife.”
“From my understanding, her death wasn’t your fault,” Stephen said softly.
“No. But not being there for Austin after she died was.”
Stephen nodded.
“Austin told me he’s gay too.”
“I believe he’s pansexual,” Stephen said. “Meaning he’s open to falling in love with anyone.”
“Right. But he could be gay.”
“He could end up in a same-sex relationship, yes.”
“So I suppose you’d know how to help him with that?”
“We would.”
“I don’t have a problem with it, you know? I told Austin that. I love him no matter what.” He said it defiantly, like he knew they expected him to be homophobic. And maybe Stephen had assumed that.”
“I am sure it was very important for Austin to hear you support him,” Stephen said.
“I just don’t want you to think I’ve got a problem with who he is,” he said. There was a slightly defiant tilt to his chin, as if he was expecting them to accuse him of homophobia. “Or with you.”
“We appreciate that,” Stephen said.
“Because that’s not why I didn’t sign off on the adoption right away. I didn’t want Austin to think that either. You tell him that, okay?”
“We will.”
“I just had to see for myself what you were like.” Leland looked Russ over for a moment, his eyes narrowed. “You’re a quiet one.”
“Sometimes my husband is better with words than I am,” Russ said quietly. “I can be a bit of a hothead. Not that I’d ever yell at Austin or anything like t
hat,” he added hastily, as if afraid of the way that might sound. “I just don’t want to say the wrong thing to you and have you think we wouldn’t be good parents for him.”
Leland crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do you want kids?”
“Truthfully, we didn’t,” Stephen said, deciding honesty was the best option. “We didn’t think that was for us. But we met a young man—in his early twenties—whose family kicked him out because he was gay. And he stayed with us for a while until he got on his feet again. After we started volunteering at the LGBT youth center, we saw so many kids in need.” Stephen went on to explain the challenges faced by homeless and foster kids in the community. “And we realized we were in a position to help those kids out more personally. When Russ and Austin got to know each other just as his previous foster parents had to move and he needed a new home, it seemed like it was meant to be.”
Leland nodded. “And you don’t want Austin around for some other reason, do you?”
“Jesus no,” Russ burst out. A corrections officer across the room eyeballed their table and he lowered his voice. “No, Mr. Carr—Leland—there are no ulterior motives. We want to give Austin the best possible chance for a good life. That’s all.”
“That’s what he said. I mean, not in those words, but he said you were decent. That you treated him well.”
“We care for Austin. We want him to thrive. We can give him a stable home, a good education, and love. We know you love your son and want what’s best for him. I am sure you can see that what we have to offer is best for him.”
“Better than an ex-con?” Leland’s smile was bitter.
“Sir, with all due respect, you likely will still be in here by the time Austin ages out of the system. I know you’ve tried to petition for early parole, but …”
He sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. “I’m up for a review with the parole board in two years.”
Russ nodded. “And that’s two more years of leaving Austin in limbo.”
“He’ll be fifteen by then.” Worry seemed etched across his face all of a sudden. Ageing him further. “Even if I get parole, I’d probably not be gettin’ out in time to do him much good, would I?”
“It seems unlikely.” Stephen’s tone was kind. “We know this isn’t an easy decision for you to make. We don’t want to get in a tug of war over Austin any more than you do.”
“How do you ask a man to give up his only son? Tell him he isn’t wanted.” There was a raw note to his voice that made Stephen’s heart ache. Leland had made a lot of mistakes in his life, but Marcus had been right. He clearly did love his son.
“But he is wanted,” Russ protested. Stephen rested a hand on his forearm to warn Russ to be careful about what he said, but he continued. “You want Austin but aren’t in a position to care for him. We want Austin too, but we can.”
“We—and you—can make sure he understands that he is loved and wanted. That you’re doing this for him,” Stephen said. “That it’s bigger than our egos or our pride or anything. That he comes first for all three of us.”
“I can see how you’d be a good dad.” Leland’s tone was almost grudging. He glanced over at Russ. “Both of you.”
“We aren’t aiming to replace you,” Stephen said.
Russ raised an eyebrow as if to say, we’re not? Thankfully Stephen doubted Leland could read it. Hopefully not anyway.
“And I don’t want to get into a power struggle with you,” Stephen continued. “No one will win. No one. I have no desire to beat you at anything or prove anything. I simply want to do what’s best for Austin. If we worry about which of us is coming out ahead, we’re missing the entire point and Austin is the one who loses. Every time.”
Leland nodded slowly.
“And whether or not you sign over your parental rights or not, we will continue to raise Austin like he’s our own,” Russ said.
“You wouldn’t send him back?”
“What? No!” Russ sounded as appalled at the idea as Stephen felt by it. “We’ll take care of Austin until he’s grown no matter what.”
“Thought you might want a kid who could be yours legally.”
“We do want Austin to be our child legally,” Stephen explained. “But mostly we want Austin to be a part of our lives however we’re able to. He’s irreplaceable.”
“Look, I don’t want to wave our money in your face and say it makes us better parents,” Russ said. “Because it doesn’t. My dad was poor as hell, but he loved me and was there for me as much as he possibly could be. Stephen’s family struggled too. So we both know how much easier life is with a two-parent household and a stable career. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m not. I swear it. But we can give Austin a shot at a great future. Enrichment programs, travel, sending him to college. We can make sure he has more opportunities and an easier route to get there than you did. And I know you must want that for him.”
Leland nodded before he sat back and drummed his fingers on the table. “I’m going to need some time to think about it.”
Russ opened his mouth, then closed it, clearly struggling to bite back whatever he wanted to say. He swallowed, then nodded once. “Okay.”
“Take the time you need,” Stephen said. “We’re not going anywhere. And if you have any more questions for us, don’t hesitate to reach out.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“We want what’s best for your son and we know you do too.” He wasn’t allowed to shake the man’s hand, because of the prison’s rules, so he nodded at Leland. “Thank you for meeting with us. We appreciate it.”
“I can tell you care about him,” Leland said, almost grudgingly. “You wouldn’t have come here and asked me to do this if you didn’t. You’d have just taken me to court.”
“We don’t want to rip Austin away from you by force,” Russ said. “Just ask you to do the right thing by him on your own.”
What lay unspoken was the very real possibility that if he said no, they could still go the more forceful route. Stephen desperately hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
There wasn’t anything more to say now, however, so they turned away.
Behind them, Leland sighed audibly. “Could I still see him? If I signed over my rights and allowed the adoption to go forward, would you let me still see him?”
They both turned back to face him. “If he wants that, yes. We will make sure he has an opportunity to see you as regularly as he’d like,” Stephen said. That would all be dependent on Austin, of course.
“Do you agree, Mr. Bishop?”
“Yeah. I could agree to that.” Russ offered him a small smile. “Austin’s needs come first. For both of us.”
Leland nodded once. “Okay. I’ll let you know what I decide.”
“Okay.”
As they walked out into the sunshine a short while later, Stephen was torn. On the one hand, he could imagine how hard it would be to let go of your child. Austin had only been with them for five months and already, Stephen couldn’t fathom letting him go. But the idea of not choosing what was best for him seemed crazy.
He forced himself to consider the idea of what was best for Austin. If his father got out of prison in a couple of years, cleaned up his life, and wanted Austin back, and the courts signed off on it, would he be able to let him go?
Stephen hated the thought of waiting and knew it must be driving Russ even more crazy but what else could he do? Austin’s fate—and theirs—rested in Leland Carr’s hands. There was nothing more he could do today. All he could do was hope he wasn’t about to lose the family he’d come to hold so dear.
“What did he say?” Austin asked the moment they stepped into the living room.
“He needs some more time to think,” Russ said quietly.
“Ugh.” Austin tossed the remote control away and it bounced onto the couch. “I hate this. I wish he’d just decide already.”
“He loves you, Austin. He knows he made some serious mistakes, but he absolutely does
love you, and it’s not an easy thing for him to just give up any chance of being your father on a day-to-day basis,” Stephen said.
“It’s too late! He’s not my dad anymore.” Austin took off and a moment later, Russ heard the slam of his bedroom door.
He sighed and heard Stephen do the same.
Addie rose to her feet with a grimace. “Well, I think that’s my cue to leave.”
Russ chuckled. “I don’t blame you. How’d it go before we got back?”
“Oh, fine. He was annoyed I needed to stay with him—which I don’t blame him for—but we did fine. I read while he went for a swim, then we had lunch and he did some art stuff. He’s really good at it.”
“He is,” Russ agreed.
“We were just about to start a movie, but he started getting a little antsy waiting for you to get back.”
“Thanks for coming over and keeping an eye on things.”
“Sure, anytime. He’s a good kid.”
“We think so.”
“Gosh, my brother’s a dad now.” She shook her head. “I just can’t wrap my head around it. When I was a kid, I assumed I’d never get to be Aunt Addie because you’re gay.”
Russ chuckled. “Surprise!”
“It’s been a good surprise,” she said with a sunny smile. “I’m happy for you. Y’all make a nice family.”
“Thank you, Addie,” Stephen said.
“I’m still a little scared of screwing up this ‘being a dad’ thing, but I can’t imagine our lives without Austin in it,” Russ added. “I just hope it all works out with this adoption.”
Addie threw her arms around him and gave him a big hug. “I hope so too.”
After they thanked Addie and walked her to the door, they agreed they wanted to talk to Austin, if he would let them.
Russ knocked on Austin’s door. “May we come in?”
“I guess.”
Austin was sprawled on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t look up when they walked in. Stephen took a seat in his desk chair and Russ took a spot on the bed by Austin’s hip.
“Do you want to talk?”
“Not really.”
“Do you want us to tell you a little more about the conversation with your dad?”
Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Page 30
