Penance

by Kristin Harte

  “Nope. Just me. That’s what I’ve got.”

  “Abandoning the Soul Suckers is a hefty price,” he said, clucking softly. “There’ll be retaliation.”

  Which meant he was at least considering my deal. I just had to close it. “I’m worth whatever might come. I’ll make it worthwhile. Besides, since when do the Black Angels bow down to those bastards? I thought your crew was stronger than them?”

  His face turned hot, his glare pinning me in place. “We are. The only reason we’re here is because you got their enforcer killed.”

  Ah, that actually made sense. “I didn’t kill him.”

  “No shit. You’re not exactly the killing kind, are you, Jinxy?”

  Not yet. But I didn’t say anything—not one word. I stayed silent and let him stew over things for a few seconds. Let him consider the angles. I was close, though. I almost had him.

  Edge leaned against the wall, a thoughtful expression on his face. “What’s got you giving a fuck about some nothing town in the mountains?”

  Finn. Not that I could tell him that. “They saved me from Pistol, the Soul Suckers enforcer. They got me out of there before he put too many scars on me.”

  “Zed never should have put you up in that card game.” He ran a cold finger down my arm, pushing at one of the marks he’d given me. Making me flinch. “He got his ass beat for that one, and he lost his patch.”

  He deserved more than that. “Good. He brought me into that game as if I was property, then lost me to the Soul Suckers. They gave me to Pistol to use as a toy.”

  Edge looked me up and down, his eyes harder. Showing more interest. “I heard he liked to hurt women.”

  The excitement in his voice, the obvious pleasure at the idea of watching someone inflict pain, made my stomach roll. “He did. I’m proof of that.”

  “How bad?”

  I knew what he wanted, so I stood up and pulled my shirt over my head. Showing him my back. The scabbed-over mess of flesh that would scar soon enough. The evidence of what Deacon and Alder had saved me from.

  “He does such nice work.” Edge traced a fingertip down my spine before pushing. Hard. Making me gasp at the sting he incited. “But you weren’t his to scar like this.”

  Nope. I’d belonged to Edge since my mom had gone missing and I’d come looking for her. He’d claimed me, took me as his property, and placed his own scars all over my body as I’d fought him. As I’d refused to totally bend to his whims. Always promising me info on what had happened to my mom but never giving me enough. Never telling me exactly what had happened and where her body was so I could find peace and closure. Breaking me down until I hadn’t thought escape was possible, until I’d resigned myself to a life of pain and abuse, even though I’d still fought back. He’d taken my body a hundred times in a dozen different ways, but he’d never really had me. Never got me to be willing. That was about to change…if he accepted my deal.

  “Let me talk to Tiny. See what sort of fallout this deal would cause.” He pressed his lips against my shoulder where a long, thick scar made an S. The one he’d carved into my flesh. His mark of ownership. For Shawn—his real name. “It’s good to have you back, Jinx.”

  “I’m only back if you accept the deal. If not…”

  I let that statement trail off, let the warning land and grow. If he didn’t agree, I’d leave. And this time, I wouldn’t come back.

  I’d never wanted to return once I’d gotten out.

  But I’d had to…to save Justice.

  To save Finn.

  “You’ve got twenty-four hours to decide. After that, I’m gone.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out what I’d stolen from the grocery store. The little pack of razor blades meant to be used in some sort of box cutter or something. Meant to slice open packages and score cardboard.

  Which wasn’t what I knew Edge would do with them.

  “Here,” I said, handing the blades to him. “You accept my deal, you can use these on me. Just like you like to. But this time, I won’t try to stop you.”

  Edge took the blades, rolling them in his palm. Staring at me with a dark, desirous expression. He liked my deal, wanted to take what I offered. He wanted me broken and willing to let him do anything to my body. That’s what got him off—not my struggling and fighting—my surrender. I’d just offered him the ultimate toy, and I knew, deep down, he’d take it. Eventually. He wouldn’t be able to turn it down.

  “You know I could just force you.”

  I did. He’d been forcing me to do what he wanted since the day we’d met. “That’s not what you want. Besides, without the deal, I’ll leave.”

  “Tiny will chain you up if he thinks you’ll run.”

  “Never stopped me before.”

  He laughed, then leaned over and bit my shoulder hard enough to draw blood. Hard enough to make me jump no matter how hard I tried not to react.

  “I’ve missed you, girl. It’s nice to have you back.”

  I couldn’t say the same because this would be death for me. But if Finn and his friends and family were safe at least from the Black Angels, I’d take it. And then I’d work from the inside to make sure the Soul Suckers left the town alone as well.

  I owed it to them.

  Chapter Twenty

  FINN

  Once he made it to Justice, Elijah shadowed me the entire day. A blessing or a curse, depending on how you looked at it. Considering we were at a closed Jury Room so I could keep up with my usual cleaning tasks and was super sick of him on my heels, I’d say curse for the moment.

  “I just need to take a piss.”

  My twin—who I had to guess looked exactly like I would if life had turned out a little differently for me—shrugged. “I’m not stopping you.”

  “No, you’re following me.”

  “You said you felt like using.”

  I did. I still did. “It’s fading.”

  “You can’t lie to your brother.”

  “I lie to my brothers all the time.”

  “Not your twin.”

  True. Lying to Elijah had never come easy. He was the first to know something was up when I’d started using, and even then, I’d known he hadn’t believed me when I’d told him I was fine. After I almost killed Bishop’s girlfriend, he’d been the only one I’d told. The only one who’d known that secret other than Anabeth and me. He’d never said a word—not to Bishop, not to Anabeth, and not to anyone else who had wondered over the years why the girl had just up and left town. He’d kept that secret for me.

  No sense lying now. “Fine. I still want to use, but I’ve got a decent hold on it.”

  “Decent isn’t good enough. You felt the need to come into work even though the bar is closed, so now you’ve got access to all sorts of liquor and who knows what else that might be hidden around this place. Your control is being tested by the environment you put yourself in. I’m stuck on you until you’ve got this back under control.”

  No sense arguing with a lawyer, especially not one as stubborn as Elijah. I pushed past him into the men’s room and headed for the urinal. “Fine. Just stay over there.”

  He leaned against the wall by the door, looking toward the ceiling. Silent until I’d finished and was zipping up. “How long until the gossip mill works against me?”

  As in, how long did he have until Alder found out he was home. “My guess is he already knows.”

  “We should go say hi.”

  “Go right ahead.” I washed my hands, meeting his eyes—so much like mine, they still set me back on my heels at times—in the mirror. “I heard Bishop was in town, and I’m not interested in pushing any more of his buttons.”

  “Still haven’t dealt with the whole Anabeth thing yet?”

  That I almost killed Bishop’s girl, so he decked me thing. “No.”

  “You need to confront him about it and just lay everything out on the table.”

  I grabbed some paper towels to dry my hands. “Not my style.”

  “No
shit,” he said with a laugh. “You’re the most nonconfrontational Kennard. You couldn’t even do your twelve-step apology in person. You wrote letters.”

  I had. Telling my brothers and friends how much of a loser I was in person had seemed impossible at the time. And now…my thoughts went to Mercy Bell. How I usually avoided her. How she seemed very much on her own in town and could probably use a friend or two, but I couldn’t deal with my stuff enough to offer. A true relationship with Bishop and Anabeth, family members, seemed out of reach as well. And Alder treated me as if I might break at any moment. Never mind that he might be right.

  I sighed, my thoughts dark and swirly like a stormy sky. Like Jinx’s eyes that I already missed so damn much. Something like a knife to the chest stabbed through me, making me ache all over. Making me practically tremble at the pain. If only I could be numb…

  Not possible. “I apologized. That’s what was important.”

  “Maybe it’s time to face your past and let the two warlords know you’re not the weakest link.”

  But I was. Everyone knew it. “Yet you’re here because?”

  He stared at me hard, a look on his face that was pure Elijah. Inquisitive, intelligent, and sure of himself. “Because you were strong enough to know you’d hit your limit and needed help. That’s not weakness…that’s brains.”

  I shook my head and pushed past him, needing to get back to work. Sort of regretting calling him in the first place. But only sort of. I’d missed him. I’d do anything for any one of my siblings, but Elijah and I had a different sort of bond. A closer one. I’d called him because I’d known there was simply no one else I trusted like him, and of course, Elijah had set everything in his own life aside to come help me. It was what he did. I was simply tired of needing the help.

  When I walked into the main area of the bar, though, all thoughts of not needing my brother’s help went right out the window. Mercy Bell stood in the center of the room, staring at me. As if called from my own thoughts of her and waiting for me to acknowledge her. Which I did with a, “What’s wrong?”

  She scrunched her nose for a second before smiling at Elijah. “Hey, Finn. Hi, Elijah. I didn’t know you were home.”

  “Gossip mill—defeated,” he whispered before heading her way with a smile. “Good to see you, Mercy. I’d heard you were back.”

  “My dad needed someone to run the store, so here I am.” She looked my way, seeming a little nervous. “I was just wondering if anyone had seen that asshole you brought back with you. The guy who showed up at my store the morning those bikers came through.”

  Elijah raised an eyebrow at me. “Some asshole who isn’t a Kennard in Justice? I’m intrigued.”

  “The guy works with Deacon and Alder. Has some sort of link to Jinx’s mom.” I could only shrug when his other eyebrow joined the first, surprise practically radiating from him. I was far more worried about Mercy, though. “I haven’t seen Parris in a couple of days. He’s been working—”

  “For Deacon. Yeah, I know.” A deep frown cut across her face. “He’d promised Beckett he’d take him over to Crystal Falls to look for a new bike, but then he disappeared.”

  Probably hunting motorcycle clubs. The ones Jinx had likely run back to. Fuck, that thought burned. “I can tell him you stopped by.”

  “Sure. Thanks.” But instead of leaving, she sidled up to the bar and took a seat. “I know you’re not really open, but do you think I could get a drink?”

  I refused to even glance at my brother. This was my job—I could handle pouring one or two. “Of course. No problem. What’ll you have?”

  She squinted across the bar, looking over the row of bottles along the mirrored back. “Gimme a gimlet.”

  My moratorium on looking at Elijah lasted exactly three seconds before I had to glance his way. He shook his head, offering me no assistance. Great.

  “You might need to help me with that one.”

  Mercy jumped up and headed behind the bar. “No problem. I’ve always wanted to tend bar.”

  That took me by surprise. Mercy had been all about business and commerce when we were younger. Bartending didn’t seem to fit what I knew of her at all. “Really?”

  “Yeah. It’s always looked like fun.” Mercy set about making a drink with lime juice and gin as Elijah and I sat and watched. Her moves were quick and efficient, not a single extra step required. She’d make a good bartender, to be honest. Like Jinx.

  Fuck, the pain. It burned so bad. I really needed to stop thinking of her, which didn’t seem likely to happen anytime soon.

  “How’s your store doing?” Elijah asked, distracting me from the ache coursing through me. “There can’t be much business left in this town.”

  “You got that right. I do more online selling than anything. I’ve got a good thing going with some local artisans—they make, I advertise and sell for a cut of the money. Win-win.”

  “You should sell some of Finn’s carvings.”

  The hell she should. “I don’t sell them.”

  “Never understood why.”

  Because selling them added pressure where none was warranted. Whittling and carving were stress-relievers, and I didn’t need to complicate that hobby by trying to turn it into something more. “Because I don’t want to.”

  Mercy huffed a laugh. “Trust me, Elijah. I tried when I first started that aspect of the business. He gave me a strong and vehement no.” She took a sip of her finished drink and sighed. “Now this is just what I needed. So, anyone going to tell me why you look like someone kicked your puppy, Finn?”

  She always had paid attention. “No one kicked—”

  “His girl left him.” Elijah—the traitor in my midst—shrugged at my glare. “Well, she did. Think you can make me one of those, Merc?”

  “Sure thing.” Mercy frowned my way. “You were dating that new girl in town, right? The one I saw you with the other day. What’s her name again?”

  “Jinx.” Blinding fucking pain. “But we weren’t really dating.”

  “I heard there was an ice cream at the truck stop date.”

  Gossip mill back on the board with a point scored. “Yeah. One night. But that was just us hanging out. Not a date.”

  She cocked her head. “And I heard she’d been staying with you for the past few days. Sounds like more than friends to me.”

  Mercy always had been tenacious. A trait that hadn’t been turned on me in a number of years. I hadn’t liked it back in high school, and I still didn’t.

  “Does everyone know my business?”

  Elijah and Mercy both stated “Yes” in unison.

  “Fucking perfect.”

  “You know how it is,” Mercy said as she handed Elijah his drink. “There’s no hiding stuff around here. Hell, remember in high school? They had us married off and raising like six kids after our first date. I swear, when Beckett was born, half the town was certain he was yours even though we hadn’t been together in years. The other half hated me for—” she raised her hands, making air quotes “—breaking you. Never mind the fact that we’d broken up in high school, almost three years before you went—”

  She froze, her eyes going wide. Unable—or unwilling—to say the words.

  Luckily, Elijah had no trouble reminding me of my faults. “Prison. He went to prison.”

  She flinched. “Yeah. Sorry, I know you don’t like to talk about that.”

  “It’s fine.” It wasn’t, not really. My gut certainly didn’t think things were fine with talking about my time inside in front of Mercy Bell. But there was nothing I could do about that now except redirect the conversation. “I’m sorry the townspeople were rough about all that. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

  She waved her hand and took another sip. “Not your fault. It’s just how this town is. I remember being so pissed off because we’d never even had sex, yet they were certain—nine years after we’d ended things—that I’d had your kid and was keeping him away from the glorious Kennard family.” />
  I jerked back, my hazy memories of times so long ago trying hard to come to the surface. “Wait, we never…”

  How the hell did one ask that?

  Thankfully, Mercy knew what I meant. “No, we didn’t have sex. Did you think we had?”

  “Yes.” God, I was an idiot.

  “Well, if you were having sex back then, it wasn’t with me.” She practically grinned over her glass. “Looks like all the old biddies in town should have been gossiping about your extracurricular activities instead of mine.”

  “Oh hell,” Elijah said, raising his eyebrows and turning away from the bar. “They gossip enough about our family.”

  Mercy didn’t seem upset by my memory lapse, though. Instead, she was looking at me as if I was a puzzle she wanted to figure out. “How much were you using back then?”

  Too much. “Enough to have not remembered if we’d ever had sex.”

  “Yeah, okay. So, a lot.” She huffed a laugh. “Why didn’t you just ask me if you didn’t know?”

  I shrugged a shoulder, suddenly far too uncomfortable in my own skin. “I don’t know—”

  “Because he’s the most nonconfrontational man on the planet.” Elijah grabbed his glass, raising it at me as if in cheers. “He prefers avoidance to actually dealing with things.”

  He might have been right, but that didn’t mean I was going to admit that. “You’re an asshole.”

  “Fact.” Elijah grinned over the rim of his glass. “Anything else we need to know about one another?”

  Mercy took that one. “Were you having sex with Anabeth back then?”

  I nearly stumbled backward. “What? No. She was Bishop’s girl.”

  “You two spent a lot of time together. It was one of the reasons I ended things.”

  That I hadn’t known but had always assumed. “I never cheated on you with Anabeth. I’m positive about that.”

  “Huh.” She downed the last of her drink. “Well, that changes nothing but is good to know. Thanks.”